Part 13

"Buffy," Willow's voice was barely above a whisper.

Angel let go of the demon and turned towards the shaking form of the slayer standing in the doorway of the living-room. "How much have you heard?," he asked, his voice sounding strained.

"Everything," she answered, her eyes never leaving Angel. "I was bored, because patrol wasn't very exciting so I decided to come back. I was so happy when I saw your car in front of the house. I wanted to surprise you so I used the back-door." She shrugged and let out an unhappy laugh, "My luck."

"Buffy I...," Angel made a step towards her but she hold up a hand.

"No. Don't come near me. Don't touch me and never look at me that way. Better you start now forgetting the whole thing."

"W-What?" Willow asked confused.

"You heard me. I refuse to live that way." Her eyes seemed to pierce into Whistler's form. "Change it back. I served them for damned 25 years. They owe me. Change me back," she demanded. "There still has to be a lot of Anne inside here. I have all her memories, well, most of them. She isn't gone," her voice was urgent.

"Sorry, kiddo," Whistler sadly shook his head. "But that's just the transformation stage. Anne's soul is gone already and settled. There's no way to turn it back. Besides they wouldn't do it."

"Then I'll just refuse to work for them. Let the Armageddon come. I will meet the first demon approaching me and do nothing to prevent him from the kill," she said stubbornly and raised her chin. "Do you hear me?!"

"I did," the demon nodded. "But it won't change a thing. The soul of your grand-daughter can't come back," he repeated.

"But you brought me back," she yelled desperately. "I'm here."

"Yes," Whistler confirmed, "but only because it was meant that way from the start. Your soul was never at peace, never finally settled. It was kept in a waiting state. That's why. Ask your friend over there," he pointed at Tara, "she'll tell you."

Buffy's eyes flew to the old Wicca pleading to tell her the demon was wrong, but she simply nodded. "It's true, Buffy. We already summoned Anne's spirit, it's settled. When Angel suspected...," she trailed off.

"You knew," the slayer whirled around towards her ex-lover. "You knew the moment we kissed and didn't tell me. Oh," she threw her hands in the air, "that sounds so familiar. Keep Buffy in the dark, don't tell her, make the decisions without her, because she's too stupid to make them herself."

Angel, now back in his human form, shook his head, "That's not the way it was...," he tried to explain, but was interrupted by Buffy's angry voice.

"Then tell me," she demanded, clenching her hands into fists and taking a threatening step towards him. "Tell me why you didn't say a word. Why you made me miserable? Again!"

"What the hell should I've said?" he shouted desperately, "What? Hi Anne, sorry to disturb you, but you aren't Anne anymore, your soul has been exchanged for Buffy's. What would you've said?" he took a deep breath and then continued calmer, "Buffy, you were confused. Your soul had just returned. You weren't even aware of the fact. I didn't understand it at first too. My body reacted instantly, but I was too confused to understand. I desperately tried to suppress the desire I suddenly felt for what I thought was Anne."

Buffy was too confused, too hurt, to listen to his pleading. Crossing her arms she asked mockingly, "Oh, and I'm sure now you think it's not too bad, because you've got me back, right?"

Willow stared at her friend with wide eyes, "That's not true," she said quietly. "I thought you heard what we were talking. Didn't you hear Angel shouting at Whistler?"

"Keep out of this, Will," Buffy snapped. "This is not about you. Now Angel," she fixed his eyes with hers, "can you tell me honestly that you aren't glad I'm back." When he didn't respond, she shouted, "Answer me!"

He averted his eyes in shame and whispered, "I can't."

"That's what I thought," she snorted and then her eyes narrowed, "maybe you already knew. I mean, maybe you could've been a little bit quicker the night Anne was attacked and stopped breathing. Maybe you could've saved her, but you didn't."

"Buffy," Willow shouted in horror.

