DISCLAIMER: Nothing but my mere ideas belongs to me. Okay?
SUMMARY: Buffy and Angel are happy. Buffy’s pregnant. Things change.
SPOILERS: IWRY. Season three Angel.
PAIRING: B/A
TIMELINE: Angel series 3
FEEDBACK: I feed on writing. My writing needs feeding too, you know.
DISTRIBUTION: Leanne and Angela, feel free. Anyone else wants it, let me know first please. http://www.missjones.vzz.net
AUTHOR'S NOTE: To See Is To Love is getting there, but I had this absolute underlying desire to write and post this piece of fiction, which will be my next series, before I finish TSITL. But I will finish TSITL: It’s coming. I promise.
AUTHOR'S NOTE 2: Okay, IWRY happened, but Angel kept his strength etc, so Buffy and Angel are still together and living in the Hyperion with the AI gang. This is work in progress. It starts off ever so fluffy. False sense of security, this isn’t going to be fluff the whole way through, in fact it’s positively angsty. But I do promise a happy ending.

Part 1

“Hello?” Buffy called out as she walked through the doors of the hotel. She took the steps slowly, one by one and walked over to the counter, dropping her bags on the floor as she went.

“Angel?” she tried again, turning herself to edge her swollen belly round the counter-top.

“Buffy?” Angel’s voice called out. She turned to see her love running down the stairs from the left wing of the hotel, clutching what looked like a miniature hockey stick.

She quirked an eyebrow, “What are you doing?” she asked, gesturing to the stick.

“Oh…” he replied looking at the tiny stick he held in his hands as he approached his wife, “Nothing.” He stopped in front of her and lowered his lips to hers, “Hey.”

“Mmm,” she murmured, pressing her stomach against him, “Hey baby.”

He drew back and covered the top of her stomach with his hand, spanning his fingers across the gauzy material of the maternity dress she wore, “How’s bump?”

“Bump’s fine,” Buffy said with a smile, covering his hand with hers, “Rowdy, but fine.”

“Takes after his mum,” Angel smirked, slanting his lips over hers.

“Yo, Angel, are you ever gonna finish this up man?” came an approaching voice.

Buffy pulled away from her husband and raised her eyebrows.

“It’s not what you think,” he said sheepishly, shifting from one foot to the other.

Buffy stepped around him and squeezed herself through the narrow gap between the wall and the counter, “Gunn?”

Gunn appeared from where Angel had and hurried down the stairs, clutching a putt, “Buffy! How’s bum-”

Buffy waved her hand in dismissal, “Bump’s fine, what are you doing?”

Gunn looked from the putt in his hand, back up to Buffy, “Just playing a little hockey.”

“In one of the bedrooms?” Buffy turned to Angel and pointed at the stick he still held in his hand, “With a miniscule stick?”

“S’for the baby,” Angel said in explanation, creeping up behind his wife and sliding his hands around her expanded stomach.

“Got to give them a test run Buff,” Gunn smirked, “Make sure your old man’s in a fit condition to beat the sprog.”

“Hey,” Angel protested, “Less of the old.”

Buffy rolled her eyes and leaned back into Angel’s embrace, “You have to stop encouraging him, Gunn.” she scolded, “You’re going to give him a heart attack with all this exertion.”

Gunn raised an eyebrow, “Now didn’t that come out sad and wrong.”

Buffy gave him a reproaching look and he held his hands up in defeat, “Sorry almighty, wondrous slayer one,” he began, “Who although is heavily pregnant, could still kick my ass any day of the week.”

“Much better,” Buffy said with a smile.

Angel let out a quiet laugh and stepped away from Buffy, walking over to the coffee pot, “Where do you two come up with this stuff?”

Buffy shrugged, “You spend a certain amount of time demon hunting in a sewer with a person, you think of ways to pass the time.”

“Damn straight,” Angel muttered waggling his eyebrows.

“Dude, stop stealing my sayings,” Gunn reprimanded.

“Sorry,” Angel said, pouring the coffee into a mug, “I’ll try Wesley’s instead; would one like some earl grey?” he said, putting on a British accent.

“Not appreciated!” Wesley’s voice bellowed from the office.

Buffy rolled her eyes and wobbled over to the counter, “Sometimes I liked it better when you were broody.”

Angel smiled at her and kissed her lips, “Liar.”

Buffy’s lips curved upwards, “Yeah well… you are in danger of becoming a dork.”

He held his hands to his heart in mock agony, “I’m so offended!” he paused, “Coffee?”

“Aaaangel!” came Fred’s Texan drawl, “You can’t let her have coffee, it’s bad for the baby!”

“Ruin all my fun,” scowled Buffy, before plastering a fake smile on her face and turning to face the concerned girl, “Fred, hey!”

Fred did not return her smile, “Buffy, why are you standing up? Come and sit down, it’s bad for-”

“It’s bad for the baby, I know,” Buffy sighed, allowing herself to be lead over to one of the plush sofas. She plonked down on it, “Can I at least have de-caff?”

“Buffy…” Fred said warningly, “Haven’t we already been over this?”

Buffy growled quietly, eliciting a chuckle from her husband, “Shut up!” she yelled at him, “It’s alright for you. You can drink all the coffee you want; you can get drunk with Spike… YOU, can see your feet!”

Angel sauntered over and leaned over the back of the sofa, planting a kiss on Buffy’s head, “You get to experience the miracle of giving birth to our child.”

“Oh shut up, Angel, just shut up.” Buffy scowled, “Before I exterminate you.”

Angel looked over Buffy’s head at Fred in surprise, who made a crazy motion at her head and mouthed ‘hormones.’

“Don’t think I didn’t see that!” Buffy exclaimed, “Where’s Cordy? She’s the only one who understands.”

“Woah,” Angel said, backing away, “Who are you, and where’s Buffy?”

“She’s been pregnant, dumbass.”

Angel looked over his shoulder and glanced at Gunn nervously, mouthing ‘help’.

Gunn’s eyes widened, faced with the prospect of saving Angel from an angry, hormonal slayer.

“Angel, why don’t we go finish that hockey game?”

Angel rolled his eyes, “Jesus, that was pathetic,” he murmured under his breath, before raising his voice, “Okay Gunn, let’s go! Can’t let my kid beat me at hockey!” he said with fake cheer.

“It might be a girl, you know,” Buffy growled, “Then you’re screwed.”

“That’s okay,” Angel threw over his shoulder as he walked away, “She can be a tomboy!”

Buffy’s eyes widened and she twisted frantically in her seat, trying to make eye contact with his husband, but her bump preventing her to do so, “My daughter is not going to be a tomboy!”

“Buffy, don’t aggravate yourself,” Fred said as the men walked away, “It’s bad for the ba-”

“Shut up!”

**

A few hours later, Buffy was tucked up in bed, Fred having deemed absolutely everything else as ‘Bad for the baby’. She lay above the covers, staring at the bump in front of her which was blocking her vision.

“You’re a real pain sometimes,” she murmured to it. She slid her hand over her stomach and felt the baby kick out. Buffy smiled warmly, “But Mommy loves you,” she said soothingly, rubbing her hand back and forth, “And so does Daddy. Daddy who’s the best husband you could ever ask for, even though he is dorky sometimes,” Buffy babbled mindlessly, “He’s going to be the best Daddy you could ever hope for, bump.”

Angel smiled as he crept inside the bedroom, silently closing the door behind him as he listened to his beloved talk to their child.

“We’re going to be really, really, sickeningly happy. Auntie Faith will never talk to me again, we’ll be that putrid.”

“Putrid in a good way, right?” Angel interrupted.

Buffy smiled and scanned her eyes above her stomach to see her husband leaning against the door, “Always in a good way.”

Angel walked over to the bed and sat down, grasping her hands in his, and lowering his head to place a kiss to her stomach. “You feeling better?” he asked.

She nodded, “Sorry for being wiggy with you earlier.”

“It’s okay, I’m used to it.”

Buffy punched him in the arm, “Ow!” he yelled out.

“Oh come on, that was nothing!” Buffy protested.

“You could at least TRY to make it better,” Angel grumbled.

Buffy smirked and reached up to pull his head to hers, “Good idea.”

Angel climbed on the bed, rolling Buffy over onto her side, so they could lie face to face, without the bump interfering too much. He slid his mouth over hers, gliding his hands over her body, and shifting his knee between her thighs, provoking a trembling moan from Buffy.

His hands reached down to grab the hem of her dress. He pulled it up slowly, exposing more and more skin and finally he reached her breasts and his beeper went off.

“Damn it,” he muttered, retracting his knee from between Buffy’s legs, and twisting into a sitting position, “911 baby, I’ve got to go.”

Buffy’s eyes widened, “You can’t just LEAVE me here, now!”

He pressed a tender kiss to her temple, “I have to. You know the way it works.”

Buffy let out a breathy sigh and pushed herself up so her back rested against the headboard, “Why is Cordelia beeping you anyway? Why didn’t she just come up here?”

Angel’s brow tightened, “Everyone was under instruction not to come up here for a couple of hours.”

Buffy let out a cry, “And now you’re leaving?! Angel this isn’t fair!”

He stood up and turned around, facing her, and pointed to the tented material of his trousers, “I’m well aware of that!”

Buffy sighed and rolled over onto her side, so her back faced him.

“If there was any other way…” he said miserably.

Buffy softened at the tone in his voice, “Just be quick,” she murmured.

“The quickest,” he replied, dashing over to the bed and planting a kiss on her lips before heading back to the door.

“Angel?” she said, as he twisted the doorknob.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Love you.”

He smiled, opening the door and stepping outside, “Love you too.” he said as he closed the door behind him.

Buffy sighed. It was going to be a long night.

Part 2

“Gunn! A little help here, please!” Angel grunted, as he threw a punch at the well-built vampire.

“Sorry man!” Gunn shouted back as he plunged a stake into another vamp, before tossing the weapon to Angel, “Head’s up!”

Angel caught it with one hand, reeling back, ready for the kill, when the vampire kicked Angel at force, sending him spinning into a sewer wall. Landing with a thud, Angel drew his arm back and sent the stake flying through the air, penetrating the vamp’s chest and turning him to dust.

Angel sighed in relief and let his head drop back against the wall, “When did they start turning body-builders?”

Wesley walked over and held out his hand, “About the same time as gyms were invented, I would imagine,” he said, pulling Angel to his feet.

Angel dusted off his coat with his hands and looked expectantly at Gunn, “Anymore?”

Gunn scanned the sewers, “Doesn’t look like it.”

Angel clapped his hands together, “Great, now I can get back to Buffy…” he tailed off, a smile emerging on his face.

“Dude, just because you’re getting laid and we’re not, you don’t have to brag about it.” Gunn muttered as they headed down the sewer path, unbeknown to them leaving Angel’s cell phone smushed against the wall.

**

“No way man, the stake’s the original and best,” Gunn proclaimed as he walked through the garden court of the hotel, Angel and Wesley following behind, “Nothing can beat it.”

Angel shook his head in disbelief, “Have you seen my ’56 battleaxe lately?”

“I have to agree with Angel on this one,” Wesley said as he pushed open the doors, “Cordelia, what’s wrong?” he asked, seeing the brunette seer pacing back and forth around the lobby.

Cordelia stopped in her tracks, “Where the hell have you been?!” she yelled.

Angel stared at her, confused, as he shrugged off his coat and threw it onto the counter, “Killing vampires?”

“I tried your cell, I left you a ton of messages!” she said, running her hands through her hair.

Angel frowned, reaching into his pocket and rooting around for the phone, “Must have lost it.” he said neutrally, before freezing in his tracks, “Why where you ringing – Where’s Buffy?”

Cordelia gazed up at him, “She’s gone into labour. Fred’s taken her into the hospital.”

Angel’s face blanched, “What? When? No… she’s 5 weeks early.”

“I know… Angel,” Cordelia said softly, “Fred took her in about an hour ago. We need to go. Now.”

Angel stood frozen to the spot for a second before grabbing his coat and running to the door, “Did they take the car?”

“Oh God,” Cordelia muttered, “I’m sorry, I didn’t think about how we were gonna get there.”

Angel held a hand to his head, “Call a cab, I’ll get there quicker on foot,” he said as he ran out of the hotel.

“Maybe it’s a false alarm,” Wesley said quietly.

“Not this late in her pregnancy,” Cordelia replied softly.

Wesley walked over to the desk, picking up the phone. “She’ll be okay.”

Gunn drew a shaky Cordelia into a hug, “Of course she will. She’s the slayer.”

**

“Where’s Buffy?” Angel said frantically as he ran up to the hospital reception.

The receptionist raised an eyebrow, “Excuse me?”

Angel brought a shaky hand to his head, resting his elbow on the desk, “Buffy, Buffy Summers,” he repeated, “She’s my wife, and she’s in labour.”

“One minute…” the woman said, tapping something into her computer.

“I don’t HAVE a minute,” Angel growled, “Where the hell is my wife!”

“Angel!” Fred’s voice called out. Angel spun around and ran up to the girl, grasping her arms, “Where is she? Is she okay?”

“You’re too late,” Fred said, with an agonized expression on her face, “She had the baby.”

Angel swallowed harshly, “Buffy, is she okay?”

Fred looked away, “She… she haemorrhaged during the birth… she’s lost a lot of blood, Angel.”

Angel let go of Fred’s arms and twisted her face so she was looking at him, “Where is she?”

“You can’t see her, she’s with the doctors.”

Angel took a step back from her and raked his hands through his hair, “She’s gonna be okay.”

