Disclaimer: it's just too obvious, so why bother; don't sue
Distribution: if you want it, take it, but tell me where it goes
Rating: see the show, then you can read this
Spoilers: the whole B/A-cannon to be sure; of course the previous parts of these series which can be found at the Land of Denial
Summary: Angel and Buffy visit Joyce
Feedback: is begged for; otherwise I wouldn't know if you like it
This is again written in Buffy's POV

Angel and I were sitting in the car and I had been staring at my hands which were settled in my lap for the longest time. I have never been so grateful for the fact that Angel was a vampire and that he had centuries of experience in patience. I think any other boyfriend would have screamed by now. Not so him. He was sitting beside me and hadn't said a word the whole evening.

Only two hours ago I had informed him and Doyle that I wanted to see my mom tonight. I had been playing with this in my mind the whole day and when my decision was made I wanted to get over with.

This was worse than meeting my friends. I knew my mother had a right to hate me and I was afraid she would exactly do that. That she would see me at the door and slam it right into my face. I didn't know if I could bear it and so I was sitting in the car in front of my mother's house for almost half an hour now. Angel was sitting by my side while Doyle was doing whatever he was doing, maybe hitting on Cordelia. In this moment I hated the half-demon, because he didn't have to face his mother who believed him dead.

I looked over at my lover who didn't seem to pay attention to me, but I knew it better, I knew he had been watching me out of the corner of his eye the whole time. He knew exactly what was going on in my head and this was one of the reasons I loved him so much. Sometimes I thought, he knew me better than I knew myself.

"I think I am ready now," I said quietly.

His concerned eyes rested on my face for a while, then he smiled slightly: "Alright." With this he climbed out of the car and waited for me. I smiled inwardly, because I knew it was a sign how nervous he was that he didn't come over to open the door for me. He extendend his hand and with entwined fingers we made our way to my mother's front door. I thought for a moment, when did I stop thinking about it as our door? I couldn't remember an exact date, but at some time it must have happened. It didn't really matter anymore and it only stated the obvious. That I was with Angel now, with my heart and with my soul I felt I belonged to him and wherever he was I was home.

"Do you want me to ring?" his voice interrupted my thoughts. I hadn't noticed that we were standing right in front of the door.

I shook my head: "No I'll do it myself." Taking a deep breath I did exactly this and squeezed Angel's hand so tight at the same time that he'd have broken bones if he'd been human. He sent me another concerned glance but said nothing.

I heard footsteps coming down the stairs inside the house. I knew them, I had heard them all my life. I would see my mother, the woman who raised me, again. I was so nervous now that I was chewing my lower lip between my teeth and I could feel my knees were shaking frantically.

And then she opened the door. And stared at me. And blinked. And blinked again. Then her hand flew to her mouth and I heard a muffled cry coming out of her mouth, but she didn't move.

I was happy that I'd seen my mother through the window before. Otherwise I would have been shocked. She looked as if she's aged ten years and I could see grey hairs that hadn't been there when I'd left. I gave her a sheepish smile: "Hi, mom," I said and I could hear the self-consciousness in my voice.

She didn't reply, she just kept staring at me. I couldn't really blame her, how would I react if my daughter came back from the dead? Then she whispered incredulously: "Buffy?"

"Yes, mom," I replied and stepped forward, so that I could touch her if I dared.

Then, without a warning, she reached out and hugged me tightly. I never thought my mother was such a strong woman physically. I could hardly breathe while I listened to her whispering my name again and again as if she couldn't believe I wasn't really there, which was probably exactly how she felt. I could feel my neck becoming wet and I knew she cried, her whole body began to shake and she hugged me even tighter.

I was about to relax when her body suddenly stiffened in my arms and she pulled back. When I looked into her face I saw her staring at something and there was so much hatred and disgust in her eyes. Angel. She had seen Angel, who was standing a little bit behind me and hadn't said a word so far.

"What is *he* doing here?," she spat as if he was a slimy demon, well he was a demon of course, but he was also and first of all the man I loved. When it came to Angel I saw the man only.

"Mom, please," I began but was cut off, when she hissed: "He is a vampire and I will never have him in my house or near you. Do you understand." She turned to face my lover: "Don't you dare ever to come near us again, demon!" She grabbed my hand and tried to pull me into the house.

Angel's face didn't show any emotions but I could only begin to imagine how much he was hurt by these words. I shook my mother's hand off: "Stop, mom."

Her head snapped towards me: "You cannot be serious to allow him near you. Buffy, whatever happened, I will forgive you. But I have learned about demons and what they can do. I will never allow one of them to be near you."

I could see that my lover had made a step back: "You stay," I told him firmly and turned back to my mother: "Mom. Can you please calm down, so that we can talk about this. There are so many things you don't know."

"I don't want to know them," her face was hard as stone. "I want you to come in and forget all about demons. We close the door behind us and start to live a normal life."

Could she be so in denial? She knew I was the slayer and from a phone call with Giles this morning I knew that he had told her all that was to say about my 'job'. "Mom," I said as calmly as possible, "I am a slayer. Demons and vampires are a part of my life. I cannot quit."

"Nonsense," she hissed. "I am your mother. You are underage, you will do what I tell you."

I closed my eyes for a moment, when I opened them again I said: "Mom, my eighteenth birthday is in three days. But that isn't really the point. I cannot deny what I am and as for Angel," I looked quickly at my lover, who hadn't moved. "I love him, mom. And I will never leave him, he is part of my life, the most important part to be honest."

"So what you are saying is that you won't quit as a slayer and that your lover is a vampire and you plan to keep it that way," her voice was like ice and the word 'lover' was said with so much disgust that I almost started to shiver. "Then I ask you, why did you come at all?"