"No I didn't," Angel whispered, guilt almost eating him up. "I'm sorry," his voice was barely audible now. "I couldn't save her and I'm sorry. So, so sorry," his voice broke. Then he looked up, his eyes searching Willow. The witch gasped at the pained expression in them, "I'd better go now. She won't have me here."

"Angel, you don't have to..."

"No, let him go," Buffy interrupted angrily, her eyes cold as ice. "Nobody needs him here, and I sure as hell don't want him. Once, only once I asked a favour from you and you failed. Doesn't that tell you something about your miserable existence?" she shouted.

"Buffy, stop it," Willow shouted, "Stop it now! Angel didn't do anything todeserve this." She turned towards the vampire, "Angel you...," her voice trailed off. The spot were he'd been just standing was empty. The vampire had already left.

*

Angel ran into the night. The pain piercing through him was worse than anything he'd ever experienced. He'd thought nothing could hurt more than Buffy's death. But to face the disgust and hate in her eyes was so much worse.

There was nothing to defend himself. He had been meant to take care of Anne and he'd failed. Only the fact that he was meant to fight beside Buffy in the final battle prevented him ending his miserable existence here and now. An unhappy laugh escaped his throat. He truly was disgusting. He hadn't saved a girl and lusted after the soul of another in the same body.

He hadn't felt like this since the day his soul had been returned to him the first time. Self-hatred was almost eating him up. Maybe this was his true punishment for all the horrible things Angelus had done. Well whoever had cooked up this for him had truly done a good job. It felt as if his soul was ripped into shreds. Obviously there was a lot Angelus could've learned from the Powers That Be.

*

Angrily the witch turned at the slayer, "Are you happy now? I know you're confused and you hurt, but did you really have to do it? Didn't he have to take enough already?"

"Oh, now you're protecting him?" Buffy mocked. "Yeah, well, he's really damned attractive."

"Buffy," Tara shook her head in horror. "Do you listen to yourself? T-this is d-disgusting."

"He was meant to protect Anne, wasn't he?" the slayer demanded, "and he failed."

"So did you when Jenny Calender was killed all these years ago, but none of us ever blamed you for this." Seeing tears in Buffy's eyes Willow knew that for the first time she'd broken through her angry shield, "It wasn't your fault Angelus killed Jenny and it wasn't Angel's fault the demon killed Anne. You share the memories you said. So, try to remember. I'm sure he did everything to help, and tried everything to revive her, right?"

The slayer didn't say anything for a long time and then a sob escaped her throat, "You're right," her voice sounded like the one of a little child. "Oh God, Willow," her trembling hand flew to her mouth. "Oh God, what have I done?"

The witch stood up and embraced the slayer in her arms. "It's okay, Buffy. Everything will be okay."

But the slayer pulled back, "No," she shook her head, "Did you hear what I said to him. I practically accused him that he let her die deliberately. Oh God," she whispered.

"You sure know how to press the right buttons," Whistler said after a moment. "God, why do you two kids have to torture yourself like this. Can't you be happy that you finally have a chance together?"

"Happy?" Buffy's anger was back in an instant. "You think I want to be happy to live in my own grand-daughter's body? You think I will live happily ever after with my vampire ex-lover like this. Try again," she snorted. "I feel dirty. I feel like I'm going to vomit. Besides did you forget about the tiny little bit called happiness clause?"

"That's gone," Willow said quietly.

The slayer whirled around, her eyes wide, "What? What do you mean gone?"

"Angel told me. Only some weeks before you died he found a gypsy who altered his curse."

"Oh, that's great," Buffy said sarcastically. "And so you thought, well, it's sad and all but finally Buffy will be happy because she can now screw around with Angel. Newsflash Willow, it will never be that way. I will never, do you hear me, never use Anne's body for my own wishes. I refuse to buy my own happiness with her life. Apologising for my cruel words is one thing, but don't expect me to be happy."

Dermot cleared his throat, "Maybe we should all go and sleep now. We're all tired and exhausted."

