Disclaimer: let me check ... nope, still don't own them. Sigh!; the title of the story is the title of a book by Kathleen Eagle, so it isn't mine too
Rating: PG-13 (for now)
Pairing: B/A - eventually
Summary: Set after "The Gift" it's my second attempt of cleaning up the mess Joss left us with.
Spoilers: the whole B/A-cannon to be sure
Timeline: around Thanksgiving after "The Gift"
Feedback: oh yes, please

Angel took a deep, unnecessary breath, then allowed himself the luxury of closing his eyes for a moment. Leaning back against the wall, he deposed his battle axe on the ground beside him and let the warm breeze of Californian air wash over his cool skin. He was tired, God, he was so tired.Would this ever end, he wondered? This fight of good and evil, this endless, fruitless battle. He opened his eyes again and looked at the dead demon lying at his feet, its skull split open, its lifeless, yellow orbs straring into nothing, its blue blood still tainting the ground. Where was the sense in all this?

When he'd finally gotten over the mess with Darla, found his purpose again, had been able to reclaim his friends, regain their trust in him, fate had taken the most precious gift he'd ever received.

Buffy.

Even thinking her name brought a wave of pain, like a knife stabbing right through his hart, then splitting him open, leaving his guts hanging to the floor.

When there had been nothing in his life, only darkness, self-pity and grief, she'd been his anchor, his light, the arm fate held out for him, pulling him back from the edge - more than once. She'd made him believe he was more than just a demon, she'd fought for him, believed in him and although they'd spent two years apart, there was still this deep connection, this anchor that held him in this life and made him fight the good fight.

The day he'd seen her in the cemetery, after her mother had died, he'd still felt it. And it had been more than just two warriors sharing the same purpose, it was the merging of souls, of finally becoming one again, even for those short precious hours in the dark. Holding her, kissing her, knowing that deep inside they'd always love each other, no matter what.

Yes, their love was forbidden, and yes, they'd probably never be able to live it, but it was still there, like a shimmer of hope whenever fate seemed too hard to bear. It had helped him to finally overcome the whole Darla-business and her to move on after her mother's death.

But now it was gone. Buffy was gone and Angel felt like shouting to the Powers, blaming them for taking away his only light.

"Hey man."

Gunn's voice pulled him from his heavy thoughts and with a sigh, he bent down, picked up his axe and then looked at the man standing near by.

"You've got the other one?," he asked, nodding at the demon on the ground.

"Yeah," Gunn replied with a grin. "Put on hell of a fight though," his grin widened when he added, "Pretty good, I've got black skin. Otherwise I'd be black and blue tomorrow."

Angel couldn't help but chuckle at that and guilt stabbed through him, thinking about his friend. He'd lost his sister, had been forced to kill her in the end, but he still went on with his life. So who was he to give up. Yes, it seemed all purpose had gone from his life, but he knew Buffy would be the first to shout at him for giving up and that thought had been his lifeline - so far.

He'd been in pretty bad shape after Willow's visit, ready to let go, to greet the sun, but something - he still couldn't say what - had held him back. A certain feeling that he was needed, that there was still a purpose for him. Inwardly sighing he forced his attention back at his friend, "Yeah," he said, giving Gunn a smile.

"How about heading back then?," the black man asked, putting a hand on Angel's shoulder. "You know, Cordy and English are still mighty worried about you."

"There's no need," the vampire assured him and when he saw the doubtful gaze of his friend, he added, "There is none. I know I wasn't ... quite well, but it's better now."

Gunn patted his shoulder again, "That's good man," he said, flashing the vampire another grin, "That's really good."

"Yeah," Angel replied, wishing he could actually feel that way. Deep inside, where he found nothing but emptiness. "Really good."

*

They heard Cordelia's angry voice loud and clear before they entered the Hyperion hotel, and Angel and Gunn exchanged a worried glance before the black man pushed the door open. To their surprise they found four people in the lobby. Cordelia, whom they'd heard before, Wesley, and with them, Giles and Willow. **No, Buffy is dead. There can't be anything more painful.**, were the first thoughts entering the vampire's mind.

