I Dreamt of Someday

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Part 7
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~a few days later~

Buffy ran her hand across her forehead as she walked along the sidewalk a few blocks from her home. She swiped her hand on her jeans, wiping off the sweat from her forehead. Despite the fact that she was only casually walking down the street, she was sweating as if she were battling an eight-foot tall demon. She shook her head, hoping to clear away some of the fogginess, but it only served to make her dizzy. Pulling her jacket off, Buffy looked ahead and was glad to find that she was almost home. All she wanted to do was climb into bed and go to sleep.

Glancing at her watch, she saw that it was almost two a.m. She hadn’t meant to be out this late, but she’d been visiting with Tara and they’d lost track of time. At least she had managed to convince Doyle and her friends that she would be fine by herself. It had taken a bit of arguing, but in the end, they’d let her go. She knew they just worried about her being out on her own because of all the dangers she tended to run in to, but they were a bit too over protective sometimes. They would probably be surprised, and rather angry, if they knew how many times she’d used excuses to just get even a few minutes to herself.

Tonight she hadn’t used an excuse, though. She really had gone to visit Tara. Over the years her former boss had become a really good friend. Tara also still babysat for Ashlynn when needed and she spent time at the club on her nights off. Usually Tara came over to her apartment, but she’d had a late shipment of artifacts coming into the store tonight so Buffy had gone to visit her there and kept her company.

Buffy was nearing the club and her apartment when she heard a scream come from the alley across the street. Groaning out loud, she grabbed the stake out of her waistband and dashed across the roadway towards where she could hear someone struggling. The source of the noise was immediately evident. A rather large, male vampire had a middle-aged woman pinned against a dumpster trying to hold her still long enough to bite her neck.

The vampire had yet to notice Buffy’s presence so she was able to come up behind him without any trouble. Grabbing his body, she pulled him off the woman and threw him a few feet away. She glanced at the woman, and seeing she appeared unharmed, told the female to run and then turned her attention back to the vamp. By now, he’d gotten back on his feet and was growling angrily at Buffy for interrupting his meal.

Taking a fighting posture, she glared at the demon, waiting for him to charge. He didn’t make her wait long and she rolled to her left to avoid the attack. She circled around and faced the vamp again trying to form a battle plan in her mind. The vamp charged again, and this time Buffy raised her right leg intent on kicking him in the chest. Her balance faltered though and the kick was only a glancing blow on his side. The botched move made the vampire laugh and he swiped at her with his arm, sending Buffy flying into the brick wall along the alleyway.

The sound of the thud of her head against the wall reverberated throughout the alley. Buffy’s head throbbed, spots appearing before her eyes as she slid down to the dirty ground. She tried to push herself back up, but the dizziness overwhelmed her and she slumped back down. Looking up, she could see the vampire stalking toward her, a feral grin plastered on his face. Again, Buffy tried to stand up, but as she attempted to do so a dark body tackled the vampire, sending him sprawling to the ground.

Within seconds, the stranger had staked the vampire and was brushing the dust off his long coat. She knew in an instant who it was. If the coat hadn’t of given it away, the feeling now tingling down her spine would have. She should have known he was following her, but she hadn’t felt him earlier. He must have stayed far enough away to keep her from noticing him.

As she once again began to try and pick herself up off the ground a large, familiar hand gently grasped her arm and helped her to stand. The contact caused shivers to go down her spine, and sent her mind back to days past. For a moment, she could only stare at her arm where his hand was positioned. She wanted to reach out and touch his skin, but reality took over and she twisted out of his grip, backing a few feet away.

“I could have handled it,” she found herself mumbling to him as she brushed the dirt off her pants.

“Usually people say thank you,” Angel frowned at her reaction. “And it didn’t look like you were handling it.”

“I was fine,” she bit back in annoyance. “And thank you.”

“Are you okay?” he gestured to the lump on her head from where it hit the brick wall.

Buffy raised her hand and winced when it came into contact with the wound. “It’s just a bump.”

“Are you sure?” Angel took a few steps toward her and moved to touch the injury.

Panic seized Buffy. He was getting too close. “I-I have to g-go,” she sputtered and quickly turned to walk away, or run if need be.

“You can’t keep running,” Angel’s voice echoed all around.

Buffy’s steps halted at the words. With narrowed eyes, she turned to face him. “What? You mean like you did?”

“That’s not fair, Buffy,” Angel walked toward her, stopping a few feet away.

“Fair? You walked away from me. And what? You just reappear out of nowhere and expect me to leap into your arms? It doesn’t work that way,” Buffy replied, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

“That’s not what I expect,” he corrected her. No, he certainly didn’t expect her to come running back to him. In fact he hadn’t even wanted her to know he was there. But it was too late for that now. He honestly had no idea what was to come next.

“What do you want from me, then, Angel,” Buffy sighed loudly, trying to ignore the pain in her head.

“I...I don’t know,” he told her. It was the truth after all.

“I have to go. People are waiting for me.” Buffy cringed as she realized that her friends could be out looking for her right now. She’d called them right before she left Tara’s to let her know she was on her way home.

“Right. Have to get back to your boytoy?” Angel snapped at her without really thinking about what he was saying.

Buffy’s mouth dropped open as she attempted to respond, but she said nothing. He’d seen her with...she should have known he’d been following her longer than she’d realized. Her anger, rational or not, flared at the fact that he was snooping around her life after he was the one to walk away. What right did he have to spy on her?

“It’s what you wanted for me, isn’t it?” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them. “Didn’t you say you wanted me to find someone who could take me out in the sun, who could have sex with me, and who could give me kids?”

She wasn’t finished with her tirade and stepped right in front of Angel. “I clearly remember you telling me that. So I did. Went out and got what you told me to. And now, seven years later, you’re back and acting like a jealous boyfriend. Well, guess what, you’re not my boyfriend, and you certainly have no right to be jealous.”

Angel wanted to reply, but there wasn’t much he could say. Everything she’d said was true. He’d done all that and then some. What, then, could he say? Nothing. And apparently Buffy agreed with him.

“Ya know what? I can’t deal with this.” Buffy swayed as she spoke, dizziness and nausea swirling throughout her head and stomach. Without waiting for a response, she turned and walked away, leaving Angel to watch her retreating back.

Buffy left the alley as quickly as possible, though her gait was slower than normal as she struggled not to fall. Her entire body ached and her head felt as if it were under a thousand feet of heavy ocean water. The urge to vomit tickled the back of her throat, but she fought to keep it contained. She just needed to make it a few feet and she’d be home, and away from him.

“Buffy!” a voice called out somewhere in front of her. “Oh my God! What happened?”

Through her blurry vision, Buffy could see Lindsey running toward her. Relief flooded through her at the sight of the familiar face. “I-I...my head...”

“What happened?” Lindsey grabbed at her arm to keep her from falling over. “We were so worried when you didn’t come home right after callin’.”

“I...there was a vamp...the wall...,” she reached a hand to her head hoping to dull the pain and leaned, or rather fell, against Lindsey’s sturdy body.

“Shh, Darling. It’ll be all right,” he scoped her small body up into his arms and rushed toward the club where the others were nervously waiting.

Buffy allowed him to pick her up, knowing that if he didn’t she would be on the ground in seconds. His embrace comforted her battered body and she laid her head down against his shoulder. She was tempted to glance behind them. He was watching. She knew he was. Instead, she clumsily wrapped her arms around Lindsey’s neck and ignored the pang of guilt that was thumping in her heart.

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Inside of his rented motel room, Angel had been pacing from one end of the room to the other for the last hour. This trip wasn’t turning out at all as he had expected. He’d gone from believing Buffy was dead, to having a small sliver of hope, to knowing that she was in fact alive and well. Once he knew she was fine, he had planned on leaving, but even that had gotten screwed up when he’d been careless and she’d snuck up on him.

After her less than pleased reaction to his presence he told himself that leaving would be the best thing. She didn’t need him there, not when she had a happy life. He’d only mess it up. Then that half-demon had appeared. His words still haunted Angel. What had the man meant when he said he should stay and that there were things he didn’t understand and didn’t know? The message had been worrisome. Enough so that Angel decided to stick around if only to find out who the half-demon was and what he knew. He told himself he’d leave Buffy alone, but that hadn’t work and he’d found himself following her once again.

The events from earlier that night were running in a loop through his head. He couldn’t stop thinking about the confrontation with Buffy. He couldn’t stop thinking about her period. She looked as beautiful as ever, he thought to himself. There was a maturity that hadn’t been there before, but that was only natural. Her hair was longer and her body more defined and toned than it had been. She still captured his heart, though.

The words she’d spoken to him tore a hole in his dead heart. They were true. He was well aware of that. He had told her to move on with her life; to find someone to be with; to walk in the sunlight, have kids, and all that accompanied; and most of all to be happy. Yes, he had told her all that, and he had meant it. But there was that small part in him that wanted her to hold onto their love forever. They were soulmates. Weren’t they? Or had he been wrong?

She had moved on. She didn’t even seem to care that he was back. Maybe he had underestimated the love between them. That thought hurt almost more than he could bear. Had he meant nothing to her? Had it all been a lie? Had she even cared about him at all? Angel shook his head for even thinking that. He knew she’d loved him. Loved, in the past tense. It was obvious to him that whatever they’d once had was over. She had someone else now, a family. He was just an ex-boyfriend. He supposed it was better that way. Nothing had changed. He still couldn’t give her anything.

Something else was bothering Angel about his encounter with Buffy. He couldn’t quite figure out what it was, but something had been off. He was sure of it. Sure she’d taken that blow to the head and it had affected her, but that wasn’t what was worrying him. In his mind he replayed each moment from earlier in the evening. She’d been at that store and then left. He remembered her wiping her forehead and looking a little unbalanced. Then in the alley she’d tried to fight the vampire. The kick! Buffy had moved to kick at the vamp and almost completely missed. That wasn’t like her at all.

Angel was positive now. Something was definitely wrong with her. She’d never been that off in fighting a vampire. Perhaps she was sick. If she was, then why was she out by herself at night? That was pretty much asking for trouble. She was in no condition to fight demons if she was ill. Angel felt himself growing angry that she’d put herself in such a dangerous position. She was always stubborn, but even she should no better than to do what she did. That vamp could have killed her if he hadn’t of been there.

Pacing over to the window, Angel stared off in the direction of Buffy’s home. He couldn’t help but worry about her. She may not want him to care, but he would always worry about her. He loved her, would always love her, and because of that he would always worry about her. She was ignoring what her body was telling her and that concerned him. He couldn’t let anything happen to her, not after just finding out that she was alive. She may hate him for it, but Angel had no intention of leaving her alone until he was sure she was better.

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~the next night~

Buffy slowly moved around the various tables and counters collecting trash after a busy night at the club. Why people couldn’t throw their own cups away was beyond her. Of course, they had hired people who were supposed to do this work, but she needed to be doing something. Ever since what happened the night before, they’d been pestering her non-stop. She wasn’t some invalid, but they were treating her like one. It was just a bump on the head. Well, to them it was. They didn’t know there was more.

The bump on her head was almost gone, but she still felt awful. She hardly slept at all the night before and then had spent a half hour in the bathroom this morning throwing up everything in her stomach. The sight of food made her want to run back to the toilet and she hadn’t eaten a thing all day. And now, as she cleaned up trash, she had to force her hands to stop trembling so no one would notice. She knew that if her friends realized she was sick they would make her go to the doctor and that was not something she wanted to do. It was just the flu. She’d be fine in few days.

“You’re supposed to be upstairs resting,” she heard Lindsey come up behind her and speak.

“I’m fine, Linds, really,” Buffy lied without turning to face him.

“No, you’re not,” he took the bag of trash from her hands. “Now go back upstairs and get into bed.

“I’m not an invalid!” Buffy snapped at him.