I couldn't believe what I'd just heard. "Mom, wh-what are y-you saying," I couldn't help, I wasn't able to speak properly. "I thought you were glad, to see that I wasn't dead." I could feel Angel coming closer but he didn't touch me yet.

"If you are holding on to your stupid ideas then you could just be dead. It doesn't make a difference for me. So choose: me or him," her chin came up and her eyes were hard. That moment I knew she really meant it. She would make me choose between her and Angel. The amazing thing was that there was no choice. I'd made it long before, I didn't even have to think about it. So I shook my head sadly: "I am sorry mom," I said and closed my eyes.

The next thing I heard was that the door was slammed shut and then is was quiet again. She had done it. She was my mother and she had closed the door of my former home in front of me. Suddenly my body began to tremble uncontrollably, I wasn't able to think anymore, I didn't feel anymore. It was as if it wasn't really me anymore. I hardly felt two strong arms gathering me before I hit the ground and then everything went black.

*****

When I woke up again I could feel I was laying in a bed. I could smell Angel's scent and knew it was our bed in the mansion. The pictures of the evening were racing through my head and one would always be burned into my memory, the cold eyes of my mother that once had looked at me with so much love. Was I responsible for this? Slowly I opened my eyes and to my surprise looked into Willow's face. She was sitting beside my bed and was smiling at me.

"Hi", she said and took my hand. "How do you feel?"

I held my hand to my forehead: "I have a headache, but I'll live," I said sarcastically.

"It's only too understandable," she replied. I must have wore a confused expression, because she explained: "Angel told me what happened. In fact he phoned me to come over."

"Where is he?," I asked and a feeling of panic rose in my body. Why wasn't he here? It wasn't like Angel to leave me when I was unconscious.

"Giles is there too," Willow informed me. "He's down in the hall."

"Will, why are you avoiding to answer my question," I demanded. "Is something wrong?" My voice became higher and was filled with parts of the panic I felt. "Please answer me. Where is Angel?"

Her eyes went to the ground: "I don't know."

I squeezed her hand: "What do you mean, you don't know? Does that mean he isn't here?"

"No, he called Giles and me, informed us about what happened tonight and then left. I really do not know where he went." I could see how uncomfortable she was with the only answer she could give me.

I stared at her and my head was spinning. Could he feel guilty for what had happened between my mother and I? Knowing Angel he probably would. I could feel my mouth go dry. With Angel anything could happen, I even saw him sacrificing our love so that I could have a relationship with my mother again. I sat straight up in bed: "How long have I been unconscious?," I asked Willow.

She looked at her watch: "About four hours, I think."

"And Angel has left when?," I demanded getting up from the bed and searching for my pants.

"Three and a half hours ago," she replied.

"Did he say when he was coming back?"

"No, Buffy. He said nothing. He just left." She was looking at me with wide and fearful eyes. Could she read my mind? Could she know what was going on inside of me?

"I have to find him," I told her firmly. Then a thought entered my mind: "Did he take the car?"

"Yes," she answered and I felt an icy hand gripping at my heart. He could have gone anywhere. If he took the car I would never find him. I slipped into my pants and ran out of the bedroom and down the stairs, Willow right on my heels. Giles and Doyle who were sitting on the sofas, reading, looked up.

"Did Angel tell you where he went?," I wanted to know.

When both men shook their heads I didn't bother with anything else, I ran towards the door, wrenched it open and bumped right into a solid body who had obviously been on his way in. I didn't have to look at him to know who it was. My relief was endless and with tears streaming down my face I threw my arms around his neck: "Oh, Angel. Where have you been?" I whispered. "I thought you had left me."

I could feel his arms closing around my body: "Shhh," he whispered back. "I would never leave you. There was just some business I had to take care of. I am sorry you were worried."

I slightly pulled back: "What business?" I frowned. "What business could it be in Sunnydale in the middle of the night?"

"Me," came a female voice from behind his back. Mom. My body tensed and Angel directed me back into the hall so that my mother could enter as well. She looked incredibly tired but the icy look had left her eyes.

She looked at me for a moment and then she said the most wonderful words: "I love you, honey, and I am so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?"

"Of course I can forgive you," I replied without hesitation. "I love you mom." My tears were falling again and she held out her arms. I stumbled over to her and we hugged each other.

Pulling back I looked back and forth between my mother and my lover. "What happened?," I wanted to know. Because Angel was staring to the ground I turned to my mother.

"He came to me," she nodded at my vampire. "And he knocked some sense into me. Not literally of course." She smiled: "He loves you very much, you know." Her smile grew wider: "If I'd been looking for a son-in-law I couldn't have found a better one."

"What did he say to you," I asked, stunned by her words. Was she really accepting my relationship with Angel?

"Does it really matter?," my mother's smile never faded. "Let's just say he told me some things I had to hear. He's very good with words, do you know that? And he knows you, probably much better then I ever will. And I feel better now that I know he'll always be there to watch your back."

*******

Later when Angel and I were lying in our bed I felt somehow unreal. We had talked a little bit more then my mom, Giles and Willow had left and she'd invited us all for dinner tomorrow evening. The whole group and Doyle. I couldn't believe it, everything looked right again.

I turned round to look in the eyes of my lover and saw him smiling at me: "You are never going to tell me what you said to her, am I right?"

He pulled me closer to him and planted a kiss on my head: "That's between your mother and me only. All you have to know is that she understands and accepts you now."

I sighed, could I be luckier. "Did I tell you how much I love you lately?"

He chuckled: "Yeah, but I always like to hear it. Because," he planted a kiss on my right eyelid, "I", another kiss on the left eyelid, "love", he kissed the tip of my nose, "you", and my chin, "too." Then he captured my lips with his and I forgot to think for the rest of the night.

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