"Fine," Buffy sighed. "Let's go to bed, but I won't change my mind. Whistler, tell your Powers that I will fight the Armageddon. It's against my nature not to and after all I don't want Anne to have died for nothing, but that's it. Afterwards I quit. And then it's my decision to live the way I want. Is that understood?" With this she turned and left the room.

The remaining persons looked at each other, their faces more than only concerned. After minutes of silence Willow said, "Whistler, what about Angel?"

"He'll be okay," the demon replied.

"How can you know," the witch wanted to know, "the way he looked I wouldn't be surprised to find his ashes somewhere."

"He won't kill himself. He knows he's needed in the final battle and the one thing that was always sure about the bugger was when it came to the little slayer. He will do anything to keep her safe. Don't worry."

Part 1

Angel spent the next few weeks in his own personal hell. Images of Buffy accusing him haunted him day and night and the disgusted look in her eyes wouldn't let go. He kept away from Willow's house, didn't contact any of their group. He'd found an empty crypt, avoiding the mansion because he knew he wouldn't be able to face the memories there. He'd barely survived the memorial service and in the mental state he was now he might crack. Plus he knew that they would search for him there first.

He became careless with feeding, left the crypt only from time to time. His appearance changed, his face was gray and haunted and people - if he saw any - turned away from him. With his history he'd always been an easy target to burden with all the blame. He knew that he was unconsciously looking for punishment, for pain, for all the deeds of his demon. The fact that Buffy had always seen more in him had made all the difference. He had been able to believe in himself, believe that he was more than a murderous monster, more than blood, death and torture. That he could do real good, make amends. But now even the only person important to him saw nothing more in him than a miserable existence.

Angel wasn't a weak person, but he couldn't cope anymore. It was a fact that he didn't save Anne's life. That he couldn't have done anything to prevent it didn't matter anymore in his present state of mind. Buffy's words had cut too deep and the wound was bleeding constantly.

So he wasn't really living and barely existing either. But he couldn't kill himself, to end it. The thought that he was meant to fight at Buffy's side was the only thing that kept him alive. It didn't once cross his mind that he wouldn't be of any help if he didn't keep his body in shape, but all rational thinking was long gone.

*****

For Buffy the weeks weren't easy too. As soon as she fully realised what her words might have done to Angel she began searching for him. Whistler had assured her that he wouldn't kill himself, that he was still near by just in case, but she couldn't find him. It was as if he'd vanished into thin air.

She could only begin to imagine how he would feel now. She wanted to talk to him and tell him she hadn't meant what she'd said to him. But he kept hidden.

In her daily life Anne transformed more and more into Buffy. Willow noticed it in the way her friend was acting, the way she would toss her hair, the way she would pout or laugh. The slayer had Buffy's full memories back and Anne's faded bit by bit although Buffy desperately tried to hold onto it. Willow found her more than once crying in a chair or in her bed. Blaming fate for what it had thrown upon her. And she mourned her daughter and grand-daughter, but she had accepted that there was nothing she could do about it, as much as she hated the fact.

The fact that troubled her most was that her soul was in Anne's body now. Willowhad the impression she would've felt better if it had been the body of someone who'd died anyhow. Buffy kept telling herself that Anne had only been made so that her body could serve her grand-mother later, although that wasn't true either.

Willow and Tara, who became a constant visitor, tried to explain, that Anne's fate allowed her only 18 years and that other people had to die when they were much younger, but to no avail.

*

Eight weeks after Angel had disappeared Willow finally had enough. The day had started as usual, they had had breakfast together and then Buffy would sit down and read. She'd dropped out of school, not really seeing any sense in making her high school diploma twice and generally not caring at all what would happen to her.

They'd been talking about life and old age, because Tara, who'd been coming later, was complaining about her aching hip. "I barely slept tonight," she sighed and rubbed the skin over her right hip-bone. "The doctor says I need an artificial joint, but I hate hospitals," she smiled at Willow who nodded understandingly.