“I didn’t say you were, Darling,” Lindsey tried to console her, a little thrown by Buffy’s attitude.

“Then don’t treat me like one!” she said in exasperation, harshly grabbing the trash bag back from Lindsey.

“Buffy,” Lindsey took hold of one of her hands. “I’m sorry. I’m just worried about you.”

“I’m fine, Linds,” she softened slightly and squeezed his hand, hoping he wouldn’t notice her sweating palms and trembling hand.

“Are you sure?” he eyed her warily.

“Yes, positive. And see, it’s almost gone,” she pointed to the barely noticeable bump on her head and forced a grin on her face.

“All right. But you better get your butt in bed after you finish cleaning up,” Lindsey ordered her sternly

“I promise. I don’t want to keep Tara much longer anyway,” she referred to her friend who was upstairs with Ashlynn.

“Okay. I’m gonna go help Oz get the music equipment shut down,” he leaned down and kissed her cheek before walking toward the stage area.

The moment Lindsey was gone, Buffy’s hand dropped down to grip the counter she was standing in front of. Her fingers tightly held onto the wood as she tried to stop the room from spinning. The action did little and the dizziness persisted. Not wanting anyone to notice her discomfort, she forced herself to focus on cleaning up. Her hand shakily reached for the leftover cup on the counter, almost knocking it over before finally grabbing it at the brim. She managed to get it into the trash bag and realized that maybe she should go upstairs and get into bed. Someone was sure to detect her unsure actions if she stayed down here much longer.

Glancing around the club, Buffy took note that her friends were all preoccupied at the moment. With a bit of a struggle, she tied the top of the trash bag in a knot and slowly walked toward the door. Her vision blurred causing two, then three, doors to swim before her eyes. She blinked her them furiously, trying to still the moving images. Finally, she reached the exit and as hurriedly as possible stepped outside, glad to be out of view of her friends.

Holding the railing tightly, Buffy descended the stairs in front of the club. She turned left and walked to the dumpster that was just around the side of the building. It took her two tries, but she managed to somehow throw the light bag of trash onto the top of the heap. She took three steps back towards the entrance of the building before pausing to lean against the rough brick and clutch at her stomach. Biting her lip, she tried not to scream as intense pains shot through her gut.

“Buffy?” Damn! She should have known he was out here.

“Go away, Angel.” Buffy straightened up and forced her façade back up.

“No,” he spoke definitively.

She whirled around at the denial and immediately regretted it. Her hand again sought the support of the wall to keep herself from falling. “No?”

“No, I’m not going to leave you out here alone like this,” he waved his hand at her swaying body.

“W-what are you t-talking about?” she stuttered out as spots began to blot her vision.

“Something’s wrong with you,” Angel took a step closer, noticing that her footing looked more and more unsteady.

“I...I’m f-fine.” Buffy was anything but fine. She had no intention of telling him that, though.

“You’re lying,” he glared at her.

“Lea-....leave m-,” she never finished her sentence as her eyes rolled back in her head and her body went lax.

“Buffy!” Angel lurched forward and was able to catch her before she hit the ground.

He cradled her unconscious body in his arms. For a split second, Angel reveled in the feel of her against him for the first time in seven years, but his glee was short lived. Something was very, very wrong. He could feel her heart pounding in her chest and the clamminess of her skin. His eyes scanned her body searching for some sign as to the source of her illness, but there was nothing.

Holding Buffy securely in his arms, Angel strode quickly up the stairs and haphazardly pulled the door open. In any other circumstance he would have been panicking about revealing himself to the others, but now was not the time for that worry. He was concerned with Buffy’s health and nothing else.

“Willow!” Angel bellowed the second he entered into the club.

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Part 8
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“What the Hell did you do to her?!” someone screamed at him. Angel knew without looking that it was the boytoy.

“I didn’t do anything to her,” Angel nearly snarled at the insipid man.

“Angel? What...Buffy!” Willow ran to where he was still holding Buffy in his arms. Angel briefly took note of the lack of surprise in Willow’s eyes at his presence, and quickly realized Buffy must have told her about him.

“Who the Hell are...Angel?” The name finally clicked in Lindsey’s head. “You’re Angel?”

“What happened?” This time it was Cordy who spoke as the entire group closed in on him and the limp Slayer he cradled close to his body.

“I was talking to her outside and she passed out,” he explained tersely.

“Let’s get her upstairs,” Doyle ordered worriedly. He met Lorne’s eyes for just a moment before he ran over to the elevator and pulled the gates open.

Angel ignored the boytoy’s movement to grab Buffy out of his arms and strode quickly to the elevator. Freeing one of his hands, he pulled the gates closed before anyone else could enter. Grateful to be away from the group’s prodding, if only for a minute, he leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes as Doyle pushed the button to take them to the third floor. Being around all these people who knew him, or at least knew of him, was making his skin crawl. That was the least of his worries right now, though. Buffy’s health was the utmost priority.

As the elevator came to a stop, Doyle finally spoke. “Decided to stick around?”

“Yeah,” Angel grunted in response and swiftly left the confining space.

Momentarily, his eyes widened in shock at the large, homey room he found himself in. It was immediately obvious that this was Buffy’s home. Her scent attacked him from every corner of the room. He wanted to stand there and breathe in every last nuance of her essence, but there wasn’t time for that now. Instead, he spotted a sofa on the opposite side of the room and moved toward it. As gently as possible, he laid her still unconscious body down onto the soft material of the couch.

For an instant, he regretted the loss of her body in his arms, but he pushed the feeling aside and focused on making her comfortable. The half demon, whose name he still did not know, tapped him on the shoulder and handed him a cold cloth, which he carefully placed on Buffy’s heated forehead. Just as he was about to ask Doyle for a pillow, he heard a door open and turned to see all of the others coming from what he assumed was the stairs. He knew they’d want to check on their friend, but he couldn’t seem to make himself move from his spot kneeling at her side.

“Angel? Is she awake yet?” Willow came around the couch and bent down next to Angel.

“No,” he answered without looking at the redhead and then lifted his hand to brush the hair off Buffy’s face.

“Tell us what happened?” Angel heard the weird one with green skin request.

“I already told you,” he half growled in irritation, but seeing the concerned looks decided to repeat his earlier explanation. “She came out, threw a bag of trash into the dumpster, we talked, and then she passed out.”

“You’re sure you didn’t...do...anything to her?” Lindsey asked suspiciously and glared at Angel.

Hearing the accusatory statement, Angel stood and stalked toward the boytoy with narrowed eyes. “Don’t you EVER suggest something like that again,” he ordered forcefully, the demon within him raging to escape.

“Listen, Vampire, why should I trust you?” Lindsey stepped right up to Angel, not the slightest bit intimidated.

Willow and Cordy, seeing that a fight that was about to start, quickly scrambled to get between the two combatants. The last thing they needed right now was Angel and Lindsey beating the crap out of each other while Buffy lay unconscious on the sofa only a few feet away.

“Now stop it you two,” Cordy demanded with arms crossed over her chest.

Angel spared another angry glare at his replacement before returning to Buffy’s side. He ignored the various looks from those around him as he took one of Buffy’s hands in his and stroked his thumb across the back. The urge to scoop her up in his arms pulsed through out his being. The feel of her touch after so long without sparked an unquenchable need inside him to be as close as possible to her.

“Damnit!” Doyle exclaimed while pacing across the room. “I knew that knock ta her head was worse than she told us!”

“We should have made her stay in bed today.” Willow sat down on the edge of the couch and took Buffy’s other hand.

“Maybe we should take her to the hospital,” Lorne posed, receiving incredulous looks from just about everyone. “Just a suggestion.”

“Don’t you remember the last time we had to take her to the hospital?” Oz reminded them of the time a year earlier when Buffy had sliced her hand open while attempting to cook Thanksgiving diner.

“Oh right. But still...” Lorne trailed off, leaving his inference up to them. He couldn’t help but worry, and he couldn’t seem to shake the feeling that the foreboding darkness he’d seen whenever he read Buffy was coming to fruition.

“She’s sick,” Angel quietly interjected.

The quiet chatter that had started up abruptly ceased. Every single pair of eyes turned and focused on Angel. It was quickly apparent to him that they’d been unaware of her condition. He wasn’t surprised that Buffy hadn’t told them. She’d probably figured they’d make her see a doctor. Still, he was a bit angry and wondered how people who were supposedly her friends had missed the signs.

“What are ya talking about?” Doyle stepped forward, Lindsey following suit.

“It’s not her head. She’s sick,” Angel repeated, finally tearing his eyes off of Buffy.

“No, she’s not,” Lindsey loudly denied the claim. He had a million questions running through his head, first and foremost being why the notorious Angel was outside talking to Buffy. And why exactly he seemed to be the only one surprise by the vampire’s presence.

“Lindsey! Be quiet! Don’t wake up Ashlynn!” Willow shooshed the angry man and looked toward the little girl’s bedroom where she knew Ash and Tara were.

Seeing the confused yet pained look on Angel’s face, Cordy quickly changed the subject. “Why do you think she’s sick?”

Angel released Buffy’s hand, stood, and faced the group. “I was following her last night.”

“She didn’t tell us that,” Willow spoke over the semi-shocked gasps coming from around the room.

Ignoring the questions he could see about to be asked, Angel continued with his explanation. “I saw her leave the place she’d been. I didn’t realize it until afterwards, but she looked like she wasn’t feeling well. Then she went after a vamp and I watched from the end of the alley. It was just a normal vamp, but she couldn’t stake him. She almost fell over trying to kick him out of the way and then he threw her against the wall. I saw the vamp moving in so I knocked him out of the way and staked him.”

“She just said it was a strong vamp,” Cordy stated softly as the group digested what Angel had just told them.

Any further questions or statements were held in as a small moan drifted to their ears from the couch. Holding their breaths out of sheer nervousness, they watched as Buffy’s eyes slowly flickered open. She moaned again when the bright apartment lighting assaulted her eyes but kept them open.

“Buffy?” Willow spoke gently, not wanting to scare her friend.

Buffy blinked here eyes and focused on the person who had spoken to her. “Wil?”

“Hey,” greeted Willow with a smile.

“Hey Buffy,” Cordy knelt down near Buffy’s head. “Glad you decided to wake up.”

“What’s going on?” the dazed Slayer tried to sit up, but was unsuccessful.

Lorne sat down on the arm of the couch by Buffy’s feet and studied her for a second before speaking. “Do you remember what happened, Sunshine?”

“I...I...,” Buffy paused and tried to remember what had happened and how it was that she ended up on the couch with everyone staring at her. “I was outside, and...”

Angel’s hands twitched nervously when Buffy’s raspy voice trailed off. He knew she remembered their confrontation outside. He held his position behind the others, though, and watched as her eyes apprehensively scanned the group until they landed on him. For a split second, when her eyes met his, he thought he saw shades of what he used to see when she looked at him, but it was quickly gone. She held his gaze for a second longer before looking back to her friends.

“I remember,” she told them flatly.

Lindsey walked over and knelt down next to Cordy, “You gave us quite a scare.”

“I’m sorry,” Buffy gave him a weak smile

“What’s going on?” a whispered voice interrupted. The group looked over to see Tara standing in the entrance leading to the hallway.

Willow and Cordy quickly filled in Tara on what had happened while the others in the room shifted glances between Buffy, Angel, and then back again. It wasn’t lost on any of them that Angel couldn’t take his eyes off Buffy, and if they weren’t mistaken, the blonde was stealing looks at Angel as well. Those seeing the two together for the first time were almost mesmerized by the tension that sizzled between them.

Angel, for his part, remained quiet, and stood near the large windows on one side of the room. It was true, he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. Aside from the pale, sickly look, she was absolutely beautiful. He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her soft, pale pink lips. He knew he couldn’t, and shouldn’t, not when the blonde headed leach was kneeling there fawning all over her. So he contented himself to stand on the sidelines and watch.