"... and I could kill you, do you listen," the former cheerleader shouted. "How could you do this? Have you any idea what he went through? How could you not tell...," she became aware that her visitors weren't looking at her anymore and following the direction of their gazes she whirled around. For a moment she stared at the two men as if she'd never seen them before, then suddenly a blush crept into her cheeks and she laughed self-consciously. "Angel, Gunn, hi. Good, to see you're back. Did you kill those demons?"

Angel tore his gaze from the visitors and looked at her curiously, "Yes, Cordelia. They're dead. And now if you pray, what is this all about?" He quickly glanced at the two people from Sunnydale, "Hello Giles, hey Willow," he greeted them, then his eyes were back on the brunette.

"They ... uh ... came to see you," she said hesitantly. "They just arrived."

"I see," Angel nodded, then walked over to Buffy's former watcher and held out his hand for him. "Giles," he acknowledged him again and the two men shook hands. The vampire smiled at Willow, instantly noticing her uneasiness and the way she averted her eyes.

**What the hell is going on?**

His eyes darting between Cordelia and Giles, he asked, "So," he crossed his arms in front of his chest, as if to protect himself from a blow. "Would now anyone in this room enlighten me, what this was all about?" He had no idea why he felt so ... uneasy ... what could they possibly tell him, after this last, almost lethal blow?

"Maybe you should sit down first," Cordelia suggested, plastering a false smile on her face, but wasn't able to hide the worry in her eyes and Angel couldn't help the foreboding deep in his bones. "Yes," Wesley stood and looked at the man, he'd come to see as his friend. "This might be a good idea."

"Just say it," the vampire turned towards the visitors from Sunnydale, "Giles. I assume it has something to do with your visit. So why don't you tell me what this is all about?"

"Yes," Giles put his glasses off and began to rub them with a tissue he pulled from his pocket. His movements were stiff and weary at the same time. Angel saw the frown on his forehead, then he saw the watcher's spine straighten, and then Giles looked him straight in the eye. "Angel, I ... that is we, Willow and I, came for your help."

"I see," the vampire replied slowly. "Maybe you'd be willing to elaborate this. At least a little, but of course I'm willing to help you. That goes without question. Still it would be good to know what you want me to do."

"Does anybody want coffee?," Cordelia chirped from behind him.

Angel's eyes narrowed, but he didn't turn at her, "No," he hissed, "We don't need coffee. At least I don't. What I need, is to know what's going on!"

"Angel."

He felt Willow's hand on his arm and managed to suppress the anger he was starting to feel and to focus on her eyes. They were wide and ... compassionate. "What?," he whipered.

"Angel," she repeated his name, her eyes still locked with his. "She is alive."

"What?," he asked again, not understanding, not daring to hope, not ... "Alive?," he heard himself ask. "Who is alive."

Willow's hand on his arm squeezed, "Buffy. Angel, Buffy is alive."

The first reaction was a flickering of his eyelids, his orbs staring at her, still without understanding, then his gaze snapped to Giles, who was nodding his head, his eyes holding the same expression as Willow's. "W ...," Angel's voice cracked and he suddenly felt a hand on his back. Cordelia's.

Clearing his throat, he tried again, "What?" His legs felt like rubber, his gut as if armies of bugs were running through it and he wouldn't have been surprised if his heart would do a dead start right now. From the corner of his eye he saw Wesley hoovering close and inwardly he had to smile at the concern of his friends and a warm feeling was sourrounding him at that.

"It's true," Giles said after a long silence. "Buffy is alive."

"But how?," Angel heard himself whisper. He wasn't so sure he was still in control of his body. Somehow he felt strangely standing beside all this. As if watching some weird dream. Crunching his brows in concentration, he tried to focus on Willow's eyes that were still watching him with concern.

"We," she began, giving him a tight smile, "Tara and I, that is, we brought her back. A lot of magic was involved and stuff, but finally we had her back."

"I see," the vampire replied with a curt nod, then pulled his arm from the redhead's grasp. Looking around he said, "I don't know about you. But I need a coffee right now." And with this he walked off into the direction of the kitchen.