Fred didn’t respond, hastily wiping away a tear with the back of her hand.

“Angel!” Cordelia exclaimed as she burst into the waiting area, Wesley and Gunn close on her heels, “Is she ok?”

Angel was silent, wandering over to one of the hard plastic chairs and sitting down, resting his elbows on his knees, and his head in his hands.

He was vaguely aware of Fred explaining the situation to his friends, but the only thing he could pick up on was his mind telling himself over and over, ‘She’s gonna be okay, she’s gonna be okay.’

“What about the baby?” Cordelia asked.

Angel’s head snapped up, “My baby, where’s my baby?”

Fred allowed a small smile to creep over her features, “He’s fine, a little small but fine.”

“He,” Wesley said quietly, also smiling, “Angel, you have a son.”

“I want to see him,” Angel whispered.

Fred looked nervously around at her friends, “Okay Angel, I’ll take you.”

Angel rose on shaky legs and followed the Texan as she led him down a corridor.

“He’s right down here Ang-” she was cut off by the clatter and bustle of a medical team barging into a nearby room.

“Buffy,” Angel whispered, pressing himself against the glass window and staring in the room. Catching a glimpse of blonde hair he charged in, finding himself surrounded my medical staff, while his beloved Buffy lay unconscious in a bed, surrounded by pools of blood.

“Her vitals are fading,” Angel heard one of the doctors say as they rushed over to his wife.

One the nurses approached him, “What are you doing? You can’t be in here.” she pushed at his chest.

“She’s my wife… please…” Angel whispered, as Fred stood nervously in the doorway.

The nurse looked over at the doctor who nodded sadly.

“Can I have a word first?” The doctor asked.

Angel didn’t reply, his eyes fixed on Buffy.

“Your wife… she’s lost a lot of blood,” the doctor said slowly, “When she was giving birth, she haemorrhaged. Badly.”

“She’s going to be okay,” Angel muttered, more of a statement than a question.

The doctor shook his head sadly, “I’m sorry.”

Angel felt his stomach flop over as he numbly walked past the doctor and over to the bed. Kneeling on the ground, he took her blooded hand in his.

“Buffy,” he whispered desperately.

Her eyelids fluttered open, “Angel?” she croaked.

Angel felt tears begin to cascade down his face, “Hey Baby.”

Buffy swallowed roughly, “Where’s my baby?”

Angel smiled at her sadly, “He’s fine. You have to come see him with me.”

Buffy returned his sad smile, “Look after him.”

“Of course I will. And you will too, I know.” Angel said, brushing her hair away from her face.

“I wish I could,” she whispered. “I love you,” she managed, before closing her eyes again.

“Buffy… Buffy!” Angel shouted frantically, gently shaking his beloved’s shoulders. His eyes flashed to the screen of the heart monitor, the waves decreasing rapidly, and the penetrating beeps getting further and further apart.

“Buffy!” Angel howled, as the beeps gradually merged into one long drone.

The doctors desperately hurried around her, as a crash team burst into the room.

“Sir please,” one of the nurses said, “You have to give us some space.”

“No, No…” Angel whispered, desperately clutching onto Buffy’s hand.

“Angel, man, you gotta let them do their job,” Gunn said as he and Wesley dragged their friend out of the room by his shoulders.

Angel stared at him, having not even been aware of his presence, “Buffy,” he said simply, his voice breaking with each syllable.

Cordelia clutched at him, sobbing desperately and pulled him to her. Angel stared mutely over her shoulder as the doctor in charge shook his head sadly and looked at his watch.

“No!” Angel shouted, rushing towards the door, scrabbling for the handle.

Gunn grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him away, “Angel man, she’s gone.”

Angel looked from one friend to the next. Cordelia and Fred were clutching at each other’s hands, sobbing desperately. Wesley was slumped against the wall, his head and in his hands. And Gunn, stiff upper lipped, hard man, Gunn, had a tirade of tears rolling down his cheeks.

Angel flinched at the image, “No… no you don’t understand,” he cried, “She’s the slayer, she’s fought hundreds upon hundreds of demons. She doesn’t get killed by a tiny baby!” He shook his head back and forth, “No. No, she’s okay, she’s fine.” Cordelia walked over and cupped his face in her hands, “Angel.” she whispered, tears streaming down her cheeks.

Angel stared blankly at her before wrenching himself away and staring at the lifeless form of his wife. One of the nurses pulled the covers up over her head.

Angel’s vision was suddenly blurred by tears, “She can’t be gone,” he wailed desperately, “I need- I need her,” his voice shook, “Buffy…” He slowly sank to the floor, followed by Cordelia who tightly wrapped her arms around him, “Shhh” she said soothingly as he choked back a sob.

Images raced through his mind of the last 2 years he had spent with Buffy, how happy they’d been.

His body shook as gradually he began to cry as he had never cried before, curled up on the stagnant floor of the hospital, his face pressed in Cordelia’s shoulder as his tears soaked through her sweater.

Buffy was gone.

Part 3

“He’s so beautiful,” Fred said under her breath as she cradled the tiny baby to her. Wesley smiled at the picture they made and pushed the door into the hotel open for her, “Isn’t he just.”

The gang made their way into the hotel, surrounding Fred and cooing softly. Oblivious, Angel walked in, making his way down the stairs, before sinking to the ground on the last one.

Cordelia’s head snapped up as she saw his body thud to the floor. Angel sat on the bottom step, his body hunched over but his head upright, staring forwards. Cordelia knew if she could see his eyes they would be blankly staring at nothing. She chewed at her lip and stepped over to him, placing a hand on his back.

“Can I get you anything?” she whispered.

Angel didn’t reply. He squeezed his eyes shut momentarily before opening them again and looking around. The entire room was Buffy. Her coat was draped over one of the sofas, her shoes by the door, not to mention the collections of Buffy clutter all round the room. The scattered make up, the magazines, the vanilla candles, the parenting books…

Angel hitched in a sharp breath, immediately hit with the scent of his lost love. She lingered everywhere.

“Angel,” Cordelia tried again, but once more received no response. Patting his shoulder lightly, she glanced at Wesley who mouthed ‘leave him’. He walked over and wrapped an arm around her waist, leading her down towards the counter where Gunn stood. Sighing, she rested her head on his shoulder, devastated by the sight of her together boss broken into a million pieces.

Fred wandered over to the couch, the baby still in her arms, and sat down. Noticing Buffy’s coat she blinked furiously, holding back tears, before gently folding it with her free hand and setting it down on the table.

As she leant forward she kicked the table leg with the heel of her shoe and the baby let out a sharp cry.

“Oh jeez…” Fred muttered, “Shhh, it’s okay little one.” The baby continued to cry and Fred looked hopefully at Angel. “I think he needs his Dad.” she hinted.

“It needs his mom,” Angel said sharply, breaking his silence, “We don’t always get what we need.”

Fred shifted uncomfortably, and looked pleading at Gunn over her shoulder as the baby continued to cry.

“Angel, man, I think you should take him.” Gunn said.

Angel ignored him and looked at Cordelia, “It’ll grow up thinking you’re his mother, you know.”

Cordelia winced, “We won’t let him forget her.”

“She’ll always be a part of his life,” Wesley added.

Angel’s head snapped up to look at Wesley, “She’s DEAD.” he shouted, provoking the baby’s cries to rise in volume.

The group were silenced as Angel stood and walked towards the stairs. He threw a fleeting glance in the baby's direction, “Keep it away from me,” he muttered as he climbed the stairs, his body hunched as if a weight was pushing him down.

When he was out of sight, Cordelia burst into tears, clutching at Wesley and sobbing uncontrollably. Wesley wrapped the brunette in his arms and whispered soothing nonsense in her ears. Looking from the crying seer, to the crying baby, Gunn walked over to Fred, “Here, let me take him.”

Fred handed the baby over, shaking her head sadly, “Why did Angel call him ‘it’?” she asked quietly.

“He blames the baby for Buffy’s death,” Wesley said, raising his voice above Cordelia’s quietening cries.

Switching his attention back to the baby, Gunn began to sing softly, “Three little maids from school are we, pert as a school-girl well can be, filled to the brim with girlish glee, Three little maids from school.”

Cordelia turned from Wesley’s embrace, smiling slightly at the sight of the self proclaimed tough vampire hunter, singing such a song to a baby.

The baby’s cries gradually slowed until they stopped, switching to contented gurgles.

Fred giggled, “That was pretty impressive.”

“It’s not my first time,” Gunn said with a smile, rocking the baby in his arms.

Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, Cordelia left Wesley and walked over to Gunn, “Can I take him?” she asked, holding out her arms.

“Sure,” Gunn said softly, shifting the baby from his arms to hers.

She cradled the baby to her chest, feeling another tear roll down her cheek as she gazed at him, “Hey there,” she murmured. The baby gurgled again and Cordy smiled, “I promise we’ll look after you baby,” she whispered, “We’ll make your Daddy better and it’ll be okay.”

**

Angel walked numbly down the long corridor that led to his and Buf… his room. Reaching the door, he paused, staring at it in agony. Grasping the doorknob in his hand, he twisted it, and closing his eyes, pushed the door open. He reeled back as he was hit with the scent of her. He opened his eyes and gazed into the room. Swallowing harshly, he slammed the door shut again and collapsed against it. He thwacked his head back against the door, desperate for some kind of pain different to the tearing grief of losing Buffy. Cordelia came rushing up the stairs, “Angel, are you okay? What was that noise?”

Angel stared straight ahead, “I can’t go in there.”

Her face dropped, “Okay, we’ll make up another room for you.”

Angel blinked, “Then Buffy won’t be there.”

Cordelia’s face crumpled, ‘Don’t cry, don’t cry’, she told herself, ‘you have to be strong for him.’

Taking steps towards him, she stopped when he stood up and wordlessly walked into his and Buffy’s room, shutting the door behind him. Cordelia stared at the door, debating on whether to follow him in when she heard a loud crash coming from the room.

She ran at the door, pushing it open, her eyes meeting the site of Angel punching the wall in with his bare knuckles.

“No!” he yelled, crying out every time his fist met the brick. Cordelia rushed at him, grabbing his shoulders and dragging him away, her stomach sickening as she saw the streaks of his blood meshed with the expensive wallpaper that Buffy had picked.

“Angel, no, please don’t hurt yourself.” she whispered desperately, turning his head so that his eyes met hers.

“It hurts,” Angel croaked brokenly.

“I know it does, I know.” Cordelia soothed.

Angel lowered his head, his face coloured with pain, before looking back up at Cordelia, looking relatively more composed, “Please leave me.” he said calmly.

Cordelia hesitated, her eyes flicking to the blood on the wall.

“I won’t do anything,” he said quietly.

Vaguely trusting his promise and not wanting to upset him further, she tentatively placed a kiss to Angel’s temple. She stood up and headed to the door, “Just call and I’ll be here in a heartbeat.” she whispered.

As Cordelia closed the door, Angel’s face crumpled as his mind flashed back to the image of Buffy’s heart monitor slowing rapidly.

He crawled his way over to the bed, tears streaming down his face, and grasped at the fluffy pink ball of fluff called Mr Gordo. Squeezing the pig to his chest, he hoisted himself up onto the bed, curling in a ball and crying out everything he had left in him.

**

Cordelia trudged slowly down the stairs, wiping at her face with her hand, trying in vain to wipe some of the day’s exhaustion away.

“How is he?” Wesley asked, passing the baby from his arms to Fred's.

She shook her head, “Not good. I don’t know what to do. I can’t get through to him.”

Wesley frowned, “And out of all of us I’d say you had the best shot of doing so.”

Cordelia’s eyes widened in horror, “Oh god-” she started.

Wesley’s expression matched hers, “Dawn… Willow… nobody’s told them.”

Cordelia held a hand to her face in despair, “I’ll call them.” she said, hurrying over to the phone on the counter.

Fred sank dejectedly down on the couch, holding the baby carefully, “Dawn…” she said quietly, looking up at Gunn sadly as he sat down beside her, “This isn’t fair.”

**

“Dawn, can you get that please?” Tara’s voice called from upstairs, above the ringing of the phone.

Dawn sighed and rolled off her bed, “Lazy, good for nothings…” she mumbled as she picked up the phone, “Hello?”

“Dawn…” Cordelia’s voice came from the phone.

“Cordy!” Dawn exclaimed, “What’s up? How’s Buffy?”

There was a silence, “Dawn, sweetie, can I speak to Willow?”

Dawn frowned, “Why, what’s going on? Is the baby okay?”

“He’s fine.”

Dawn’s eyes widened in delight, “She had the baby?!” she jumped up in glee, “Willow, Tara! Buffy had the baby!” she yelled, covering the mouthpiece with her hand.

“Dawn, no-” Cordelia protested as Dawn cried out to her friends.

“So it’s a boy?” Dawn squeaked, “Angel must be psyched!”

Cordelia didn’t respond and Dawn continued, “How’s Buffy? She still in the hospital?”

“Dawn…” Cordelia began slowly, “Buffy… there was complications during the birth.”

Dawn froze, her expression darkening as Willow and Tara walked in the room, “What happened? Is she okay?”

“Whats-?” Willow asked, cut off as Dawn held up a hand to silence her.

“The doctors did everything they could to try and save her, Dawnie,” Cordelia said quietly, “I’m so sorry.”

Dawn let the phone slide from her hand and crumpled to the floor. Throwing a glance at Tara, Willow rushed over to the phone, “Hello?”

