Clarity

by Jennem

Hi All. I'm new. *waves* This is only my second fic, so let me know what you think! Also, I've never done this, so I hope this works right!
Summary: Angel-y reflections *g*
Distribution: Anyone who wants it. Just let me know where its going
Disclaimer: *snort* riiiiight. I own them. Whatever. They belong to Joss and all the suits.
Spoilers: The whole shebang
Feedback: Pretty Please?
A/N: This was a birthday fic for my beta...so its unbetaed!


There are moments in our lives. Moments that define us. As human beings or as something less, regardless of what label we come with.

Moments that show us who we were. Who we are. Or who we have the potential to become.

These moments can bring Joy or Sadness. Release or Burden. Simplicity or Complication. Euphoria or Depression.

The only thing any two ever have in common is their basicness. A basicness that derives itself from the fact that regardless of what it is, what it caused to happen, or what one’s reaction to it was, one thing remains the same.

It was life altering.

I hate to call them epiphanies. Today, the word “epiphany” is so over used. Dramatic. Bastardized. As a result, it looses it meaning and its impact.

No. They aren’t epiphanies. They’re something unto themselves.

I can only describe them as moments of clarity.

Moments where life clicks into place.

Or falls completely apart.

Moments that are so clear, so vivid, that like the cliché, you can remember them as if they happened only yesterday.

Many of us walk through life never experiencing something like this.

For some, it happens once in a lifetime.

Me?

Well….I’ve lived a long time. Longer than most. And with time, comes experience, knowledge, and opportunity.

My first moment happened in a dark, dirty alley, with a beautiful woman. I was young and stupid.

Blind.

I threw away life without a thought. On a whim.

It took years for me to realize just how drastically my life changed from that one idiotic event. True, I wasn’t in possession of my soul the majority of that time, and therefore I couldn’t technically regret it. But still. In the long run, technicalities are worthless.

This leads into my second moment. It’s ironic. How the first bled into the second. As if all the years in between didn’t exist.

History, of course, knows better.

The second moment is obviously the return of my soul. As with the first, I didn’t realize in the beginning, the implications this would have.

I remember the Confusion, and then, gradually, the Knowledge. And with knowledge, Pain and Guilt walk hand in hand.

I lived that way for almost one hundred years. Relishing in my self-loathing. One could even say that I wallowed in my guilt. In fact, someone did.

And again, it’s ironic. How my second bled into the third.

Where my first gave death, and my second gave existence; my third gave life, or purpose, if you choose to look at it that way.

I saw the essence of sunshine that day. And I’ll never forget it. Not for as long as I live.

Sunshine was life and hope. Prospects and a future. A chance…and a dream.

All bottled up into one tiny blonde, whose life, in that exact moment, was also as irrevocably changed.

From then on, my moments never bled together.

How could they? When what was in between them was just as important, if not more so.

I’ve had several more…since that moment of sunshine.

A first meeting.

A first kiss.

A prophecy fulfilled.

A birthday.

A snowy Christmas.

Walking away.

A forgotten Thanksgiving.

An Epiphany.

Death.

And Life.

Some caused happiness. Others…deep despair.

All have changed me. Morphed me. Shown me. It’s a lot to remember, but I’m more than capable.

In fact. I hope to have many more.

I long for more, even.

I am confident that the future will eventually bring more. Each unforgettable. Each containing its clarity.

But why look towards the future?

When I could have one right now…

Ringing the doorbell, I stand and wait.

And wait.

Growing a little anxious, I ring the bell again.

Suddenly, she rips open the door, and then proceeds to take five seconds to squint at me, before promptly fainting.

Catching her, I lift her to me and I pick up the all to familiar scent of sunshine and vanilla.

Yep. This is definitely a moment.

Slamming her front door on a brutal August sun, I carry her into the house.

Ready and willing to add on a couple more moments before the day is done.

The End

Send feedback to Jennem

Back to the Fanfiction Archive