Disclaimer: I do not own them, don't sue.
Distribution: Land of Denial, Sunlight & Shaddow, everyone who has any of my fic, others just ask
Summary: Buffy meets Riley; Buffy's POV
Spoilers: the previous stories in the series
Timeline: May 2008, Buffy's now 6 months pregnant
Feedback: is begged for!
Dedication: again to Kathy and Helen - you're fab!

Pulling my car up in front of the coffee shop I switch of the ignition. Still holding the wheel I lean my forehead against it. I am going to see Riley. I haven't seen him since we met that evening in the restaurant.

He kept his distance for a while but then he started to call me. He did it during the day while Angel wasn't at home. He set up a new agency in Sunnydale together with Cordy and Wes. He even employed Willow and Claire to work part time. It seems to work well and he's lots of time to spend with me. I never thought I could be so close to anyone. But then he isn't anyone.

He's Angel.

So the calls started during daytime. I was annoyed first, angry later and I didn't tell Angel. He would've been angry seeing me so upset. And I don't want to burden him with my problems. I smile inwardly. I can almost see him frowning and telling me that these are our problems. But anyway. After being annoyed and angry I began to understand that I was keeping that baby from his father. It's not born yet, but I can understand he want's to be informed at least. So far I have refused to take him with me for an ultrasound. Usually Angel accompanies me, only once I went on my own when my husband was very busy.

And now I have agreed to see Riley. This time I told Angel and as expected he gave me a warm smile and said: "I knew you'd come around."

But did I really? Come around, I mean. Or am I just here to get Riley off of my back? I sigh and get out of the car. Approaching the coffee shop I see him sitting there already and I groan inwardly. I really don't want to see him. But I have to see his side as well and so I keep walking in.

The moment he sees me he gets up and smiles. It's not that open smile I remember, he seems very hesitant.

"Hi," I say and look at him for a moment.

"Hi," he replies. "It's good to see you." Then his gaze wanders down and rests on my protruding belly. With every second he stares I get angrier. I really wanted to talk to him in a friendly sort of way but I cannot control the anger rising within me.

"What are you staring at?," I almost shout.

His head snaps up: "I...," he blushes. Well at least he has the decency to blush. "You've grown."

"And? I'm six months pregnant. You would expect so much." I clench my fists beside my body and somehow he's noticed it.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you angry," he apologizes.

"Then don't stare at my belly as if it belongs to you," I say, my voice calmer now. I take a seat and he gets down as well. "So, you wanted to see me and talk. What about?"

"Well, I think it's pretty obvious. I want to talk about the baby. How are you?"

"You know we're fine. You called me more than necessary. And I want you to stop that. I will tell you if anything goes on you need to know," I snap. I know I'm unfair being so angry, but I cannot help it and again I wish it wasn't his baby. Did I wish anything else ... ever?

Then I remember something, reach into my purse and hand him some papers. Seeing his questioning gaze I explain: "These are pictures of the ultrasound."

In awe he looks at them and I see tears well in his eyes: "My baby," he whispers. I want to be happy for him, but I can't. That moment I hate him, because more than anything I would wish Angel sitting there. I know Riley hasn't done anything and I also know my feelings are irrational, but I can't help it. Damn hormones.

"Is it a boy or a girl?" he wants to know.

"A girl," I reply. "Well most probably. Dr. Bradshaw said she can only be 100% sure if it's a boy. Because of the penis, you know. She didn't see one, but she said it could also be hidden from the view. So it's 95% that it's a girl."

"My daughter," he whispers, staring at the pictures again. Then he looks at me:

"Buffy I want to come next time."

"I.."

"Please, don't you understand how I feel," his voice sounds desperate. "This is my child too. Please."

I sigh: "Alright. My next appointment is in two days. You can meet me at the hospital at three. It's Dr. Bradshaw's office."

"I'll be there," he says enthusiastically.

No, I don't want you there, no, no, I want to shout, but instead I just nod: "Fine. Is there anything else?"

"No," he shakes his head. "Are you happy?," he suddenly asks.

"Do you mean with Angel? Yes, I'm very happy. If you mean about the whole situation. No, of course not. But we can't change it, can we. So we deal." I smile, this could be right from Angel's mouth.

"You look beautiful when you smile," he says.

"Thanks," I reply absentmindedly. I'm still thinking about my husband. Who is not the father of my child. Immediately I snap back into reality, back to Riley. "Alright. If that's anything, I'll go."

"Don't you ... we could have something to drink and just talk."

I look at him and know that he tries to ease the tension between us. But I can't. "Riley, we are going to have a baby. Period. There's nothing else that we have in common anymore. I cannot see us having a drink and talk."

"Can't we just try to be friends, Buffy. We got along so well."

His honest blue eyes look at me and I feel bad. But I can't, I cannot be friends with him. At the moment all I want is run away. I still can't deal with the fact that he is the father of that baby. Will I ever, I wonder. Maybe I earned this, because I gave up on Angel and I. "I'm sorry Riley," I say and a sob escapes my mouth.

Concerned he jumps up and reaches out for me. I back away: "Don't touch me," I hiss. "Don't touch me ever again. God, I would like to forget you ever existed," I say and storm out of the bar. I slip behind the wheel of my car and grab it with both hands desperately trying to calm down. It does no good if I drive while

I'm so upset. I will not endanger my or my baby's life.

I look down at myself and touch my stomach. This is my baby and I am okay with having it. I just would give everything to exchange the father.

******

When Angel arrives at home I sit on the sofa and watch television. I don't really pay attention though. My mind is still at my meeting with Riley.

He sits down beside me and looks at me with concern: "How did it go?," he asks.

Tears well up in my eyes and I lean my head at his shoulder: "I was such a bitch," I tell him. "I shouted at him. I told him I wished he'd never existed. I was so cruel. But the worst thing is that I really feel that way. God, Angel, why can't it be your baby?"

He kisses the top of my head: "We can't change that, love," he says softly. "And I'm sure he understands that ." He suddenly chuckles: "Pregnant women and hormones, it's just a deadly mixture."

I have to smile, he always knows how to make me feel better: "I said he could come with me for the ultrasound in two days."

"Good," he replies. "I'm proud of you," he adds.

"Are you? You wouldn't be if you'd been there today. God, I really hated him, just for existing. And then he stared at my stomach as if it belonged to him."

"He's just excited to have a baby. I can feel with him, because I would feel the same." He lays a hand on my stomach and looks at me: "Actually I already do. I forget more and more that I'm not the biological father of that child."

"You're taking that much better than I do," I sigh.

"No, you're great. And I know you love that child already."

"Maybe," I reply hesitantly. Suddenly something hits me: "Uuuh," I groan.

"Are you alright," Angel asks me concerned.

I bite my lower lip for a moment and then relax. "Yeah," I smile. "Give me your hand," I say and I lay his large hand on my stomach. "I think, the baby has just kicked me for the first time."

He looks at me in awe and then the baby kicks again. "Oh god," he whispers. "That's ... that's unbelievable. I can feel our baby."

'Our baby', again I feel tears welling in my eyes. "It feels fantastic," I admit.

"Why doesn't it kick anymore," he asks me with a frown.

I almost laugh, he's so cute: "Maybe it's tired."

"Yeah," he whispers and lays his head on my belly.

It is a great feeling and I know one thing for certain now, Angel was right. I already love that baby.

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