Cordelia’s words rushed over Willow as she too, collapsed to the ground, clutching hysterically at Dawn, “No… no!”

Swallowing roughly, Tara picked up the phone, “Cordy?”

“She died, Buffy died,” Cordelia sobbed.

Tara gasped, tears pricking in her eyes, “Cordy we’ll call you back,” she whispered, hanging up the phone and dropping to the floor, wrapping her arms round her two girls as they sobbed brokenly into the carpet.

Part 4

“Willow, hey…” Cordy murmured as she crossed the room and enfolded the red-head in her arms. She drew back and held her by the shoulders, “How are you?” she asked, concern flashing across her features.

Willow shrugged and smiled mournfully, “Been better.” She glanced over her shoulder at Tara, who stood awkwardly at the hotel’s door, an arm round Dawn’s shoulders. Dawn was staring at the floor, a blank expression on her face.

‘Hey,’ Tara mouthed at Cordy, with a slight smile. She nudged her head towards Dawn and shrugged at Willow.

Willow pursed her lips together, “Dawnie, you gonna come inside?”

Dawn’s head snapped up and she stared blankly at Willow. Looking around, she shrugged Tara’s arm off her shoulders and slowly ambled down the steps. Reaching the sofa, she sat down on it, folding her hands in her lap and staring at them silently.

Cordelia gave Willow a concerned look. “Is she okay?” she asked quietly.

Willow shot her a haughty look in return, “What do you think?”

Cordelia flinched back. Frowning, Tara walked over to Willow and laid a hand on her arm.

Willow closed her eyes in pain, “Sorry Cordy, I didn’t mean to be… Sorry.”

Cordelia hugged the witch again, “Its okay, I get it.” Pulling away, her head shot up as she heard an ever familiar voice, “Bell-boy’s here.” Xander joked as he hefted in several suitcases.

“Xander,” Cordelia said warmly, crossing the room to him and drawing him to her, ignoring the haughty looks she received from Anya.

Xander smiled at her, “It’s been too long.”

“Funny how the worst things always bring people together,” Cordelia said sadly.

“Hilarious,” Anya mumbled.

Cordelia rolled her eyes, ignoring her, “When’s Giles getting here?”

“He’s flying straight here tonight, from London,” Willow replied, “He got the first flight he could.”

The gang stood, silenced for a second. Sensing the grief-filled tension, Tara spoke up, “H-Hey, Where are the rest of the gang?”

“Out doing the demon thing…” Cordelia trailed off, “Angel’s not been… he’s not been too active.”

“And the baby?” Willow asked quietly.

“He’s upstairs… he’s sleeping,” Cordelia explained, shooting a glance at the baby monitor that sat on the countertop.

“I want to see him.” Dawn spoke up suddenly.

Everyone’s eyes turned to focus on the girl.

“Okay… we’ll take you up to his room,” Cordelia said tentatively, walking over to her, “Best we don’t wake him up yet though, he’ll get grouchy.”

“No…” Dawn murmured, avoiding eye contact with the seer, “I mean… Angel.”

“He’ll get grouchy if you wake him up too,” Xander joked.

Dawn stared at him blankly.

“Okay… wrong time for jokes,” Xander muttered to himself, as Anya rubbed a hand along his arm reassuringly.

“Dawnie, I don’t know that that’s the best idea,” Willow said, crossing the room towards her.

Ignoring her, Dawn leapt from her place on the sofa and charged at the stairs.

Willow made moves to go after her, but Cordelia held her back, “Don’t.” she said, staring after Dawn as she ran out of vision, “Maybe she’ll be able to talk some sense into him.”

Willow frowned, “You haven’t seen her Cordy… she’s broken.”

“You haven’t seen him.” Cordy whispered.

**

Angel stared at the ceiling forlornly. His mind flashed back to the last time he’d been staring at the ceiling. When his beloved had been doing all manner of unspeakable things to his body and he’d been focusing intently on the ceiling in some vague attempt to keep hold of his control. His throat clenched painfully as he struggled to swallow back more sobs. He thought he’d cried out everything he had in him.

Apparently not.

It felt like the whole room was full of her. Her things, her smells… her voice… he could practically hear her laughs reverberating off the walls.

Angel squeezed his eyes shut painfully, trying to block out the images of his wife. How could she be taken away from him like this? 9 years he’d known her. He’d seen her fight everything evil you could possibly imagine. Heck, he’d seen her die.

But she wasn’t coming back this time. No. She was really gone.

He forced his eyes back open, staring back at the ceiling and trying to focus on some blank point that didn’t remind him of Buffy. He was vaguely aware of a different presence entering the room. Assuming it was Cordy he simply rolled onto his side and ignored her. Then he felt a pressure on the bed as somebody sat down beside him. That familiar Summer’s scent hit his nostrils as a familiar shape pressed up against his back. He felt two slender arms wrap around his torso, and two hands unwind tight fingers to clench onto his sweater.

The two lay there silently. Angel inhaled deeply, trying to bring some of Buffy back into the room, while Dawn desperately pressed her nose into Angel’s back, trying to summon up some remaints of her sister.

There were no words exchanged. Angel closed his eyes, marginally more content than he had been in the last 2 days, hoping to catch a glimpse of sleep as he was comforted by the presence of somebody once so close to his love.

As he drifted off, he felt vibrations against his back as Dawn’s body began to shake violently. His ears picked up on the muffled sobs, smothered by the material of his sweater. Silently turning around, he wrapped his arms tightly around the girl as she clung to him, sobbing her heart out.

He smoothed his hands down her long, silky hair, whispering comforting words of nothing into her ear, his first words in over 24 hours. Gradually the cries lessened and Angel pulled away to stare into her pooled, blue eyes.

“Why?” she croaked mournfully, her face streaked with tears as she gazed up at him, “Why did she… why did she have to go?” The last word ended with a sob.

Angel’s face crumpled, tears emerging from his eyes and spilling over his cheeks as he gathered Dawn back into his arms as their grief spilled into each other.

Part 5

Angel’s eyes slowly blinked open. His brow crinkled as the light shined into his eyes. He glanced up at the window and sighed. It was apparent that Cordelia had once again been in his room, drawing the blinds, trying to draw HIM back into the world. He tried to sit up, planning to block the light out once again, but found himself held down by a weight across his stomach. He looked down to see a mass of dark brown hair spread over him. Attached to it was Dawn. Her head lay on his stomach, her arms spread across him ending in hands clutching at his sides. He smiled slightly at the sight she made. Bar the hair she looked exactly how her sister had always slept when she’d been in pain for whatever reason. He remembered when Giles had insisted on going back to England again and Buffy had spent the whole night sobbing, clutched onto him just as Dawn was now.

Angel swallowed painfully and shifted slightly, his movements enough to jerk Dawn out of her sleep. She let out a breathy gasp and lifted her head from Angel. Throwing her hair back from her face, she glanced up, her head halting as her eyes made contact with Angel.

“Sorry,” she mumbled, sitting up and sliding a distance away from Angel on the bed, “Didn’t mean to go all sleepy on top of you.”

Angel didn’t reply. He sat up, propping himself against the headboard, and gazed out of the window, “She loved the view,” hel said quietly.

Dawn’s eyes followed his gaze, staring at the far off hills outside of Hollywood, “It’s pretty.” she whispered.

Angel’s head turned back to stare at the younger sister of his love. Her face marred by the remains of her tears from the night before; her eyes red and puffy, black streaks of make up moulded to her cheeks.

Dawn stared back at him, “They’re worried about you.”

“I’m worried about you,” Angel replied solemnly, reaching out and tucking a strand of her glossy hair behind her ear.

Dawn looked away, “She wouldn’t have wanted you… she wouldn’t have wanted us to break down like this. Or at least I think she would... after what she said after the whole Master thing,” Dawn said, referring the time her sister had died but had then returned to them.

“Losing her the first time…” Angel trailed off, “Even for a second. A part of me died. Then she gave that part back to me. Now it’s all gone again.”

“You have your baby,” Dawn whispered.

Angel’s face darkened, “It killed her.”

Dawn’s eyes widened, “Is that what you think?”

Angel scowled and pushed himself off the bed, walking over to the window and sharply pulling the blind, “If it wasn’t for it, she would never have died.”

Dawn scrambled off the bed and marched over to where Angel stood in the dark corner, “Are you kidding me?” she shouted, “You made this baby! You and Buffy! If anybody killed her, it was you!”

Angel reeled back in shock as her words hit him. Dawn looked at the floor, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that-”

“No,” Angel said, interrupting her, “You’re right… I… killed the one thing I loved more than anything in the world…”

Dawn grabbed at his hand, “No, Angel.” she whispered, rubbing a thumb over his palm, “You didn’t kill her, nobody killed her.” She sighed, “But by rejecting the one thing that Buffy loved almost as much as you… you’re hurting her even though she’s gone.”

Angel looked away.

“This baby is a part of you. A part of her.” Dawn continued.

“I miss her so much, Dawnie,” Angel whispered brokenly.

Dawn swallowed, a tear escaping from the corner of her eye, “So do I.”

Seeing the tear, Angel reached up with this hand and wiped it away with the pad of his thumb. Dawn smiled at him, tentatively stepping forward and wrapping her arms around his waist, laying her head on his broad chest.

“When did you get so grown up?” Angel asked, wrapping his arms around her and rubbing a hand up and down her back soothingly.

“When my sister died.” Dawn mumbled.

**

“Hey,” Fred said, as she walked over to Willow, who was pouring coffee at the counter, “You sleep okay?”

Willow shrugged, smiling slightly at the sweet, Texan girl and setting aside a mug for her, “Not really… Tara went out like a light… I just… I just couldn’t stop thinking about Buffy.”

Fred smiled sympathetically, “I can’t even begin to imagine how much ya’ll had with her… I only knew her a year.”

Willow sighed, shaking a pack of sugar into her cup, “That’s just it. Buffy… you only had to know her a day and she touched your life.”

“She was pretty amazing,” Fred said sadly.

“She was my best friend…” Willow trailed off, hastily wiping at her face, “Xander’s too… but he-”

“What?” Fred asked, a frown colouring her pretty features.

Willow looked up and met Fred’s eyes sadly, “He’s not even reacting. When we told him… he broke down, like everybody else. But now… he seems kind of… it’s like he’s ignoring the fact that she’s dead.”

“People grieve in different ways,” Fred said, shrugging her shoulders.

Willow shook her head, “But he’s not. Grieving, I mean. He’s just switched off. And Anya’s no help, she doesn’t know how to deal with this kind of thing” Willow lowered her elbows to the counter and cupped her head in her hands. She sighed, “I don’t know what to do.”

Fred crossed round the counter and rubbed a soothing hand down the red head’s back, “It’ll be okay.”

Willow looked up, “How? She’s dead…”

Fred hugged her arms around her, resting her cheek on her back.

“Hey, should I be worried?” Gunn asked, raising an eyebrow as he came into the room, followed by Cordelia.

Willow smirked at Gunn, “I don’t think Fred’s that way inclined…” she tailed off, “If the noises coming from your room are anything to go by,” she said casually, walking towards Cordelia with a smirk.

Leaving the couple baffled behind her, Willow smiled at Cordelia in greeting, “Hey, where’s the baby?”

She smiled back, “Wesley’s watching him. He’s quite the doting uncle.”

Willow shook her head, laughing lightly, “He’s changed so much from when I first knew him… I can’t believe how differently Buffy reacts to him…” she ended abruptly, “Reacted,” she corrected herself sadly. Shaking her head, as if to remove the thoughts from it, Willow looked back up at Cordelia, “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

Cordelia nodded, taking her arm and leading over to the sofas.

She sat down, “What’s up?”

“It’s Xander,” Willow said to Cordelia’s surprise, “I was just talking to Fred… He’s not dealing with this too well.”

Cordy frowned, “Is anyone?”

“I know. But it’s like he’s switched off.”

“Why are you telling me?” Cordelia asked.

“Because you’re still the only one that can get through to him,” Willow said, smiling sadly, “Anya’s too unattached to the world to be able to grieve, or to help him grieve.”

“So you want me to talk to him?”

Willow nodded, “If you would.”

Cordelia ran a hand through her long brown hair, “Sure, if you think it’d hel-”

She stopped as she heard a voice behind her, “Cordy.”

All eyes in the room immediately snapped to where the voice had come from. Angel stood at the bottom of the stairs, Dawn close behind him.

He stepped forward, his eyes focused on Cordelia, “I want to see my son.”

Part 6

“Wha…wha... I mean… what?” Cordelia asked, standing up and turning to face Angel.

He quirked an eyebrow at the dismantled seer, “I want to see the baby.”

Cordelia’s eyes quickly flashed to Dawn, who smiled slightly at her and shrugged.

Snapping her head back to look at Angel, she smiled nervously, “Sure… he’s upstairs.”

Walking towards Angel, Cordelia threw a confused look at Willow over her shoulder, who merely shrugged and followed Fred and Gunn who filed after Cordelia.

The group walked silently up the stairs and down the corridor until Cordelia stopped at one of the many doors.

She rested her hand on the doorknob and looked at Angel expectantly, “Okay?”

He nodded.

Shaking her head slightly in disbelief, Cordelia pushed open the door.

“You’re just so cute, you’re just so cute!” Wesley said, unaware of the gang’s presence as he picked up the baby, “Want me to make a funny face?” he asked lightly, sticking out his tongue and waggling his eyebrows.

Fred cleared her throat and Wesley’s head snapped up. Almost dropping the baby, he stood up awkwardly, “Hello.” he said stiffly.

