Disclaimer: Nothing but my ideas belongs to me.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: B/R to begin with, B/A hope in the end.
Summary: Buffy's moving on: She hasn't heard from Angel for two years. She didn't question why...
Spoilers: Up to Angel, Deep Down
Author’s Notes: Written for Ashley as part of Jade's Angst-a-thon
Requests : Angel's leather jacket, buffy giving Angel flowers
Warning - Angst-ridden.

“…everything we’ve been through, there were so many times when I thought we wouldn’t make it. But we have. And its lead me to realise that you are, and always will be, the only girl that I have ever truly loved.”

Buffy’s green eyes filled with tears as the man in front of her continued his heartfelt speech. She swallowed and coughed sternly, trying to compose herself, “I promised myself I wouldn’t cry,” she said with a soft laugh as she wiped at her tears with the back of her hand.

He took her tear streaked hand in his and kissed it tenderly, “Buffy Anne Summers….” he looked up at her with a wide, toothy smile as he dropped to his knees before her, “Will you marry me?”

Tears streamed from her eyes now as she too drops to the floor, “Yes!” she exclaimed jubilantly, throwing her arms around his neck in exhilaration, “Yes Riley, I will.”

**

“Oh you have GOT to be kidding me,” said Cordelia Chase, scathingly, as her eyes scanned over the fancy wedding invitation.

“What?” Wesley Wyndam-Price murmured vaguely, not bothering to look up from his books for Cordelia’s expected daily outburst.

“My god, she’s got some nerve,” she continued testily, “Sending it to Angel? Does she have no sensitivity at all?”

Wesley sighed, abandoning any last remaints of hope for a peaceful environment, “Who?”

“Buffy,” said Cordelia, marching over and thrusting the flimsy piece of paper on Wesley’s desk, “Is getting married.”

Wesley’s eyes widened in surprise. Grabbing the invitation in one hand, he slid on his glasses with the other, “Goodness…” he muttered as his eyes took in the fancy calligraphy. Buffy Summers was getting married? To a man who wasn’t Angel? Unthinkable, surely! Even in his more stuffy moments acting as Buffy’s watcher, Wesley had clearly been able to see that Buffy and Angel truly were soul mates. And now it was apparent that Buffy no longer shared the same sentiment.

“Goodness?” Cordelia spit out, interrupting his thoughts, “Is that all you have to say?”

“I suppose she’s moved on,” concluded Wesley, discarding the invitation onto his desk, amongst a large pile of paperwork, “We’ll have to RSVP I suppose.”

“Moved on?!” the brunette huffed in disbelief, folding her arms across her chest, “Well, isn’t she the lucky one!” She rolled her eyes, marching restlessly across the length of the room, “And RSVP. Yeah, I can see it now: ‘Sorry Buffy, but Angel can’t attend your wedding on account of him being INSANE and everything!”

“Cordelia, she doesn’t know…”

“Well if you ask me, she’s gotta be pretty much a selfish bitch if she doesn’t wonder why the one true love of her life hasn’t contacted her for two years.”

Wesley sighed, exasperated, “Perhaps she assumed he’d moved on too.”

“I think we should tell her,” she said decidedly, placing her hands firmly on her hips.

“You know we can’t do that,” said Wesley, “Angel may not be the most coherent of people these days, but he was very clear when we found him that he didn’t want Buffy to know anything. Angel’s always been very determined that he wants Buffy to enjoy a normal life and not be burdened by him…” he trailed off sadly. None of them had ever imagined Angel would become quite that burden he was today.

“What does it matter?” Cordelia asked, letting out a grunt of frustration, “He’s so crazy he’ll never realise she’s there anyway!”

“Cordelia, I made the decision two years ago to respect Angel’s wishes,” he replied, “Besides, the girl is getting married! It’s not our place to interfere.”

“Right,” she snorted distastefully, “So Angel doesn’t wish for Buffy to be here? That’s why he calls for her every freakin’ night.”

“He’s clinically insane, he doesn’t know who he’s calling for.” Since his son had dumped him in the ocean two years ago, Angel had never been the same. Eventually Wesley and Cordelia found him floating the seas in a coffin, but it was too late. Angel was gone in every sense apart from physically. All that was left was a shell of the man that used to be.