Cordelia stared at his retrieving back, "Angel," she shouted. "Didn't you hear ..."

Gunn's hand on her arm stopped her in midsentence and when she turned her teary eyes on the black man she saw him shake his head in the negative. "Let him," he said softly. "He needs to be alone for a moment."

*

As soon as he crossed the threshold to the kitchen, Angel felt heavy sobs rising in his throat, felt his lungs constrict, his stomach churn, his mind spin and with a sound that resembled nothing he'd ever heard before he sunk to the ground, his back against the fridge, his large frame began to shake like a leaf.

She was alive. Not dead. Not dead. Not dead, his mind repeated again and again.

He burried his face in his trembling hands, soon drowned by a flood of tears running from his eyes, heavy sobs almost tearing his body apart, as all the tension of the last months let go. The relief was streaming through his body, opening all the floodgates of emotions, pent up for what seemed like an eternity in an attempt to exist.

Alive. Alive. Alive. Alive.

Like a heartbeat the word shattered through his system, opening closed doors he'd belived shut forever.

Drawing a deep, liberating breath, Angel raised his head again and leaned it back against the fridge as well. And then he didn't try to stop the tears anymore.

*

It was almost half an hour later when he joined his friends in the lobby again. There had been no conversation, no talk, while he'd been gone, but Angel instantly saw the relief in Cordelia's eyes when she saw him coming from the kitchen. He gave her a quick smile before he took the spot beside her on the sofa and felt oddly comforted by the warm hand she instantly put on his cold one.

Taking another deep breath, Angel looked over at Willow and Giles, "So, she is alive," he said, finally breaking the silence.

"Yes," Giles nodded again. "She is. But there is a problem ...," he began, only to be cut off by Cordelia, who was glaring at him.

"Tell him," she demanded hotly, ignoring the vampire's irritated gaze. "Tell him, Giles," she demanded again. "Or I'm going to do it."

"Tell me what?," Angel asked."Yes ... er ... what Cordelia means is, and what we didn't tell you so far, she didn't just return yesterday."

"She didn't," the vampire said, not understanding.

"No," Willow said softly. "The whole magic thing. Angel, Buffy's been back for six weeks."

**Six weeks**. Angel's sharp intake of breath was like a knife slicing through paper and with a stiff, controlled movement he rose and walked to the far end of the hall.

"Yes, six weeks," he heard Cordelia behind him. "And no one in Sunnydale felt we needed to know."

"That's not true," Willow tried to defend herself and her friends. "We told you, there are problems ..." her voice trailed off when she saw the brunette's angry eyes. And then she added in a whisper, her looking at Angel's back. "I'm sorry."

"Sorry," Cordelia almost spat in her face. "God, you people are incredible. Have you any, *any*, idea what you did to him? The hell he went through."

"Cordelia, stop it," at Angel's angry shout the former cheerleader's mouth shut audibly. The vampire returned to the table, only the slight trembling of his hands giving away the effort it took to keep his control. "So she came back six weeks ago," he said finally, when he looked back at the watcher who almost flinched at the pain in the vampire's eyes, something Angel wasn't able to conceal, it was too raw to hide.

"Yes," Willow replied.

"Six weeks," Angel said again, taking a deep, shuddering breath, "So I assume, it went well without us. Then what is the problem all of a sudden?"

"The problem is," the redhead said slowly, "that she's lost her memory. She can't remember her name, her friends, and certainly not the fact she's the slayer."

Clearing his throat, Giles was finally able to speak again, "The council didn't call a new slayer, because Faith is still alive. They didn't want to have two slayers again," he explained. "So the hellmout is almost without protection. Last night Xander and Anya were almost killed. We tried to take over the slaying duties but failed miserably. Sunnydale has become much more ... active ... since the time Buffy ran away for a summer."

"What about Spike?," Angel wanted to know, pushing the memory of that particular summer in a hidden corner of his mind.

"He helps," Willow told him. "But he's still Spike. And then there's still Dawn and he insists he needs to look out for her. Says he's promised Buffy. So he won't leave her for too long."