Gunn laughed out at the embarrassed man, unconvincingly turning it into a cough as Wesley’s eyes narrowed.

“What are you doing here?” Wesley said impatiently.

“Wanted to see my son,” Angel said, stepping forwards into Wesley’s view.

Wesley’s mouth opened and closed again, his eyes widening behind his glasses.

Angel walked over and held out his arms. Nervously, Wesley passed the baby over, carefully supporting his head with his hand.

Gathering him to his chest, Angel looked down at the tiny bundle in his arms.

“Hi…” he whispered tentatively as the baby gurgled happily. Angel slowly turned around and lifted his head to look at his friends. Cordelia and Willow’s hands clutched at each other, they both had tears running down their faces. Willow’s spare arm was wrapped tightly around Dawn’s waist, while Fred, Gunn and Wesley all stood to one side, tearful smiles in place.

“My son,” Angel said simply, looking back down at the baby. Angel gazed at his child. His eyes were a devastating shade of green, almost the exact same shade of his mother’s. He had his nose, Buffy’s mouth… “He has Buffy’s smile,” he whispered.

“Probably just win-” Cordelia started before being nudged in the ribs by Willow, “Probably pleased to see his Dad,” she corrected herself.

Angel smiled back at the baby, stroking his face with his finger until the baby latched onto it with his tiny hand.

“What are you going to call him?” Dawn asked tearfully, walking over and hugging Angel’s side, smiling at the baby.

“I… I don’t know,” Angel said slowly, “We agreed that I’d choose the name for a girl, and Buffy would choose the name for a boy.” “What was Buffy’s name?” Willow asked.

“I don’t know…” Angel said, his body stiffening.

“Connor.” a voice from the doorway said.

“Giles!” Dawn shrieked, launching herself at the man, who smiling sadly, wrapped his arms around her.

“Connor?” Angel asked, watching as both Willow and Cordelia tearfully hugged Giles.

“Buffy…” Giles paused, visibly flinching at her name, “She told me she wanted to call the baby Connor. She said it sounded Irish.”

“Connor…” Wesley said slowly with a smile, “That’s lovely. I don’t suppose she ever considered Wes-”

“No,” everyone else said in unison.

Angel’s lips curved up in the slightest of smiles as he looked down at the baby, “Connor it is.”

**

“Hey,” Cordelia said, knocking on the open door to Xander’s bedroom.

Xander looked up and smiled, “Hey.”

She smiled back and walked over to where he sat on the bed, sitting down beside him, “Giles is here.”

He nodded, “I know, Anya went to ask him for a pay rise.”

“She’s uh… she’s a wild one.” Cordelia said with a weak laugh. Gaining no response, she continued, “How are you doing?”

Xander laughed and leapt up from the bed, “Me? I’m fine! I’m always fine, Mr fine, that’s me.”

“Xander…”

“What? Just because everybody else is crying and grieving that means I have to?”

Cordelia leapt off the bed and stood facing him, “Xander, she was your best friend!”

“You think I don’t know that?” he hissed.

“It’s okay to grieve, Xander, its okay to cry.”

“I’m just… I’m not in that place okay Cordy?”

She reached out and touching his face lightly, “I know how you must feel.”

He flinched away, “No, I don’t think you do.”

“She was my friend too you know.”

Xander laughed angrily, “That’s rich. You bitched at her for 3 years and suddenly she’s your friend?”

Cordelia pulled her hand away from him, wounded.

“Sorry…” he mumbled.

She shook her head, “No, it’s okay… if that’s how you want to react… fine. Just react, somehow.”

“Look, I’m fine, okay?” Xander said beginning to pace up and down the room.

“No you’re not.”

“Stop telling me what I feel!” he shouted.

“I’m not!” she shouted back, “I’m just trying to get you to talk to me! It’s not like you can talk to Anya about this kind of stuff…”

“Excuse me?” Anya asked quietly as she stepped into the room, her face coloured with hurt.

Cordelia sighed, “I didn’t mean it like that, okay Anya?”

“No, no it’s not okay!” she said, her voice rising.

“Anya…” Xander said, reaching a hand towards her.

She flinched away, walking backwards with tears in her eyes, “Just because I don’t understand.” she said brokenly, “Doesn’t mean I don’t care.”

Cordelia rolled her eyes, “Anya, I just meant that you’re not like us, you don’t understand the concept of grief, so you can’t help Xander with his.”

Anya glared at her, as a tear rolled down her cheek, “Nobody will explain to me.”

“We’ve got better things to do,” Cordelia mumbled.

“Cordy!” Xander yelled, glaring at the seer. He walked closer to Anya again but she pushed him away.

“I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, she was my friend! And then she's,” Anya reached her hand up and hastily wiped away tears, “there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead anymore. It's stupid. It's mortal and stupid.”

Xander hitched in a shaky breath, and stared sadly at his wife.

“And I miss her!” Anya shouted, “I loved her too, and I miss her! And Xander’s not grieving, and I don’t know how to grieve, and nobody will help us!” She collapsed in a heap on the floor. Sobbing, Xander fell down beside her, wrapping his arms around her body and peppering kisses over her face.

Cordelia frowned sadly and left the room, closing the door behind her and leaving the sobbing couple in a pile on the floor.

“How did it go?” Willow asked, standing up as Cordelia walked down the stairs.

“I think I sorted things out,” Cordelia said confidently, not making eye contact with the red head.

Willow frowned, her eyes drifting up the stairs to where she had heard Anya’s cries a few minutes before.

“Good,” she said, eyeing Cordelia's back dubiously..

“Where is everybody?” Cordelia asked, flicking the switch on the kettle.

“Wesley and Gunn are hunting,” Willow said, plonking back down on the couch and flipping open a magazine, “Fred went with them.”

Cordelia frowned and looked out the window, “It’s three in the afternoon.”

“Sewer Job.”

“Oh. Where are the others?”

“Angel, Dawn and Giles went for a walk with the bab- with Connor,” Willow corrected herself.

Cordelia’s eyes widened, “Angel went out? As in outside? In the light? With people?”

“Looks like it’s not just you that can sort things out,” Willow said with a smirk.

Part 7

Willow wrenched her head round in horror to stare at the seer. Cordelia was idly tidying up the office, and paying Willow no real attention.

“She uh… she had to go out,” Willow said nervously chewing on her lip.

Cordelia continued to tidy, ignoring Willow’s response. The Wicca shot her one last fleeting glance before turning back round and trying to occupy herself in reading the magazine.

‘Come on Tara…’ she muttered to herself as she turned the page.

The bell on the door jangled as Tara walked tentatively into the darkened shop, “H-hello?”

“Hello!” a short, plump man replied, a wide grin on his face, “What can I do for you?”

Tara shyly stepped forward, her eyes scanning around the rather sinister looking magic shop, “I… I need something. For a spell.”

The man continued to smile, “Spit it out then!” he chuckled, picking up a coffee cup and raising it to his lips.

She swallowed nervously, “The Urn of Osiris.” she whispered, as the man spat out his coffee in shock, the murky brown liquid running over the floor.

**

“He looks just like her,” Dawn breathed, peering over the top of the stroller to gaze down at a gurgling Connor.

Angel stopped pushing the stroller, sitting down on a bench and picking the baby up, cradling him in his arms, “He does.”

Giles sat down next to him and coughed uncomfortably, “Uh… May I?” he asked, tentatively holding his arms out towards Angel.

Angel frowned. Since he’d first seen his baby, he hadn’t wanted to let him out of his sight, hadn’t wanted anyone else to hold him.

“Sure,” he said, gently passing Connor over, “He’s got to meet his Grandpa.”

Giles let out a nervous laugh, his eyes fixated on the tiny baby. Angel snapped his eyes away, feeling he was somehow intruding on a private moment. He stared out at the sea, as the waves crashed softly down.

He felt Dawn sit down on the bench beside him and he sighed.

“This where I found Buffy… after I was made human,” Angel reminisced, “Where we… where I kissed her.” he said uncertainly, shifting slightly, uncomfortable to be talking about kissing Giles’ almost-daughter.

Dawn let out a breathy sigh and leaned her head against Angel’s shoulder.

Sensing her regression into a state of depression, Angel made eye contact with Giles and nudged his head from the baby to Dawn.

Giles nodded, passing the baby back to Angel, who ran a hand over Dawn’s hair with his spare hand.

“You want to hold him?”

Dawn’s eyes lit up as she sat upright, her arms outstretched eagerly. Angel passed Connor over with a smile.

Dawn stared down at him, “Can I… can I take him over to the edge of the pier?” she asked, looking at Angel hopefully.

Angel nodded, although Dawn barely registered his response as she rushed off with the baby.

“Slowly!” Angel bellowed after her.

Giles chuckled lightly, removing his glasses and squinting into the sunlight, “She’s quite taken to this aunt role.”

Angel frowned, “I don’t want Connor to grow up thinking anyone but Buffy is his mother.”

Giles looked taken aback, “No, of course not.”

Angel sighed, his eyes flicking back out to sea, “Why did they have to take her from us, Giles?”

“I don’t know. There are never reasons for these things,” Giles muttered, “But you can’t stop living. You have to live for Connor, for Dawn. For Buffy.”

Angel swallowed, “What if I can’t?”

“You don’t have a choice. The alternative is too unthinkable.”

Angel blinked, trying to blink away the tears that were threatening to emerge in his eyes. He stared after Dawn, who was cooing at the baby, “She was my everything.”

Giles reached a hand up and awkwardly patted his shoulder, “I know. But we can’t bring her back.”

**

“Tara!” Willow exclaimed, leaping to her feet and brushing past Cordelia as she rushed over to the blonde who was standing awkwardly at the door, concealing something behind her back.

Tara looked nervously at Cordelia and then back at Willow, “H-Hey,” she stammered, “I’m just going to go… go upstairs.”

“For a lie down!” Willow finished.

Cordelia shot them puzzled looks, “What’s your deal?”

“N-nothing!” Willow jumped, “We’re just tired.”

“Yeah, tired,” Tara said, stretching out her free hand, the other hand dropping.

Willow dived behind Tara, clutching at her hand.

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing!” Willow said again, frantically concealing the fallen package behind her.

She smiled nervously at Cordelia before grabbing Tara’s hand and heading for the stairs, keeping her back hidden from Cordelia.

Cordelia shook her head as they walked away, “Horny lesbians…”

When Willow reached the top of the stairs, she took her hand away from her back and stared at the brown package she held, “You got it?” she breathed.

“Fifth place I went in to,” Tara replied.

Willow swallowed, “You know what this means?”

Tara nodded, smiling slightly.

“We can bring her back.”

Part 8

“-when she got turned into that eighteenth century girl!” Dawn laughed as she pushed open the door to the hotel.

Giles followed, wiping at his eyes and chuckling at the memory, “And Willow as that… as that rather interesting looking ghost.”

Angel trailed behind, Connor cradled to his chest. He looked down at the slumbering baby, “Is it wrong that I can’t stand to talk about her yet?” he whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to his forehead.

He walked over to the front desk, carefully placing Connor in the basket that lay next to it. He pulled himself back up, turning around to find himself face to face with Cordelia.

He jumped backwards, “Are you trying to give me a heart attack?!”

Cordelia looked up at him with sad eyes, chewing her lip slightly.

“What? What is it?” Angel asked, placing a hand on her shoulder.

She pursed her lips together, “The…. uh, the hospital called while you were gone.”

Angel nodded, “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. Don’t we need to get Connor checked out or something?”

“No… no we did that already.”

Angel frowned, “Then what did they want?”

Cordelia looked down at the floor, “Buffy… they still have the… they still have the body.” Angel paled, “They want to know what we’re doing about a… about a funeral.” she continued.

“Goodness,” Giles said, coming to stand behind Cordelia, “I hadn’t even given that any thought.”

“I don’t think anybody had. I think we were all preoccupied with Connor…” she trailed off, as she watched Angel slowly walk away and up the stairs. She sighed once he was out of sight, “I thought he was doing a bit better.”

“What, he’s just supposed to get over it?” Dawn spat out, walking over to them, “Go on like she never even existed?” Her voice rose enough for the baby to hear, knocking him out of his slumber and drawing out high pitched wails. Dawn stepped back, holding her hands up to her head, “I didn’t mean to make him cry.”

Ignoring her, Cordelia picked Connor up, rocking him in her arms, “Shhh, please don’t cry.” she said gently.

“Maybe he needs a feed?” Giles suggested awkwardly as the baby’s cries continued.

Dawn bounded over to the small fridge and microwave behind the desk, “I’m on it.”

Cordelia frowned as Connor’s wails increased in volume, “He’s never been like this before.”

“Maybe you should take him up to Angel,” Dawn suggested, coming back over with a bottle in her hand.

Cordelia shook her head, “No, he’s got enough on his mind.”

“He’s his son,” Dawn said bitterly, handing over the bottle, “Just give him a chance.”

Cordelia raised the bottle to the baby’s mouth. Connor turned his head away, continuing to cry.

Dawn raised an eyebrow, “Angel?”

Cordelia rolled her eyes, handing the baby over to Dawn and stalking away. With a satisfied smile, Dawn walked away with the crying baby, grabbing a teddy bear on her way, and made her way up the stairs to Angel’s room.

“Knock, knock,” she said, raising her voice over the baby’s cries.

Angel didn’t reply. He was back on his bed, curled up in a ball, his eyes fixed to the wall.

“We can’t get him to stop crying,” Dawn said gently, sitting down next to him. Angel’s eyes drifted towards Conner, “Can’t Cordelia do something?” he asked quietly.