"God, your problems," Buffy rolled her eyes while she wasn't even looking up from her book.

Something inside Willow snapped at that moment and she shouted, "I've had just about enough of your attitude. Buffy, look at me! Do you even realise what a gift has been given to you? You got the present of Anne's body and look what you're doing with it. You're pitiful."

"A great present," Buffy jumped up and glared at the witch. "Tell me, how would you feel about the fact that you would inhabit your own grand-child's body. Hmm? Pray, tell me!" she demanded.

Willow sighed loudly, "Honestly I don't know. But that isn't the point. I can imagine it must be hard, but you can't change it, so you should try to make the best of it, but instead you're running around like a shadow of yourself, drowning in self-pity."

"Thanks," Buffy hissed. "I really need that."

"Oh stop it! You aren't the only one who's suffering. I can only guess what Angel's going through at the moment."

At the mention of the vampire's name the slayer's eyes instantly filled with tears, "I already said I'm sorry," she replied hoarsely.

"Yeah," Willow wasn't about to let it go this time. "But that doesn't change what you did. I know you tried to find him, but you didn't and that should tell you how much he's hurting right now. He's hiding. And he's hiding from you. Angel never hid from you. Even when none of us would know where he was, you always did. But not this time." She paused and studied Buffy's face for a moment, the tears were now running freely but Willow didn't feel pity, not anymore. "What on earth is really the matter with you?"

"I can't forgive myself for this," the slayer shouted pointing at her own body. "If it weren't for me Anne would be alive. It's her body and her life I'm living."

"No."

Slayer and witch both turned around at the sharp reply coming from Tara. Her voice was softer when she continued, "That is not true, Buffy. I tried to explain this to you but you wouldn't listen. Each human being, each soul has a certain time on this planet. Some have 80 years, other 60 and some only 18. And there are some who are only allowed to live for some hours. Don't ask me why it is this way, it's much too complicated to explain, but has a lot to do with balance." She gave the slayer a slight smile and went on, "From the moment of her birth Anne's life was meant to last 18 years. Under different circumstances her body would've been reduced into dust by now. But because you were too important to let you go, they used her body to bring your soul, your spirit, back."

Tara looked thoughtful for a moment and then tilted her head, "Would it help you to know that she doesn't resent you for this?"

"I ... I don't know. How could I know?"

For the first time Willow's face was lit by a smile. "That's easy. We summon her spirit. We will do a séance."

*

They set the séance-circle the same night. As they needed a fourth female to summon a female spirit for a conversation Ellen volunteered for the job. Critical at first she had now fully realised that the girl wasn't the same she had been before. Now she was talking to Buffy, while the girl she had come to know had been Anne. It was confusing and also a bit scary, but you couldn't turn away from facts and as a watcher in training Ellen had learned to believe the strangest things.

"Powers of the Universe I summon the spirit of Anne, former slayer in Sunnydale. Come to us," Tara said in a low voice while she lit candles in a certain order. She looked at Buffy, "As soon as I make contact I have to transfer her spirit to you so that you can communicate. The communication will be silent," she explained, "as if you were doing telepathy. You understand?"

The slayer nodded and concentrated on Tara's eyes the way the Wicca had explained to her earlier.

As soon as the first candle extinguished the four women in the room could feel a cold breeze in the air and Tara's eyes went wide and unfocussed. After some seconds she gained control again and now Buffy's face wore an expression as if in a trance. Her eyes closed and she began to slightly rock back and forth, her lips twitching from time to time, the restless movements of her eyeballs visible behind her lids. Ellen watched everything with an expression of awe and wonder.

One by one the candles burnt out and when the last began to flicker Buffy's eyes shot open and she drew a deep breath. She slightly shook her head and a frown appeared on her face. Only seconds later her eyes filled with tears, but at the same time she smiled. "Thank you," she whispered and looked at Willow and Tara.