“Why didn’t you tell us you were sick?” Angel heard Cordelia ask. He was still a bit baffled that the snobby brunette appeared to be such good friends with Buffy. What exactly had happened between the two?

“I-I didn’t want you to worry,” Buffy answered, her voice hoarse and weak. “I’m sorry.”

“How long have you been sick?” Willow asked the question they had all been wondering.

“Since just after we came back from Sunnydale,” she answered, her eyes looking down in guilt.

“Buffy!” Doyle exclaimed in shock. “That was almost two weeks ago!”

“I’m sorry,” Buffy mumbled quietly before yawning.

“I think our favorite Slayer here needs to get some shut-eye. We can finish talking about this later,” Lorne looked pointedly at Buffy telling her that her not-so-little fib wasn’t going to be forgotten.

“Thanks,” Buffy smiled weakly at Lorne in gratuity. She tried to sit up on the couch but her arms buckled and she fell back down.

“Woah, Darling,” chastised Lindsey with a frown. “I don’t think you’re in any condition to be walking yet.”

Angel had to bite back a growl as he watched the blonde boytoy manhandle HIS Buffy. He wanted to go over there and knock a few teeth out of his annoying, loving smile, but he didn’t think anyone would appreciate him attacking Buffy’s...lover. That didn’t mean he had to stand there and watch, though. Seeing her go off with another man was too much, so he quietly and unobtrusively walked around the edge of the room toward the door leading to the stairwell. He was almost there when Willow called out to him.

“Where are you going?” she walked over to him and placed a comforting hand on his arm.

“Back to my hotel room,” he grunted out in response.

“Angel,” she sighed and nodded toward the window. “The sun is starting to rise.”

Angel’s eyes flittered to the window. She was right. The sun was coming up. There was no way he’d make it back to the hotel room he’d rented, but he could at least get out of here and find somewhere else to hide until nightfall. He didn’t think he’d be able to stay here all day only feet from where Buffy was snuggled into her bed, someone else’s arms wrapped around her body.

“I’ll find some place to stay,” he almost spat out and continued toward the door.

“No, you won’t,” Willow dashed into his path and stared at him determinedly. “You’re staying right here.”

“I’ll be fine,” he assured her even though he didn’t believe his own words.

Willow ignored the statement and looked to Oz. “Go get some heavy blankets and cover up the windows in the extra room.”

Angel went to deny the offer, but Willow cut him off. “No, buts!”

“It’s no use saying ‘no’ to her, man,” Oz patted him on the back and left to do what Willow asked.

Looking back at the redhead, who seemed to have grown up immensely during his absence, Angel again went to turn down her offer. The look in her eyes, though, told him it would do no good. She was not about to let him walk out of the building, let alone the room.

“Fine,” he relented a moment later.

Angel reluctantly followed Willow through the living room and toward the room she’d mentioned. He paused at the doorway to the room he’d seen Buffy be carried into. The door was open so he could see inside, though he wasn’t sure that was a good thing. Lindsey was sitting against the headboard of her bed with Buffy’s head in his lap, stroking her hair. He wanted so badly to be the one in there with her, but it wasn’t his place. Not anymore.

With his head down, he trailed behind Willow and into what he assumed was a guest room. He said nothing, only nodded at her before she closed the door and left the room. Did she really expect him to be able to sleep with Buffy so close? Angel highly doubted he’d be able to do anything but stare in the direction of her room.

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“Why didn’t you tell me?” Lindsey questioned, not so much out of anger but more out of hurt, after they’d seen Willow walk past the bedroom door with Angel and then walk back past without him.

“Tell you what?” Buffy shifted her head to look up at Lindsey as she willed the various aches and pains in her body to go away.

“That he is Ashlynn’s father,” he clarified, trying not to be upset.

In all the years he’d know Buffy, he’d heard a lot about the vampire Angel and her relationship with him, but she’d never told him about Ash’s conception. Whenever he brought it up, she would quickly change the subject. He always figured that she had made a mistake when she was grieving over the loss of her sort of lover. Seeing the vampire for the first time, it was rather obvious he was the father. How that was possible, he didn’t know. Everything he’d been told about vampires led him to believe it wasn’t possible.

“I’m sorry,” Buffy mumbled, her eyes starting to drift shut.

“I just wish you’d told me,” he sighed and pulled the blanket tighter around her now shivering body. “Does he know?”

“No...” Buffy spoke, a slight hesitation in her voice.

Lindsey stared at her for a moment, the pain in her eyes obvious to him, before saying what he hated himself for saying. “Doesn’t he deserve to know?”

“Yes.” Buffy turned her head away from him. “But I don’t know if I can tell him,” she breathed out heavily before falling into a restless sleep.

For a few minutes after she fell asleep, Lindsey only stared at her sleeping form. He shook his head and rested it against the headboard of the bed and thought about what he now knew. Angel was Ashlynn’s father. He’d never even suspected it, though now that he thought back on the little things over the years it made sense. Why was Angel here anyway? Had he heard about Ash and come for her? And why hadn’t Buffy told him he was back? From what he’d gathered, she’d known for a few days he’d returned. It hurt that she hadn’t trusted him enough to tell him. Then again, it didn’t surprise him. The ‘Angel issue’ was one Buffy tended to avoid at all costs.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

~later that day~

Gathered in the doorway to Buffy’s room, Willow, Cordelia, Oz and Doyle fearfully watched as Lindsey sat in a chair next to the bed and swabbed their friend’s forehead with a damp cloth. She was getting worse. They all knew it even if no one had yet to say it out loud. Speaking it meant accepting it, and none of them wanted to do that.

Buffy had been fine for a few hours after falling asleep, but since then, she’d gone down hill. About a half hour earlier she’d starting groaning in pain and her body was trembling so strongly that it made the bed shake. She was still conscious but she wasn’t really responsive to their presences. Something was very wrong, they were just beginning to realize.

“I think we should take her ta the hospital,” Doyle stated solemnly, though a little voice in his head told him it wouldn’t do any good.

“I agree. She...she’s getting worse. What if...,” Cordy’s voice faltered. “What if something’s really wrong with her?”

Silence hung in the air after Cordy finally said what’d they’d all been thinking. Willow was the first speak again. “I’m going to get Angel.”

She hurriedly turned and walked to the room she’d forced him to stay the day in. Without knocking, she entered the room and saw Angel asleep on the bed, or at least it looked like he was asleep. She wasn’t quite sure. Cautiously, Willow approached the bed and contemplated how to wake him. Deciding on the direct approach, she reached out a hand and shook his shoulder.

Angel’s eyes instantly shot open, causing Willow to jump back in surprise. “Willow?”

“Angel...,” she started hesitantly.

“What’s wrong?” He leapt out of the bed, sensing immediately that something wasn’t right.

Willow took a deep breath and let her eyes travel toward Buffy’s room. “She’s getting worse.”

The words hadn’t even finished coming out of Willow’s mouth before Angel was on his way out of the room. The redhead’s hand on his arms stopped his forward progress. “What?”

“I...I’m worried, Angel,” she tried to hold back the tears threatening to fall. “Something’s not right.”

“What do you mean?” he looked at the young woman in confusion, anxious to get to Buffy.

“I don’t know how to explain it,” Willow thought for a second, trying to put into words her concern. “I just keep getting this feeling that there is something more going on.”

“Like what?” Angel gave her his full attention now.

“I don’t know. It’s just this feeling...I-I don’t know how to explain it,” Willow’s shoulders slumped, wishing she could tell him more. “I called Tara to come over. She might be able to help.”

“Tara?” Angel questioned, not knowing who that was.

“The blonde that was here last night. She’s a friend of ours, and is a powerful Wiccan. She might be able to sense something,” Willow relayed just as Cordy came to the door.

“Willow, Tara’s here. She said you called her,” the brunette stated and moved aside so Tara could enter the room.

Willow greeted her friend and introduced her to Angel. She waited for Cordy to get the others before explaining to the witch what she wanted her to do. Once they were all present, she explained to them the feeling she was getting. Tara agreed to try and read Buffy’s aura, but said she didn’t know if she’d be able to find anything out.

Quietly, the group moved into Buffy’s room. Tara sat on the edge of the bed where Buffy slept fitfully while the others stood around the outskirts of the bedroom. She closed her eyes and performed a short mediation to center herself before focusing on Buffy. Pushing the hair off Buffy’s face, Tara placed her palm on her forehead and closed her eyes again.

The group of Buffy’s friends and family watched in trepidation as Tara’s body went rigid and all of the color drained out of her face. A tremble shook through her body before she abruptly pulled her hand off Buffy’s forehead, acting almost as if she’d been burnt. Fear gripped the voyeurs as Tara stumbled away from the bed and clutched at a nearby dresser.

“Tara? What’s wrong?” Willow moved toward her friend.

“Magick...dark magicks...consuming her...,” the blonde witch choked out before collapsing to the floor.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Part 9
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

“How’s Tara?” Doyle questioned as Willow walked back into the living room.

The blonde Wiccan was currently resting in the extra bedroom, recovering from whatever had happened when she read Buffy’s aura. They didn’t really understand what exactly had occurred, and Tara was still too dazed to fully explain it to them. She’d been out for nearly a half hour and when she woke up all she could tell them was that there were dark magicks in Buffy’s body. That alone was enough to send them into a panic, but they all worried that there was more bad news to come.

“She’s still out of it,” the redhead sighed and sat next too Doyle.

After Tara’s revelation, the group had been stunned. Their worry over their friend’s health had quickly escalated into sheer terror. If she didn’t have the flu or something along those lines, then what was making her sick? That was what they were now trying to figure out. Every single book related to the supernatural world had been carted up from the offices downstairs and were now spread throughout the apartment’s living room.

Despite their desire to be by Buffy’s side, they knew they needed to focus on researching. Cordy was currently on Buffy watch while the rest of them scoured the books in search of answers. Willow, Oz, and Angel were familiar with the tedious task, but for Lindsey, Lorne, and Doyle, it was a daunting mission. They had absolutely no idea what they were looking for or where to look for it.

“Find anything yet?’ Cordelia asked as she walked into the living room.

“Not unless a lot of dusty books count,” Oz chimed in without looking up from the old tome he was reading.

“How’s Buffy?” Willow looked up and blinked the bleariness out of her eyes.

“The same,” Cordy said as she slumped down on the couch next to Willow. “She’s still drifting in and out of sleep.”

“I’ll go in and sit with her. Maybe sing her a song or two,” Lorne tried to say cheerfully but failed.

“What about the club? Don’t we have to get ready to open?” Willow suddenly remembered that they all had jobs.

“Don’t you worry you’re pretty little head about that. The club will be closed for a few days. We have more important things to be worried about,” he answered and left the room before the issue could be debated.

Cordy watched him leave and then looked around the room and frowned. “Where’s Doyle?”

“He went to pick Ashlynn up from school,” Willow relayed, rubbing at the tension headache she was getting. Then, suddenly realizing what was about to happen, her eyes snapped up, glanced briefly at Angel before moving over to Cordelia.

Catching the look, Cordy almost leapt off the couch. “Uhh, Willow, why don’t we go get some drinks and, uh, snacks for everyone.”

“Yeah...snacks...good...sure,” babbled Willow incoherently and practically dashed out of the room.

Angel stared in confusion over the odd antics until the initial statement registered in his mind. Ashlynn. Buffy’s daughter. The child she’d had with someone else. The boytoy’s child. If there was a hole nearby for him to crawl into, he wouldn’t have hesitated. A small part of him wanted to meet the little girl that was part Buffy, but the larger part of him didn’t want to see one of the reminders that she had moved on. It was bad enough that her...lover...was sitting only a few feet away from him.

Inside the kitchen, Cordelia was pacing anxiously across the floor. “This is sooo not good!”

“Shhh!” Willow peaked out the door and saw Angel looking in her direction.