Dawn rolled her eyes, “Urgh, why does everyone suddenly think she’s super girl?”

Angel remained silent, wrapping his arms tightly around himself.

“You wanna just take him?” Dawn nudged.

Again, there was no response from Angel. Sighing, Dawn gently placed Connor on the centre of the bed, the teddy next to him.

“I know you’re hurting,” she said, walking to the door, “Don’t take it out on Connor.”

Angel watched, wide eyed, as Dawn closed the door behind her, leaving him with the crying baby.

He pushed himself up into a sitting position and stared at Connor as he waved his arms and legs about. He gently slid his arms underneath him and picked him up. “Hey, shhh, shhh,” he whispered, rocking him slightly. He continued to cry, not at all soothed by his father. Frowning, Angel looked at the teddy that lay on the bed. Shifting Connor onto one arm, he picked up the bear in his free hand and waved it above his head.

“Hey, Connor, look!” he said, plastering a fake grin on his face, “It’s a bear, look at the bear!”

Connor was seemingly ignoring him, continuing to cry at the top of his tiny lungs. Angel sighed and threw the bear back down on the bed, “Please don’t cry,” he said desperately, “I don’t want to be sad. I’m sad, and if you’re sad then we’re both sad,” he babbled, “And I don’t want us to both be sad. Buffy wouldn’t want that.” Angel stared at Connor in surprise as the cries stopped. He extended his arms, holding Connor out in front of him, “Hey, there you go!” The baby crumpled up its face, indignant to be taking away from the warmth of Angel’s embrace.

“No, no,” Angel pleaded, “Don’t start crying again…”

His pleading achieved nothing as Connor’s cries started once more.

Wearily, Angel placed him back on the bed, “I give up. I’m a terrible father.” he said mournfully, “I can’t do this. I can’t do this without Buffy.”

The cries stopped.

Frowning, Angel tried again, “Buffy,” he said. Connor’s face lit up and he gurgled happily. Angel could swear that he was laughing.

“You miss her, huh?” he murmured, lying back down on the bed, his face next to Connor’s.

He turned to his son, placing a kiss on his cheek, “Me too.”

**

Willow rapped on the door lightly. Hearing no response, she cracked open the door, peaking round.

Smiling, she walked in. Angel lay on his bed, sound asleep. Connor lay next to him, awake and gurgling quietly, Angel’s arm tucked round him, preventing him from rolling off the bed.

She sat down on the bed, and Angel’s eyes blinked open as he felt the extra weight next to him.

“Willow,” he said in surprise, sitting up.

Willow smiled in response and looked at Connor, “I think he’s up,” she said.

Angel gazed down at his son, “I should probably go get him a bottle or something,” he mumbled.

“How are you?” Willow asked softly.

Angel stared at her, “I’ve been better.”

She nodded in response. There was a silence, and Willow looked awkwardly at the floor.

“We uh… we’re going to the funeral parlour today,” she said, “Are you going to come? I mean, I’d understand if it was too hard or-”

“I’ll come,” Angel said bluntly, picking up Connor and walking over to the window, “Who’s we?”

“Me, Giles, Dawn and Xander,” she replied, “Cordelia wanted to come, but I… I didn’t think it would be right for everyone to go.”

Angel nodded.

“I mean, I don’t know what’s right,” Willow continued, “I don’t know how to handle this whole… situation.”

Angel turned around and stared at the red head, “I don’t think there’s a right or wrong way.”

She smiled, “You seem better.”

He shook his head, “I’ve lost her. I’ve lost everything. But if I don’t function, then I’ll lose my son too.”

She chewed on her lip, standing up and heading for the door, “We’ll see you downstairs in a bit?”

Angel turned his back to her, staring out of the window again.

“I’ll bring her back for you Angel, I promise,” Willow whispered as she shut the door.

**

“I like the mahogany one,” Willow said, wandering round the coffins, “I think she’d have liked that one.”

“Yes… yes,” Giles muttered, taking off his glasses and squinting at the coffin, “It’s not dissimilar to the one she chose for Joyce.”

“It doesn’t really matter, it’s not like she’ll see it,” Dawn muttered.

Xander tightened his grip on her hand, “Hey, Dawnster, why don’t you come and have a look at the flowers with me?”

“So you’re flower guy now?” Dawn asked as he led her out of the room, “Isn’t that kind of gay?”

Giles chuckled quietly at the interaction and followed the pair out of the room, leaving Willow and Angel alone.

Willow looked up from the coffin and at Angel who was standing in the corner of the room, staring at nothing.

She walked over and placed a hand on his arm, “You ok?”

“The mahogany’s fine.” he replied quietly, “She’s never given a particular preference to coffins.”

“What?” asked Willow, confused, “You’ve talked about this stuff with her?”

“She’s the slayer. She knew it would happen… she wanted to be prepared.”

Willow stepped away, and wandered back over to the coffin in question, “Have you… uh, have you given any thought as to what she’s going to wear?”

Angel looked at her in horror, “What?”

She looked away, “Some people… they like to put the… the body in an outfit typical to the person. Or something,” she mumbled.

“What does it matter? She’s being cremated,” He said, visibly flinching on his last word.

Willow’s eyes widened, “What? No! You can’t do that!”

“It was what she wanted. She knows what goes on graveyards. She didn’t want to be in one.” he said quietly, leaning against the wall.

“Well, well we’ll find somewhere else to bury her!” Willow stammered, “You can’t burn her Angel, you can’t!” she yelled.

“Hey, Willow, what is it?” Xander asked, coming back into the room and putting his arm round Willow’s shoulder. She turned into him, pressing her face to his neck.

“We can’t burn her,” she said, her voice thick with tears.

“What?” Dawn gasped as she walked in, followed closely by Giles, “She’s being cremated? No!”

Angel pushed himself up from the wall, “You know what? I don’t care. My wife is dead. The one true love of my life, my absolute everything. She’s dead. Without her, nothing means anything anymore.” A tear slipped from Dawn’s eye as he continued and Giles soothingly laid a hand on her back.

“If you want to bury the body or burn it. I don’t care! If you want to put her in a mahogany box or a wicker basket… I don’t care, I don’t care!” Angel shouted, heading out of the room.

“Angel-” Giles said, heading over to him.

Angel spun around and held up his hand, “You know what? Just don’t.”

He walked out of the funeral home and collapsed against the wall, breathing heavily. He slid to the floor, his hands over his face, blocking the sun from his eyes. What was light, without Buffy?

What was anything?

**

“We command to almighty God,” the Minister said solemnly, “Our sister, Buffy Anne Summers.”

The gang stood huddled around the open grave. It was just them, having decided not to invite all those distant relations that Buffy had had nothing to do with.

Angel stared into space, looking anywhere but at the coffin as it was lowered into the ground.

“And we commit her body to the ground.”

Dawn turned to Willow, pressing her face into her shoulder. Tara supportively lay a hand on Willow’s shoulder as the red head embraced Dawn as her body shook slightly.

“Earth to earth... ashes to ashes... and dust to dust.”

Angel flinched at his words. Dust to dust. How ironic. She’d spent her whole life as a slayer, dusting vampires, committing them to the ground. And now here she was, going the same way. He looked down at the coffin and hitched in a sharp breath as he gazed down at the mahogany wood. He squeezed his eyes shut, desperately trying to block out the images of his beloved lying dead in the box, in the beautiful black dress that Dawn had chosen.

He clenched his fists together as the minister continued, “The Lord bless her and keep her…”

“I can’t do this,” Angel muttered, shrugging off Cordelia’s arm that lay on his shoulder and running off, away from the grave.

Cordelia turned, about to follow him.

“No,” Fred said forcefully, laying a hand on her shoulder, “You knew Buffy better. You stay here, I’ll go.”

Cordelia opened her mouth in protest but Fred had already gone. The Minister, having stopped speaking, raised his eyebrows at her. Cordelia nodded sullenly, folding her arms around herself.

“The Lord makes his face to shine upon her and be gracious to her.”

Part 9

“Why do they put her in the ground?” Anya said in an unconvincing whisper.

Her words rushed over Xander as he stood numbly at the side of the grave.

“Why don’t people just keep the corpse?” she continued, her voice rising in volume slightly.

“Anya!” Willow shouted, breaking the respectful silence. Dawn let out a high pitched cry, snuggling nearer to Tara.

Wesley shot Giles a worried look, and the elder of the British men shifted nearer to Anya and put his arm stiffly around her shoulders. Anya frowned and glanced up at Xander whose face was perfectly expressionless. She swallowed, feeling a sob rise up in her throat, and then turned round into Giles’ embrace, hiding her face in his coat.

“We commit her body to the ground.”

**

“Angel!” Fred shouted, as she chased after him, the lack of his height not to mention supernatural powers preventing her from running at the same speed as him, “Angel, wait!”

He ignored her, running as fast as he could away from the grave, away from everything. He heard a cry from behind him and reluctantly came to a halt, turning round to see Fred trip on the hem of her long skirt and tumble to the ground.

“Oh jeez…” she murmured, lifting her hands from the dirt and half heartedly wiping them on her knees.”

“Are you… are you okay?” Angel asked quietly, shuffling towards her.

Fred smiled up at him as he approached, “Well I got ya to stop running!”

He stared at the ground and extended his arm towards her. She accepted his hand in hers and pulled herself up from the ground.

“Why did you run off like that, Angel?” she asked quietly.

Angel tensed at his name. The way Fred said it, hanging on each syllable, was just like Buffy had always said it when she was young. When everything was simple…

“I can’t…” he tensed, “I can’t stand there and watch my everything be buried like she doesn’t matter.”

Fred winced and laid a hand on his shoulder, “Angel…”

“Commit her to the ground,” he continued, “Put her in a box and neatly pack her away and pretend like she never even existed!”

“Nobody’s gonna forget her. It’ll just get easie-”

“No it won’t!” he shouted, “How is it supposed to get easier?! She’s dead, Fred!”

She drew her hand away at his shouts, “I’m sorry.”

“She’s dead! She’s dead! She’s dead!” at his third cry his voice broke and he fell to his knees in the dirt.

Fred sniffed, wiping her hand over her eyes, spreading dirt over her face. She looked at the ground for a less mucky spot where she could sit and comfort him.

“Oh, screw it,” she muttered, throwing herself down in the muddiest patch and enclosing her trembling boss in her arms.

He sobbed brokenly as she rocked him slowly, whispering soothing nonsense in his ear.

**

“We’re gonna take Dawn back to the hotel, okay?” Xander murmured to Cordelia, whose eyes were scanning over the graveyard.

She focused on Xander and drew her friend into a hug, “Okay,” she whispered, ignoring the filthy looks Anya shot her from where she stood with Dawn, “I’m just going to wait for Angel and Fred to come back.”

“Where’s everybody else?” Xander asked.

“Giles, Wesley and Gunn went off muttering something about gin,” Cordelia chuckled lightly, “And Willow and Tara are… are somewhere…” she said, looking around again.

“Don’t stay out past dark,” Xander said quietly, giving her a lingering look as he walked back over to Anya and Dawn, throwing his arms around them.

Anya pressed herself closely to him, throwing one last glare at Cordelia as she walked away.

Cordelia sighed and wrapped her arms tightly around herself as she began to search the graveyard for Angel.

**

“Have you got it?” Willow whispered, as she watched Cordelia walk out of sight.

“Right here,” Tara said, patting the inside of her coat.

“Ah!” Willow cried out.

Tara brought her hands up to the red head’s face, “What? What is it?”

“Branch poked me in the eye,” Willow muttered, pushing the branches aside and stepping out from behind the large growth of trees where they’d been hidden.

Tara followed behind her, retracting the urn from where she’d hidden it throughout the service.

“Are… are we really gonna…” she trailed off nervously, “Are we really gonna do this?”

Willow gazed into Tara’s eyes, pulling out several bottles from the inside of her own coat, “I didn’t wear a coat three sizes too big for nothing.”

**

“How am I supposed to go on living without her?” Angel whispered, his eyes fixed to the ground, “I can’t breathe without her. She was my life.”

Fred pushed herself back on the swing she sat on and sighed, “There’s no easy answer,” she said, “And I know you don’t wanna hear this, but it will get easier.”

Angel looked at her, “I don’t know. People always say that. But this… this was different. We were different.”

She skid her feet along the ground, drawing the swing to a stop, “You have to keep living for Connor. And I’m not saying you’ll ever forget about Buffy, cos I mean, you won’t. But there’ll be moments when it won’t seem so bad.”

“Right now I’m just trying to keep from dying,” Angel said, his voice stilted, as he tightened his hands round the chains of the swing.

“We’ll help you live. Buffy would want you to live.”

“Buffy would want to live,” Angel muttered.

Fred cupped his face in her hand, “Let’s go home.”

**

“Osiris! Let her cross over!” Willow yelled, her face contorting with agony as a red light surrounded her, “Ahh!”

“Willow!” Tara shouted, edging frantically towards her.

Willow leaned forward on the ground, gagging violently. She choked as a snake slithered out of her mouth and onto the ground.

“Oh my god…” Tara whispered as she watched the snake slither away.

“Osiris!” Willow shouted, panting, “Release her!”

“What the hell are you doing?!” Cordelia shouted, running up behind Willow. She took hold of her arms and dragged her away from the urn that sat in front of her.

“Cordelia, NO!” Tara shouted, grabbing Willow away from her.

The light around Willow faded and she collapsed face down on the ground.