"So it worked?" Ellen wanted to know.

The slayer nodded, "Yeah. She said that she's happy where she is now. That she hated slaying and that she is glad to be with her parents again. She wants me to live my life to the full." A little bit embarrassed she wiped her tears away, "I'm sorry."

"Oh Buffy, you don't need to apologize, we all understand," Willow said softly taking her friend's hand and squeezing it. "But we aren't the ones you should talk to," she added after a moment.

"I know," the slayer bit her lower lip. "I need to find him. As soon as possible. He has to know and maybe he'll somehow find a way to forgive me then," she jumped up, grabbed two stakes and her jacket and was almost out of the door, when she heard Willow ask.

"What? He has to know what?"

"How much I love him, Will, how much I love him."

Part 15

Buffy doubled her efforts to find Angel, but without success. The vampire stayed hidden. She even contacted his regular blood-supply but they hadn't seen him for weeks, only one more point to make her worry. He had to feed, regularly, and if he didn't ... she didn't want to think about it. The thought that he might starve himself to death was too horrible.

She tried to contact Whistler, but as she didn't know how to do it, it didn't work.

*

Angel had more luck in finding the little annoying demon and it was 10 weeks after the last time he'd seen Buffy when he was walking through the Sunnyrest cemetery to meet with Whistler. For weeks now Angel had been entertaining this idea and now he would try it. There was only one way Buffy's life could be right again and he would do anything to achieve it.

Whistler was already sitting on a headstone, his legs dangling into the air and when he saw the vampire he grinned, "You look like shit my friend and this is a really inviting place for a meeting. I thought of a bar or the likes but seeing you now I'm sure they wouldn't have let you in. What the hell did you do to yourself?"

"It's none of your business," Angel snapped. "I'm not here to discuss my appearance."

"Fine, fine," the demon took another long look, shook his head and sighed, "So what can I do for you? I thought I explained everything the last time we met."

"I want you to bring her back," the vampire's voice was all but demanding.

"I already told you, I can't bring her back. I'm only the messenger."

"For God's sake Whistler, Buffy's served them for 25 years, I even longer. Does that count for nothing. Can't they do us that little favour. I'm sure it's only a snap of the fingers for them." Exhausted because of his bad condition Angel sat down on a headstone near by.

"It isn't that easy, my friend," the demon's face was serious now. "A soul once settled in the afterlife can't be brought back. They can only stop it from going there, what they did with Buffy's. But Anne's lost to this world. Angel, the fate of mankind is in your hand, your hand and the slayer's. It was all done for a purpose. You cannot escape fate, you of all people should know it."

"But can't you see what it did to her. She's in so much pain," Angel's voice was hoarse with emotion. "I...,"

"Many things will change after this last battle. The evil will be banished from the earth. And now I'm saying something I'm not allowed to, but," he shrugged, "well, I was never good with rules. This last battle will complete your fate, Angel. It will be your redemption. Remember the prophecy, the one talking about you becoming human. It will be fulfilled afterwards. You and your little slayer will have a real chance for a normal life. What do you say now?"

"Trade it," was the only answer.

Whistler looked at the vampire in confusion, "What do you mean trade it?"

"Trade my life for Anne's. I'm staying a vampire and she can live. Life means nothing to me if it means Buffy will hurt. Her happiness is more important than anything."

"Angel, Angel," the demon sighed. "Did you even listen to me? Anne's soul is gone. There. Is. No. Way. Back.," he said very slowly. "Get this in your thick skull. Besides, it's your redemption and it can't be traded. And, even if it was possible it would mean you'd die. Because if you don't become human you'll stay a demon with a soul and would be banished from earth with the others."

"I don't care," Angel shouted. "Do *you* listen. I. Don't. Care."