Cordelia had taken it the hardest. Especially when a year later, their friends Fred and Gunn had packed up and ‘moved on’, declaring that Angel was as good as gone, and they had no reason to stay. As much as Cordelia had never been a fan of Buffy Summers, she acknowledged that perhaps she was their last hope.

Now, she was refusing to let go of those last threads of Angel that remained. The part of Angel that remained in Buffy. “So we’re just going to LET her get married?” she asked, running her hands through her hair.

“Cordelia, since when have you ever been in support of Buffy and Angel?”

She looked away uncomfortably. Inside, she and Wesley both knew that Buffy and Angel belonged together, whether they publicly acknowledged it or not.

She looked back at him with steely determination, “She’s betraying him! He hasn’t looked at a single other woman since…. well you know,” she finished stupidly.

“He’s hardly in a fit state to be dating, Cordelia,” Wesley said despairingly, “I think perhaps you’re being a little unfair.”

“She needs to know,” Cordelia reiterated, “Maybe she could like… fix him.” She’s our last hope! She added silently.

“I think we need to accept that he’s beyond… fixing…” Wesley gazed at her sadly, “And I think you need to accept that Buffy’s beyond Angel. She’s getting married, and there’s nothing you or anyone else can do about it.”

**

“No way out…. nothing… nothing… can’t… there’s fire! Burning! Burning!”

Cordelia winced as Angel’s head crashed against the wall as he thrashed violently against his restraints. His temples were littered with bruises, the result of Angel’s repeated unintentional harm. Had it been ‘the old Angel’, as Cordelia referred to him, he would have healed in an instant. But lack of blood, strength and any sort of supernatural healing powers, had left Angel in what Cordelia could only imagine to be constant pain.

“Wesley!” she called out, placing the container of blood on the nightstand, “I need you… to… to hold him down…” she looked away, still unable to talk about her friend like he was some sort of rabid animal.

Wesley stepped into the room, rolling his sleeves up as he approached the bed, “Hello Angel,” he said in the same calm tone, used every time he spoke to the distressed vampire. He stretched out his arm and firmly pressed his palm down against Angel’s shoulder, effectively holding him down. It didn’t take much these days. Not only was Angel weak, he’d lost much of the fight and determination that he’d tried so hard to cling to in the beginning.

Cordelia tensely held the glass of warm blood to his lips, relaxing slightly as they parted and Angel gulped down the liquid.

Half way down he turned his head away, panting fiercely as the blood trickled down his chin and onto his blood stained chest. They’d given up trying to keep Angel clean a long time ago.

As Cordelia reached out to try and wipe at the remaints on his chin, Angel twisted awkwardly and snarled aggressively, lashing out against Wesley’s hold.

Cordelia hastily pulled her hand away and stepped back from the bed, “Sorry,” she said quietly, no longer shocked by this kind of reaction. She turned away from Wesley and pressed her palms to her eyes, trying to quell the tears that threatened to spill. No longer shocked, but just as distraught.

Wesley released his hold on Angel and stepped back, shaking his head in despair as Angel resumed his erratic thrashing.

“It seems just… cruel…” Cordelia’s voice shook with emotion, “Maybe we’d be… maybe it’d be kinder to…”

“No.” Wesley said fiercely, “I’m getting closer to finding a cure every day. I’m not going to give up on him.”

“Even though he gave up on you?” Cordelia asked bitterly. Wesley flinched in response, as Cordelia cut at a fine nerve. His tattered relationship with Angel at the time of his disappearance was something that continued to haunt Wesley. Ultimately, he still blamed himself for the broken state of his once close friend. After all, if he hasn’t taken Connor away, Connor wouldn’t have been stolen by Holtz and in due course, wouldn’t have sent his father to the bottom of the ocean.

“I’m sorry, so, so, sorry… didn’t mean to… didn’t mean to… help,” Angel babbled restlessly, breaking through the silence of the room.

Cordelia’s eyes widened in surprise, “Do you think he understands?” she asked breathily.