“Willow!” Tara cried, grabbing Willow by her shoulders and rolling her onto her back.

Her eyes were closed, but she appeared to be breathing.

“What were you doing?” Cordelia asked, kneeling down on the ground next to Willow.

Tara relaxed slightly as Willow coughed and began to come round. She smoothed her hands over the red head’s hair, “We were…” she glanced at the urn, “Buffy… we were going to-”

Cordelia’s eyes widened as she saw the urn on the ground, “Osiris…” she whispered, “Wesley… Wesley said something once.” Her expression darkened as she picked up the urn and threw it against a tree.

“No!” choked Willow as it shattered into pieces.

“Cordelia!” Tara shouted in disbelief as the brunette stood up and dusted off her trousers.

“You were trying to rip her out of heaven,” she growled, “Do you have any idea what you were messing with?”

Willow let out a hysterical sob, clutching onto Tara’s arms.

“Help me get her home,” Tara said tearfully, shooting Cordelia a desperate glance.

**

“It’s okay, we’re nearly there,” Tara whispered as she pushed open the hotel door with her free hand, the other tightly fastened around Willow’s waist.

Cordelia supported her other side as they helped her hobble down the stairs.

“Oh my god,” Xander whispered, rushing forwards, Anya at his side, “What happened?!”

Willow choked tearfully, “Nothing.”

“What do you mean, nothing?!” Cordelia shouted, letting go of Willow and allowing her to tumble to the floor.

“Cordelia!” Tara shouted warningly.

“They were trying to rip her out of heaven!” she shouted.

“What?”

Cordelia looked up, her eyes meeting Angel’s, “Uh…”

“What did you say?” Angel growled, looking at Willow who lay on the floor, Tara at her side.

“Nothing,” Cordelia muttered, echoing Willow.

Angel snarled and threw himself at the ground, skidding along to where Willow lay. He wrenched her up by her shoulders, grabbing fistfuls of her hair in his hands, “YOU DID WHAT?” Fred ran behind him, grabbing at his sweater, frantically trying to get him off her, “Angel!”

Willow let out a wailing cry as Xander, Anya, Tara and Cordelia desperately tried to pull Angel off her.

“We didn’t! We couldn’t!” Willow yelled, agonized.

Gunn, Wesley and Giles drunkenly walked in, colliding in the door. Seeing the sight of Angel wrestling with Willow they seemed to immediately sober up, rushing at Angel and dragging him off of Willow.

“What are you doing man?!” Gunn shouted, restraining his boss from launching at Willow again.

Tara collapsed next to Willow, cradling her as she cried hysterically.

“They tried! They tried to!” Angel spat out, struggling away from Gunn, “How could you be so stupid?!”

“Get her upstairs!” Giles shouted at Tara, who flinched away in fear. Along with Anya and Fred, she dragged Willow to her feet, ushering her away.

Wesley and Gunn formed a barrier in front of Angel as he fought to get to the red head again.

“Angel,” Cordelia said soothingly, “Come and sit down.”

“Did you know?” he growled, shoving Wesley and Gunn away from him, “Did any of you know?”

“No,” Giles shook his head, “I can assure you that none of us knew. I don’t know what they were thinking.”

“I don’t even know how they’d go about this,” Wesley said, taking off his glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose slowly.

“Osiris.” Cordelia muttered, watching as Angel walked over to the sofa and sat down dejectedly.

“Stupid girls,” Giles spat out, rubbing his forehead, “Don’t they realise that she can’t be brought back? She’s gone!” he let out a wrenching cry.

Cordelia reeled back, shocked by the sight of the ever together watcher, finally losing it.

“Where’s Dawn?” Giles asked, leaning against a wall.

“She’s upstairs with Connor,” Angel muttered.

“Keep her away. Don’t let her know what’s gone on.”

Giles pushed himself up from the wall and headed to the stairs, “And them. Keep them away. Keep them away from all of us.”

Part 10

“We’re baaaack!”

Fred broke away from Gunn and spun around.

“Oh my goodness!” she cried, running towards the doors. She pulled Faith into a one armed hug, petting Spike on the shoulder with her free hand, “You’re back!”

“Yep, back from Sunny Meh-ic-o,” Faith grinned, “Although less of the sunny thanks to someone…” she drawled, poking Spike in the ribs.

“Oi, watch it bint,” he murmured, pulling her towards his side.

Faith bent down and picked up her rucksack. She closed an eye in concentration as she lifted it to her shoulder and flung it at the sofas.

“Yes!” she yelped in celebration as the bag hit the middle cushion, “Another one for the slayer…”

Spike rolled his eyes and wandered off over to the front desk, “A slayer, technically, before you go getting all cocky.” He leant casually against the desk and shoved a cigarette into his mouth.

He flicked his lighter, “Fred, do me a favour and don’t tell Buffy I smoked. Last time I feared for me life, I really did.” he chuckled, glancing at Gunn who stood stony faced, “Oi, what’s up with you?”

“How is B?” Faith asked, following her bag and throwing herself onto the couch, “She must be way over her due date now?”

Fred’s mouth opened and closed again and she covered her eyes with her hand, rubbing her forehead slowly, “Oh god…” she muttered, “Wesley said he couldn’t contact you I didn’t think it’s been so hectic!”

“Breathe, girl,” Gunn murmured reassuringly, walking over and placing his hands on his girlfriend’s shoulder.

Fred huffed, looking at the floor, trying to regain her composure.

Spike walked over to the couch, standing behind Faith, a look of concern on his face, “What happened, bint?”

She raised her eyes to the heavens, “Just after you guys left… Buffy… she went into premature labour.”

Faith’s eyes widened and she leant forward, “Is she okay? The baby-”

Fred glanced over her shoulder at Gunn who nodded reassuringly.

“Buffy… she… she haemorrhaged during the birth,” she continued, “She lost a whole load of blood.”

Faith was vaguely aware of Spike’s hand lowering onto her shoulder as her eyes filled up with water, “But she’s okay, right?”

Fred looked at the floor again, carefully inspecting her shoes, “We tried so many times to contact ya’ll…”

“You should have tried harder!” Faith yelled, leaping up from the couch.

Spike had collapsed against a wall, his head in his hands, “No…” he growled quietly.

Faith charged over to him. She paused as she reached his feet, looking as if she was going to comfort him. Snarling viciously, she threw her fist back and into the wall above his head. She pounded over and over, grunting as the cement cracked and mixed with her blood.

Spike pushed himself up from the floor and took hold of her wrists. He brought her hands up to his mouth and kissed them softly, closing his eyes in agony.

She whimpered, collapsing into his arms as they both slid back down to the floor.

**

Angel sat by Connor’s crib, watching his son as he lay perfectly still in sleep. He smiled, running a finger over the baby’s cheek, awed at how anything could be so silent and seemingly at peace with the world.

His mind flashed back to that November day so long ago. He’d made love to Buffy over and over, until finally she lay spent in his arms, self proclaimed as the happiest she’d ever been. She’d slept like a baby that night. And every night since that she was in his arms.

“Buffy didn’t look like a tiny, bald baby, but you sure remind me of her,” he murmured, laying his head on the side of the crib and retracting his hand from Connor’s cheek.

“I don’t know… she had this hat that made her look kind of bald.”

Angel lifted his head and glanced over his shoulder.

“You’re back,” he acknowledged, standing up.

She nodded briefly, lifting her eyes to meet his. She saw his utterly broken face and charged at him, her arms wide open.

He met her half way there, crushing her to him and holding her tightly, “Faith.”

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered, “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here.”

“You didn’t know,” he said, sighing, “How was Mexico?”

She shrugged, pulling away “Same old. Just a different bed.”

Angel grimaced, “Thanks for that.”

Faith stepped past him and gazed over the side of Connor’s crib, “Oh my god…” she whispered.

He stepped up behind her, leaning over her shoulder, “Connor,” he said simply.

“Buffy’s choice?” Faith asked, not taking her eyes off the baby.

“It sounds ‘Irish’ apparently.”

“Gotta love her heritage love…” she trailed off, “Loved…” she paused, “Do we really have to refer to her in the past tense?”

“Wouldn’t have had to if Willow had had her way,” Angel snarled, walking away from the crib and throwing himself onto a chair.

“Let it go. They didn’t do it, it’s over.”

“They tried to rip her out of heaven. The only place that’s ever been fully worthy of her.”

“But they didn’t.”

“They tried.”

She sighed, “They tried to bring her back for you. They love you, they can see how fucked up you are over this.”

“Big help they were.” he growled.

“So they made a mistake,” Faith turned and glared at him, “You want to try and tell me you’ve never done that?”

Angel lowered his head, looking away sheepishly, “This was too big of a mistake to forgive.”

She marched over, dropping to her heels and perching in front of him, “What happened to your theory on second chances?”

**

Tara gazed out of the window at the bright LA lights. She turned around, her heart aching as she caught sight of her beautiful Willow. She lay curled up in a ball, on the far right of the bed, looking as if she would fall off if she so much as breathed. The covers were wrapped up over her shoulders, her tiny fingers grasping onto the corners tightly.

“Willow…” Tara murmured, kneeling beside her and staring into her eyes. Willow blinked, staring through Tara as if she wasn’t even there.

Tara ran a hand over Willow’s forehead, pulling abruptly away when the red head flinched at her touch, “Baby, you have to get up,” she tried.

“Giles made himself perfectly clear,” Willow squeaked, her voice hoarse.

“Al-All you need to do is say you’re sorry,” Tara said gently, “They’ll move on. Everyone’s got bigger things to think about.”

Willow bolted upright in bed, “Say sorry?” she hissed, “Say sorry for trying to bring Buffy back into her family?”

Tara lowered her eyes, “I was as much of a part as this as you were. I understand how you fee-”

“Bullshit!” Willow interrupted, glaring at the timid blonde, “You knew her for all of five minutes before she left for LA, and then you only saw her on holidays!”

Tara winced, “That doesn’t mean I didn’t care about he-”

“She was my BEST friend! You have no right to tell me you understand!”

She stepped away, wounded, “I’ll just leave shall I? Go back to Sunnydale and only come back on holidays?”

Willow flopped back onto the bed, turning her back to Tara and wrapping the covers around herself once more.

“Fine,” Tara whispered. She walked over to the chair in the corner of the room and picked up her coat. Slinging it over her shoulder, she threw Willow one last fleeting glance. Then she left.

**

Angel stood hesitantly outside the door. He looked down at Connor who was cradled in his arms.

“They say babies help make the peace…” Angel said, frowning at his son, “Or maybe they don’t. But it sounds good.”

He knocked on the door. There was no response. He tried again. Nothing.

Shrugging, he walked away, assuming she had finally left her room, when he heard a high pitched wail.

“Are we playing musical statues?” Xander asked as he walked up to Angel. He clapped his hands together, “Can I play?”

Angel shot him a dirty look before thrusting Connor into his hands, “Take him to Cordelia,” he said, “If you drop him, I will kill you.”

Xander glanced down at the baby in his arms, “Okaaaaay,” he said, stepping away.

“Now!”

Xander flinched. Of course he’d never admit to anyone that he was still slightly afraid of the former vampire but…

He scowled at Angel, and cradling Connor, walked away.

Once Xander was out of site, Angel turned his attentions back to the door. Twisting the doorknob once, he found the door to be locked.

“Willow? Willow, let me in,” he tried, pushing his face against the door.

There was no response save for another wail.

He stepped back, and kicked the door with force. It flew off its hinges, landing on the floor inside of the room. He walked in, his eyes meeting the back of Willow’s head which shook slightly in time with her cries.

Angel sighed, “Look, Willow, I’m sorry. I guess I can understand what you and Tara tried to do.”

The cries increased in volume at the word Tara.

He sat down on the bed and tentatively touched her shoulder, “Willow?”

She rolled over and gazed at him with tear filled eyes, “I lost her!” she wailed.

Angel’s face dropped, “I know, I lost her too.”

Willow sat up clutching at his shoulders, “No… I mean yes… Buffy…”

Angel tenderly touched her cheek, “I know how much you miss her too.”

She let out a sob, “Yes… but Tara. She left, I made her… I made her leave me.” she cried, wrapping her arms around herself.

“What? What happened?”

“We… we had a fight, I said things I shouldn’t have said… she left me, Angel.”

Angel drew the redhead into a hug, unsure of how much he really wanted to comfort her after what she’d done, “It’s okay, she’ll come back,” he said half-heartedly.

“What if she doesn’t?”

**

Tara walked the streets of LA, tears rolling down her cheeks as she replayed what Willow had said to her.

“You have no right to tell me you understand!”

Maybe she was right, maybe she didn’t. Hugging her arms tighter round herself she turned the corner, gasping as she came face to face with a dishevelled looking man.

“Oh… oh, I’m sorry,” she muttered, looking at the floor.

The man placed his fingers under her chin and tilted her head up to look at him, “Hey that’s okay,” he said as Tara flinched at the unfamiliar touch.

She pulled back, stepping away from him, “S-sorry,” she said, walking forwards.

“Oh no you don’t,” the man said, grabbing her shoulders, “What do you know about the baby?”

Tara froze in fear, “W-w-what baby?”

The man sneered, “You know what baby. The son of the vampire.”

“He’s… he’s not a vampire.”

“He sure as hell used to be,” The man smirked, “Angel and his bitch. Jeez, can you imagine the respect I’d get if I knocked one of them off?”

Tara swallowed, closing her eyes and pleading that if Buffy was out there somewhere, that she’d help her.