"But I do and they do too. And you can't change fate. It was always meant this way. As it was meant that you and Buffy would work together. I admit that they didn't plan you two falling in love, but even the Powers cannot control everything. Some things are just meant to be. So stop fighting it. You have no guilt in Anne's death, my friend, it was fate and Buffy will see that too."

"She doesn't even look at me," Angel said with a low voice.

"Well, she didn't have an opportunity to, I'd say," Whistler grinned. "As far as I know you've been keeping a pretty low profile the last weeks. Maybe you should go and see her, but you should feed and then take a shower, change your clothes. I mean you don't smell, because vampires don't perspire, but still you look like shit."

"You're certainly the fashion expert," Angel shot back.

"See, that's better. Get your spirit up. You have to face the fact that things are as they are, that you can't change them. Take your slayer, fight with her, take care of each other, survive and be happy. And now if you excuse me. Conversations like these tire me out, I need a drink." He touched the vampire's shoulder and squeezed it, "She loves you. I'm sure she'll come around."

As soon as the demon was gone Angel sank to the ground, his back pressed against the headstone, his knees at his chest he felt empty and exhausted. The fact that he hadn't taken care of himself took it's toll. There wasn't much strength in him left. Could it be true, he thought? Would she, could she forgive him - ever? Was there any way he could make her understand that he had tried everything in his power to protect Anne?

God, he would be human. If they'd survive the last battle he would become human and Buffy was alive. They could've had a future together, a real future. Even with her memories he would've done everything to make her happy. Maybe it was good after all, they were more even this way. She wasn't the 18 year old teenager anymore although she had the body of one (not that this really mattered to him), but she knew about loss, grief, death, she was much more experienced and so maybe a better partner for an over 300 year old ex-vampire like him. It would be like a dream come true. A dream he hadn't himself allowed to dream for a long time. It would also mean that he was forgiven, that he had redeemed himself. He could laugh again and not feel guilty. But it meant nothing without her.

If she couldn't forgive him nothing meant anything to him anymore. The Powers might see him worthy to be human again, but Buffy hated him. What purpose was there in living like that?

A noise startled him and slowly he raised his head. Expecting a demon he wouldn't be able to fight a gasp escaped his mouth and his lips formed a name almost inaudibly: "Buffy?"

Part 16

"Buffy," he whispered again and then instantly bowed his head in shame. "W-what are you doing here?"

"I was on patrol," she explained and then startled him again when she fell on her knees right in front of him. "Oh Angel, what did you do to yourself?" she asked with tears in her eyes. When he would neither look at her nor answer she framed his head in her hands and forced him to face her. "I'm so sorry for what I said to you. Do you know how long I've been looking for you? I was searching every place I could imagine. I thought I would go mad."

"I'm sorry," he whispered and couldn't prevent his own tears from falling. "I'm so sorry I couldn't save Anne's life. I really tried ...," his voice broke.

"I know. Angel, I know, remember I was there," she frowned, "well at least somehow, so I know," she assured him. When she saw the flicker of hope in his eyes she quickly continued, "I can't believe what I said to you. The only excuse I have is that I was confused and hurting, but I had no right to lash out at you like that. I'm sorry."

He shook his head, "There is no need to be sorry. You had every right to behave like you did, I didn't protect Anne and ..."

"No," she interrupted him. "*I* was wrong. But I can't believe that you don't blame me. Angel, are you even real?"

A little laugh escaped his throat and it made her smile, "I missed you," he whispered. "God, how I missed you. After more then 60 years all I needed was to reach out and touch you and yet you've never been so far away as you have these past weeks."

"I missed you too," she whispered back. And then after a pause she added, "I love you."

"Oh, Buffy," with trembling hands he reached out and touched her face. "I would give everything to bring her back to you."

"I know," she leaned forward and brushed his lips with hers. "I heard."

"You...," shock flickered through his eyes and then he looked away in embarrassment. "You weren't meant to hear."