Wesley turned away, “No,” he said, “He’s been saying that all week.”

“Urgh,” she let out a frustrated grunt, sniffing away the remains of her tears, “Why do I still get hopeful?”

Wesley rolled his sleeves down and turned back to look at Angel who had momentarily calmed, “Because you know he’d do the same for you,” he paused, remembering what Angel had said to him once, long ago, “That’s what real champions do.”

**

“You get the invitations sent off hon?” Riley asked, reclining on the bed as his fiancé paced the length of her bedroom.

She nodded, “I didn’t invite Sam...” she paused, still uncomfortable at the mention of Riley’s former wife. Shortly after Riley and Sam had returned to Sunnydale, Sam broke it off with Riley, concluding that Riley was far too hung up about Buffy and Spike for somebody who said they weren’t in love with her anymore.

“It’s up to you if you want to,” Buffy continued, “I just wasn’t sure if I was entirely comfortable with the idea.”

Riley laughed, “Invite my ex wife to our wedding?” he rolled his eyes, smiling at his fiancés’ absurdity, “Yeah, because that wouldn’t be awkward, at all. Why don’t you just invite Angel along just to add to the whacky mix!” he laughed again, amused at his own ironic joke.

Buffy froze and turned to look at him guiltily.

Riley abruptly stopped laughing, “Oh no. Please tell me you didn’t.”

“I’m sorry… I just…” she wrung her hands nervously, “I haven’t seen him in so long…”

“So you thought you’d have your great reunion on our wedding day?!” he asked incredulously.

“No!” Buffy exclaimed, lowering to her knees before him, “I just wanted to make sure we were okay… there was a time when I loved him a lot.” She took his hands in hers and smiled reassuringly, “Not anymore.”

“You think he’s really going to come to our wedding and sit quietly?” Riley asked, determined to fight against the pleading pout face his fiancé was forcing upon him. ‘She always beats me down with that damn pout’, he thought to himself, annoyed at how every thought of her made him love her even more, even in the midst of an argument.

“He was never really much of a noise maker,” Buffy said wryly, “He probably won’t even turn up. I felt sorta bad about sending him an invitation to my wedding when I haven’t even spoken to him in two years…”

“Maybe you could give him a call, check he’s okay with it,” Riley muttered sarcastically.

She missed his sarcasm completely, “That’s not a bad idea,” she murmured, stepping away from him as he gaped at her in disbelief, “I want things to be perfect. With everything and everyone.” she smiled lovingly at him, “I want my life with you to be perfect. No surprises.”

**

“That’s it!” Wesley exclaimed, tugging his glasses off and staring at the page in disbelief, as if the words would fade away as a cruel hallucination.

“What?” Cordelia poked her head round the door, “Was that a Eureka ‘That’s it’ or a Foiled Again ‘That’s it’?”

Wesley smiled a rare smile, “Eureka.”

Her eyes lit up, “Are you serious?” she charged into the room, “Let me see!”

Wesley held the book protectively towards him, “There’s a prophecy that speaks of The Vampire with a Soul being defeated by….” he scanned the book, “An unstoppable supernatural force, stronger than any living being,” he paused, “Or un-living for that matter.”

Cordelia’s face fell, “Unstoppable?”

Wesley snapped the book shut, “Can only be stopped by something true...” he gazed vaguely into space.

She grabbed the book from him and gazed longingly at it, “True? I can be true! I never lie!”

He frowned, “Your nose just grew six inches, Cordelia.”

Her hand flew to her nose, “What?!”

He rolled his eyes, “Never mind,” he snatched the book away from her, “It’s unclear… but I just might…” a smug smile spread across his face, “I just might be able to do it,” he said, determinedly.

“Are you gonna sit there and look pleased with yourself all day or are you going to tell me?” she asked, quietly amused by the satisfied look on his face.

“I don’t know if I have the right resources-”

“Well find them!” Cordelia interrupted, snatching back the book once more and flicking through the pages, “If there’s a way we can save Angel, then we have to find it! And do it!”

They both froze as a tirade of wailing screams came from the room holding Angel captive.

“You have to help him,” Cordelia said fiercely.