He chuckled, “There’s a lot of people wondering about how this baby came to be. There are a people who would be willing to do a lot to the get their hands on Angel’s kid. On the vampire’s child.”

“He’s not a vampire!” she repeated again, her fear increasing.

“No…” the man looked away, still holding tightly onto her shoulders, “But I am.”

Part 11

“Hey Willow….” Fred said softly, stepping past the broken door into Willow’s room.

Willow looked over her shoulder at the brunette as she entered the room carrying a steaming cup.

“Tea,” Fred chirped.

Willow turned her head back and continued to stare out of the window, “I’m not thirsty.”

Fred frowned, stepping over to the window and setting the tea on the floor. She sat down next to the wicca, placing an arm round her shoulders, “You’ll get sick.” she whispered.

Willow shrugged, “So? What does it matter? I’ve lost everything.”

Fred shook her head in response, “No you haven’t. Don’t say that.”

Willow shot her an angry look, “My best friend is dead and my lover has left me. Tell me exactly what I have to keep leaving for.”

“Yourself.” Fred murmured, rubbing Willow’s back softly, “Tara’ll come back, anyway.”

“Why would she want to? What am I? I’m nothing.”

“There’s no point in feeling sorry for yourself, it’s not gonna make you feel any better.” Fred said, retracting her arm.

“Sorry, I’ll be all happy chirpy smiley then shall I?” Willow snarled, glaring at Fred, who reeled back in response.

“Sorry…” Willow repeated, softer this time. She smiled slightly, “What am I doing? Trying to lose you too?”

Fred smiled back, touching her forehead gently, “You could never lose me, Willow.”

Willow turned her face towards her, their eyes meeting. They stared deep into each other’s eyes as Fred’s face slowly neared her own.

They were inches apart when she jumped back, “I’m… I’m sorry!” she yelped, standing up. Glancing at the cup on the floor she backed away towards the door, “I’ll… I’ll just leave that with you.”

“Fred…”

“No, no, I’ve got stuff to do,” She squeaked, “Feel better!”

The door slammed behind her and Willow sighed, fingering the handle on the cup, “Bye…”

**

“Okay, so, another valuable lesson I have learnt working for your dad, is that crying on demand, tends to get you want you want. I mean, not always, but if you’re looking for a new pair of sneakers, I’d say that tears were the best way to go to crack that big old-”

“Ahem.”

“Tara’s missing. Well she’s left, we don’t know where she is,” Angel quickly finished, seeing the seer’s shocked expression.

“Why did she leave?” Cordelia asked, fingering Connor’s toes gently.

“She had a fight with Willow.”

Cordelia rolled her eyes, “So you’re on speaking terms again then?”

Angel shrugged, “I talked to Faith. She’s right, life’s too short.”

She snorted, “They don’t deserve that kind of forgiveness.”

“Cordy, just give her a chance,” Angel said, standing up and tickling his son’s belly lightly. He headed to the door, “Think of all the chances you’ve given me over the years.”

“It’s easier to forgive somebody when you love them,” Cordelia muttered.

Angel smiled, “Love you too, Cor.”

She spun around, not expecting him to have heard what she said. The door closed behind him with a clunk, and she sighed, realising Angel’s words of love were purely platonic.

“I’ll get you,” she whispered, staring at the closed door.

**

“What’s the latest?”

The dishevelled vampire stepped forward, “Killed the witch, master.”

He waved his hand in dismissal, “I’m not interested in that. What about Connor?”

The vampire hung his head, staring at the floor, “No further developments, Holtz.”

Holtz threw his arm back, landing his fist on the vampire’s face, “You never use my name, do you understand!” Not allowing a response, Holtz whipped out a stake from the inside of his jacket and hurled it at the vampire’s chest.

He exploded into dust before Holtz’s eyes. He sighed, brushing his hands off on his trousers, “I guess I’ll just have to do this myself then.”

Part 12

“Hey Baby,” Gunn murmured, walking over to Fred and wrapping his arms around her waist, “How’s Willow?”

She flinched, detangling herself from his arms and stepping away, “She’s not doing so well.”

Gunn frowned as his girlfriend turned and walked away. Wesley stepped beside him, “What’s wrong with Fred?” he asked.

“I’ll be damned if I know…” Gunn muttered, watching as the timid brunette dashed up the stairs, throwing a guilty look over her shoulder as she went.

**

“Fred!” Willow exclaimed, leaping up from the bed and walking to the door. She took Fred’s hands in her own, “I’m so sorry about earlier, I shouldn’t have-”

“No,” Fred interrupted, “Don’t apologise… I… I mean, nothing happened.” She smiled, “You got nothing to be sorry for.”

Willow let go of her hands, “Nothing happened,” she repeated.

“Yeah… I mean, I’m with Gunn!” Fred yelped nervously, “And I don’t… I don’t… don’t swing that way…” she trailed off with a sheepish smile.

Willow turned away, walking back over to the bed and sitting down. She stared at her hands, “I know, I was just…” she let out a despairing laugh, “Never mind.”

Fred frowned and joined her on the bed. She tenderly touched her cheek, "What?"

"I..." Willow closed her eyes, revelling in the sensations of Fred's skin on hers.

Frowning slightly, Fred leaned forward and touched her lips to Willow's.

“Fred…”

She whipped her head away from Willow’s and stared at the door, “Gunn!”

Gunn stared at her, his mouth hanging open, “What… what are you doing?”

Fred bolted up from the bed and rushed over to him, “Nothing! Nothing happened!”

“It didn’t look like nothing!”

“We were just…” she took hold of his hand, “Nothing happened,” she repeated.

Willow cleared her throat nervously from where she sat on the bed.

Gunn glared at her, “What? You got something to say?”

Willow looked away, “No… no!”

He walked nearer to her, “It was nothing?”

She looked back at him but didn’t respond.

He stepped away, “No…”

“Gunn!” Fred cried, clawing at his arm.

He swung around, his palm making contact with her cheek.

Fred gasped in horror, dropping his hand, her own hands flying to her face in shock.

Gunn’s eyes widened, “I’m… I’m sorry…”

A tear slipped from Fred’s eye as Willow rushed over to her, “Are you ok?”

“Get away from her,” Gunn snarled, grabbing Willow’s arm.

“What? Are you going to hit me now too?”

He looked from one woman to the other, his face contorted with confusion. He dropped Willow’s arm and charged out the door slamming it behind him.

**

“Hey Dawnster, how are you doing?” Xander asked, wandering over to Dawn and sitting next to her on the couch.”

She shrugged, leaning her head on his shoulder, “How are you?”

“Been better.”

“How’s Anya?”

Xander smiled, “She’s doing better. Shopping a lot.”

Dawn smiled back, “That’s good.”

They sat in silence.

“Do you still think about her?”

Xander shot her a look of horror, “Dawn, it’s not even been a month, of course I do.”

She shrugged, “Sometimes I think maybe I’m the only one that it still hurts for…” she trailed off, “Everybody seems to be getting on with their lives.”

“That’s not true.”

“Yeah it is… another demon comes along and-”

“Yo, Angel, I’ve got some goodies for you,” Gunn said, limping into the lobby, dragging a vampire behind him.

She sighed, “See?”

Angel stepped out of the office, closely followed by Fred who rushed towards Gunn, “Your head,” she gasped, touching the gaping wound lightly.

Gunn wrenched his neck away, and glared coldly at the girl, “You might want to go get the others. I think we’ve got some serious interrogation to go down.”

Fred stared sadly up at him with mournful eyes before walking away.

Gunn hurled the vampire at Angel with a grunt, stalking over to the couch and throwing himself down on it.

“What happened?” Angel inquired, catching the rope thrown to him by Xander, and tying the vampire down to a chair.

“Met him in an alley,” Gunn replied, accepting the ice pack Dawn tentatively offered, “He got a bit testy, was goin’ on about Connor.”

Dawn’s eyes widened in fear, “C-connor?”

Angel walked over and placed a soothing hand on Dawn’s back, “What did he say?” he asked Gunn.

He grunted, “Something about wanting him… I wasn’t paying too much attention after he threw a sledgehammer at my head.”

Angel’s eyes narrowed, “I need more information.”

“Ask him yourself.”

Angel allowed a slight smirk to creep onto his face, “You’re right.” He walked sinisterly over to the bound vampire and grabbed the back of the chair. He dragged it towards the stairs, and marched up them, the chair thudding against each one.

“Let me go, you’ll get nothing from me!” the vamp hissed around his fangs.

Angel yanked the chair so the back hit the banister, causing the vampire’s head to crack against the wood.

“Sorry. Foot slipped.”

**

“So…” Angel started, pacing back and forth across the room, “Who are you working for?”

“Nobody!” the vampire snarled, “I work for myself!”

Angel lifted his foot and kicked at the chair, sending it flying into the back wall, “Wrong answer.” He stepped forward and grabbed its throat, “Who. Are you working for?”

“I’d sooner die than tell you!” “That can be arranged,” Angel muttered, stepping towards his weapons cabinet and tracing the glass with a finger, “Which one to use…”

The vampire’s eyes widened in fear. Angel smirked and turned back round to face him, “Who are you working for?”

“You’ll let me go?”

“I’m sure we can come to some sort of understanding.”

The vamp swallowed nervously, “Holtz. Daniel Holtz.”

Angel froze. His fingers closed around an axe and he spun around, hurling it at the vampire’s neck.

**

“I want everybody on full alert,” Angel said, charging down the stairs. He glanced over at Connor who lay slumbering in his cradle, “Nobody takes their eyes off him for a second. He’s our main priority.”

“Angel?” Cordelia asked, stepping out the office, closely followed by the others, “What’s going on?”

“Daniel Holtz.” Angel said, staring pointedly at Spike.

“Oh crap…” he murmured.

“Who is he?” Giles asked.

“Did Angel unintentionally murder somebody’s family and ruin their entire life?” Anya asked cheerfully.

“That’s about the jist,” Spike muttured.

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Xander chimed in.

“Shut up!” Angel growled, “We don’t have time for this, we’ve got to act. And we’ve got to act now.”

“What?” Fred asked nervously, “What are you going to do?” Willow stepped up behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder, ignoring the dirty looks Gunn sent her.

Angel let out a low growl, wishing he had back the use of his game face, “I’m not going to let any more of my family be taken away.”

The group were silenced. Faith stepped forward, “Tell us what you want us to do.”

**

“Okay, here’s now it’s going to work,” Angel started, sitting at the large table and surveying the group, “Fred, Anya, Cordy, take Dawn and Connor and keep them out of the way. Xander, go with them.”

“But-” Cordelia protested.

“I don’t want to hear it,” Angel continued, “Giles, Wesley. Hit the books, I want to find out where Daniel Holtz is and how he’s still alive when he was meant to be dead a century ago.”

“Right… yes... yes of course, “Giles murmured, taking off his glasses and rubbing them absent mindedly on his shirt.

Angel shot him a grateful look, “Spike, Faith, I want you with me.”

“What about me?” Gunn asked, leaning forward.

“Get yourself healed. Then I want you on the front line with us.”

The group sat in silence, absorbing Angel’s words.

He stood up and walked over to the weapon’s cabinet, “What are you waiting for? Go!”

**

“Hey,” Cordelia said softly, stepping into Angel’s room.

He glanced at her over his shoulder as he pulled his shirt over his head, “What are you doing here? I told you to go with Willow.”

“She and Fred have got something going down,” Cordelia said vaguely, “I’ll go in a minute, I just wanted to check you were okay.”

Angel shrugged, opening the wardrobe and pulling out a new shirt. “Haven’t got time not to be.”

She stepped over as he slipped inside his shirt. She laid a hand on his shoulder, “I know this must be hard. Fighting when you feel like you’ve got nothing to fight for.”

He shot her a puzzled look, “I’m fighting for my son.”

She moved her hand up to his cheek and ran her fingers down it softly, “And it’s incredibly brave… and heroic and…” she trailed off, rising up on her toes and placing her lips softly over his.

He flinched away, “What are you doing?”

“Shhh… just relax,” she murmured, leaning forward again.

He grasped her by the shoulders, “Are you crazy?!”

She stepped away, “I thought-”

“What? You thought now would be a good time to see if I’m over Buffy?”

She took his hand, “There’s nothing to feel bad about… she’d understand the way we feel.”

He raised his eyebrows, “The way we feel? I’m sorry Cordelia, but I don’t think of you that way.”

“It’s okay to admit this, Angel!”

“I love her and only her! I’ll never stop.”

“I was just trying to-”

“Just go with the others, Cordelia, I don’t have time for this.”

She stepped outside the door, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Fine,” she said to herself, “If you don’t want me, I guess I won’t want you either.”

She started to walk away when she heard a voice calling her, “Cordelia!”

She spun around, seeing Dawn charge at her, “What, what is it?”

Angel came out of the room, “Dawn?”

Dawn stared up at him with tear filled eyes as he stepped closer and took her hand, “What’s going on, Dawnie?” he asked gently.

“We… I… I left him for just a second… Anya went off with Xander, I didn’t know where she was…”

Angel’s expression darkened and he let go of Dawn’s hand, “Left who?”

A tear slipped out of the corner of her eye and rolled down her cheek, “Connor… I’m so sorry Angel.”

“Where is he?”

“He’s gone.”

**

“Giles!” Angel yelled, running into the office, “Where’s Holtz?”

Giles stood up warily, “We haven’t found anything ye-”

Angel grabbed the older man by his collar and threw him into the wall, “Where is he!” he shouted, throwing his free hand into the wall beside Giles’ head.