"I know," she said again. "But I'm glad I did. Not because you tried to trade your life for hers." Her voice sounded stern now, "Don't you dare and try it again. Do you hear me. You've worked long and hard and suffered a lot for it. You earned your redemption." As a reaction his head snapped up and he was staring at her with wide eyes. When she spoke again her voice was soft, "I'm glad I heard it because it reminded me how much you love me. And what a bitch I've been." She had to laugh, "I'm over 80 years old, but it's never too late to be a bitch, is it?"

"I love you," he said suddenly and with a groan pulled her to him, holding her close. "God, how I love you."

"I know," she said and started to cry. But they were good tears. Healing tears. "Just imagine. We've got this incredible gift. A future together."

"I know," he mumbled into her hair. "I'm almost too afraid to let myself believe it."

She slightly pulled back, "I talked to her, you know." When she saw his puzzled gaze she smiled. "Tara, Willow, Ellen and I held a séance and Tara gave me the chance to communicate with Anne. She's happy where she is, she doesn't resent me for having this chance and she wants us to be happy together."

"I'm glad. It tore me apart to see you hurting like that. I could've killed Whistler, but it would've been the wrong person," he sighed loudly. "He's very annoying sometimes, but in his heart he is a good person."

"Yeah," she agreed. "I met him the first time before I sent you to hell. Did I ever tell you that?"

Surprised he looked at her, "No. Why did he come?"

"He told me about the swords and that you were meant to take care of me, but that it got out of hand when we fell in love with each other." She snuggled closer to him again, enjoying the feeling of being so close. "Then," her voice became lower, "he told me I had to send you to hell if you succeeded to pull out the sword and to open the vortex. That your blood was the only way to seal it. I hated him for it, although it wasn't his fault either."

"It's a damned job he has," Angel commented. "I don't envy him for it. Mostly he has bad news. The only time he had something good for me was when he brought me to see you."

They were silent for a long time, just holding each other. Buffy was sitting between Angel's legs, her back leaned to his chest, while his head rested on her's. His arms had encircled her waist from behind and her hands rested on his'. She was stroking over them when she suddenly felt something. With a surprised sound she lifted his hand and looked at it, "Since when do you wear it again?," she asked.

"I put it on when I left America," he replied calmly. "It was as if I didn't have the right before. I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable around me."

"I lost mine," she said sadly. "I left it in the Mansion on the spot where I sent you to hell. At that time it seemed the best place for it. I thought it was my way to say goodbye and let you go. I should've known you'd find a way back to me. I've given up on us so often Angel, but I swear I won't do it again. Talking to Anne made me realise that I can only honour this gift in living my life full. Refusing it would mean that she died in vain. I couldn't do that." She paused for a moment and then added with a smile in her voice, "Aaand, I really, really would like my life to be with you."

"Me too," he answered without hesitation. "Me too." Shifting her between his legs so that she was facing him now his mouth descended on her's and their lips met in a lingering, passionate kiss, telling her more about his love than words could. Breaking the kiss after some time he smiled, "I want to make love to you. I want to feel you again, to be as near to you as possible." The way she responded told him that Willow had already told her about the happiness clause.

"Me too. Do you realise it's been over 60 years." Suddenly she giggled, "Do you also think this is ... I dunno, kinda ... weird."

"Not for a vampire. I'm used to this. After all I waited about 240 years until your 17th birthday to make love to someone. So, talk about weird."

"Hey, was that a joke?"

"Well, yeah...," he grinned. "But as much as I would like to make love to you I suppose I can't." Embarrassment entered his eyes and he looked away, "I ... I haven't exactly been ...," He didn't want to tell her that his body was too weak right now for carnal love.

She pressed one finger on his lips, "I know. And I also know it was partly my fault." When he started to protest she kissed him quickly, "It was more than partly my fault. I should've known what my accusations would do to you. I heard what you said to Whistler, remember?"

