Disclaimer: I own nothing except what I make Joss' characters do.
Rating: PG13 (?)
Summery: Buffy and Angel talk about their future on the walk home from the hospital.
Spoilers: The whole B/A cannon is fair game, but nothing in particular as far as I can tell.
Author's Notes: This is the continuation of the last part in the series, "Christmas Worries." I would like to thank all those who voted and if you don't like the way it turned out, go bug them, they're the ones who voted on how it was going to turn out. Thanks again.
Author's Notes: I decided to try something different in this story. It's going to be a Buffy POV. The reason for this is because Buffy and Angel are going to be the only real characters in this story and I really wanted to concentrate on what Buffy is feeling.
Dedication: I would like to dedicate this to Lee, Stinky-Cheese, Lady Callie, mac, cordychase, willowwood, Anonymous, mehv, chloe, cyberwitch, Diana Rose, Dreamshadow, Lydia, sletel30, TK, Martine Lewis, Mariette, Carol Ann, Fallen Darkness, Dawn Johnson, Laura Wright, Caitie, Kate and Mexx for all of your input into my writing. Thanks a bunch. You guys ROCK!
Feedback: Please tell me what you think. You know, is this any good at all or am I just wasting my time? Your input would be greatly appreciated.

I have been alive for nineteen years, eleven months, and four days. Tonight, that life ended. Buffy Anne Summers, child, died on December, 24,1999. May she rest in peace. That very same night, at exactly 10:07 P.M., I was born. Buffy Anne Summers, adult, was born. What the Hell was I going to do now? I suppose you're wondering what I'm talking about. Let me explain. *Flash Back*

"What is it? What's wrong with Buffy?" Angel asked of Dr. Monroe.

"Oh, nothing's wrong. At least I hope not," the doctor answered.

"What do you mean?" Buffy asked.

"You're pregnant," Dr. Monroe said to Buffy.

"What?" Buffy asked.

"You're pregnant. I can't tell how far along until we do an ultrasound, though."

"How?" Buffy asked.

"Well . . ." the doctor started.

"No, I know how you get pregnant, but, how me? I mean, we use protection."

"Well, Ms. Summers, the only protection that is one-hundred percent effective is abstinence."

"I guess so," Buffy said.

"Are you going to do the ultrasound now?" Angel asked, speaking for the first time since he had heard the news.

"If that's okay with Buffy," Dr. Monroe said.

"Sure," Buffy said. *End of Flash Back*

Angel and I were now walking through the park on the way back home. He hadn't said one word to me since we'd left the hospital and it was starting to scare me. Angel had been so great during the ultrasound. He had held my hand and I saw this smile cross his face when he saw the little blip on the screen that was our baby. Dr. Monroe said that I was about a month along. It didn't take a genus to figure out when this little baby was conceived. It had to be the only time that Angel and I didn't use protection. The first day that he was human. In some ways, I was given two miracles in one day. I just wonder if Angel sees it as a miracle. He's so quite. I have to break this silence, but I don't know how. I could just ask him what he feels, but maybe I don't want to know the answer. What if he's not ready for this? What if he doesn't really want this baby? Do I want this baby? Of course I want it, but now?

As we passed the playground, I couldn't stand any more, so I went to sit on one of the swings. I just sat there, rocking back and forth, staring at the ground. I felt Angel sit in the swing next to mine, but I didn't acknowledge his presence. I didn't know what to say. We sat in silence for what seemed like eternity, until I gathered enough courage to ask him the question that has been plaguing my mind since we had left the hospital.

"Do you want it?" I asked.

"What?" he responded, obviously not expecting me to ask such a question.

"Do you want the baby?" I asked, going further into detail.

"Of course I do. Do you?"

"In theory I want it. I've imagined what it would be like to have your baby since I was sixteen, but I'm scared. I mean, you just became mortal again, we're just getting settled into our lives together, and now this. Angel, when we got back together, I thought that, by the time we were ready to have a baby, I'd be out of college and we'd be married."

"I thought that too."

"What are we gonna do?" I asked. I know that I sounded more like a lost child than a soon-to-be mother, but that's how I felt.

"Are you gonna have the baby?" Angel asked.

"I don't really see what choice I have. I mean, I can't go back and change the fact that I got pregnant in the first place"

"There are choices, Buffy. Choices that you have to make."

I knew what he was getting at and so I looked him straight in the face and said, "Angel, I'm having this baby. There is no other choice for me. Is there for you?"

"No, I just needed to make sure you felt the same."

"Well, I do."

"I guess we should talk about what we're gonna do. Where we're gonna live and that sort of thing." He reasoned.

There was silence on my part. I just didn't know what to say. We sat there in silence for a minute before Angel said, "You should move in with me."

"What?"

"It's the most logical solution."

"That's true. I mean, the only reason that I haven't moved in with you yet is because I didn't want to abandon Willow in the dorms."

"Yeah, and I wanted you to have some time to be a college student."

"What?" This was something that I hadn't heard before.

"I didn't want you to have to go from your mother's house to your boyfriend's. I thought that you should be able to be on your own for a while. You know, so you can experience everything that a normal college girl experiences."