"The influx of demons has been ... impressive ...," Buffy's watcher continued explaining. "Last week Spike staked eight vampires in one night. He almost didn't make it."

"Not that this would be a loss," Cordelia muttered under his breath, but shut up when she caught the angry eyes of the vampire.

"And what do you want me to do now?," Angel gazed at the Englishman. "Do you want me to miraculously reinstall her memories, or what?"

Giles flinched at the sarcasm in the vampire's voice, but took the blow, feeling he'd somehow earned it. "Well, that would be indeed a miracle, but no. We're here to ask for your help to guard the hellmouth and ... with Buffy. Because, honestly, we've run out of ideas."

"And now he's good enough," Cordelia snorted at him.

"Cordelia," Angel's voice was gentle but firm and he slightly shook his head at her. He was angry. No skip that, he was boiling inside, wanted to scream at the watcher and the witch for not telling him, for letting him go through hell for six more weeks. **Six weeks.** But he wouldn't let them feel what they'd done to him. And this was about Buffy, and he would do anything to help her. So he turned back to the watcher and slowly nodded. "Alright," he said, holding the other man's eyes. "When do you want me to be there?" 

 Part 2

Three Days Later

"This human custom of joining is pretty stupid you know," Buffy heard Anya say. The former demon sat in on the sofa in the Summers' house and was flipping through bridal magazines.

Xander narrowed his eyes at her comment, "You think so?"

"Calm down," she leaned over and patted his thigh. "I'm going to marry you. But all this ... stuff," she sighed loudly. "And white doesn't favour me. I look fat in white."

"That's not true, honey," he assured her. "You look lovely ... in everything."

Anya gave him a sweet smile, then focused her eyes back on the pictures of white brides and - so she had to admit - some nice looking male models dressed in very fitting tuxedos. She loved Xander, she really did, but that was no reason to stop looking.

"How do you feel?"Buffy's head snapped up while her fingers were still fidgeting with the hem of her shirt. "Sorry," she gave Willow a sheepish smile. The redhead was looking at her the way she always did these days. Worried.

Actually, Buffy thought, she had no idea if Willow had ever looked at her in a different way. Memory loss really sucked. Waking up with absolutely no idea who you are or what happened ... Well, she did remember things. Personal things, like her favourite colour, her favourite dish and stuff like that, but she hadn't even remembered her name that afternoon when she'd woken up in her bed in this very house.

"So tell me?" Willow's voice again. "How do you feel?"

"Good," Buffy replied, feeling anything but. What on earth did her friends - assuming they were really her friends - expect, she wondered? They'd told her lots of weird stuff about demons and vampires, all things that couldn't possibly be true - and yet they were. After nothing they'd told her had helped, they'd just dragged Spike into the room and she'd seen with her own eyes how his face changed.

She had a feeling that the vampire - **Vampires are real. Geez I'm going insane.** - would be willing to tell her more about her past life, but he'd been forbidden by penalty of dusting, he'd told her, and so his lips were sealed. Her friends had dragged her to a shrink but all the lady had said was to be patient and that her memories would most probably return.

And then there was this thing about The Slayer. She was supposed to be one. And yes, she had to admit, she was pretty strong, but hunting demons and vampires at night? **Talk about weird.** And now they even wanted her to start training, although, that was another things she had to admit, it was fun, and it seemed as if she hadn't forgotten how to pummel an attacker.

"Did Giles talk to you some more?," Xander asked, getting up and going towards the kitchen - no doubt in search of food.

**Does he do anything but eating?**

"Yeah," Buffy replied evasively. She didn't want to talk about this. She had accepted that vampires were real, but the subject still wasn't particulary favourite to her.

Coming back with a bowl of potatoe chips, Xander looked at Willow, "And, is Dead Boy coming tonight, then?"

"Who?," the slayer's head almost audibly snapped around, fixing him with her eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"Uh ...," his face flushed and he met Willow's angry gaze with his apologetic one. "It's just a nick-name. A friend of ... ours ... he ... uh ... used to win at pool billard all the time. He was *deadly* ... hence the nick-name." He released a breath at the end.

