SUMMARY: Dawn and Buffy write to Angel to seek solace
SPOILER: Triangle. Crappy ep. Crappier title.
DISTRIBUTION: Sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =) http://planetslaythis.homestead.com is my site
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P
RATING: TV-PG
DISCLAIMER: Everyone belongs to Joss. Poop on him, as the little boy I baby-sit for would say.

Dear Angel,

Do you believe I nearly killed a half-harmless troll tonight with my bare hands? His name was Olaf and he was an ex lover of Anya's. He was an ugly thing, and he threatened the love Anya and Xander share.

I just sort of lost it. I went wild beating the crap out of him. Giles said he was scared. Anya was impressed. Xander promised never to piss me off again. It was kind of cool.

And scary. I don't like feeling like that, Angel. I don't like feeling as though I can't stop fighting, as though I have to kill or be killed.

Granted, I am in those situations all the time, but this wasn't one of them.

This was one of those knock-him-out and you're fine cases. And I did knock him out. And kept on pummeling.

I don't wanna be a killer.

I don't wanna feel that I can't trust myself when provoked.

The fact of the matter is that I have a lot of anger lately. A lot of bitterness that no one can understand.

I've always had to carry a lot. Handle things that don't seem real. And now, my mom has to handle them, too.

I told her about Dawn.

I don't think I have a choice. I mean, if something happens, if she disappears so The Key can go back to being whatever it needs to be....

Then Mom has to know.

She has to be prepared.

I don't think I'm prepared to lose her and I'm only supposed to be her sister. She's supposed to be Mom's daughter....it's just different for her. And she's already been through so much with the brain tumor....this just isn't fair.

Life isn't fair.

If life was fair, you'd be here with me instead of in LA f**king around with Darla. Don't act surprised that I know, Angel. Nothing gets past me. Not anymore.

I still love you. Always have. Always will.

A very dejected Buffy

*****

Dear Angel,

Have you ever just felt lost?

Like your whole world was spinning, and it suddenly chose to stop and throw you into a tizzy of unrealism and fantasy?

I'm not making any sense, am I?

I'm not *real* Angel.

I'm The Key, whatever the Hell that means.

I'm not real.

How can I not be real?

I think and feel and I see my reflection in the mirror every day.

I look at the baby pictures on the wall in Mom's bedroom and I remember all those things.

But I'm not real.

I heard Buffy telling Mom and Mr. Giles downstairs a few minutes ago. They were talking about me, and they said that I'm not real.

I know you probably already know this, because you know everything, but I still have to tell you.

I still have to write these letters to you and pour my heart out even though I know you don't read them.

The last one came back to Anya's post office box marked Return to Sender. I don't know why you sent it back to me, but I'm still gonna write.

I'm not gonna give up on you the way Buffy has.

I don't give up on anyone.

Maybe that's because I'm The Key.

Or maybe it's because I'm the Slayer's little sister, and I'm strong.

I'll let you know when I figure it out.

Love,
Dawn

Send feedback to Isa

Back to the Fanfiction Archive