"Is that what you think I wanted?"

"Isn't it?"

"Angel, the only reason that I didn't want to move in with you is because of Willow. Oz just left, I didn't want to leave her too. But I think she'll be okay now if she knows the reason why."

"As long as you're sure."

"I am."

"You know, you don't have to move into my apartment. I mean, we could get a house, if you want." Angel offered.

Now don't get me wrong, I loved the idea of Angel and I looking for a little house to spend our lives in together, but now was not the time, at least in my opinion. So I said, "That's a nice idea, Angel, but I love your apartment, and that's all of the space we really need right now, don't you think?"

"I know, I just wanted to make sure you felt the same."

"Well, I do."

The silence that filled the air was deafening. I think that this was the first awkward silence that Angel and I had had, well, ever. I was not something that I want to experience on a regular basis, let me tell you. So, I broke that silence with a question that had the power to turn my already flipped world through the ringer once again. "Are you sure you're ready to be a father?"

"What?" he responded, sounding completely thrown.

"It's a simple question – are you ready to be a father? I mean, you just became mortal again, something that neither of us thought would ever happen, and now, for the rest of your life, you'll have to be responsible for another life. Are you ready for that? Do you want that?"

I waited for his answer, praying that he was going to assure me that everything was going to be all right. The longer the silence dragged out, the more worried I became. That's it, he doesn't want this baby. I'm gonna be all alone, or, worse yet, his stupid nobility and sense of responsibility will keep him tied to me and this baby, but he'll be miserable for the rest of his life.

"How can you even ask that?"

Okay, not the response I was expecting. "I have to, Angel. I have to know, for one-hundred percent sure this is what you want for your life."

"Buffy, in the two and a half centuries that I have been around, I've had a lot of time to experience things. I know what the world has to offer, I've indulged in most of it, but the one thing that I've never wanted, was to be a father. Back when I was mortal the last time, getting married and having children was something that I was expected to do, therefor it was the one thing, besides an honest day's work, that I didn't want. Then, when Darla turned me, I was the child, the pupil, I wasn't in the frame of mind to teach someone else until Drucilla came along. She was the closest thing that I had to a child, because of her sanity, or lack there of. But even then, I grew dishearted with the prospect of being responsible for another being for all of eternity. So, when Spike came along, I was grateful that I wouldn't have to put up with Dru anymore. Then, I got my soul back and being responsible for myself was more than enough. I could barely handle that. That's when I met you. And—"

"You can stop right there, okay!? I understand," I nearly screamed.

"No, Buffy, you don't understand." He shot back.

"Oh, I think I do," I said, standing up and taking a few steps back.

"Buffy."

"No! Just forget it, okay," I said, starting to walk away from him. "Just forget it all!"

"Buffy, wait!" He yelled, running after me.

"No! You don't want anything to do with me and the baby, Angel. So, fine, you're off the hook."

"Buffy, Buffy listen to me," Angel said, he grabbed me and held me to keep me from walking away. I tried to shake him off, but I guess he really was stronger than I was now. It's no surprise, really. I mean, he did have blood that was tainted with that of The Blood of Eternity running through his viens – why shouldn't he be stronger? So, I gave up struggling and sighed.

"What is it? Do you want to tell me how you don't love me either. Want to stomp on my heart just a little bit more?" I bit out, already in tears.

"No," he practically whispered. "If you would have listened to what I was saying then you would know that the day I met you, was the day that I fell in love with you. I fell in love with you so hard and so fast. Buffy, you are the only woman for me, you always will be. In two-hundred and forty-four years, I've loved, exactly one person. You. You are the only person I could ever see myself having a child with. So, in a way, you made me want this. You made me want this baby and this life. You made me the man I am today, and I mean that in a good way. Buffy, you made me, this nobody, want to be a somebody. A somebody that you could love. A somebody that could love you," And as he placed his hands on my stomach, he said, "and love this little baby more than life itself."

We were both in tears by the time he was finished. I wrapped my arms around him and he wrapped his arms around me. And as we stood there holding each other, I knew that everything was going to be okay.

We slowly stepped out of our embrace. I looked at him and he dried my tears with the pads of his fingers. We slowly kissed and I felt as if this huge weight had finally lifted off of my shoulders. I wasn't going to be alone. I had my Angel now. Always.

"How about we get going?" He asked.

"Everybody's probably wondering where we are," I said.

"Come on, let's go," He said.

As we walked back to my mom's place, the arm that Angel had wrapped around my waist slowly traveled to my stomach. I placed my hand over his and leaned my head on his shoulder as we walked along the cement path which would lead us back to our friends, who were like family.

One thought kept clamoring through my mind – why didn't he ask me to marry him? I mean, I've always pegged Angel as a stickler for tradition – why change that now? Oh, well, maybe it's better this way. I mean, would I really want him to marry me only because of the baby? No, I really wouldn't. But, as secure as I feel now, there's no telling what the future will bring, and, speaking of telling things – how am I gonna tell my family?

Go to the next story Bridging the Gaps of Life

Send feedback to Jada

Back to the Fanfiction Archive