"I see," the blond thought about it for a moment. Then asked, "Was he ... one of my friends as well?" Dead Boy. Dead Boy. She tried the words in her head, but nothing stirred.

"Uh ... yes," Willow replied with a small smile. "His real name is Angel. And he's coming tonight."

"Angel," Buffy closed her eyes for a moment, trying to remember. Without success. "Nice name," she said looking back at her friends.

The witch's face lit up a bit, "You said that before."

"Did I?," the slayer asked, but wasn't really interested. There was too much. Too many questions nobody was willing to answer, too many things she didn't understand and some things she didn't want to. As for example the fact that her little sister seemed to befriend Spike. A vampire! Go figure!

Talking about her sister. "Where is Dawn?," she asked nobody in particular.

"Gone with Spike," Anya replied, not looking up from the new magazine.

"Do you ...," Buffy cleared her throat and looked at Willow. "Do you think it's okay to ... encourage her to be with a ... vampire?"

Xander almost choaked on his potatoe chip, "Sorry, it was a little bit hot," he said when he saw the slayer looking at him. Grabbing his soft drink he tried to regain his composure. **Buffy of all people talking about vampires that way. I can hardly wait until Angel steps through that door.** Xander groaned inwardly. **And did I really just think that? I can't wait until Angel shows up. Just shoot me!**

"Dawn likes him," Willow said, ignoring Xander's reaction. "And he looks out for her. You ... made him swear he would ... before," she fidgeted with her fingers, "... you know."

"Before I lost my memory, I know," Buffy said, sounding a bit annoyed. "Willow, you don't have to tiptoe around the subject. I know what happened to me!"

"Yeah, we know too," Anya was slowly losing her patience with the slayer. "So what? We are planning a wedding you know. It wasn't particulary nice of you to lose your memory right now. Humans definitely have to work on their timing."

Xander shot her an irritated glance and thought for about the umpteenth time if she'd ever accept the face she was human now, but then pushed that thought aside and looked at Buffy. "It's just hard for us," he said with a smile. "We've known you for such a long time." He frowned for a moment, "Actually it hasn't been that long, but ... Anyways. At least it feels as if I know you forever, while you ...," he trailed off and gave her a pointed look.

The slayer worried her lower lip for a moment. She hadn't really payed attention to all the things her friends had said. She'd been too busy with rolling the name 'Angel' back and forth in her memory and somewhere, in a far corner, only a flutter, it seemed to stir. But as soon as she tried to grab it it was gone. **Maybe as soon as I meet him**, she thought hopefully.

The same moment the front door opened and Dawn appeared with Spike at her tail. Buffy felt her gut flutter immediately. Slayer vibes, Giles had explained that special feeling. She could remember the smile on his lips when he'd added it was the term she was using. Slayer vibes. That meant a vampire was near by and it was meant to help to feel and finally kill them. But not Spike of course. He had a chip, they'd explained to her. For that he was harmless for people. Buffy couldn't suppress the snicker thinking at that. What a bummer, it was like walking a goat up and down in front of a lion cage.

"Good joke?," Spike raised a brow at her, seeing the glimpse in her eyes.

She gazed at him for a moment, then raised a haughty brow, "Actually, yes," she informed him. "But you wouldn't understand."

"Hi Buffy," Dawn went over to the sofa to kiss her sister on the cheek. "Did you have a good day?"

"If you call all day lectures from Giles a good day," the slayer replied annoyed, "then, yeah."

"Oh, fun," her sister rolled her eyes and Buffy couldn't help but grin. Dawn was the only one who tried to act normal around her, who wasn't tiptoeing around and who seemed - oddly enough - not to worry. "Spike dusted two vamps," she reported while burying her hand in Xander's chips and then stuffing them into her mouth. After exchanging another grin with her sister, she excused herself for the bathroom.

"Only two tonight," Willow raised a brow at her. "That's less then usual these days."

The vampire who was just returning from the kitchen with a quarter of blood shrugged, "The night is still young. I'll have another round later on."

"You don't have to," Xander said without thinking, "Angel can do it."

