SUMMARY: Buffy refuses to let Angel see how she really feels
SPOILER: The Prom. Like you're surprised. I have a pattern. I write from one of two time zones. The Prom and IWRY. I'm so strange.
DISTRIBUTION: Sandee, of course - My site - - Crystal and Butterfly if they want it - A Soul's Redemption - Buffy & Angel Star Crossed Lovers - Anyone else - sure, just email me & lmk where it's going - I like seeing my name in print =)
FEEDBACK: Please, I'd hate to have to Slay for it. =P
RATING: TV-PG
DISCLAIMER: Joss the big butthole owns the characters herein. Wilson Philips sings the song. I miss them. AND my tape! I wonder where it is. Prolly with Amanda Marshall, Mariah's Music Box and my Can't Hardly Wait soundtrack.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I'm full of the angsty, teary stuff tonight.

How can he do this to me?

He breaks up with me, and just stands there, waiting.

"You have a heart?" I ask. "It isn't even beating."

He knows I'm right, I can see it in his face.

Moments later, numb, I look anywhere but into his eyes. "I can't believe this is really happening."

He leaves without saying goodbye, like I'm surprised, so I do the logical thing. I follow him.

"Why don't you tell me what this is really about?" I ask.

"What do you mean?"

"What do you think I mean?" I'm shaking, but I refuse to break in front of him. "Is this about the Mayor? Faith? Giles? God, my mother?"

"You mom never--" he stops for a moment, flustered, and I know I have him. "This isn't about anyone but you and me."

"I don't think it's about me, either. It's about you."

"Oh, now who's being selfish?" he asked.

"ME? You're the one who's breaking up with me to get out of wearing a tux at my senior prom!"

When he doesn't answer, I turn away from him. I've hit a nerve or something.

"Listen to me, Buffy. What you think you want now, it's just a big joke. When you've graduated, when you've--"

"Grown up?" I ask coolly. "I thought I already was. Sorry, I thought I could make my own decisions, that I know my own heart."

"You're young, Buffy. When you get older...."

His words go on and on, but I've stopped hearing them. I'm just sitting here, numb, waiting for him to leave so I can sob, because there's no way in Hell I'll let him watch me cry.

I won't give him the satisfaction.

And he leaves, and the tears pour out of me faster than the sewer water runs beneath my feet. I know at some point Giles comes down and gets me, but I don't remember it. All I know is that I waited until Angel left to cry, and that's all I care about.

I wish I had all you ever wanted
I'd give it right to you
But I don't have it

How could I ever find it
The strength to let you go
'Cause I don't have it
When will I have it?

And it goes
And it goes on
And it goes on

You won't see me cry
You know I decided
That I'm gonna pull myself together
And find a way to fight it
I'm gonna have to hide it
You won't see me cry
You won't see me cry

I've got no choice but to face it
I have to let you know that I don't like it

My love is good for someone
And it may take some time
But I will find him
Why should I waste it?

When I go,
When I go on
I will go on

You won't see me cry
You know I decided
That I'm gonna pull myself together
And find a way to fight it
Even if I have to hide it
You won't see me cry
You won't see me cry
You won't see me...(oh ah uh)

I finally decided
And I found the way to fight it...
So you won't see me...cry
You won't see me cry\\

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