Distribution Take if you want but ask or always located at Kick Dress www.jennsfanfic.com
Spoiler not really any set after season 7 and season 4
Rating R for language at times
Disclaimer I don't own Either shows only my imagination
Authors notes this is a sad story set in a 24 hr period all stories are done in Point of view
Thank you to everyone who sent feedback. I appreciate It I really do~
I have had the flu pretty bad so I haven't written much and I had promised this earlier.

Buffy stifled a groan, knowing she wasn't alone. Her eyes fluttered open to see Willow staring out the window. She stared at her friend's drooped shoulders and knew instantly it was her fault. She didn't have to feel the soreness of her body to know what she did was wrong. She quickly closed her eyes as Willow turned around. Buffy had been able to glimpse the anger in her friend.

"Buffy," Willow whispered, smoothing back her hair.

She wanted to open her eyes, but every nerve was telling her not to, but it was her heart that was whispering to her. She couldn't bear to see the anger and accusations that her friend held for her. It was one thing she learned over the past few years; even if she saved their lives over and over again they were still always patronizing her. Sometimes she felt like nothing she did was right. She loved them and knew they loved her but sometimes they forgot who she was.

But they didn't know her, whispered her heart, "Because you hurt."

If they did then they would understand the pain she was feeling. Didn't they understand she didn't want to go on? Willow should understand that sometimes life just has to stop. It just becomes too much to bear, to much to think about. When you feel like you're walking on glass and every turn or every move you make you get a deep slash that never heals.

She evened her breathing when Willow stepped back.

"If you can hear me Buffy, I understand, really I do. Sometimes you have to just do what you have to," Willow whispered.

She heard Willow's footsteps and knew her friend had left the room. She sighed and slowly opened her eyes and stared around the room. She tried to lift her right hand and noticed it was all bandaged up. She slowly took the bandage off to reveal perfect skin.

Her laughter sounded hollow, even to her. "They should know who I am," Buffy whispered.

She sighed and laid her head back on the pillow. She had made a promise to herself that she would become a better person and try to start living again, but she wanted Angel. She missed him, she loved him. He made her complete, he made her whole and he was marrying Cordelia. Would he cuddle her in the middle of the night or rub her back if she got scared. Would she be his for the rest of her life? Would they have kids?

She closed her eyes and blinked the hot tears that threatened to fall. She was not going to cry anymore. She knew about Connor and had even seen him once while visiting Wesley on their infrequent visits for information that was passed to each other.

She remembered the young man entering the café; she had done a double take and just quickly placed him out of her mind until she noticed Wesley staring at him. She had finally gotten him to start talking after she threatened him several times. She had been shocked but honestly not that much. She had seen so many things in her life as the Slayer, why not that? She felt the pang of knowing she would never know the boy or the fact that he wasn't hers. She wanted to get to know him but she knew that if Angel had wanted her to know about him than he would have told her. She had been slightly angry that no one had bothered to call knowing she could have helped protect him.

"He didn't want me," Buffy whispered and let the first tear drop.

She realized he didn't want her, Angel didn't want her, didn't need her and why not when he had his own seer turned demon that he could be with and make a family.

She grimaced, thinking of Cordelia as a mother. Did the woman have feelings? Buffy grew irritated that Wes had not mentioned Cordy and Angel together. The only thing he said about Cordelia in the past year was that she had changed. Changed my ass, Buffy thought. Cordelia will never change. She is always cunning and deceiving.

"Why did I ever save her?" She asked. Not caring she was only talking to herself.

He must love her, she thought. Would Cordelia lay down her life for you? Would she bother to hold you when you're hurting, did she send you to hell and would she hurt like I did? Would she rejoice when you came back, does she love you with her whole being? She must, if you're marrying her. Cordelia was and would always be the Princess, the belle of the ball.

"How can you compete with that?" She said sighing softly.

She knew Wes didn't work with the others anymore and from what he had said it was because of him taking Connor, but in her eyes he really did no wrong. One of the first lessons she learned, Prophecies were a tricky thing. Wasn't that what the Master taunted her with? She told that to Wes and noticed his slight smile.

She laid there for a few minutes trying to get her thoughts together and she knew exactly what she wanted to do. What she told Faith, it was time. She knew it was wrong to have tried to kill herself, but damn it she was tired. Tired of the fight, tired of people walking away, tired of being the responsible one, just plain tired. Didn't anyone understand that?

It was time that Faith got out of that damn jail and became the Slayer she was supposed to be. She never understood why the Council hadn't bothered with another Slayer while she lay rotting in her casket or why Faith was never taken out of jail. They left the most dangerous place in the world at the moment open for every demon to reside and reek havoc in. Well it was time, it's Faiths turn on the Hellmouth and so be it if the Council decides not to put her there, it's not her problem. She quit.. well, this time for good.

Buffy grinned remembering Faith in a dress. "Just tacky," She whispered chuckling.

Buffy looked around and smiled an enormous Julia Roberts grin for the first time in forever and knew exactly what she was going to do.

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