“I can’t,” Wesley paused, “But I think I might know somebody who can.”

Her eyes narrowed in suspicion, “What happened to leaving Buffy out of this?”

He looked away, “Yes, well. That was before I thought she might actually be able to cure Angel,” Cordelia’s mouth dropped open at his declaration, “Besides, I don’t plan on contacting Miss Summers quite yet.”

Ignoring Cordelia’s demanding looks he picked up the phone and dialled an ever familiar number.

“Rupert? It’s Wesley Wyndam-Price speaking.”

**

“So why exactly do I have a boy at my Bachelorette?” Buffy slurred, taking a swig of sangria, “And I use the term party, lightly.”

“I was hardly going to go to Captain Cardboard’s Initiative reunion night,” Xander retorted.

“Xander…” Buffy said warningly, rolling her eyes at her friend’s continuous jibes at her soon to be husband.

“I don’t have to like him, I just have to be civil,” Xander said defensively, “That’s what you said.”

Buffy adjusted her tiara, “I also told you to work through your issues.” The issues being Xander’s constantly denied, but quite clearly remaining romantic feelings for Buffy. Especially since the disaster that was his almost wedding to Anya.

There wasn’t a day that went by when Xander didn’t wish that things had gone differently, “Not possible Buff, there’s just too darned many of them,” he mumbled, his tone sobered from its usual cheer.

She smiled sadly at him, shoving him affectionately, “All the more to love you for.”

“Ski boots!”

Buffy raised her eyebrows, poking her head round the side of her closet door, “Having fun, guys?”

“This is so totally cool,” Dawn exclaimed, throwing herself to the ground and tugging the boots onto her feet, “I’m getting all the best stuff,” she giggled cheerfully as Willow snatched one of the boots away, thrusting her own foot into it.

“Hey, I’m moving out, I’m not dying,” Buffy protested as her friend and sister rifled through the contents of her closet.

“You said we could have what was left in the wardrobe!” Willow exclaimed, hopping awkwardly on her one-shoed foot.

“Well I reserve the right to change my mind at any point,” Buffy declared with a pout, taking another gulp of alcohol “Geez this is like the best bachelorette party ever.”

“Better than the initiative party.”

“Xander…” Willow said warningly, as she peered at the vast array of clothes, “Ooh, what’s this?”

“What’s what?” Buffy asked, looking up as Willow pulled out a black jacket.

Willow swiveled around, hiding the garment from her, “Nothing! Just one of your old jackets!”

“Hey, let me see,” Buffy said, getting to her feet and holding her hand expectantly.

Willow grimaced and tentatively brought the jacket back into view.

“Oooh, leather!” Dawn said gleefully, making a grab for the jacket.

Willow held it out of reach, “Do you want to put it in the ‘To Keep’ pile?” she asked carefully

“What is it?” Xander asked.

“Angel’s jacket,” Willow said, as Buffy quietly took hold of the jacket, examining it carefully

She raised it to her nose, “Still sorta smells like him,” she said with a sad smile.

“Does this mean I can’t have it?” Dawn asked.

“No,” Willow and Buffy replied in unison.

“I suddenly feel ever so sober,” Buffy sighed, clutching the jacket to her chest, the bottle of sangria long forgotten in her other hand.

“Let’s just… put the bad jacket away and have some more booze,” Xander suggested, carefully trying to steer the conversation away from Angel.

“I rang the number he gave me… way back when…” Buffy trailed off, finishing with a loud hiccup, “But the line wasn’t working. I don’t have the new one.”

“So do you think he’ll show?” Dawn asked.

“I doubt it. I… kinda wish he would,” Buffy murmured, ignoring Xander’s snort of disgust, “I loved him for such a long time that sometimes…”

“Sometimes, what?” Willow asked, frowning.

She looked away, “Sometimes it feels like I still do.”

“Woah, woah, woah!” Xander exclaimed with wide eyes, “You’re getting married! Tomorrow! To Riley! Who, I must say, is a stand-up guy.”

All three girls looked pointedly at him.

“Well, better than Angel!” he continued defensively.

“Can I have some more sangria, please?” Buffy asked miserably as she sank to the floor, ignorant to the bottle that she still held in her hand.

