SUMMARY: Buffy has a golden opportunity
SPOILER: Slight everything, but mainly The Prom, Graduation Day and IWRY
DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - - Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)
RATING: TV-PG
DISCLAIMER: Characters belong to Poophead Joss. I didn't come up with that name for him, but it's *so* true. The song is by Aimee Mann, who rules beyond all ruling. If you don't have the Cruel Intentions soundtrack, buy it now just for Aimee's song
DEDICATION: For Megg, for sending the song and loving Roswell! =) 4/17/00

This is for the one who was false
Who taught me about building walls
One who could always turn it around
To leave me here on shaky ground\\

Staring at herself in the mirror, surrounded in all the white and lace and tulle and flowers, Buffy grimaced. All her life, this was all she'd wanted, and now she would do anything to get out of it.

Even though deep down, she wanted to walk down that aisle, take Angel's hands in hers, slip a ring on his finger, pledge to be his wife forever, she also wanted something more.

She wanted to hurt him.

This is for the one who made good
In someone else's neighborhood\\

God, what was his problem?? She pulled her veil on, carefully tucking the headband into her hairdo, and wondered why he'd done the things he'd done over the ten years they'd known each other. Why it had taken the birth of their song Alexander to open up his eyes. Why he'd left her, and lied to her, so many times because he thought he was protecting her.

Buffy almost smiled when she thought about the day Angel gave up his humanity.

"I'll never forget," she told her reflection. "And I never did."

One who was never anything but
The shifty eye of sheer bad luck
Once I thought that I would never forget
And I have not quite done that yet\\

She thought of how it hurt when he lied to her, like being shot in the heart only worse. "I've had alot of time to catch up on my reading." Bullshit. They both knew he was lying through his teeth and they both played it off. Pretended to be cool. It didn't matter that he was still human and she had forgotten nothing.

All that mattered was that once again, Angel had made a decision to change Buffy's life, and he'd made it without consulting her first.

"Maybe it's my turn," she told the girl in the mirror.

But I could hurt you now
I could hurt you now\\

She spun the Claddagh engagement ring she wore around on her finger. How easy it would be to toss it off, flush it down the toilet. How much fun it would be to tear off her ball skirt, climb through the window and catch a cab that would take her nowhere.

"In the end, he always wins," she mumbled, remembering something Angelus had once said. It was complete bullshit, but it was the truth. Angel always got what he wanted.

"Not this time,"

This is for the time that I lost
The death of who I thought I was
The things in which I cannot believe
For fear I'll wear them on my sleeve
Things I know that will never be returned
But I crossed that bridge before it burned\\

She sat there and mapped out the whole thing in her mind. Walking down the aisle, taking Angel's hand, then starting to cry hysterically. She would push her veil off, tell Angel how sorry she was, then say straight-faced that it was for his own good and run out. Maybe she could even pay Xander to drive her out on his new Harley. That would really piss Angel off.

So I could hurt you now
I could hurt you now
(Listen, sonny boy
You just don't get it, do you)
I could hurt you now
(Tell you what I'll do
I'll get that message to you)\\

She could hear the music starting, could sense heading down the hall to get her. Giles would be waiting to walk her down the aisle, and Alexander would be anxious to make his mommy and daddy proud and hold the rings up to them when they were needed.

"You deserve this, Angel," she said, opening the window and looking out into the moonlit night. "You really do deserve this."

Maybe it leaves an invisible scar
But I have not come quite that far

But I could hurt you now
(listen, sonny boy
You just don't get it, do you)
I could hurt you now
(Tell you what I'll do
I'll get that message to you)

I could hurt you now\\

"Buffy," Spike knocked on the door and then entered. "It's time to go, Slayer."

She pulled back from the window and shut it. "Yes, Spike, it is."

"Were you gonna do what I think you were gonna do?" he asked. "'Cause I know the poof won't really feature having spent all this money for nothing."

"I'm not leaving, Spike." she picked up her bouquet. "At least, I don't think I am."

"So you might?"

"No..."

"But you wanted to."

"I wanted.....Spike I want something I can't ever have."

"What's that, Slayer?"

"Revenge."

He laughed. "That's a sweet emotion, Slayer, but not a common one."

"Is it worth it, Spike?" she asked quietly.

"Not in this case, but you already know that, or you wouldn't have asked."

Buffy nodded and held the long skirt of her gown up as they headed down the hall to the front of the church. She hugged Giles and kissed Alexander, then waited to make her way down the aisle.

The large church was almost empty, only a few friends and family occupying its pews. Buffy took several deep breaths and thought about Angel.

But I could hurt you now
I could hurt you now\\

She let Giles lead her to the alter. Let Angel take her hands, let him slid the ring on her finger and pledge his undying love for her in Gaelic. And when it was her turn, she slid the ring on him and kissed his hand, then met his eyes and instantly, her face turned cold.

"I love you, Angel. I really do, and that's why I'm standing here. But I wanted you to know that I could hurt you. I could run out of here and never see you again, and then, you might know how it felt all those times you left me, left our son. I could make you beg me to come back the way I begged you, Angel. But I won't."

Stunned, he just nodded and they quickly finished the ceremony. Later on, Angel saw how Buffy *really* was going to hurt him. He spent their honeymoon on the hammock outside their hotel room in Hawaii.

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