DISCLAIMER~ Don't own them, don't sue, blah blah blah!!
Rating: R
SUMMARY~ READ THE FIRST TWO PARTS AND YOU WILL UNDERSTAND THE STORYLINE~
Spoilers: (Up to THE BODY) I decided to call this the Lost Inside My Tears series, but the rest of the stories will have the continuation of the lyrics of the song, form the Story of Us, it's Eric Claptons "I get Lost"

"I get lost inside my tears,
and there is nothing I can do
Because I get lost inside my fears,
that I am nothing without you."

I start to stir in the bed and I open my eyes to complete and utter darkness. I go to move and turn on a light when I realize that there is a solid weight on my stomach. I flinch in surprise but then I remember where I am. Angels'. A feeling of comfort surrounds me and I feel Angel start to wake. He rubs almost inconceivable circular patterns on my stomach. Something that I know as his trademark.. I can't see a thing but I know these are Angel's arms I am wrapped in, Angel's chest I am pressed up against, Angel's embrace that brings me more comfort than all the other things in the universe combined.

He continues his rubbing and I start to feel sleepy again. He knows this always makes me sleepy and I smile my first real smile in days and I turn and burrow my face into his neck, placing two small kisses on his collarbone as I drift back off to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm now fully awake but the precious bundle in my arms forces me to lay still, as I want her to sleep as long as possible. She wakes up and cracks open an eye and reluctantly opens the other one. My arms are at the small of her back, slightly underneath her blouse, and can feel the warmth of her skin against my fingertips. I remove my hands and brush a few stray hairs out of her eyes.

"I must look like hell." She states suddenly.

I give her a look that tells her I most certainly don't agree. But I figure I'll humor her.

"You can shower if you'd like, and I'll go make us something to eat."

"Remember the whole vampire thing," she reminds me, "where are you going to get food from?"

I smile at her observation but assure her that I have food I brought with me for Cordelia and Wesley. It's in the mansion already.

She arises from the bed like a graceful cat, just stretching from her nap. She arches her back and blows me an air kiss, and heads off to the bathroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am suddenly glad Cordelia has good taste in shampoo. She must use the same kind as me, it smells very familiar. She has one of this clear bottles that you bottle your own shampoo in for short vacations and she must have left it on the counter, thinking she would have returned to the mansion last night.

I gather it up and along with the bar of soap Angel left under the sink, I wearily turn on the hot water and climb into the steaming abyss. I try not to think of the events that occurred yesterday but I can't help but think of the past weeks. Everything that happens, happens for a reason. The person who said that must have been truly idiotic. What kind of reason would anyone have for taking my mother. My support system, my best friend.

I am suddenly stuck with the fear that I am completely alone and that I am no longer being taken care of. My dad didn't even show up for the funeral, didn't send a card, nothing. Not even a phone call. I mean how hard is it to pick up the phone to call your daughters who just lost the only mother they will ever have?

I feel anger stir inside me. He at one point must have loved my mother, and to not even come to the service celebrating her life has got to be the ultimate slap in the face. What if I turn out just like him? What if, without my mother's guidance, I turn out to be this horrible, wretched person? What if I can't make it on my own? What if Dawn gets sick? I don't know how to take care of her. I wouldn't know what kind of medicine to give her. I can't even cook, let alone prepare a dinner? What if I fail my little sister? What if I'm not enough? What if I let everyone down? What happens then?

All these fears suddenly overwhelm me and I am now aware of the scaldingly hot water that is beating down my body. I feel it burn me, and for some odd reason, it feels good. I can feel the pain, it exists to me, it hurts, I hurt.

I lean my head back against the shower wall. Weakly, I slide down it and curl up in a ball on the floor of the shower. Tears are streaming down my face, and I can't even feel them, I am numb to that pain...All I feel is the heat, the burning, the fire. I wanted to feel numb and now I do.

I suddenly realize that breathing has become difficult. I struggle to stand up, but I can't. I'm lost in the steam, lost in my own world, lost inside my fears. I can't find my way out, and a part of me rejoices in this retreat into numbness. Like Spike said, every Slayer has a death wish, maybe this is mine. To become one, one away and alone, apart from this world.

I hear the bathroom door creak open and hear Angel calling my name. I don't respond, hoping he'll leave me alone with my fears.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I go downstairs, scrounge up enough food for breakfast, and wait for Buffy to return from her shower. The minutes tick by, and with each additional second I grow more and more anxious. What is taking so long? Why isn't she out yet? And then, I have a realization of her soul crying out to mine. My tingly feeling that I get whenever she's around has become an imperceptible vibration in my stomach. Something is wrong.