“Buffy, what does this mean?” Willow asked, shooting a worried look at Xander.

She hiccupped again, staring forlornly at the jacket, “It means I’m going to be way hungover on my wedding day.”

**

“Buffy…” Angel’s head swam as the vague fragments of his mind tried to piece themselves together. He could see her in a wedding dress, radiant as she walked down the aisle into the sun.

“Burning sun…. it burns, Buffy, NO!” he shouted, tugging on the chains that held him back. His mind clouded over as the image of Buffy burned away, her body dissolved into fire, “NO! BUFFY!”

His head thumped repeatedly against the wall as he chanted her name over and over.

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” he said pleadingly, tears sailing down his cheeks, “Please don’t leave me.”

Cordelia stood by the door, watching as the scene unraveled before her, feeling utterly helpless to it, “Is she coming?” she asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” Wesley replied, equally quiet, watching as Angel sliced open wounds on his wrists as he fought the brutal (necessary) chains, “There’s nothing more we can do.”

“I’ll never forget, I’ll never forget her…” Angel wailed, shifting into game face as the scent of his own blood hit his nose, “Buffy…”

**

“What?”

Giles shifted uncomfortably as the slayer’s eyes flashed angrily at him, “Buffy… maybe you should sit down.”

They stood in the vestry at the back of the church. Buffy was due to marry Riley in exactly thirteen minutes, and now Giles was asking her to sit down? She glared at him, “If I sit down, my dress will crease,” she said matter of factly, “What’s going on?”

He remained silent, unsure of how to break such shattering news to the feisty woman standing before him.

“What’s going on?” she demanded again, hiking up the bottom of her wedding dress, as if ready to make an escape.

Giles sighed, taking off his glasses and rubbing the bridge of his nose, “I got a call from Wesley yesterday.”

Buffy blinked dumbly at him, “Is… is he okay?”

“Wesley? He’s fi-”

“Angel!” Buffy corrected testily, “Is he okay?”

He cleared his throat, hesitating-

“Tell me!”

“This might be fairly difficult for you to hear, Buffy,” Giles said, “Today of all days.”

“Tell me,” she said again, her voice dropped to a pleading whisper.

Giles watched sadly as the mere mention of Angel broke the slayer down into pieces. Willow, as the best friend, had been constantly reassuring that Buffy was in fact long over Angel. There were moments, especially moments like this, when he was not so sure.

He slid his glasses back on, aware that he was very much using them as a shield to avoid meeting Buffy’s eyes. He took a deep breath, “Two years ago Angel was locked in a coffin and sent to the bottom of the ocean. He remained there for a number of months.”

Her mouth dropped open, “What?” she gasped, “Who did that to him?”

Giles looked away, “I don’t know,” he lied, under Wesley’s instruction. It was almost humorous. Giles was back to taking orders from Wesley again. Something he’d vowed would never happen again.

Buffy ran her hands through her perfectly coiffed hair, “Where is he now?”

“He’s at his hotel with Cordelia and Wesley.”

She let out a heavy sigh of relief, “Good.”

Giles’ stomach clenched as he watched his slayer’s face relax, “He’s gone mad, Buffy,” he said slowly, allowing the words to sink in, “Quite literally. The lack of blood destroyed him completely. For months he was comatose… but now he’s just… well, insane.”

She froze, “What?”

“A vampire can exist indefinitely without feeding, but the damage to the higher brain functions can be… has been… catastrophic.”

She inhaled sharply, her heart rate rapidly increasing in utter terror and fear, “Why didn’t anybody tell me?”

“Apparently his last reasonable words were that he didn’t want you to know.”

She tried to swallow but found she couldn’t. She felt as if somebody had ripped her heart from her chest and stuffed it down her throat.

“Well now I know, I have to make him better,” Buffy said, her voice cracking slightly.

“That’s why Wesley contacted me,” Giles said. He placed a hand on her shoulder, “It’s not guaranteed but Wesley discovered a prophecy that said Angel could be saved by something… ‘True’. And on further investigation, we have come to realize that Angel could make great progress with the blood of his true love.”