“Angel, get off him!” Wesley yelled, grabbing Angel’s hand and prying it from Giles’ neck.

He stepped away reluctantly, “Get Willow. Get her to do a locator spell.”

Giles shot him a disgusted look but Angel ignored it, “Now!”

**

“He’s in an apartment, 14 Westfield Street,” Willow said, running along behind Angel as he pushed his way out of the hotel doors, “Number 54!”

He stopped and turned around, seeing the whole gang gathered behind him, “Why are you coming too?” His shoulders drooped, “I thought I told you to stay at home.”

“You told us to watch Connor,” Dawn whispered, “And thanks to me-”

Angel stared at the ground, “It’s not your fault.” He looked up with steely determination, “Stay back, keep safe.”

He began to walk forward again, “I need my son back.” Glancing at Giles, he continued, “I need Buffy’s son back.”

**

They arrived outside the apartment building, the girls, excluding Faith, huddled to the back holding an arsenal of weapons, while the men stood in fighting stance, staring up at the building.

“Everybody in,” Angel ordered.

They marched into the building and up the stairs until they reached door number 54. It was covered in locks, starting from the bottom of the door and working up to the top.

Wesley extracted a gun from his jacket pocket and fired at the first lock, causing Dawn and Anya to shriek in surprise. The lock stayed bolted..

“I’ll kick it in,” Faith said, moving forward.

“No,” Angel said, pushing her away. He glanced at Spike who nodded slightly.

“Get back!” he yelled, as he and Spike charged at the bolted door, kicking it open.

Holtz sat on a bed in the far corner of the room, his head in his hands.

“Tara!” Willow yelled, pushing her way past Angel and skidding along the floor to where her lover’s body lay motionless. She reached her fingers up to her neck, “No… Tara, baby!” she shook her shoulders, “Tara, wake up! TARA!”

Holtz stood up, chuckling quietly, “Don’t think that’s going to work, sunshine,” he sneered.

Angel charged at him, fists flailing. Holtz waved his hand and an electrical barrier flew up, blocking Angel’s attack. Angel hit the barrier at full force and flew backwards, crashing into the gang assembled at the door. Faith scrambled up from the floor, broadsword in hand, and swung it round at Holtz. He grasped it in his hands, snapping it like plastic. Faith’s eyes widened in fear as the metal pinged as it hit the floor. She looked back up at Holtz just for a second before she was thrown into the wall, knocked out on the bare cement.

Holtz stepped over to Willow with a smile spread over his sinister features. She reeled back in shock as a stream of blue light hit here square between the eyes. Giles and Xander threw themselves forwards towards her but were shot back just as Angel had been, as the redhead collapsed over her lover’s dead body

“Get everybody out!” Gunn yelled at Cordelia.

She shot him a wry smile, “I don’t think so.”

He did a double take, “Cordy, I’m not kidding, get Dawn, Anya, get them out of here!”

She stood up, smiling eerily and walked over to where Holtz stood, “If Angel didn’t want me… I had to find somebody,” she said, linking arms with him.”

Angel sat up wearily, blinking furiously in horror at the sight before him, “Cordelia, just walk away. We can sort this out.”

“I don’t think so somehow, baby,” she sneered, stepping over to where he lay on the ground. She lifted her boot clad foot and placed it over his hand, crunching his fingers into the ground.

He let out a scream of agony as she broke the bones one by one.

Spike ran forwards, but Gunn held up a hand, “They’re too strong. Get Dawn, Fred, everybody… take them out, get them home.”

“Fuck off, you need me to fight,” the blonde spat.

“We can’t fight,” Wesley said, stepping up behind Gunn, “Get them out.”

Spike glanced around the room, at his lover slumped against the wall, “I can’t just leave!”

Wesley reached for his gun, “Go.”

Spike snorted, “Bullets can’t kill me.”

Wesley raised it to his head, “No, but they can bloody hurt.”

“You really think you could just get away with this?” Cordelia asked as she stepped away from Angel, “Think I’d just let you treat me like that?”

“Cordy…” Angel choked, trying to prop himself up on his elbows but collapsing again.

She let out a hollow laugh, “So strong, so heroic… yeah right.” She walked over to Holtz once more and allowed herself to sink into his embrace, “This man… he could teach you a whole lot about heroics” She smiled as he dipped her down, covering her lips with his.

Two shots fired out.

Angel twisted his head around. Wesley stood behind him, both hands clasped tightly around the gun. He stared at Cordelia’s body with an expression of pure horror on his face.

Angel blinked, “What did you…” he stepped towards Wesley but then spun around and threw himself at Holtz. Distracted by Cordelia’s dead body, Holtz was caught off guard as Angel snapped his neck. His body fell to the ground and Angel leapt on him. “Where’s my son?!” he yelled, pounding his fists into the man who lay dead on the ground, “What did you do with my boy?!”

Spike grabbed his shoulders and pulled the bigger man away. Angel snarled, throwing his fist round into Spike’s face. He was vaguely aware of the others rushing back into the room as he pounded into him. As he felt himself wrenched away from Spike he rushed forwards towards Holtz again when Dawn caught his arm, “Angel, no! It’s over!” she yelled.

He stared at her for what seemed like hours, the world having spun into slow motion. Dawn blinked, her eyes flashing the colour of Buffy’s, just for a second, before returning to their usual blue.

Angel dropped his hands to his sides and stared up at the ceiling. The room spun around him as he dropped to his knees and let out a blood curdling howl.

Part 13

"Let's just… sit you down," Fred said quietly, her voice wavering. Angel staggered into the room, one arm round Fred's shoulders, the other round Dawn's. Along with Anya, the two girls were the only ones who weren't injured in the fight.

He sat down on his bed, leaning his head against the headboard, "How… how is everyone?"

Dawn sat down next to him and took his head in hers, "Giles, Spike, Gunn, Xander… they're all fine, just minor bumps and bruises."

Angel swallowed, "The others?"

"Faith… she's still unconscious, she must have hit the wall at a pretty big force." she chewed at her lip, "But Giles thinks she'll be okay."

"Wesley… Willow… Cordelia…" Angel trailed off, choking back a sob.

"Wesley's fine physically." Dawn sighed, running a hand over her hair, "We don't know if Willow's going to…" she let out a cry, "We don't know if she's going to make it."

Fred shuffled over, sitting next to Dawn and cradling her in her arms. She peered over her head to look at Angel, "I'm so sorry."

Angel noticed the lack of response about Cordelia's well being. His heart stung brutally inside his chest, "How could… how could she?"

Fred bowed her head, "I don't know, Angel."

He stared numbly at the wall in front of him, "Could you just… could you just leave me alone?"

She nodded, taking Dawn's hand and leading her out of the room, "We'll let you know if anything changes."

The door closed behind them and Angel was left in darkness.

He slid down the bed, gathering Mr Gordo to him, hissing as his broken fingers tried to clench around the fuzzy, pink material.

"Buffy, love…" He whispered into the dark, closing his eyes, "Buffy, please come back."

**

"Angel."

He bolted upright in bed, his eyes adjusting to the lack of light.

"B…Buffy?" he questioned into the dark

A figure stepped forward, suddenly bathed in life.

"Buffy…" he breathed, standing up from the bed.

She held up a hand, "Shhh," she murmured, "Let me explain."

He stepped forward, touching her cheek but flinching back when he found it to be cold, "What's going on?"

She smiled softly and ran her own hand down his cheek, "You can get me back," she whispered.

His eyes widened, and he grasped onto her waist, "How… tell me how."

Her smile stayed fixed to her face, "Dawn… She was never supposed to be here... the only way I can come back is if she goes."

Angel swallowed, "What do you want me to do?"

She smiled, "I'm not really me. I'm just a messenger."

"You look like her… you smell..." he rushed forward, nuzzling her neck, "You're her..."

She continued to smile, showing no real reactions, "I'm not."

"You're saying I have to sacrifice Dawn to get you back?"

"Yes."

"I can't do that… Buffy she'd… she'd never allow it."

"Then I'll go..."

"No! Buffy, please no!"

She gradually disappeared leaving him alone.

**

Angel's eyes jolted open. He breathed heavily, looking around the room.

It had been a dream. She'd never been there. The room spun around him until he found himself submerged back in the darkness of his bedroom. Steadying himself, he walked over to the window and stared out.

"What's the point," he muttered, closing his eyes and pressing his forehead against the cool glass.

"Me?"

His eyes jolted open as the rest of him froze. He pulled his head away from the window and slowly turned around, coming face to face with her, her body draped in a blue silky dress. She looked like an angel.

She looked down at the bundle in her arms and then back up at Angel, "I guess holding a baby makes our big reunion sort of difficult."

His mouth fell open, "Who… what… who are you?"

She quirked an eyebrow, "It's been THAT long?"

"You're… you're dead," Angel panted. He looked at the bundle in her arms, "Connor… he's… he's gone too."

Buffy rolled her eyes, "I envisioned the big smoochies," she placed Connor in the centre of the bed, propping cushions around him so he wouldn't fall off, "I can't say I'm not disappointed."

Angel slumped down to the ground, burying his head in his hands, "It's the first. Haunting me… tormenting me again."

"Nah, I'm sure the first has better things to do," Buffy said, inspecting her nail, "Besides, I can hold stuff. Like our son, for instance."

Angel looked up, his eyes wide, "You're not you. You can't be you."

Buffy's expression softened as she knelt down beside her husband. She took his hand in hers and lifted it to her chest, "See? Beating."

He blinked, once, twice. Then before Buffy knew what was happening, she had been pinned to the floor by his larger form, his mouth covering hers, his hands tracing every single line of her body.

She giggled against his mouth at his urgency to check she was all there.

"Are you okay? Are you…" his eyes scanned her body.

"I'm fine," she soothed, "All better."

"What do I have to do to get you back?" he queried, his breathes uneven, "What do I have to give up?"

She frowned, tracing the lines of his forehead with her hand, "Nothing… I'm here, you don't have to do anything."

"I had a… I had a dream, you said I had to sacrifice Dawn to get you back," Angel whimpered, tears beginning to leak from his eyes.

Worry marred her features, "Angel, I'm yours. Unconditionally," she wiped away his tears with the pad of her fingers, "Always." she whispered.

"I don't care how," he murmured against her neck, "I don't care how. Or why. Just… just stay," he gripped onto her waist tightly.

"I have to explain, it's part of the deal," Buffy murmured into the shoulder she was tightly pressed against.

He reluctantly pulled away, still holding her tightly to him.

"Holtz… turns out he had some big plans…" she smoothed her hands over his chest, "By killing him… you averted the apocalypse."

Angel rolled his eyes, "If I'd known it would be that easy…"

"The shazu prophec-"

"Shanshu."

"Whatever," She waved her hand about dismissively, "The prophecy Wesley found after you were made human said that when you averted the apocalypse, you'd be given your reward. The powers never forecasted you becoming human all on your own… so they decided to give you a different reward."

"Your reward," she whispered into his ear, nibbling on it gently, "Me."

He lifted his head up to stare into her eyes, "It always was."

Tears welled up in her eyes and she ran a hand down his face, "I missed you so much."

He kissed her again, their tongues meeting and tangling in a wild dance. He broke away panting, "I thought I'd die. I did die… I can't live without you. I can't breathe… I thought I would die," he repeated, choking off and burying his face in her chest.

"Shh," she soothed, running her hands through his thick hair as he cried, "I'm here… Connor's here…"

His head shot up, his face streaked with tears, "Connor," he stated, gathering her up in his arms and standing up. He looked at the bed where his son lay happily gurgling amongst the pillows.

"What happened?"

She preoccupied herself, kissing his neck, "Mmm… powers that be… they must have retrieved him from somewhere. Gave him to me. Sent us back," she emphasised her last word with a nip to his pulse point, electing a moan from him.

"God…" he murmured, brushing his hands over her hair.

"Buffy," she corrected wryly.

He glanced at Connor, and then back at her, "Can we get him off the bed?" he asked with a smile.

She rolled her eyes, "Nothing changes. Don't you want to talk first?" she asked quietly.

He sat down, "About what?" he said coldly.

"What's happened since I was gone…? Tara… Cordelia…" she said sadly.

"You know."

"They kept me posted."

"They?" he questioned, "God, I don't even know where you were… You're right, we should talk."

"I wasn't anywhere really," she said, staring at her hands, "I wasn't in heaven… I was just waiting for you."

He placed his hands on her hips and pulled her onto his lap, "No more waiting," he whispered.

"You're comprehending all this fairly well now," Buffy smirked.

"My wife died and left me alone in grief. Now she's back," Angel shrugged, nibbling at her lip, "I'm still a man with a one track mind."

"My man," Buffy moaned, kissing him gently.

Dawn burst into the room, "Angel! Angel, Willow, she's okay! She woke u-" She stopped.

Buffy stepped away from Angel, staring at her sister intently, "Dawnie," she whispered.

Dawn gripped onto the door, her knuckles whitening, "I don't care how." she whimpered.

Buffy rushed at her, gathering her in her arms as they sunk to the floor. Tirades of tears poured down Dawn's cheeks as her sister rocked her back and forth.

"You're really here, you're really here," Dawn chanted.

"I'm really here," Buffy whispered, looking at Angel over the top of Dawn's head.

He sunk to the floor beside them, wrapping his arms around Buffy's waist, holding onto her, never wanting to let go. His breath, his life, his world.

His everything.

She was back.

Of this book… More to come if it's wanted!

Send feedback to Jem

Back to the Fanfiction Archive