“What are we going to do?” Cordy whispered as quietly as possible.

Before the redhead could respond, they heard the noise of the elevator rising to their floor. Both girls quickly dashed out of the room and toward the elevator, reaching it just as the gates opened. Ashlynn skipped out the compartment and smiled when she saw her two favorite Aunts waiting for her.

“Hey, Sweetie! Did you have a good day at school?” Cordy asked and knelt down and to gave the little girl a hug.

“Yup! Look what I made!” she chatted happily, pushing a large piece of paper in front of Cordelia’s face.

“Oooh! Did you draw that? It’s beautiful!” Cordy beamed as she looked at the wonderful drawing Ash had done.

“Lindsey!” Ashlynn squealed when she caught sight of the blonde man out of the corner of her eye. Before Cordy could stop her, the girl was across the room and sitting on Lindsey’s lap showing him her drawing.

“Where’s Mommy?” Ash asked after Lindsey had complemented her picture.

“She’s still not feeling well, Darling,” Lindsey replied smoothing down the hair on her head.

“Oh,” she mumbled, some of the happiness in Ash’s eyes fading. “Can I see her?”

“Maybe later. She doesn’t want you to get sick too,” he lied to her. They’d all agreed earlier in the day that it was best to keep Ashlynn from finding out how sick her Mommy was.

“Okay.” Her lower lip trembled and she squirmed out of Lindsey’s lap.

The moment her little feet hit the floor, Ashlynn froze. The picture that had been clasped tightly in her hand fell fluttering to the floor. She didn’t need anyone to tell her who the strange man sitting opposite her was. Years of staring at his picture left his image ingrained in her memory. Cautiously, she took a small step toward the man she’d heard so much about.

“Da-.”

“Ashlynn, Sweetie, why don’t we go get you out of that dress?” Cordy spoke, cutting Ash off as she rushed over and swept the girl up into her arms before she could finish the word that had started to come out of her mouth.

“But-,” she started to speak again, but was again interrupted.

“Nope, no buts! You don’t want to ruin your dress now do you?” Cordy didn’t give her the chance to speak again and quickly left the room with Ashlynn.

Angel’s eyes followed her out of the room. Looking into the little girl’s eyes had given him the strangest feeling. It was almost as if he should know her, but he supposed that wasn’t that odd. After all, she was Buffy’s child. There was something else, though. She ignited a feeling in him that he couldn’t put a finger on.

Confused, his gaze drifted back across the room and landed on Lindsey, who was staring intently at him. She had called him ‘Lindsey’. Why? Shouldn’t she have called him Daddy? She didn’t though. That would mean...Angel didn’t want to think about what that meant. He didn’t want to know that there had been others. But obviously there had been, and he was just one of the pack.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

A few minutes later, Willow was waiting outside of Ashlynn’s room for Cordelia to emerge. Her hands nervously twisted at her sides as she thought about what had almost happened out in the living room. She should have known that Ashlynn would recognize Angel. Buffy had never kept his identity a secret from her and had even given her daughter a picture of her Father. Now Angel was here, not knowing he had a daughter, and Buffy was bed-ridden with a mystical illness. Gods, Willow thought, could this situation get any worse?

“That was way too close,” Cordy whispered after she’d stepped out of the room and closed the door.

Willow grabbed Cordy’s arm and pulled her down the hall into her and Oz’s bedroom, closing the door behind them. “What did you tell her?”

“What could I tell her?” Cordy paced across the room. “She already knew who he was.”

“You told her the truth?” Willow screeched a little too loudly.

“Shut up! Do you want him to here you?” she waved a hand toward the living room. “I didn’t really have a choice!”

“What exactly did you tell her?” This time Willow kept her voice low.

“I told her that, yes, that was her Father, but that he didn’t know who she was. I said that he had to leave before her Mommy could tell him about her and that’s why he didn’t know,” Cordy explained, wondering how she’d gotten into this mess. Why did this have to happen when Buffy wasn’t able to deal with it?

“How did she react?” Willow took a seat on her bed.

“She was sad about it. You know she always wanted her Daddy.” Cordy’s heart broke for the poor girl. “She asked why he had to leave. So I told her that he fought bad guys like her Mommy did and that he had to go away to fight them.”

“Did she believe you?” Willow couldn’t imagine what the child was going through. She was only six years old. Grant it, she was a bit advanced for her age, but it still had to be confusing.

“I think so. But we need to keep her away from Angel for now. I told her there was a bad guy we needed to catch right now and that she needed to stay in her room so that we could figure out how to catch him,” relayed Cordy tiredly. This was going to be a long night, or days even.

“Good. That’ll buy us some time hopefully. We better get back to the researching,” Willow sighed and stood up from the bed.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

~two hours later~

The room was deathly quiet except for the rhythmic flipping of book pages and the occasional shift of bodies on furniture. They were all intently searching through the many books for the slightest clue about Buffy’s illness, even Lindsey as he sat by Buffy’s bedside keeping vigil. So far, they had not found anything to give them answers. Not even Tara’s recovery had helped. All she could tell them was that there was dark magick reeking havoc on Buffy from within. Their only hope was to find something in the books.

“Nothing!” Cordy threw the book she’d finished scanning down onto the growing pile by her feet. “There’s got to be something else we can do!”

“Calm down, Princess,” Doyle put a calming hand on her back.

“Calm down!” Cordelia looked at him incredulously. “She’s getting worse, Doyle!”

“I know,” he said dejectedly and slumped back into his seat.

“Isn’t there something you can do? I mean you have connections and stuff,” she asked, looking at him hopefully.

“Not ones that would help in this situation,” he answered dismally.

Cordy was about to reply when suddenly the door to the stairwell flew open. All eyes in the room quickly landed on the two figures that raced into the room without warning.

“Giles?!? Faith?!?” Willow screeched, jumping up from the couch.

“It’s happening isn’t it?” was all the former Watcher said in response.

Angel was in front of him before anyone could blink an eye. “What are you talking about?”

“Buffy. Something’s wrong with her isn’t it?” he panted from the exertion of racing up the stairs.

“Yes. What do you know?” Angel practically growled at him.

“Damn!” Giles threw his bag to the floor and shared a look with Faith.

“Giles? What’s going on? Do you know what’s wrong with Buffy?” Willow managed to squeeze her way between Angel and Giles.

“Yes, unfortunately I do,” he responded as he pulled his glasses off. “The Watcher’s Council has poisoned her.”

“What?” nearly everybody in the room gasped.

“But why would they do that?” Willow choked out, shock running through her system.

“Please, why don’t we sit and I will explain,” Giles said and pointed to the various couches and chairs.

It wasn’t until they were all seated that it occurred to Angel that Giles’ arrival had surprised the others. He hadn’t noticed before that the Watcher was missing. What exactly had happened? Why wasn’t Giles with his Slayer? And why was Buffy in Seattle anyway? He’d never bothered to think about it before, but now he began to wonder about what had happened after he left. Still, now wasn’t the time for those questions. Getting Buffy well was first priority.

“We’re waiting, Giles,” Cordy snapped harshly, remembering what Buffy had told her about the confrontation at Giles’ apartment back in Sunnydale.

“Oh, yes, s-sorry,” Giles stuttered, tearing his eyes off the vampire. His presence was unexpected. His sources had not told him that Angel had returned.

“You see,” the Watcher began the long explanation. “When Buffy...left...I told the Council that she had disappeared. They believed her to be dead. Another Slayer was not called because Faith was still, alive, or rather in a coma. They intervened and made her the active Slayer once again,” he looked at Faith who still did not know about the Council’s full actions against her.

“You let them think she was dead?” Doyle asked in disbelief.

Giles gave the strange man a cursory glance, wondering who he was. “Yes. It was better that way. If they had found out that their Slayer had gone off on her own, and of her...situation...they surely would have sent a retrieval team to...eliminate her.”

“They would have killed her?” Oz frowned at the disturbing thought.

“Likely, yes. The Council does not take well to Slayers who go against their rules,” Giles confirmed.

“So they thought she was dead all this time? How did they find out she wasn’t?” Willow wanted to know.

Faith looked to Giles and took over this part of the explanation. “Apparently my Watcher was following me. I don’t know why, but the same night I’d run into Angel I overheard my Watcher on the phone telling someone he had reason to believe Buffy was alive. He must have heard me talking to Angel when he came to Sunnydale looking for Buffy.”

“Faith then called me to inform me of the situation,” Giles continued on. “I was instantly worried for her safety. I used some contacts I still had within the Council and found that once they suspected that there was a chance Buffy was still alive that they had quickly searched for and located her.”

Angel listened as the others talked and couldn’t help feeling like there was a backstory that he was completely unaware of. There seemed to be much more going on than he had initially thought. He wanted to ask what else he had missed, but he knew they had to focus on Buffy at the moment. There would be time for his questions later.

“So they just decided to take her out?” Doyle spoke up again. He was quite disturbed by the current turn of events.

“To put it simply, yes. They were rather displeased, to say the least, to find that one of their Slayers was working outside of their guidance. They felt she was too much of risk to allow things to remain as they were,” Giles relayed and shook his head at the Council’s ways.

“Poison doesn’t sound like something the Council would do,” Angel absently interjected.

“No, you’re quite right,” the ex-Watcher agreed. “But, you see, for the last few years, the Council has been in a state of disrepair. Quintin Travers still has a tedious hold over everyone, but insurrections have arisen from within led by a small group who feel that the Council’s ways are antiquated. So far, they have not succeeded in taking control, but Travers’ resources have become limited due to the lack of trust in his own organization. So he was unable to handle the situation as he once would have.”

“What did they do to her?” Angel asked, leaning forward and staring at the Watcher.

“From what I was able to learn, Travers sent two of his confidantes here to Seattle with a mystical poison. They likely followed her until an opportunity presented itself to administer it, possibly in her food,” he relayed solemnly.

“Mystical poison?” Willow repeated and glanced toward the hallway. “That would explain why Tara felt dark magicks in her.”

“Tara?” Giles asked in confusion.

“She’s a friend of ours who is a witch. When Buffy got worse we had her read Buffy’s aura. She said there were dark magicks consuming Buffy. Whatever she felt, it was so strong she passed out afterwards,” Willow explained of the events from earlier that day.

“The poison would cause such a reaction,” Giles nodded in confirmation.

“What do you know about this poison?” Doyle looked expectantly at the man he assumed was Buffy’s former Watcher.

“It is mystical in nature, as I said,” Giles started and again took off his glasses. “I’m not quite sure about the details, but I believe it takes over the body and systematically attacks the internal organs. The effects start off slow, but once it takes hold, the recipient rapidly deteriorates.”

“That sounds about right,” Doyle said with a sigh and ran a hand over his face. “Apparently she was feeling sick for almost two weeks. We didn’t even know until last night when it got so bad that she passed out.”

“So what do we do Giles?” Willow questioned and turned to the older man, feeling slightly relieved that they now knew what they were facing. “How do we stop what they did to her?’

“W-well...I...t-that is...,” sputtered Giles, his eyes suddenly looking downwards. This was the part he didn’t want to face.

“Giles?” Willow sad nervously as she stood up, her earlier relief vanishing instantly.

Giles gazed up at the group staring waitingly at him. They were all so young, with the exception of Angel. Too young to have to face things like this. And Buffy. She’d been through so much in her short life. It broke his heart to think about the girl who was still like a daughter to him despite what had happened. She didn’t deserve this. She deserved so much more than this wretched life she’d been dealt.

Finally, after a long moment of silence, Giles found the courage to tell them what he knew they would not want to hear.

“There is no cure.”

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Part 10
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

Author’s Note – the dialogue in italics in this part are excerpts from earlier in this series.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

No one spoke after Giles’ tragic words. They were all shocked into silence. If there was no cure then that would mean Buffy would...die. That was a reality that none of them wanted to face. Buffy was a friend, a confidante, a Mother, a savior...a soulmate, she couldn’t die. They all needed her just as much as she needed them. She couldn’t die. There had to be something they could do.

