SUMMARY: Letters bring Buffy & Angel together, if only for a minute
SPOILER: Mild S5 Buffy & S2 Angel
RATING: TV-PG
DISTRIBUTION: http://planetslaythis.homestead.com - Knock yourself out anyone else, just LMK where it's at. I store my stuff at Fanfiction.net as well, under Goddess Isa
DISCLAIMER: Joss owns the characters. Joss sucks.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Of course, it's set to "Shape of My Heart". BSB suck, but the lyrics of this song rule and they are SO fitting, aren't they??
AUTHOR'S NOTES2: Krissy, this and everything else I do is because of inspiration that I am not the only one who believes. So now you know :)
8/24/01
Dear Angel,
This is probably the hardest letter I've ever had to write. It hurts to sit here and write when I know you should be here, holding me in your arms.
//Baby
Please try to forgive me\\
I have something to say, Angel. It's not gonna be easy for me, but i have no choice.
It's gonna hurt, I can guarantee you that, but in the end, we'll both be better for it.
You ready?
Here goes.
I'm getting back together with you.
//Stay here
Don't put out the glow\\
I know it sounds crazy, but I NEED this.
I need you, I always have, but we've already been through all of that a hundred times. It's old news so I'm skipping all that this time around.
From this moment on, we're a thing again. A couple. End of discussion.
//Hold me now
Don't bother\\
My mom's having surgery tomorrow. She's got to be in the hospital for a week, and I need you here. Terribly.
Riley doesn't even know, and my friends know not to tell him. Maybe he'll get the message because we are SO over. We need a new word for over.
(I ripped that off from Sex and the City because it's my favorite show. Does Cordy let you watch her free HBO? You'll hate it.)
//If every second it makes me weaker
You can save me from the man that I become\\
You just can't imagine what I'm going through right now. You have no idea how it kills me to see my mother like this, so helpless and so...weak. My mother has always been the strongest person I know, and she can't even write in her diary anymore. It hurts too much. I hate that.
You know, I've been so busy being strong for everyone else lately that I've forgotten how to be strong for myself. I'm falling apart, and I need someone else to be strong for me.
I need YOU to be strong for me.
//Looking back on the things I've done
I was trying to be someone
Who played my part
Kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart\\
Dear Buffy,
I'm firmly against writing you this letter, but there's no way I can let it go. There's no way I can't talk to you right now, and that blubberbutt (thank you for the word, Cordelia) boy wonder of yours won't put me though, to anyone except Dawn.
Who the Hell does he think he is, anyway?
I just need to talk to you, to be sure that you're all right, and I'm so afraid of the computer. I don't know what I'm doing, and I always click things that send me to weird websites with dancing monkeys and trees with golden apples.
I do not like the Internet.
//Sadness is beautiful\\
Sometimes, okay, all of the time, I lie in bed and think about you. Where you are, what you're doing, who you're with.
Never thought I'd say this, but I wish you were with Xander instead of that lamebrain you are dating. Xander knows his place, that he's not better than you. You deserve at least an equal, and Xander works in lieu of me. :)
I can't believe I just wrote that. Maybe I should erase it. Of course, I don't know how.
Cordelia, if you continue to read over my shoulder, I'll cancel your account with Bloomingdale's and-
She's gone. Sorry about that.
//Loneliness is tragical\\
What's it like to be with someone like that?
What's it like to be with someone you don't even love?
//So help me
I can't win this war\\
I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle with you, Buffy. You love me, but....
I love you, but....
There aren't supposed to be buts when it comes to love. We should be together. Period. I want that for us, I want it so desperately, but I'm tired of fighting you.
I'm too tired to do it anymore.
//Touch me now
Don't bother
If every second it makes me weaker\\
If you need me, if you want me to be there for you, just say the word. I'll be there, yesterday.
I need to hold you. I miss holding you.
//You can save me from the man I've become\\
I'm a different person without you. I liked the man I was with you, but I like this person too, and there's going to have to be a happy medium somewhere, I suppose, if you ever come back, which I know you won't.
But there's an opening here at Angel Investigations, if you want it. There's a place for you in my apartment, anything you want.
Just come.
Bring Dawn, bring the whle damned Scooby Gang if you want...
Just.
Come.
//Looking back on the things I've done
I was trying to be someone
Who played my part
Kept you in the dark
Now let me show you the shape of my heart\\
Okay. That was pathetic. That was me begging.
I do not beg.
Oh Lord, Cordy was right, I'm a sap.
There's three words you thought you'd probably never see me write. Cordy was right.
But she was. And I am.
And I want you back.
//I'm here with my confession
Got nothing to hide no more\\
So this is it. Everything out on the table. Take it or leave it.
Oh God, now I REALLY sound like a sap.
//I don't know where to start
But to show you the shape of my heart\\
In two clubs, two hours away from each other, two people opened their email at the exact same moment.
Two hears warmed as letters were read.
Both people smiled and raced to their phones.
And two hours later, their hearts were beating as one, even if only for a minute.
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