“Mine?” She asked. Her face crumpled for a second, her hands came flying up to her face to wipe at the tears that threatened to escape from her eyes. Giles took a step back, unsure of how she would react. When she looked back up, her face had changed and her expression was firm, “Then it’s his.”

Her words near bowled him over. Willow had been wrong, “What about Riley? What about today?”

“I can’t get married now…” she ran shaky hands down her dress, “He’ll understand. Or he won’t.” she shook her head, her brow tightening, “You have to take me to him.”

“Riley?”

Buffy shook her head once again, “Angel.”

**

She kicked off her shoes as she ran up the stairs towards the lobby and pushed open the doors.

“Where is he?”

Cordelia looked up from her place behind the desk, “Interesting ensemble,” she retorted, looking over Buffy in her puffy wedding dress. She nodded at Giles who stood awkwardly behind Buffy, “Hey Giles,” she said casually. He merely nodded back in response.

Buffy marched forward and slammed her hands on the desk, “Where. Is he?” she demanded, “I want to do this, and I want to do this now.”

Cordelia strutted round the desk and stood directly in front of the slayer, making full advantage of her extra inches, “Oh, so this is a pity trip is it? Run in, be the big hero and save Angel, and then just go back to good old sunnyhell in time for the wedding reception?”

Buffy grabbed Cordelia by the throat, “Where is he?” she hissed, tightening her grip threateningly.

“Buffy, for goodness sake!” Giles exclaimed, grasping her arm and pulling her away, “What do you think you’re doing?”

She looked up at him, suddenly becoming much smaller in his eyes, “Will somebody please tell me where he is?” She asked desperately, clutching onto Giles’ hand.

“This way,” Wesley said from the top of the stairs. She dropped Giles’ hand abruptly, twisting round and rushing at the stairs.

“I have to warn you, Buffy,” Wesley said gravely as she approached him “He’s not the same man that you knew. You should be prepared for that.”

She inhaled sharply, “I saw him when he came back from hell. I can handle it.”

They reached the top of the stairs and came to a stop outside a heavily bolted door. With one last confirming glance at a steely faced Buffy, Wesley produced an array of keys and unlocked the locks that held Angel captive in his prison.

“Angel,” Buffy whispered, placing her hand against the doorframe to steady herself. He was slumped against the bed, his arms still chained to the wall behind it, causing his torso to be twisted to near breaking point. His hair was matted and plastered to his forehead with sweat. His skin was paler than she’d ever seen it, he appeared to be translucent.

“Who did this to him?” she demanded, nearly growling as she took in the sight of her utterly destroyed true love.

Wesley coughed nervously, “We don’t know.”

“Does he… does he feed?” Buffy asked quietly, her eyes fixed on him as he panted heavily.

“We try to give him blood on a daily basis,” Wesley replied calmly, “Some days he’ll take it, some days he won’t.”

She nodded, biting down on her lip, distraught at the calmness of Wesley’s tone. He’s had two years to come to terms with this. She’s had barely two minutes.

Her hands clenched firmly around the door, “Tell me what I need to do.” Angel’s head cocked at her words.

Buffy took a step back as his eyes shifted to look at her. He thrashed, once, twice, on his chains but then slumped forwards again.

“He doesn’t…” her voice shook, “he doesn’t remember me?” she asked, her grip on the doorframe relaxing slightly.

“It’s been a long time,” Wesley replied, eyeing the rapidly weakening slayer nervously, “Perhaps you should try and get some sleep. We can do this another day.”

She shook her head, “No,” she stared at the wreck of her former love, “I couldn’t sleep another night knowing he was... Do I… will he bite me? Or…”

Wesley nodded, calm as ever, “The Prophecy reads that that’s the only way.”

She visibly blanched “What if… what if he doesn’t stop?”

“We’ll stop him,” Giles said, coming up behind them.

She nodded in acceptance, “I need you to… I need you to leave. Just until… it’s… until we’ve started.”

“Buffy, I would not advise that under any circumstances,” Giles said firmly.

Buffy turned to look at him, her face set with determination, “You know better than to try and fight my choices, Giles.”