Before anyone could deny the claim, the group was startled out of their silence by a small noise coming from the hallway. Looking up, they found Buffy hunched over, leaning against the wall. The look in her eyes was enough to tell them that she had heard enough to know the situation.

“Is it true?” she wheezed, her eyes landing directly on Giles.

“Yes, I’m sorry, Buffy. I tried every source I had, but they all told me the same thing,” Giles tried to be diplomatic, but he couldn’t fight the emotions within and a tear slipped down his face.

Buffy’s eyes closed and her head drooped back to rest against the wall. Angel was by her side in an instant, picking her up in his strong arms. She trembled in his grip, a combination of the illness and the sobs she was fighting to keep inside. Needing the comfort, and no longer able to fight it, she relaxed into his arms and let herself cry.

“Shh, don’t cry, baby,” Angel soothed. The endearment slipped out, but he didn’t care. “We’ll find a way. We’ll fight it.”

“Some things you can’t fight, Angel,” she whispered in resignation.

“Don’t say that! You can always fight,” he responded with more determination in his voice than he actually felt.

“He’s right, Buffy. We can’t, and won’t, give up,” Cordy said in support and came to stand next to them.

Buffy looked at her friend and then around at the others staring at her. She knew they’d try, but she knew in her heart that it wouldn’t do any good. They wouldn’t find anything to make her better. This thing...this poison...was going to finish its job. It was going to kill her. And she knew what she had to do. There wasn’t time to wait any longer.

“I...I need to talk to Angel. Alone.” She didn’t say why, but everyone, except Giles, Faith, and Angel himself, knew what was about to happen.

Angel’s head whipped down to look at her in confusion. “What?”

“C-can you take me t-o my room?” she requested, wincing as a wave of pain racked her body. “There are t-things we need t-to talk a-about.”

“Buffy, we can do that later.” Though he wanted to talk to her, Angel didn’t know if now was the right time, not when they were in a dire situation.

“Please?” she begged, gazing at him with pleading eyes.

There was no way he could deny such a request. When no one from the group made any attempt to stop them, Angel relented. Slowly, he turned and carried Buffy toward her bedroom. All the while, he wondered what was so important that she needed to talk to him right at that moment.

“Oh shit,” Willow blurted out once they were out of site.

“Willow!” Cordy gaped wide-eyed at redhead.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

Buffy lay in her bed watching Angel as he stood near the window staring at her. So far, neither of them had said anything. He had only carried her into her bedroom and gently placed her in her bed, tucking the covers around her trembling body. After, he had stepped toward the window and waited. Now, several minutes later, he was still waiting.

Unconsciousness was beckoning her; a sweet oblivion that would take away the debilitating pain terrorizing her body. But she fought it, for now at least. She needed to keep it together just a little bit longer. He needed to know. She needed to tell him, and she needed him to make a promise to her. She just didn’t know how to start.

Exhaustion overwhelmed her and her eyes began to drift shut, but she pried them back open. Just a little bit longer, then she could sleep.

“Buffy, you need to get some sleep,” Angel’s calming voice broke through the haze clouding her mind.

“No...n-not yet...need to...talk,” she wheezed, using all her remaining strength to pat the bed next to her. “Sit.”

Angel walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed, taking one of Buffy’s hands in his. “Whatever it is, it can wait.”

“No, Angel.” Her head shook a fraction of an inch. “No time...need to...now.”

“Shh, you’re going to be fine,” he tried to soothe her and reached up to brush the hair off her sweaty forehead.

“D-don’t...know t-that,” Buffy forced out, willing herself to remain awake for just a little bit longer.

“Yes, I do.” Angel couldn’t help it as a tear slipped from one of his eyes. “You’re going to get through this.”

“Angel,” she coughed and groaned at the exertion. “P-promise...me...”

“Buffy-,” he attempted to stop her words.

“No...promise m-me...if I...d-don’t...p-promise.” The last word was so quiet that if Angel hadn’t been a vampire he wouldn’t have heard it.

“Promise what, baby?” Angel’s worry was growing each second. She was slipping further and further away from him.

“Ashlynn...must...take care...of Ash.” That wasn’t how she meant to say it, but it was the best she could do.

“Ashlynn? Your daughter?” Angel asked, perplexed at the statement.

“Yes...promise...she...will...need you,” Buffy barely whispered. She knew she wasn’t going to be able to go much longer.

“Me? Buffy, you’re not making any sense.” Angel began to wonder if the illness was making her delirious.

“P-promise me,” she demanded as forcefully as she could muster.

“I promise,” Angel agreed. How could he not heed her request? Still he was confused. Why him?

“Thank you,” she replied and smiled weakly. “She will...need you.”

“What about your friends...and Lindsey.” The question was out before he could stop himself.

“N-not Lindsey’s...,” she blurted out hoarsely, her eyes closing for second before she pried them open again. “She’s yours.”

Angel frowned and tried to understand what she had just said, but it didn’t make sense. “Buffy-“

She didn’t let him finish. “Ashlynn...your...daughter...yours.”

Angel’s hand flinched away from Buffy as her words registered in his mind. Ashlynn was his daughter? No, that wasn’t possible. He was a vampire. He couldn’t have children. The poison had to be making her see things as they weren’t. That was the only possible explanation. There was no way. No possible way. But even as he thought that, a feeling eased down his spine that made him shudder.

“Buffy,” he started again, not sure what he was going to say, but when he looked at her he saw her eyes were closed. The sound of her breath and heartbeat assured him she had just fallen asleep.

Several long minutes later, Angel was still staring at her sleeping face trying to process what he knew couldn’t be true. Even as he contemplated that, thoughts and memories began to tick down in his mind: the last night with Buffy, the candle shaped like a six on the little girl’s birthday cake, the feeling he got the first time she looked into his eyes, Cordy’s actions earlier that day, and the way everyone seemed to stare at him. All those things were leading to a conclusion that couldn’t possibly be true. Could it?

Blindly, he stood from the bed, nearly falling in the process, as he tried to deny what his soul was telling him was true. Stumbling toward the door, he was greeted by Cordelia, Willow and Doyle. All staring at him in sympathy. Angel’s eyes met theirs then shifted toward Buffy before returning back again. He knew they were about to tell him it was just the sickness that had made her say the things she had. It was the only reason. It had to be.

“Come on, Angel,” Willow said instead of denying Buffy’s claim.

He said nothing as Willow and Cordelia each took one of his arms and steered him toward the living room, and he never even noticed when Doyle slipped into Buffy’s room behind them. There was only one thing he could think about; Buffy...Ashlynn...daughter...his daughter? No, he told himself again. She wasn’t his. She couldn’t be his.

Angel didn’t even realize that they were now in the living room. His numb body didn’t feel them shove him down onto one of the chairs. He didn’t see that the room was now empty except for Willow and Cordelia. The outside world was all a blur as Buffy’s words echoed in his mind. It wasn’t until Cordy spoke up that he pulled his focus elsewhere.

“Angel, there are some things you need to know.”

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

“...I’m pregnant...”
“...A-about two months...”
“...That would have been around graduation. We didn’t know you were seeing anybody...”
“...Angel...”
“...So you slept with him...”

No....no...it wasn’t possible. That was all he seemed to able to tell himself. Yes, they had made love that last night, but he was a vampire. He wasn’t able to give her a child. It was a physical impossibility. Yet here he was, sitting in a chair, listening to Willow and Cordelia tell him that Buffy had gotten pregnant from that final night together.

Could it be true? Could that little girl in the other room be his? Oh how he wanted it to be true. To have a child with Buffy was something he’d only imagined in his dreams. How wonderful it would have been to have created life with her, something that was part her, part him, and a combination of their love. But he was a vampire, he kept reminding himself.

They told him it was true. There had been no one else right after he left. It was his child. His. He had a daughter. A beautiful, blonde haired image of her mother. As much as he wanted to fight the truth, he knew deep down inside that their words were true. The physical impossibility couldn’t negate everything else. It was true. It was all true. That little girl was part his.

The tears fell unhindered as he accepted a reality he never thought feasible.

*******

“...You disgust me...you put all of us, and the world, in danger just so you could screw your vampire lover!...”
“...I used to look up to you, admired you for everything you’ve done and sacrificed…but you’re just a whore who can’t keep her legs shut. You don’t give a shit about the rest of us or the world as long as you can have your vampire lover...”
“...To say I’m extremely disappointed and ashamed of your actions is an understatement...you have ridiculed your Calling and my position as your Watcher. The Buffy I know would have never put the world in mortal danger like that. I do not think I know who you are anymore...”
“...Poor little Buffy, the pride and joy of the Council, knocked up by a vampire. I hope you have a nice life with your demon spawn...”

Willow and Cordelia visibly jumped at the vengeful growl that Angel emitted as he listened to the aftermath of Buffy’s revelation back in Sunnydale. It was a good thing neither the Watcher nor the useless whelp were within his sight or he’d be forced to do something he’d regret. They deserved nothing less for being heartless cads.

How could they be so uncaring? How could they treat her as if she was some kind of plague? Buffy had needed her friends and family most then, and they had not only turned their backs on her, but also berated her in a way that no one deserved. It broke his heart to think about what she must have gone through at the hands of her so-called friends. And she had had no one to turn to because he was gone as well.

If he hadn’t of known what guilt felt like before, he certainly did now.

*******

“...You want me to get an abortion?...”
“...Why, yes, of course. You certainly cannot have this baby...”
“...I’m dead serious. I’m keeping this baby...”
“...If you plan on keeping this baby then you can find yourself somewhere else to live...”
“...I’m not going to get an abortion...”

An abortion? No....no! The very thought of losing a child he hadn’t even known about until minutes earlier was like a holy-water drenched stake to the heart. To think that the beautiful little girl he’d met earlier might possibly have never existed sent shudders through his body. But it hadn’t happened. Buffy had not aborted their child.

Buffy! Gods! What she must have felt to have her Mother not only tell her to get rid of the baby but then to kick her out when she wouldn’t. It must have been absolutely horrible for her. He’d like to say he was surprised by Joyce’s actions, but truthfully, he wasn’t. Everything he knew about Buffy’s Mother told him that the woman would have never gotten past her ideal of what her daughter should be, and obviously eighteen and pregnant, by a vampire no less, was not part of that ideal. And she’d been kicked out of her house and alone because of it.

Would things have been different if he had been there? That was a question he’d never know the answer to.

*******

“...I plan on getting out of this Hell-hole town, probably in a day or two. I can’t stand being here any longer...”
“...What about you?...”
“...Same. No one wants me around. They made that perfectly clear. And I don’t want to raise my baby anywhere near them...”
“...So I guess we’re going to Seattle...”

That answered quite a few of the questions in his mind. After being tossed to the curb by everyone important to her, Buffy saw no reason to stay. Angel couldn’t say he blamed her. She’d been subjected to so much and the town must have held one too many bad memories. Leaving had probably been the best thing for her, though he wished the situation would have been different. At least she hadn’t been completely alone. She’d had Cordelia.

The strange camaraderie between Buffy and the brunette hadn’t been lost on him since his arrival. It had definitely seemed odd, but now it all made sense. And Angel found himself feeling grateful that the ex-cheerleader had been there for Buffy when she needed it the most. It didn’t cease his heartache, but it helped somewhat to know that someone had been there to support Buffy.

As he looked at Cordelia, he couldn’t help but think of that phrase that said sometimes the worst situations bring out the best in people.

*******

“...Name’s Allan Francis Doyle, but everybody calls me Doyle...”
“...The Powers know of yer...condition. They are worried that yer at risk because ya can’t defend yourself as well. Yer important to them in the fight against evil and they don’t wan’ ta lose ya because of a demon attack while yer pregnant...”
“...Now don’t worry, lass. I’m going ta make sure nothing ‘appens to ya, or yer little one...”

