Feedback: Yes please, I'm a feedback junkie: vagabond_angel@comcast.net
Disclaimer: Not mine, all the people at ME, Fox, UPN, etc who awed and tortured us for seven years own `em
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: B/A…mentions of B/S
Summary: sequel to `Rebuilding Me', continues where it left off
Spoilers: the end of BTVS s7, so don't read this if you haven't seen the finale and don't want to know what happens!
Distribution: my site (Vagabond Soul), ff.net, BA_Fluff list, and LoD; & Starrkitty's Archive if they wants it, anyone else, just ask first.
Author's Notes: As I said, this is a sequel to `Rebuilding Me'. This picks up right where it ended. The POV is still Buffy's. And a warning, there is a bit of pro-Spike here, so the Spike haters might not like this, but it turns B/A after that.
AN2: Lyrics are from `All Because Of You' by Saliva off their album `Back Into Your System'.
AN3: Thank you to everyone who sent feedback on `Rebuilding Me': Meghan, Jo, lana, Northern Star, Pam, brionycain, Ginx, Shahid, Eternal Darkness, Christine, Tariq, Celenathil-the-elf, Queen Boadicea, and dragonqueen.

//All because of you
All because of…//

I glance around at the bleak, decrepit landscape surrounding me. Somehow I ended up climbing down jagged sides and into the crater. It's shocking really, that this used to be my home. But all it is now is an empty whole, void of all life.

There's no sense of power to it anymore. I could always feel the pull of the Hellmouth before, but now, there's nothing. Whatever happened that day two years ago destroyed the evil lurking beneath the surface.

//Something's wrong with me
Cause I can't even feel you now
Or know that this is real//

It's surreal, almost, I realize as I find myself standing in the very center of the gaping whole in the earth, that this very spot was where the old high school library used to be. We spent so many hours in that room and now its just a memory with everything else.

Turning to my right, I glance off into the darkening landscape. My house would have been a mile or two in that direction. And to my left would have been the cemetery where my Mother was buried. The Bronze somewhere off behind me. It's all gone now, not even a hint of a reminder that they had ever existed.

//Am I to blind to see
that there's something there behind your eyes
And it's bringing me to my knees//

As I turn my head in another direction I notice the rapidly fading sunlight glinting of something partially buried in the ground. My curiosity gets the better of me and I reach down to pull it out. I realize what it is instantly. The amulet. The one Spike had worn during his final battle.

I don't even feel the biting pressure of the pointed rocks on my knees when I collapse to the ground, tears already falling down my cheeks. I never cried for him before this moment. Never cried for my former lover, for the companion he had become, and the hero he died as. It had been too hard to allow myself to grieve for him.

//All I want is you and I don't care
All I want is you and I don't care//

But sitting here now holding the amulet, I can't stop the tears that flow for him. I may not have loved him the way he wanted me to. But I did love him, and grew to rely on his presence. I'm suddenly grateful that I had that last moment with him to tell him that I did love him, even if he didn't believe me.

//Cause all I do is waitin,
and wondering,
and hoping,
that we'll survive it//

I just sat there for I don't know how long, allowing the pain to wash over me. I didn't even notice him when he arrived until his arms wrapped around me from behind. He doesn't ask why I'm crying. He knows, he always could read everything about me. Instead he only sits behind me, cradling me in his arms as he whispers soothing words into my ear. I'm glad he understands my need to cry for Spike.

It's not until hours later that I finally speak to him.

"How did you know I was here?"

"We have this area watched. In case any demons decide to try something," he speaks softly to me.

I don't need to ask who `we' is or where he gets the resources to watch this place. I kept in contact with everyone, but mostly Angel, through weekly phones calls. We would talk for hours, telling everything, reclaiming the closeness we once had, if only by phone.

//I know that all this is true
All because of you
All because of you//

"I'm glad you're here," I say to him, leaning further back against his hard, welcoming body. I sometimes wonder how it is that I fit perfectly in his arms.

"I'm glad you're here too. I've missed you," he speaks lovingly to me. It sends shivers down my spine. How is it that he can elicit such reactions in me?

"I can hardly believe it's been two years, but…" I trail off not sure if I'm ready to say the words in my head yet.

"But what?" he asks me, although I think he already knows what I'm about to say.

"But I think I'm ready to come home," I finally answer, knowing instantly the second I speak the words that they are the truth.

I can feel his smile against the sensitive skin of my neck. I know he's happy with my decision. During our phone conversations he would always find subtle ways to ask if I knew when I would return.

//Something's wrong with you
The walls you build around you now
Seem to fit you like a glove
Something's wrong with you//

"I'm glad," he tells me before placing a gentle kiss just below my earlobe. Shivers again race down my spine from the gesture.

"I wasn't sure when I first got here. I wasn't sure if I was finished doing what I needed to do," I explain to him as I take one of his hands in mine, absentmindedly stroking the time-worn skin covering it.

"But you're ready now?" he questions me. I know he wants to make sure I'm doing what I really want to do.

"Yes," I answer him honestly. "I'm no longer cookie dough. I spent two years baking, and now I'm cookie. All ready to be eaten." I laugh slightly, remembering our conversation from before the final battle.

"I might just have to take you up on that," he purrs seductively into my ear as his arms tighten around me.

//Cause stars cannot be found
in the clouds that cover up their love
All I want is you and I don't care
All I want is you and I don't care//

I can feel myself blushing at the comment, but yet I can't stop the grin appearing on my face. And I also remember what he told me a few months earlier during one of our phone calls. He almost hadn't told me, not wanting it to affect my decision to return home, but in the end he had. He told me about how Willow was finally able to permanently bind his soul to his body.

I turn myself to face him and stare into his eyes as I try to hide the smile on my face.

"Is that so, I thought you didn't eat people food," I ask with a raised eyebrow.

"I don't usually, but I make exceptions. And I know for a fact that you're an exquisite tasting cookie," he smirks at me mischievously.

If it had been light out, I know he would have seen that my face was beat red from the remark It amazes me how different he is from when I first knew him. The Angel I met years ago would have never made such a racy comment. But he's changed, and grown. He's learned to become part of this world.

//Cause all I do is waitin,
and wondering
and hoping,
that we'll survive it
I know that all this is true//

I debate saying something in response, but all I want at this moment is to be closer to him. So instead, I pull his head down to mine, meeting his mouth halfway. The kiss is sweet and gentle, and the feel of his lips on mine sends a myriad of memories washing over me. How many times had I been in this position with him before? But each time it feels like the first and I can never seem to sate the need I have inside for him.

And I'm again realizing that it really is time for me to come home. It's time for me to reclaim the life that I never really had a chance to live. And I know that this time I have a chance to live that life with my Angel. This is finally our time. Maybe we had to go through all that we did to reach this point. All I know is that I'm happy that I finally made it. And that my Angel will be by my side.

//All I want is you and I don't care
All because of you
All I want is you and I don't care
All because of you.//

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