Disclaimer: Would I let them suffer like that? So obviously I don't own anything.
Rating: see the show, you can read this
Disclaimer: you want it? Take it! But please tell me where it goes.
Spoilers: the whole Angel- and BtVS-Series and of course the previous stories of these series. You should read them first to understand this one.
Summary: Immediately after the last part. Giles thinks about Buffy and a certain couple in LA tried to figure out what to do next.
Feedback: is greatly appreciated. Connemara.Scarlets@t-online.de
AN: Band Candy did happen, but as Buffy wasn't in Sunnydale Joyce didn't eat it. As a result she and Giles never had sex.

He could clearly remember the times when a glass of Sherry, a good book and an evening alone in his apartment would seem like heaven, no monsters, no apocalypse, only some quiet, relaxing hours. But it didn't seem so heavenly anymore, because with being alone the thoughts were coming and they were deep and depressing these days.

When Giles lost Jenny he thought he would have experienced the most painful loss in his life, but he was wrong. To loose Buffy had been worse, it had been different of course, he had loved Jenny like a woman, Buffy he loved like a daughter.

He remembered reading about the fact that parents would always love their children and it was true. He had never expected to feel like this, especially not for a slayer. And he wasn't meant to, he knew that if the Council would have ever found out they would have dismissed him in an instant. To feel this way for a slayer was irresponsible in their eyes. But Buffy had been different too. A slayer was meant to work in secrecy, closed up from her friends, only living for her sacred duty. The moment this blonde, vibrant girl had entered his library more than a year ago Giles had known that all the handbooks wouldn't help. But beside her refusal to be obedient she had been so gifted and hadn't been her inspiration part of her success?

But had it also been the path to her death? Would an obedient slayer had ever fallen in love with a vampire? Giles shrugged, because he couldn't really answer his own questions. He knew how powerful love could be and the love Buffy and Angel shared had been quite unique. He could remember how hesitant the vampire had been in the beginning, he remembered their meeting in the library, talking how hard it was for him to be around the girl he loved. Obviously their love had been too strong to deny it and so the inevitable happened.

Giles had not approved of it at first but Angel had saved their lives more than once and the watcher began to see him as an ally at least. Was it his fault Angel had turned? Had it been his duty to research properly so that he could have warned them? Was it Jenny's fault? Or was it nobody's? Maybe it was just the twisted fate. Whatever Jenny's part in this had been she had certainly paid for it, god he missed her, missed her smile. He had truly loved her but his pride and stubbornness had prevented him from admitting it to her until it had been too late.

When Buffy had disappeared he had been so sure she would come back - given enough time to deal with whatever had happened at the mansion. They still didn't know, but the fact that Angel had disappeared the same day drove him to the conclusion that the slayer had killed him. Giles wasn't sure how he felt about it. A part of him was glad, that Jenny's killer finally got what he deserved. That part of him had been strong, but it became weaker with every day. Now he caught himself from time to time wishing the vampire was back, maybe because that would mean Buffy..., no it was senseless to get into these thoughts. There was no way back.

He hadn't seen Joyce Summers since the horrible day he got the call from the watcher's council. He had tried to call her, but she refused to talk to him and after some weeks he had given up. From experience he knew that people dealt differently with their pain and it wasn't to anybody to judge that. He only hoped she would come around somehow. He had seen her a week ago on the other side of the street, she had looked so tired and broken. He exactly knew how she felt, it was as if he had lost a daughter too.

The gang had tried to be supportive to him, but they had to deal with their own grief. As much as it surprised him it was Xander who seemed to suffer the most, but then you never knew. Some people would show their feelings more than others. And yet, Xander had changed over the last months. He tried to make jokes, but they never reached his eyes. They had a sad, almost guilty look in them ever since Buffy had disappeared. He wouldn't say anything, but Giles saw it. The fact Cordelia had broken up with him didn't help either.

Willow was holding up, barely. Oz had been a certain comfort for her and Giles really hoped they would manage to get over their problems. They were a cute couple and Oz seemed to care for her a lot. The little red head had befriended the new slayer almost immediately, as if she could hold on to a part of Buffy this way, but it didn't really help and her net-hours were increasing a lot.

Even Cordelia seemed sad about Buffy's death. She would not show it a lot, but Giles could tell. Although she avoided Xander whenever possible she would come to the library and offer her help every day.

Giles leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. Buffy affected so many lives in the short time she'd been in Sunnydale and he would give everything to hear her laugh again.

******

"Oh god," Buffy's hand flew to her mouth, her eyes were wide, her legs shaky all of a sudden and she reached for the chair for support.

Angel was at her side in an instant, gathering her in his arms he walked back to his chair and held her tightly in his lap: "I am so sorry," he said gently. "I didn't mean to tell you this way..."

She looked at him with teary eyes: "I know. They really think I am dead?"

The vampire nodded: "Yeah. A new slayer has been called. Actually there are two now, maybe Kendra's replacement," he guessed.

"Oh god, Angel. They must be desperate. You were right, I should have called them, my mom...", her voice broke and Angel tightened his embrace.

"Shhh, love, nobody could have known. It isn't your fault. I can't even guess why they should think you're dead." He frowned trying to come up with an explanation but failed.

"I can't either," she replied. "I didn't die. Not even for a minute, but ... oh, Angel. I went to hell or something like that, maybe...," she trailed off.

He shrugged: "I don't know. But it's not really important. What we have to figure out now is what we do next. You cannot let them believe you're dead, can you?"

"You are right. I have, no we have to tell them, but how?," she took a deep breath and looked him deep in the eye. "I have screwed up everything, it would have been hard to go back the way it was but now. I cannot just go back and say 'hey guys I'm home'. They will hate me and they have a right to do so."

"They won't hate you. They will be angry, but they won't hate you. They love you."

"I wished I could be so sure," she sighed. "I am afraid. And then there is the little thing about you, and the other little thing about us being an us-package. What I want to say is, we have lived together for months now. Not just lived, but *lived*, in a couply sort of way."

He silenced her with a kiss: "I get it. Maybe you should go on your own first," he suggested.

She shook her head emphatically: "No, no way. We are only available as an us now." She grinned when she saw the smile that was spreading on his face. "I love you and they have to take us together or get none of us," she stated.

"There is another problem. We cannot just go back to Sunnydale, I mean we can go there to see them. But we cannot leave LA. We have work to do."

"You are right," she frowned and sighed. "That really makes everything easier.

They think I am dead, then I come back and we say bye, bye again. They are going to love that, I am sure."

"I am sorry. You would never have to go through that if it wasn't for me," he said, a pained look crossing his face.

She silenced him with a deep kiss: "Stop that. I love you and I would not trade you for anything. No guilt, you promised!"

He let out a short laugh: "I love you, god, you'll never know how much."

She suddenly grinned wickedly: "Well as we won't go today, why don't you just show me?"

They barely managed to reach the bedroom in time.

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