The Powers That Be? Doyle? Half demon? Angel’s mind was swirling over this latest round of ‘let’s recap Buffy’s life after you ran away’. Whoever these Powers were had had enough interest in Buffy to send a protector for her. He didn’t know whether to be glad or concerned over that fact. What was so important about Buffy that they felt the need to send Doyle?

Not that he wasn’t grateful for the half demon’s presence. It seemed as though this Doyle had been a welcome addition, and had become good friends with both Buffy and Cordelia. Angel couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy that someone else had done what he was supposed to do. He should have been there to keep Buffy safe while she was pregnant. It was his child, after all, he should have been there.

He hadn’t been, though, but at least Buffy had others around her when he had abandoned her.

*******

“...Well, Ladies, I’m here with a...business... opportunity for the both, well three, of you...”
“...I...huh?...I mean...let me get this straight. You want us to help you open up and run a club?...”
“...I was told you are looking for somewhere better to live, and I’ve got all this extra space. So why not put it to good use?...”
“...So do we accept Lorne’s offer?...”
“...I guess we do...”

Another piece of the puzzle to Buffy’s life fell into place after hearing this latest explanation. He was a bit awed by the generosity of a complete stranger. Lorne, the one with the green skin he’d seen earlier, had opened up his life for two people he didn’t know, and given them a chance at a better life. From what Cordelia said, things hadn’t been good before that.

They had been given a wonderful opportunity, though, and thrived in it. Pride swelled at all that Buffy had accomplished. She’d been at one of the lowest points in her life and risen from it to make a life for herself and her...their...child. All because of the generosity of a stranger.

Angel knew that the next time he saw the demon named Lorne he would have to say thank you which wouldn’t even begin to express his gratitude over what the demon had done.

*******

“...M-my water just broke. I t-think I’m in labor!...”
“...Congratulations, Buffy! It’s a girl!...”
“...Have you decided on a name yet?...”
“...Ashlynn Darcy Summers...”

A little girl. She’d had a girl. Their child. And he hadn’t been there for any of it. He’d missed seeing her grow with their child, feeling it kick within her stomach, soothing her aches and pains, and experiencing his daughter’s birth. He was supposed to be there for those things. That was what fathers did, but not him. He hadn’t been there for Buffy or Ashlynn.

Ashlynn Darcy Summers. A shadow of a smile flickered across his face. Buffy had picked an Irish name for her...their...child. It warmed his heart in ways he couldn’t begin to express. Despite everything, she’d given the child a piece of his heritage. And they weren’t just any names. She’d picked ones with meaning, though he could only imagine the pain it must have caused her.

Logic fought to convince him that this all wasn’t possible, but his soul was telling him it was true. He had a daughter.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

Anger. Hate. Fear. Hurt. Pride. Sorrow...what wasn’t he feeling as he sat there and listened to Willow and Cordelia highlight Buffy’s life. It was almost like watching a movie and experiencing the gamut of emotions that one went through. But this wasn’t just a movie. It was something he was connected to. The main character wasn’t some bubbling actress playing a roll, it was his Buffy.

He wanted to run into her room and crush her to him in a never-ending hug. So much. She’d been through so much for someone so young. Why did fate have to throw so much at her? Being Called as a Slayer was bad enough, but it hadn’t ended there. No, the trials and tribulations had just kept coming and coming and coming for her. And for a while, he’d been there to support her.

Then he’d left, never knowing that she’d gotten pregnant the night they spent together after graduation. He’d often chastised himself for being weak and going to her that night, but knowing now that that joining had resulted in a child he could never regret it. He knew Buffy didn’t regret it either. One look at the interaction between Mother and Child was enough to tell him that Ashlynn was the light of her Mother’s life. No, there were no regrets anymore about that night.

The question of how the conception was possible vaguely plagued his mind as Angel sat by himself in the living room; Willow and Cordelia having left him alone to brood to go downstairs and research a cure for Buffy with the others. He was vampire. His body wasn’t alive. How could he have helped create a child? Angel supposed the why didn’t matter because he knew it was true. He didn’t know how he knew, but he could feel it in his soul, and he knew that Buffy, Willow, and Cordelia wouldn’t lie to him about something like this.

A moving shadow on the wall caught Angel’s attention out of the corner of his eye. Raising his head, he saw Lindsey leaning against one of the walls of the living room staring at him openly. Angel fought a growl as he looked over the boyto-...no, he caught himself. This was someone important to Buffy, someone who made her happy. He wasn’t going to begrudge her that. If that meant being nice to...Lindsey...then he would, for Buffy’s sake.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Part 11
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

Lindsey silently moved toward Angel and sat on the opposing couch, setting the object in his hands down on the coffee table in front of the vampire. Angel looked from Lindsey to the object and back to the blonde man. After a few moments, he finally reached over and picked up the item. It was a book of some kind from what he could tell. He was tempted to open it and see what was so important about the book, but instead, Angel’s eyes were trained on the man sitting opposite him.

Before he could think too much about it, Angel blurted out the first question on his mind. “How long have you and Buffy been together?”

Lindsey neither flinched nor answered the question immediately. Instead, he stared pensively at Angel for a minute before responding. “We’re not.”

“Oh, that’s ni-...you’re not?” Angel snapped to full attention. That wasn’t what he was expecting to hear at all.

“No,” Lindsey raised an eyebrow, knowing full well what the vampire had assumed.

“But...” Angel’s brow furrowed in confusion as he struggled to find something to say.

“We’re friends,” the blonde man who was apparently not Buffy’s lover stated. “Close friends.”

“You’re...you’re friends?” Angel choked out, relief and the slightest hint of hope filling his heart.

“Yes,” Lindsey leaned back on the couch and crossed his right leg over his left. “Don’t misunderstand me. Buffy is an amazing person, which I’m sure you know, and I wouldn’t say no to being more to her, but her heart is still taken by someone else.”

Angel gaped at Lindsey, a plethora of emotions playing on his face. Things he hadn’t noticed before suddenly came to the forefront of his mind. He’d never seen them kiss, never heard them say I love you, never noticed anything remotely intimate between them. And the scents. Buffy’s room smelled overwhelming of her and was only minutely tinged with others. In her room, there was not trace of their scents being intimately intertwined with each other.

A morose chuckle rose in Angel’s throat, but he held it back. Man, he’d really jumped the gun on this one hadn’t he?

Lindsey, meanwhile, was watching Angel with his own thoughts running through his head. He loved Buffy. He really did, and once upon a time years ago, he’d thought that if he waited long enough she would finally let him in. It never happened, though. Buffy always held a part of herself back; the part of her that had, and would, always love the souled vampire named Angel. So he’d settled for being her friend, and now that the vampire was back it was obvious to Lindsey that that was probably a wise decision. Anyone could tell that Angel still loved Buffy, and he knew that Buffy, even though she never said it, still held deep feelings for Angel.

“I thought...,” Angel mumbled more to himself than to the man opposite him.

“I know what you thought,” Lindsey’s face remained expressionless. “Aren’t you going to look at the book?”

Angel looked at the heavy book sitting in his lap and wondered what it was. The cover was plain with no writing on it giving him no clue whatsoever as to what could be on the pages inside. When he looked up to question Lindsey about its contents, Angel saw that the man was no longer seated on the couch. Looking around the room he caught sight of Lindsey’s back just as the door to the stairwell closed behind him.

Shaking his head at the odd situation and fighting the urge to get up and jump up and down like a little kid over the revelation that Buffy and Lindsey were not together like he thought they were, Angel turned his focus back to the mysterious book in front of him. He didn’t know why, but his hands were shaking as he pulled the front cover open.

Inside, on the first page, all he found was a plain white envelope. Something told him to open it and read whatever was in it so he carefully pulled the flap open and drew out what was a soft pink sheet of paper. Opening it, Angel read the words that he found were addressed to him.

My Sweet Angel,

If you’re looking at this book, it means you must now know the truth; that Ashlynn is your daughter. We made a child together, Angel. You and me. Something that is a part of both of us.

I know you wish you could have been there to see it all, and I wish that you could have been there too. But we don’t always get what we want do we? Well, at least we never seem to.

I knew, somewhere deep down inside, that I’d see you again someday, that you would finally get the chance to meet your daughter. I don’t know when it will be, or if ever. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking that you’re not gone forever. If you ever do return, I know that there’s nothing I can do to give you the memories of your daughter that you will have lost. So I made this for you.

Cordelia is the only one who knows what this book really is. She helped me put it together and add to it over the years. Everyone else thinks it just a photo album, but it’s not. It’s a chronicle from early in my pregnancy until now. There are pictures from the various stages of the pregnancy, a few sonograms, ones from the birth, and then others from different times in Ashlynn’s life. I know they can’t replace real memories, but maybe they will help, if only a little.

Love Always,

Buffy

By the time he finished reading the letter, Angel’s face was drenched with tears. He almost couldn’t believe that Buffy had done something so incredibly thoughtful after the way things had ended between them. She had, though, and now he had in his hands a pictorial of his daughter’s life. He was almost afraid to look, afraid to see what exactly it was that he had not been there for, but his need for even the smallest taste of his beautiful little girl was too overwhelming. So with shaking hands he turned the page, bracing himself for the emotions he knew were forthcoming.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

Some time later, after Angel had finished looking through the entire book, he sat staring at one picture in particular. It was one of Buffy and Ashlynn sitting under the shade of a large tree smiling and laughing as they blew bubbles. They looked so happy and he could almost feel the love between mother and daughter. It was a sight he never thought he would see; Buffy with their child, and it was amazing and heart breaking all at once.

He never thought a bunch of pictures would be so hard to look at. Each and every one was a reminder of some part of Buffy’s and his daughter’s life that he had been absent for. Looking at the images of Buffy’s expanding stomach had made him want to rub his hands all over the bulging skin and place gentle kisses upon it. The one of Buffy holding newborn Ashlynn had made him shed more tears, as had the following pictures of various times in his daughter’s life.

With each new picture he looked at, Angel fell more in love with the little girl he’d only met once. He was awestruck by every little detail: the smiles, the laughs, the tears, all of it. She was absolutely amazing. For one of the few times in his long, miserable life, he felt like he had been part of something truly good. He had helped to create something so completely pure and wonderful that he couldn’t help but feel unworthy of it. He didn’t deserve to be this little girl’s father after all that he had done in his life.

Buffy did, though. She deserved everything their daughter brought to her life. He could tell from looking through the pictures and from watching the birthday party a few nights earlier that Buffy loved Ashlynn dearly. After all she’d been through in her life she had finally been given something to look forward to each day. And now something was threatening that happiness she’d found.

Looking back at the smiling picture of his soulmate and his daughter, Angel knew that he had to do something. He couldn’t let Buffy die. He couldn’t let Ashlynn lose her mother, the only parent she’d ever known. There had to be a cure to the poison that was decimating her body. And Angel was damn sure he was going to find it.

Feeling more confident than he knew he should, Angel set the photo album on the coffee table, hating to walk away from it but needing to do something, and strode toward Buffy’s room. It was time to stop sitting around. It was time to do something. It was time to save Buffy’s life.

As he passed by a door with a colorful nameplate that said ‘Ashlynn’ Angel paused momentarily. He could hear her inside watching what he assumed was TV. The temptation to go in and see her was great, but he fought it off, at least for now. Dealing with Buffy’s illness was the foremost priority. He needed to focus on that before he could even think about getting to know his daughter. So he pulled his hand away from the doorknob and proceeded down the hall.

From the doorway of Buffy’s room he could see Buffy lying motionless in sleep. In the chair next to the bed, Doyle sat reading what Angel assumed was one of the books they’d pulled to research Buffy’s affliction. He remained silent for a few minutes content to merely watch the labored breathing of his beloved before turning his eyes once again to Doyle; the half demon who had been sent to protect Buffy years ago.

