It's been three months and she swore she never wanted to see me again. It
came in the form of a cheery Christmas card that played "Jingle Bell Rock"
when you opened it. Cordelia said she was crying when she signed the card
because there were water spots, but I won't let myself believe that. That
will make me remember that she needs me and she's just doing this to hurt me.
That's the truth, but I don't want any part of it.
The truth I want doesn't exist. In my truth, she doesn't love me. She
never did. Much as it hurts me, it's safer for her, and in the end, that's
all I really care about.
But standing here in the trees, watching her walk around with the one I
heard Xander dub "Fish Boy", I know she's never going to be his.
She'll never love him, never touch him the way we touched. Sure, he might
get kisses at the end of the night, but those mean nothing. It's the look in
her eyes when you hold her that says it all. And when she looks at him, all
her eyes say is "boring".
Okay, so I'm telling myself that last part, but there aren't any sparks.
I heard Willow tell her the other night that he wasn't Buffy's type. I think
that only will make her want to date him more now, but who knows? I haven't
had the chance to talk to Buffy since the day the Oracles ruined my life in
order to save hers. I don't really know what she's thinking. I just tell
myself I do.
He has her driving now. Driving! She certainly is embracing the "change"
part of college. The long hair, the new clothes, and now the car. I see her
practicing on some old, dinged up Jeep, probably the one Joyce used to drive.
At least she has a way to get away if she needs to.
And if she ever leaves, the only place she should come is to me.
I know everything she and I have said, but when it all comes down to it,
we belong together. How many times have we defied the Fates before? The
night Xander and I revived her, the night those snake things showed up at the
library, Graduation Day. We always prevail. Maybe it's all about luck, but
we haven't lost yet, and I sometimes wonder why I ever left in the first
place. We were fine. We would've been fine for another year at least.
I wanted her to have a normal life. I know she never will, no matter how
bad I wish it for her, but that's what I want. The one thing I want to strip
from the normalcy, she's got.
The loser boyfriend.
Fish Boy might be nice, but he's bumbling. He's sort of a nerd. And he's
always leaving her behind for no explained reason.
She might like him, but she doesn't love him. Anyone, probably even the
idiot himself, no, I'm gonna use one of Spike's words and I'm sure I'll live
to regret it. Probably even the wanker himself knows she doesn't love him. So
if you're wondering why she stays with him, join the club.
I should leave this place while I still can, get out before someone sees
me. I think Willow's on to me, you can tell by the way she looks around
whenever I'm in the room. Maybe it's one of those Wiccan things, I'm not
sure. Either way, I think it's time to get out of dodge.
The 'Welcome To Sunnydale' sign is broken again, an indication that Spike
must once again be nearby. How lucky for Buffy.
I'm back in LA now, thinking of her. I wonder if she's doing the same
things she did last night and the night before. Is her hair still down or
did she sweep it up into a ponytail for a wig?
Did she--
The bells to the agency door ring and I sigh. It's not Doyle or Cordelia
- they're out doing God knows what in the back of his car. Frankly, I do
know what they're doing, I just wish that I didn't.
"We're closed!" I call to whoever it is, hoping he or she, especially if
it's Kate, will go away.
"Angel?"
Buffy.
"Buffy."
"I thought we talked about those secret rendezvous behind my back."
"I was only--"
"Yeah, well, so am I." she came over and kissed me. It was like it always
was, passionate, powerful, amazing.
When she finally pulled away, she just smiled at me. Then she went back
out and locked the front door. She re-entered the office and locked its door.
She took something that looked like a bag of herbs out of her purse and
poured them into her hands.
"God, I hope I get this right," she muttered. She spoke in Latin,
quickly, and blew the powder onto my body.
"What was that?" I asked when I stopped coughing.
"Soul protector, more or less." she took her coat off. "Payback's a
bitch, and I'm going to collect."
"And why do I think I'm gonna like this?"
She pushed me onto my desk and straddled my hips. "Because you are."
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SUMMARY: Angel spies on Buffy and she gets him back - boohoo
RATING: TV-14, and one *very* suggestive move on Buffy's part. GOD she's
lucky.
SPOILERS: Pangs & I Will Remember You
DISTRIBUTION: Knock yourselves out but send me the URL, k? I'm sick and tired
of finding my work on pages I've never heard of before.
DISCLAIMER: Buffy, Angel and all the other Sunnydale people belong to Joss.
Doyle belongs to Joss & David G. Lucky guys.
DEDICATION: To Sarah, for reminding me of the song and sending me the lyrics.
=)
let you in her house
If you come knocking late at night
She'll let you in her mind
If the words you say are right
If you pay the price
She'll let you deep inside
But there's a secret garden she has\\
She'll let you in her car
To go driving around
She'll let you into the parts of herself
That'll bring you down
She'll let you into her heart
If you've got a hammer and a vice
But into the secret garden don't think twice\\
You've gone a million miles.
How far'd you get?
That place where you can't remember and you can't forget\\
She'll lead you down the path
There'll be tenderness in the air
She'll let you come just far enough so you know she's really there\\
Then she'll look at you and smile
In her eyes you'll see
She's got a secret garden
Where everything you want
Where everything you need
Where it always stays
A million miles away.\\