“He could kill you,” Giles hissed, watching as Angel muttered to himself, whacking his head against the wall.

“He’s not strong enough to do her any real harm,” Wesley reassured him, “We’ll wait outside.”

Buffy shot him a grateful smile, surprised at how much the former watcher had changed since the last time she’d seen him, “Thank you,” she whispered.

As the door closed behind them, Buffy turned back to face Angel. She sniffled noisily and his head turned to look at her once again.

He frowned in pain and confusion as she took steps towards him and slid to her knees.

“Angel?” she asked tentatively.

She flinched as he growled and thrashed on his chains again.

Buffy swallowed nervously. What if Giles was right? Angel had become so animalistic. He could drain her dry in seconds.

But he needed her. She loved him. As much as she’d tried to deny it, she knew that she always would. She stares into his eyes. She wants so desperately for him to hold her, to take her in his arms and kiss her like tomorrow doesn’t matter.

“Soon,” she whispered, as he stares blankly into space, muttering nonsense.

Resolved, she brought shaky hands up to the top of her dress and ripped it fiercely, exposing her neck and shoulders. Checking that his chains were secure, Buffy took Angel’s limp head in her hands and thrust it towards her neck.

He writhed against her, struggling to get away.

“Shhh,” she soothed, stroking his neck softly, “Drink, my darling.”

She felt his face change against her, as his nose rooted around her neck. His fangs slid into her neck like butter as she wrapped her arms and legs around him, holding them both up.

It wasn’t like before, she dimly thought as he sucked the life from her. There was no passion, romance or even love involved in this. It was a purely carnal act. An animal feeding to survive. Her head dropped to his shoulder as he hungrily sucked at her neck, grunting with the exertion. Blood spilled clumsily from his mouth and splashed down to the white, satin bodice of her dress, staining it crimson red.

His fangs eventually slid from him neck. Whether by choice, or by force, she did not know. Her body slumped backwards to the floor and just before she lost consciousness, she could swear that his lips pressed against her neck soothingly.

And as her head thwacked against the hard floor, she smiled a weary smile.

**

She woke some time later in a small but cozy room, with the sunlight streaming in through the window. She lay peacefully for mere seconds before bolting upright in the bed, “Angel” she whispers to the empty room.

She swings her legs over the side of the bed, wincing as pain shoots through every morsel of her as she shakily headed out of the room. She looked down at herself. Her wedding dress had been discarded in a favor of what she could only assume to be one of Angel’s shirts. She sniffed the sleeve longingly, disappointed to find the smell of washing powder in place of Angel’s ever familiar scent. Her hand drifted up to her neck where she found thick gauze, soaked through with her own blood.

She sighed heavily as she trudged down the corridor and down the stairs to find Wesley sitting on one of the long sofas in the lobby, surrounded by an array of books.

He looked up as she entered the room and she smiled weakly at him, “How’s he doing?” she asked, clutching at the sleeve of Angel’s shirt as if it brought her closer to him in some way.

Wesley looked away, unable to meet her eye, “Buffy….”

The smile drops off her face, “What? It did work, didn’t it?”

He shook his head slightly, barely enough for Buffy to detect it. She charged forward and clutched at his shoulders, “Why?!” she shrieked desperately, “Why isn’t he better?!”

He calmly took her hands in his and forced them away from his shoulders, “We’re looking into it.”

She freezes momentarily before toppling to the ground, Angel’s shirt flooding around her.

Her eyes stare vacantly forward, “I don’t understand,” she says numbly, “You said this would work.” Her eyes flicked up to meet his, and through her own blurred vision she caught sight of tears glittering in Wesley’s eyes.

“There were never any guarantees,” Wesley said stiffly.

She wiped at her eyes with the back of her sleeve, “What now?” she asked. Her heart thuds erratically in her chest, but apart from that it barely feels as if she’s alive.

“We keep looking for the answer,” Wesley replied, gesturing to the books surrounding to him.

She gulped back the tears that threatened to surface, “Where’s Giles?”

“He’s on the telephone…” Wesley trailed off, “To uh, somebody called Riley, I do believe.”

No sign of emotion showed on Buffy’s face. She just nodded and got to her feet.