"Buffy," I shout as I enter the steam filled bathroom....No response... I can't even see her through all the steam. I open the shower door and in the corner, curled up in a ball is my beautiful Buffy. She is crying and the look on her face is one of complete sorrow and loss. She looks so scared and alone... I quickly shut off the water and without even making recognition of the fact that she is naked, I scoop her up off the tile and take her out of the shower. I dry her off and she clings to the softness of the towel. I set her on the counter and I pull her into a hug and realize that she is still burning up. Her skin practically scalds mine. I reach into the shower and switch the nozzle to the coldest setting.

"Buffy, I need you to get back in the shower, please." I beg

She only turns her face away from me and says nothing.

"Baby, I know you don't want to, but you are very very hot right now, you need to cool off or else you are going to pass out."

She turns her head back around but doesn't make any move for the shower. I don't even know if she could walk there if she tried. She has a very stubborn look on her face and I know now she has no intention if getting back into that shower. With a desperate frustration, I remove my shirt and shorts, leaving only my boxers, and pick her up, towel and all and step into the icy water. She gasps as the water cascades down her back, and with all that is left of her energy, she topples out of my arms and retreats to the furthest corner of the shower. I stand under the icy stream and hold out my arms to her. Begging with her, pleading with her, all without saying a word, to come to me. She remains indignant for a bit but as I continue to remain under the stream of water. Her resolve softens and she drops her now soggy towel onto the floor of the shower. I am suddenly aware of her nakedness, I didn't even notice it before, and I am now very grateful for the pair of boxers I sport. She slowly walks towards me and joins me under the freezing stream. I feel her tense and then relax as she becomes accustomed to the temperature. She burrows her face in my shoulder and I wrap my arms around her petite frame and we fall into a comfortable embrace. Minutes later she looks up at me and places a small kiss on my adam's apple.

"Feeling better?" I ask.

"Much, " was her simple but heartfelt response.

"Why did you do that Buffy, you could have died?" I whisper.

"Would that have been so terrible?" She replies.

I am surprised by this. "Buffy how can you even say that?" I really can't either, how can she think she doesn't matter?

"Angel, what if I can't survive without my mom, what if i let Dawn down, what if I can't raise her on my own, what if she dies because of me, what if...?"

I cut her off by placing my finger on her lips.

"Buffy, listen to me, you are one of the bravest people I have ever met, I have absolutely no doubt that you will survive, and you will be just fine. Things may get tough, but I know you can do it, you have never let me down, ever, you hear that, and I don't think you plan on starting now. Trust me, things are going to be okay. And you'll always have me to help, and everybody else, we'll all be there to help with Dawn and with everything else. I promise."

I hope what I am saying gets through to her. She turns and looks me in the eyes. She's trying to see if I am lying, but I'm not, and she knows it.

"I love you. Thank you for saving me" She states sweetly.

"But my love you have it backwards," I reply, "it was you who saved me."

I feel her turn in our embrace and she reaches around me to turn off the water.

"Now I seem to observe a problem here." She says with a mischievous grin.

"What's that?" I reply, knowing exactly what she is referring to.

"You seem to have an awful lot of clothes on while I, on the other hand, am completely naked."

"Well, what are you going to do about..."

Even before I finish my sentence she has my boxers pooled around my ankles. Within moments I have me propped up against the back wall of the shower. Our kisses become more urgent, when she suddenly pulls away.

"Your CURSE!"

In reply I reclaim her mouth again with my own.

"It's gone baby...A few weeks ago I saved an infant from a Makagsiki demon and the baby's mother was a gypsy and she bound my soul for me."

I stop my sentence abruptly and wonder what her reaction will be. Will she be mad for not telling her sooner? But my fears subside as I see the tears of joy in her eyes. She give me a watery smile and in a tender moment she pulls me close and kisses my forehead. She peppers my entire face with kisses and the suddenly slips her tongue into my mouth, massaging my tongue with her own. I moan at the action and our passion arises. We are soon lost inside each other. I am left to wonder where she ends and where I begin. We are lost in our own little world, lost inside all the moments we have spent apart, lost inside our fears of the future, but for one moment, all was right in our world and even the universe could no longer deny our perfect love. In this moment, two warrior souls were reminded exactly what they fight for every day, one more moment with each other.

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