When Doyle finally looked up from his book, their eyes met and held for a second until Angel gave a slight nod of his head signaling that he wanted to talk to the half-demon. Sparing one more glance at Buffy, Angel turned and walked back into the living room and waited for Doyle to meet him.

“I think you can do something for me,” Angel stated the moment Doyle had entered the room.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

~the next morning~

“Are you sure you’re ready to do this?” Cordy spoke quietly, her hand poised on the doorknob in front of her.

“Yeah,” Angel replied though he wasn’t quite sure he was ready.

“Okay,” the brunette sighed, feeling sympathy for the vampire. “Let me go in and close the shades first.”

“Ash? You have a visitor” Angel heard Cordy say after she had entered into the little girl’s bedroom. Moments later, once the threat of sunlight was gone, he stepped over the threshold and saw his daughter sitting at her desk with her back to him.

“Who’s here?” Ashlynn looked up at her Aunt Cordy.

“Why don’t you turn around and see,” Cordy smiled and pointed toward the door where Angel stood.

Slowly, Ashlynn revolved in her seat and let out a small gasp when she saw the man standing a few feet away. Her eyes followed him as Angel walked into the room and knelt down next to her tiny desk chair. An eternity seemed to pass as the two stared into one another’s eyes.

“Hi,” Angel finally spoke and then cursed himself for such a lame greeting.

“Daddy!” Ashlynn flew off her chair and into Angel’s arms, nearly knocking him over backwards.

Angel was shocked at the reaction but relished the feel of his daughter in his arms for the very first time. He hugged her tight to his body as a few stray tears trickled down his cheeks and onto the little girl’s blonde hair. It was almost impossible for him to believe that this child was his daughter. Nothing could have prepared him for the feelings she brought about in him.

“You’re here,” Ashlynn stated softly as she loosened her grip and pulled back to look at the man she had heard so much about.

“You know who I am?” he asked and then raised a hand to gently touch her cheek.

“Uh huh,” she nodded emphatically before she scurried out of his arms and raced over to her nightstand to grab something that Angel could not see.

Upon returning, Ashlynn plopped herself down onto Angel’s lap and handed him what she had just retrieved. He took the object from her and instantly knew what it was; a picture of him and Buffy at her senior prom. Shakily, his fingers touched the smooth glass as his mind drifted back to that night when he’d held Buffy in his arms on the floor of Sunnydale High’s gym. It was such a long time ago, but he remembered each and every second of it.

“Your Mom gave you this?” his voice was hoarse as he studied her big brown eyes.

“Yeah. She said it was you and her a long time ago,” Ashlynn told him, settling comfortably in his lap.

“She’s right,” Angel gave her a sad smile and wondered what else Buffy had told their daughter about him. “She told you about me?”

“Uh huh,” Ash tilted her head and looked at Angel. “Mommy and Aunt Cordy and Aunt Willow tell me stories about you.”

“They do?” To say he was surprised that they’d talk about him was an understatement.

“Yeah.” Ash’s smiled turned to a frown. “But it makes Mommy sad and sometimes she cries.”

Angel’s shoulders slumped as he thought about Buffy talking to Ashlynn about him. Did he ever cause her anything but pain? That’s all he seemed to do. Despite the sadness it caused her, Buffy had told Ashlynn about him. It warmed his dead heart to know that he hadn’t been forgotten, that even though he hadn’t been there he was still her Father.

“What did she tell you about me?” he inquired after his curiosity got the better of him.

Ashlynn took a second to consider the question before answering. “She said that you had to go away to fight the bad men and that’s why you couldn’t be here. She said that you loved me very much,” she paused and peeked at Angel with tear filled eyes. “Do you love me, Daddy?”

His heart almost broke over the timid question. Without hesitation, he once again pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. “Of course I love you, Sweetie. Never doubt that I love you.”

They simply held each other for the next few minutes, building a rapport that had never before had a chance to grow. For Angel, the little blonde headed ball of energy clutching at him was a miracle. When he was a human eons ago being a Father had never once popped into his drunken, lust-driven mind. His years as Angelus had been focused on torturing, killing, and other things that he didn’t want to think about let alone mention. When his soul had been returned the only thing he could think about was all the atrocious things he’d done. Then came Buffy.

From the moment he first saw her sitting on the steps of Hemery High, sucking on a lollipop, he had loved her. She was the epitome of everything good and pure about the world. And never in a million years would he have thought she’d return his feelings. She had, though, and it was then that the idea of creating a child with her had first entered his mind. It was a pipe dream. He was a vampire; a demon living in a body that should have been long dead. He was supposed to take life, not create it.

He’d resigned himself to never giving Buffy a child, and in the end had left her so that she could have all that he couldn’t give her. But by some miracle his dead body had done the impossible, creating the bubbly little girl now snuggled against his chest. What he’d done to deserve such a blessed gift was beyond him. He didn’t know how it had happened, but he wasn’t about to question something so wonderful.

“Wanna see the picture I drew?” Ashlynn’s voice broke through his internal musings.

“Sure,” he grinned at her and helped his daughter stand so that she could give him a glimpse of who she was.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

Later that day, after spending hours getting to know his daughter, Angel finally slipped from her bedroom and closed the door quietly behind him. He took a few steps before stopping to lean against the wall, fighting the tears that threatened to fall. As he stood there, head leaned back, his mind recalled part of the time he’d spent with Ashlynn.

“Can I see Mommy soon?” her voice trembled as she asked the question.

“She’s still not feeling well, Sweetie,” he told her, tucking a wayward strand of blonde hair behind her ear in a gesture so familiar to him.

“Oh. Will she be better soon?” Ashlynn tried not to cry, but she wanted to see her Mommy.

“Soon. I promise,” he swore and tried to smile, knowing in his heart that he was not going to let Buffy die.

“Okay,” she nodded, seeming to believe him. “Daddy? Are you going to stay?”

“I-I...,” Angel stuttered, the question taking him completely off guard. “I don’t know.”

“Oh,” her lower lip trembled and a few tears slid down her cheeks. “Please stay, Daddy.”

“I can’t make any promises, Ashlynn,” he took one of her tiny hands in his. “But I can tell you that no matter what happens that I will always love you. Even if I’m not here you’ll still be my little girl.”

“I love you too, Daddy,” Ashlynn threw herself into her Father’s arms and cried.

Angel ran a hand through his hair as he thought about the amazing little girl. He hated lying to her, but he couldn’t tell her the truth. He couldn’t tell her he wouldn’t be staying, that he wouldn’t be there to see her grow up. As much as he wanted to be there, he couldn’t, and it wasn’t fair to her to make promises he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep. Pulling his tired body away from the wall, he continued on to his next destination: Buffy’s room.

He found Lorne sitting in the chair by Buffy’s bed, humming lightly to her. “Any change?”

Lorne startled at the question having not noticed Angel’s presence. “Geez! You are a stealthy one aren’t you? To answer your question, no, she’s not woken up again.”

Angel gave a quick nod having expected to hear that. Buffy hadn’t regained consciousness since the previous night. “Do you mind if I spend a few minutes with her?”

“Not at all,” Lorne rose from the chair. “I’ll go read some more dreadfully boring books with the others.”

“Thanks,” Angel mumbled and solemnly took his place in the chair Lorne had just abandoned.

From the doorway, Lorne studied Angel and frowned. The vampire was giving off weird vibes. He needed to find Doyle. Maybe the half demon would know what’s going.

“Hey, baby,” Angel murmured to Buffy once Lorne had left the room.

“I met Ashlynn,” he started to tell her about his first real encounter with their daughter. “She’s beautiful. You did an amazing job with her.”

Angel sighed, wishing Buffy was awake so he could talk to her. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, and for her. I know it must have been hard. But you made it through. You have everything I always wanted you to have.”

“I promise you, Buffy, I won’t let anything happen to you,” he reached up to cup her cheek. “Ashlynn needs you. Your friends need you. I won’t let you die.”

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

“There has to be something we can do!” Angel could hear Cordy’s voice before even entering the living room an hour later. “We can’t just let her die!”

“I wish there was something, Cordelia, but the poison has no known cure,” Giles repeated what he had already told them many times.

“We’re just supposed to let her...,” Willow couldn’t finish the sentence as she began sobbing on Oz’s shoulder.

So caught up in their arguing and misery, the group never noticed Angel enter the room and creep along the outer edges until he reached the door to the stairs. He paused for only a moment, questioning himself and the decision he’d made while on his errand the previous night. He glanced to the group of friends only feet away, then to Buffy’s room, and finally toward Ashlynn’s room, before carefully pulling open the door and sneaking out into the night.

^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^
Part 12
^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^-^

~later that night~

Despite Giles’ assurances that there was no way to stop the mystical poison slowly killing Buffy, the group of friends was still determinedly scouring the books for any shred of hope to save Buffy. Cordy was currently sitting with Buffy, keeping watch in case anything happened. No one said it, but they were beginning to feel like they were on a death watch. Though they kept searching for a cure, hope was dwindling. Buffy had not spoken or even woken up in over a day. Time was running out, and they all knew it.

“Pizza’s here,” Oz walked out of the elevator and sat two full pizza boxes down on the coffee table.

“I think if I eat I’ll throw up,” Willow said, cringing at that thought of the pizza.

Silence descended upon the room as they all just sat and stared at the food. Eating meant acting like everything was normal, but things certainly weren’t normal. Their friend was dying. How could they possibly think about eating now?

“There’s nothing we can do is there?” Lindsey finally said what everyone was thinking.

“I’m afraid not.” Giles’ eyes teared up at the thought of losing Buffy. Things hadn’t been good between them for so long, but he certainly didn’t want her dead.

“She can’t die,” cried Willow helplessly.

“I-I can go to my s-store and try some of m-my contacts,” Tara offered. She’d finally recovered enough from reading Buffy’s aura to join in the researching earlier that day.

Giles was about to respond when they heard Cordy shriek from Buffy’s bedroom. “OH MY GOD!!”

No one moved immediately following the shout. They all feared that the worst had finally happened. But even so, they needed to know. Almost as one, each person leapt from their seat and dashed toward Buffy’s room, bumping and knocking into each other in the process. The sight that met their eyes was one none of them expected in the least.

“Dear Lord!” Giles exclaimed as he stumbled further into the room.

“Buffy?” gasped Willow, steadying herself against Oz.

“Uh, hi? Someone wanna give me a hand?” Buffy pleaded as she struggled to get out from underneath Cordelia’s unconscious body.

Oz and Doyle quickly rushed to the bed and pulled Cordy’s limp body off of Buffy and laid her down on the other side of the bed. Once free of the cumbersome weight, Buffy sat up on the bed and pushed her hair out of her face. “Thanks. She was kind of heavy.”

“What happened?” Doyle worriedly looked down at his girlfriend and then to the Slayer who seemed to be perfectly fine.

“I think she fainted,” Buffy answered with a shrug, the oddness of the situation not fully dawning on her yet.

“Ow,” groaned Cordy as she started to come to. Suddenly she shot up in the bed and turned to look at Buffy. “Oh my God!! You’re all right!!”

“What’s going on?” Buffy was growing more confused by the second. The last few days were such a blur and she didn’t understand why everyone was staring at her like she was a ghost.

“Yes, that’s a very good question.” Giles took his glasses off and furiously wiped at them with his handkerchief.

“Cordy? What happened?” chimed in Willow, torn between going over and giving Buffy a giddy hug and getting some answers to the strange occurrence.

Cordelia massaged her temples for a minute before answering. “I was sitting here reading when Buffy just woke up and was fine.”

“Fine?” questioned Giles in disbelief. That simply wasn’t possible.

“Yeah, fine,” Cordy repeated and glared at the ex-Watcher.