"I don't want you to feel responsible for this," he said.

"I won't if you stop feeling responsible for Anne. I was wrong and you are too. I know you already blamed yourself for her death before I opened my big mouth." Suddenly she tilted her head, "Is it ... I mean," she bit her lower lip, feeling a bit unsure about her question, "what I want to say is, is it strange for you to see me in another body? I mean, this body is a lot like mine, it feels familiar, but I can also feel the differences, it's kinda funny actually, well sometimes, buying clothes for example, okay I'll stop now," she flushed in embarrassment.

He had to grin at her babbling, "I know what you mean. And the answer is yes and no. It's not that I was ever really familiar with your body, although I remember everything from that night as if it had been yesterday. But it wasn't your body I fell in love with, the part I fell in love with is still the same," then his grin grew even wider, "although I don't mind the way you look."

"Why thank you sir," she joked. "A lady will never get tired of such compliments."

"Good," his said with a nod. "Because," his voice became husky and he began to nibble at her earlobe, "I intend for you to hear many more of them."

"Is that so?" she whispered and then added, "You are aware that we're sitting in a graveyard of all places and even worse right above someone dead?"

"We always had a thing for cemeteries," he commented dryly, his mouth now traveling down her neck what caused her to moan.

"Uh ... Angel ... it's not ... uh ... comfortable."

"You never complained before," he said mercilessly.

"I was much younger then," she said with a grin.

He slightly pulled back and looked at her, his eyes shining with his love for her, but there was something else, joy. It made her heart burst with love. "And you're so old now. Let me tell you about age. Do you even know how old *I* am?"

"Something over 300, but after a certain age it doesn't really matter," she shrugged and grinned. "Besides you're used to being old, I'm still adjusting."

"Is that so?" he pulled her closer again. "I really have to get in shape soon. But maybe it's better this way, we would probably shock the dead if I were to ravish you right now."

"Ravish, huh?" she reached for him and began to tickle, "The question would be who's going to ravish whom."

"Stop it," he said between laughter.

Suddenly she gasped, "God, Angel you're like a skeleton. I will have to take good care of you and you promise never to do that again."

"Promise," he held his hand out. "Marry me, let's not wait until I'm going to be human," he said suddenly.

"Yes," she replied without hesitation. "We've waited long enough. Tara can do it. She's allowed to legally marry people and we won't have to answer questions." She grinned again, "I'd think it would be rather complicated with our let's say unconventional background. Besides I want Willow there. She's okay now, but she's not going to live forever," a little sadness flickered over her eyes but was instantly gone. "All we know is that this battle will be soon, but not exactly how soon. And it's unpredictable. I want to be your wife and you as my husband. It's the only thing I wanted all my life."

"The same here," he sighed and pulled her close again. "Maybe we should go back. Tell them all about it. Us, I mean."

"Hmmm," she made and snuggled closer. "Let's stay here a few more minutes. They'll know soon enough. You know, Willow's going to flip. She might be 80 but she's still Willow, I can almost hear her babble uncontrollably."

"Yeah," he sighed again, "And your watcher will have to report to the Council that his transformed slayer is going to marry her vampire after all."

"I love you, Angel," she said and close your eyes. "Always."

"Yes, always," he replied and kissed her skull. "Buffy?"

"Hmmm?"

"First thing tomorrow we get you a new ring."

"Good."

"Yes, I want everyone to know that you belong to somebody. I won't ever let you go again, you know that?"

"Very good," she sighed happily. "Angel?"

"Hmmm?"

"Stop talking, better kiss me."

And nothing was spoken for the next hours.

It was almost sunrise when a shriek sounded through Willow's house and she immediately began searching for bridal magazines she'd kept from her grand-daughter.

That's it, guys. Hope you liked it. Please tell me, if you did? If you did not? (Hopefully not!!). Come on, let me know!!! Please, please, please!

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