I'm in an MTV Phase... So sue me
Disclaimer: Not Mine Joss must be very rich
Synopsis: Spike's Imaginary Crib

How does our hot vampire stay cool? Check out his secret New York Apartment.

Location: Manhattan

The camera shows Times Square, and then a few seconds later emerges in the sewers in front of appears to be a brick building in the middle of the sewer.

Accommodations: five bedrooms, 2.5 baths, kitchen, exercise room, sewer access, banquet hall, ballroom, working elevator and rooftop Jacuzzi.

A steel reinforced door opens up to reveal Spike in jeans and a black t-shirt

Spike: Welcome MTV to my crib. It looks a lot better on the inside.

The camera follows inside, and it looks like a 1900's house, and Dru's standing by, and Spike going over to kiss his.

Spike: My wonderful Sire did the décor- antique 1900's things that we… acquired over the years. This is the first floor- there are only three floors in the whole bleep building. (He takes Dru's hand over to the elevator- it's the antique kind you have to close by yourself)

They step into the elevator, and Spike punches a button- the elevator is all glass, and you can see the small elevator shaft walls- people are jumping down from the top.

D: Bad boys, there! Jumping is bad of them.

S: We have everything droppin' by just to fall down the elevator shaft. We didn't fancy dropping down every time we wanted to go out turning the day, so we borrowed Peaches' elevator.

They get out of the elevator and walk into a living room- it's a dark red color, and more 'Spike looking' then the entry- level. There's Clem eating Chicken in the kitchen, and they walk into the living room.

S: I had the telly imported from the factory in Japan- and the put it together piece by piece in sodden living room. These swords up here are from the Boxer Rebellion, This one if from Slayer for my 167th, and this one- was to Peaches on his 250th, he still hasn't noticed it's been gone. (Laughs)

D: Spike and Daddy- they like to fight a lot, it's wonderful.

Spike leads them through the living room, and to a doorway that reveals a child's room- where a kid is sleeping.

S: We of course get stuck with babysitting- this is Fred and Gunn's chit- Ella. They're family right?

They continue walking down a hallway, and he shows them a guest room with all different shades of Blue in it, a matching bathroom with pictures of everyone going down two of the walls. He continued the next room, and it was a complete Mess.

D: This is Clem's room. I don't like him, but Spike insists that he stay in my happy home (Scowls at Spike)

S: As you can see Clem- has a bit of tidiness problem.

They go to the end of the hall, and it's a large studio that leads up to another floor.

S: This is our room- Most of the things are new, lil bit helped decorate this room- the candles were her idea. (There are hundreds of Candles around the room) Red gave us a spell to light all of them at the same time. The bed was a gift from Dru's last minion- we were a legacy Ducks -he worked with metals, and such. There's an exercise room through that door, and here's the bathroom.

(Spike walks over to where two doors are. There's a huge tub in the middle of the room, and not much otherwise)

S: We're vampires- we don't use the john, so we only come here to bathe, and such. Custom towel from Xander- it says 'So what if we were blood sucking fiends?' (Laughs) That boy's so pathetic it's funny.

Back out to their bedroom, and up the stairs- it's a family room with another TV/DVD player and a Playstation Two.

D: All of our friends haven't come up here yet- Spike keeps them out.

These are all of the sappy poems I wrote when I was alive (points to wall with old paper covering it floor to ceiling) and walked down a dark green hallway to a kitchen where Buffy and Angel are standing half-naked.

D: More unwanted houseguests! Daddy!

Angel jumps at seeing the camera and ushers Buffy away through a door. With a small wave she allows herself to get pushed into the room.

S: That's the last room that Slayer and Peaches- hang out in. We let them decorate it, but it's all white with a bed in it- there's a small patio there too. We have a kitchen for blood, and when Dawn and Connor stay over we have some junk food, whip cream and such. Over here- (points to small step stool that Dru is going up) Is where our Jacuzzi is, and where we grow our Jasmines.

They walk out onto the porch, which looks like nighttime because it's so dark has a Jacuzzi, and what looks like a slide going off the building, and Dru shoots down. Spike follows her, and they end up in a large ballroom.

S: This is where we have the raves, other parties- we have a full time minion staff keeping it clean. It's what holds a hundred people? And the new have a dinging room that seats fifty, but this is only for special occasions. Well- that's our crib.

D: Come back often!

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