“That makes no sense,” he mumbled, brow furrowed in confusion.

“You don’t feel sick at all, Buffy?” Willow moved to stand next to the bed.

“No,” Buffy shook her head and glanced around at her friends who were all in her room. “Someone wanna please fill me in here?”

“Tara?” Giles turned to the dirty blonde. “I don’t suppose you could do whatever you did before?”

“S-sure.” She nodded her okay even though she really didn’t want have a reoccurrence of what had happened before.

Buffy watched with wide eyes as Tara sat down on the edge of the bed. The witch went through her short meditation and then placed her palm onto Buffy’s forehead. The others watched nervously, waiting for any sign to clue them in on to what she was sensing. Those who had seen her do the reading previously were immediately aware that Tara wasn’t having the same reaction. When Tara pulled her hand away a minute later, they eagerly awaited the news.

“S-she’s clean,” Tara faced the group and stated. “T-the magick isn’t t-there any m-more.”

“This...this is unprecedented,” Giles mumbled, staring hard at Buffy and needing to verify the fact that she was fine.

“Umm...hello?” Buffy waved her hands to catch the groups’ attention. “I’m still waiting for an explanation here.”

“Oh, sorry,” apologized Willow sheepishly. “We’re just glad you’re okay.”

“Yes, she is right,” agreed Giles as he sat down in the chair near the bed. “Buffy, you were poisoned by the Council.”

“Poisoned?” Buffy repeated, somewhat shocked. She could vaguely remember hearing Giles talk about a poison days ago, or what she thought was days ago.

“Yes. They found out you were not dead, as I’d led them to believe.” At Buffy’s hurt look he clarified his statement. “I knew if they found out that you had...left...Sunnydale and my guidance they would send a retrieval team for you so I told them you’d disappeared and were presumed dead.”

“Oh. I guess that makes sense,” Buffy mumbled.

“Unfortunately, they were able to gain the knowledge that you were in fact alive and here in Seattle. Needless to say, they did not take the news well and sent a team to, well for lack of a better term, take you out,” Giles explained and carefully eyed Buffy. “They somehow slipped you a mystical poison.”

“That’s why I haven’t been feeling well,” pondered Buffy out loud, recalling the sickness that had plagued her for the past two weeks.

“You are correct,” Giles confirmed her assumption. “The poison’s effects start off slowly and then rapidly get worse which is why you have been so ill the past few days.”

“But I feel fine now,” Buffy stated, trying to understand all of what Giles was telling her.

“It appears so. That is what has us quite perplexed,” Giles replied, standing so he could pace around the room.

“Why?” Buffy’s eyes followed Giles as he paced.

“Buffy,” Willow started softly. “The poison had no cure.”

“No cure? Then how...” Buffy suddenly understand what had the entire group confused. “I was going to die?”

At her question, all eyes in the room shifted away from Buffy, not wanting to admit that they’d all but conceded defeat. How were you supposed to tell someone that they were going to die? Giles’ fervently recalled the time years ago when Buffy was to face the Master and meet her death. He hadn’t wanted to tell her then, and he didn’t want to tell her now even though it seemed as though the poison was gone from her system.

“I was, wasn’t I?” Buffy whispered through her tears.

“I’m afraid so,” Giles affirmed her suspicions.

Doyle, hand still clutching Cordelia’s, lifted his head to face the former Watcher. “Do ya have any idea what’s goin’ on?”

“None whatsoever,” Giles shook his head. “The poison should have...”

“Killed me,” Buffy filled in the final words, a shudder going through her body.

Their discussion was interrupted by a small voice coming from the doorway. “Mommy?”

“Hey, baby.” Buffy smiled at her daughter, tears once again threatening to fall as she realized how close she’d come to never seeing her beautiful little girl again.

“Aunt Cordy said you were sick. Are you better?” she asked softly, her tiny hands clutching her favorite stuffed animal to her chest.

“Yeah, Sweetie. I’m feeling better.” Buffy patted the bed next to her. “Come here.”

Ashlynn padded softly into the room and climbed up onto the bed. “I missed you.”

“I’m missed you, too. Were you a good girl while I was sick?” Buffy questioned, smoothing her hand down Ashlynn’s hair.

“Yes, Mommy,” Ash nodded insistently. “And I played with Daddy this morning.”

“You played with...oh my God! Angel!” Buffy tensed and her eyes shot up to scan the room looking for the vampire. “Where’s Angel?”

“I don’t know.” Willow tried to remember when she’d last seen Angel. “He was here earlier tonight.”

“Where’d Daddy go, Mommy?” Ashlynn’s lower lip quivered. She already missed her Daddy.

“I don’t know, Sweetie,” Buffy distractedly answered as she tried to remember what had happened while she was sick and how it was that Ashlynn appeared to now know her Father. She had fuzzy memories of Angel being there and talking to him about Ashlynn. He must have met her at some point after that. Where was he now, though? Would he just disappear after meeting their daughter?

“He, uh, probably just went ta get somethin’ ta eat.” Doyle was grasping at straws, but he had to say something. A sinking feeling in his gut was telling him that something wasn’t quite right, and that maybe he’d played a roll in whatever that was.

“I’m hungry, too, Mommy,” Ash chirped and bounced lightly on the bed.

“Oh, uh, right,” Buffy said, running a hand through her messy hair. There was so much plaguing her mind; Angel returning, him finding out and meeting his daughter, the Council poisoning her, but right now her daughter was her first responsibility. She could freak out about everything else later.

“We have pizza. It’s probably still warm,” Oz chipped in.

“Cool!” Ashlynn scrambled off the bed and was out the door before anyone could even blink.

“I guess we should follow the Little One if we want any pizza,” Lorne laughed at the exuberant child.

Buffy started to get out of the bed when Doyle caught her attention. “Are ya sure yer okay to get up?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little stiff,” she replied and stood up, stretching her achy muscles.

Almost the second she was on her feet, Willow pulled her into a firm hug. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Me too, Wil,” Buffy tearfully mumbled.

Cordy followed suit and hugged Buffy the moment Willow released her. “Don’t do that to us again.”

“Ya gave us quite a scare, lass,” Doyle told her and kissed her on the cheek.

“I don’t know what we would’ve done without your pretty face to look at everyday, Sunshine,” Lorne too gave her a welcome back hug.

“I love you guys, too,” Buffy returned the sentiment, wiping at the tears falling down her cheeks.

It was then that she noticed both Giles and Faith standing uncomfortably in one corner of the room. She hadn’t even noticed Faith before, and it threw her slightly to see her sister Slayer for the first time since their fight before graduation. From what Willow had told her years ago, Faith had returned to the good side, and her appearance with Giles seemed to reinforce that. For now, she’d give the brunette Slayer the benefit of the doubt. It wasn’t Faith’s presence, though, that had her tense. Giles was the cause of that.

Sure she’d spoke to him just minutes earlier, and listened as he explained what had happened to her, but it was just now hitting Buffy that Giles was in her room. With everything that was going on, her mind hadn’t had a chance to associate the facts, and now that she had, the memories from her last few days in Sunnydale came back full force. His words that day in his apartment still stung as if they had just happened. She could tell he wanted to hug her as the rest had, but she couldn’t let him, not after what he had said to her.

Giles seemed to notice the change in her posture because he gave her a slight nod of his head before speaking. “I’m glad you are well, Buffy.”

“Thank you,” Buffy replied stiffly, staring at him for another second before walking out of the room. At some point, she knew she’d have to talk to him, but she wasn’t ready for that yet.

Upon entering the living room, Buffy saw that Ashlynn was already chowing down on a slice a pizza while Doyle and Willow were handing out plates to everyone else. She took a moment just to watch her friends and thank whatever higher powers there were for keeping her alive and for giving her such great friends and family. As she was about to join the group, Buffy noticed a familiar book on the coffee table. She didn’t remember getting that photo album out.

“What’s this doing here?” she asked as she walked over to the table and pointed to the album.

Lindsey looked up guiltily and strode over to Buffy. “I, uh, gave it to Angel so he could look at the pictures. I hope that was okay.”

Buffy paled slightly, realizing that Lindsey had no idea that the book was more than just a photo album. Only Cordelia knew that she’d made the book for Angel, so that if he ever returned he’d able to get a glimpse of his daughter’s life. She didn’t know if she actually expected him to really return, and she definitely hadn’t thought about what was going to happen when and if he did.

“Uh, yeah, fine,” Buffy muttered while lifting open the front cover of the book. The letter she’d felt compelled to write a few years earlier had been opened, she could tell. That meant Angel had read it and looked through the book. Was that why he’d disappeared? Did he now want nothing to do with her and his daughter?

“Mommy? Aren’t you going to eat?” Ashlynn interrupted her worrying.

“Yeah,” Buffy said, forcing a smile on her face as she looked at her daughter. She could agonize over all this later when she was alone. Picking up the album to move it so they would have room to eat, she was startled to see a white envelope underneath with her name written on the front in a flowing script that she knew instinctively was Angel’s.

“What’s that?” Cordy asked with a frown and stepped closer to Buffy who was now holding the envelope in her hands.

“I don’t know.” Buffy turned the off-white paper over and hesitantly pulled out the letter inside. As she started to read the words addressed to her, she couldn’t shake the sickening feeling settling in her gut.

My Dearest Buffy,

If you are reading this letter, it means that you are better and that what I have done was not in vain. I know you have no idea what I am talking about, but I will explain.

First, I want to tell you how sorry I am that I was not there for both you and our daughter. Words can not even begin to make up for all that I have been the cause of. It seems as though the only thing I ever do is hurt you. I never wanted to cause you any pain, but I didn’t succeed in doing that did I?

I don’t know if leaving you was the right thing to do. I don’t know if staying would have worked either. Hindsight is twenty twenty, though, isn’t it? I can’t change what I did or did not do. All I wanted was for you to have a happy life. And you’ve done that, beloved. You have everything I thought you deserved and wanted you to have.

Ashlynn is a beautiful little girl. You’ve done an amazing job with her. I couldn’t be any more proud of you. I’m honored to be her Father and glad to have been part of her life, if only for a little while. Please tell her that no matter what, I will always be her Father and that I will always love her.

I couldn’t let you die, Buffy, not when you have so much to live for. You’ve survived so much and made the perfect life for yourself. You have loyal friends, a great job, and a truly wonderful daughter. They all need you, the world needs you.

No one needs me. That is why I have done what I’ve done. Willow and Cordelia told me about all that has happened to you since I left and about your friend Doyle. I thought that since he had a connection to The Powers That Be that there was a way I could talk to them and beg them to help you. He took me to this place where I could speak with the Oracle, a being who represents the Powers. I never told Doyle why I wanted to talk to them, just that I did. So don’t be mad at him. He didn’t know what I was going to try to do.

I offered the Powers a trade; my life for yours. There was no way I could let you die, Buffy, not when I could do something, anything, to stop it. You deserve more than to suffer because of some poison administered by a group that is supposed to be on your side. The Powers agreed with me. They said they would cure you of the poison in exchange for my life. They knew, just as I did, that your life is worth so much more than mine.

I took the deal without regret, only asking that they give me a few hours before they acted upon it. The reason I asked for time was so that I could me our daughter and spend some time with her, and with you. I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye.

Since you’re reading this, I’m assuming They honored our agreement. You can go on with the life you built for yourself, now. I wish you all the happiness I could never give you.

Always remember that I love you,

Angel

“NO!” Buffy cried, the sound coming out in a wretched howl as the letter falling from her hands down to the floor. Her knees buckled, Lindsey catching her before she to hit the ground. She sobbed uncontrollably in his arms, hating Angel for giving up his life and hating herself for never saying all the things she wanted to say to him.

The others watched in confused horror, not understanding what had just happened. They could only make out one thing; a phrase Buffy seemed to be repeating over and over.

“But I needed you.”

The End

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