“It’s probably best if you return to your friends in Sunnydale,” said Wesley, “We’ll contact you when we find out any more.”

Buffy shot him a horrified look, “You think I’m going to leave him?”

“Buffy, there’s nothing you can do for him now.”

“I don’t care,” she gritted her teeth in determination, “I’m not leaving him.”

“Buffy…”

“Is he still in the same room?” she asked, staring at the stairs.

“Yes, but-” he stopped as she turned and ran back up the stairs, tripping over her feet as she suffered under the loss of blood, “But we know better than to fight your decisions,” Wesley finished with a sigh.

**

She stepped cautiously into the room. He was curled in a ball on the floor, his restraints now nailed to the floor in an attempt to leave him in a less uncomfortable position.

“Why did this have to happen to you?” she questioned bitterly, “All you wanted to do was help people…”

“There’s no answer!” Angel suddenly shouted, causing Buffy to jump back in surprise, “All the numbers, numbers, none of them work! Crazy talk, you’re all crazy. Leave me alone! Buffy!”

Her eyes widened, “Angel?”

“Buffy, Buffy, Buffy, Buffy,” he chanted over and over, restlessly twisting his head from side to side.

“I’m right here,” she whispered, placing her hand on his shoulder.

He scrambles up into a sitting position and crawls away from her, whimpering quietly.

Grabbing hold of his chin, she wrenches his head round to look at her “Angel, look at me,” she demanded.

“Buffy, Buffy help, help Buffy.” he babbled, his eyes closing in desperation.

“It’s me!” she shouts angrily, “Can’t you see who I am?!”

He whimpered again, twisting his head away from her and pulling on his chains, “None of it works, none of them work, they’re all… help… stupid… you don’t know, go away, leave this place alone.”

She slumped down beside him, tears streaming down her cheeks, “Why won’t you let me help you?”

He stared at her with a confused expression on his face, watching the tears splash onto the floor, “Rivers, water, ocean,” He looked away, resuming staring into space, “Nothing, nothing, nothing.” He slid into game face and growled weakly, “Buffy!”

Buffy let out a raspy breath, watching as he called for her over and over again. Every time she touched him, he wrenched himself away, shaking violently.

She tried again, “I’m here, Angel,” she’s sitting directly in front of him, forcing him to acknowledge her presence, “Buffy’s here.”

He continued staring straight past her with no recognition “She’s not here,” the words leave his mouth as if they’re the only certain thing that he will ever know. And her heart breaks just that little bit more.

She sat and stared at him, waiting for some sign of recognition. But it never came.

**

She spends every possible moment that she can with Angel. She brings him things, pictures of his long forgotten friends, some of his old artwork. She even brings him a bundle of daffodils in the hope that he’ll remember kissing her in a cemetery next to a fresh grave, covered with spring blooming flowers. Wesley tells her that smells can awaken deep rooted memories. She clings to each fragment of hope as if it’s the first. But nothing works. Not once does he remember. Not once does he realize that she’s there. She’s just another figure in a dark space to him. But she won’t give up on him, despite the pleading phone calls from Riley to come home and marry him. He doesn’t know where she is, and won’t do. Not ever. She’s instructed her friends to stay quiet, promising to snap the wrists of whoever tells him anything. Dawn included. Her sister visibly flinched at that piece of information. But Buffy doesn’t notice much anymore. She doesn’t need anyone here interfering. She’s detached herself from everything in what Willow calls her ‘old life’. It doesn’t seem important anymore. Knowing that Angel suffered for 2 years without her has been enough to send her tumbling to near breakdown. Knowing that there’s nothing she can do to help has just about sent her over the edge.

Cordelia repeatedly asks why she’s bothering to stay when she’s ignored him for the past 2 years.

Buffy gave up talking to Cordelia a long time ago. She knows he would never give up on her. She’ll never give up on him.

Giles has long since returned to Sunnydale, concluding that there’s nothing more that anyone can do to help Angel.

It’s hard and it’s every day. But she won’t ever come to that same conclusion.

Strong is Fighting.

Not ever.

Of this book… More to come if it's wanted!

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