SUMMARY: Angel and Buffy's throughts during and after IWRY, respectively.
ANGST, people, angst.
SPOILER: IWRY!!!!!
DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - - Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P
RATING: TV-PG
DISCLAIMER: Asshole Joss owns all. Stupid bastard that he is. Song belongs to BSB. Like you didn't already know that. They're slimy bastards too, so they fit in with Joss.

I never thought that I would lose my mind
That I could control this
Never thought that I'd be left behind
That I was stronger than you baby
Girl if only I knew what I've done
You know
So why don't you tell me
And I
I would bring down the moon
And the sun
To show how much I care\\

The sun peeks through the one window we have and I'm terrified.

I know I'm human. I know the sun won't hurt me now, but I still fear it.

Seeing the sunlight twice in two months was an odd experience. I wasn't expecting it this time. Not that I was when I wore the Gem of Amara, but this was completely different.

And I'm stupid as Hell, because once again, I'm throwing my chance at true happiness, my chance to give Buffy what I know her heart wants, away forever.

Don't wanna lose you now
Baby
I know we can win this
Don't wanna lose you now
No no
Or ever again\\

On the walk back from seeing the Oracles again, I contemplated not even telling her. I thought about just holding her, telling her everything would be all right and letting nature take its course.

But I can't do that. I've got to tell her and I'm not sure I can.

She's downstairs and I'm so dumb because I love Buffy so much. We only have a few minutes left and I'm spending them up here, hating myself, staring at the sun, waiting for something.

What, I don't know.

Leaving her is gonna kill me.

*****

I've got this feeling
You're not gonna stay
It's burning within me
The fear of losing
Of slipping away
It just keeps getting closer
Baby

Whatever reasons to leave I've had
My place
Was always beside you
And I
Wish that I didn't need you so bad
Your face
Just won't go away\\

He's upstairs. I can feel him.

This idle pacing I keep doing is driving me crazy, but I can't help it. My cut tells me that we're gonna lose each other again and I'm not sure that I can handle that.

Don't wanna lose you now
Baby
I know we can win this
Don't wanna lose you now
No no
Or ever again

Never thought that I would lose my mind
That I could control this
Yeah
Never thought that I'd be
Left behind
That I was stronger than you

Don't wanna lose to loneliness
Girl I know we can win
Don't wanna lose to emptiness
Oh no
Never again\\

I'm sitting at the pier where we met yesterday now. I can still feel him here, and I can't make myself go home.

I know he said I wouldn't remember, but what I told Angel in his kitchen is true.

I'll never forget.

And I won't.

Bathed in the light of the cruel moon, I cry icy tears and pray that since he's not with me, he's with someone else.

I need him to be helping someone else.

Strange as it sounds, I looked up at the very moment that a shooting star danced across the sky. I made my wish, but selling the Moon and the Sun to Satan himself wouldn't bring us back together.

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