"Xander!," came Willow's angry shout, while Buffy quirked a brow and asked, "What?"

"The Poof?," Spike found his favourite spot in front of the telly and began sipping his blood. "Why didn't anybody tell me?"

"Maybe because it isn't actually any of your business?" That came from Anya who had never been particulary fond of vampires in her demon days and she wouldn't start changing her habits now. Besides, Spike was really annoying and Xander couldn't stand him, and as his fiancee she had to be loyal.

"Hey, he is my bloody grand-sire," the vampire protested. "It's my business more than anyones."

"What," Buffy glared at him, "are you talking about? Who is 'The Poof'?," then her gaze turned to Willow. "Are there any more vampires coming to stay with us?"

Spike felt laughter bubbling up in his stomach, but then he remembered Giles and his promise to dust the vampire should he mess this up, and with an inward sigh suppressed this urge.

"I ... uh ...," Willow began but was saved by the arrival of Giles, who stepped through the door right this moment.

"Hello everyone," he greeted and then motioned behind him.

Buffy watched when first a young woman with dark hair appeared and then a man behind her. Her heart did a funny little flip-flap the moment she saw him and her guts went into overdrive. She should've been warned, should've thought about the "slayer vibes", but the moment she set eyes on him, she forgot all about it. Quickly she looked away when she realised she was staring at him.

But, God, he was gorgeous. She risked another glance. All tall, dark and - she had to swallow hard - all muscles, as far as you could see it under his clothes. Instantly her mouth went dry and in a fruitless attempt she tried to wet her lips.

Of course she had no idea how erotic that was to Angel and he took several, deep breaths to get a hold on himself. And the full impact that she was really alive, and breathing, hit him. And he swallowed hard too.

"Buffy," Giles smiled at his slayer, "you look very well."

"Gee, thanks," she rolled her eyes, avoiding to look at Angel. **If you do, you're only going to embarrass yourself, because there'd be blushing and ... stuff.** So she just cleared her throat, not trusting her voice at the moment and added, "You only left three hours ago, so I assume I haven't changed that much since then."

"Yes, er, Buffy, meet some more of your old friends," he said, emphasising the last word. "This is Cordelia," he explained, nodding towards the tall brunette. "You and she were in Highschool together. After that she went to L.A. and works with Angel now. And that," he turned towards the vampire, "is Angel. He also used to live in Sunnydale, until about two years ago."

"Hi," the slayer greeted them. "Cordelia," she gave the former cheerleader a smile and then her gaze momentarily flickered to the vampire. "Angel," she said, happy she hadn't choked on the word. She wouldn't have been surprised if anybody told her, the whole Sahara had been transported into her mouth.

"Hi Buffy," Cordelia nodded at her, then walked over to Anya and took a seat beside her, her eyes almost bulging out of her head when she realised what exactly the former demon was reading. She glanced irritated at Xander, but he was too busy staring at Angel to notice her.

"Buffy," Angel gave the blonde a warm smile and she felt all her insides flutter. Cold and hot showers were racing down her spine and the goosebumps were fighting for a free spot on her skin. Willow had said this man had been a friend, but Buffy honestly doubted it. How could she've been friends with a man who was awakening feelings like that in her. **No way!*

"It's so good to see you," he continued. Unlike Cordelia he didn't come closer, but leaned his shoulder at the doorframe instead.

"Uh ...," Buffy felt herself blushing and cursed inwardly, "I'd say the same," she admitted shyly, "but," she shrugged helplessly, "I don't really remember you."

Spike felt another bubble of laughter coming up, but one look into Giles' face instantly shut him up. And soon frustration began to settle inside of him when he caught his grand-sire's amused gaze. "Hello... Angel," he said sweetly.

"Spike," the dark-haired vampired acknowledged his grand-childe and then started when suddenly Dawn came flying down the stairs and flung her arms around his neck.

"Angel," she cried. "I'm so happy you came."

"Dawn," Angel embraced her as well and then slightly pulled back to look at her. "You've grown again," he stated with a wink. "And each time I see you you're more beautiful. You'll see, soon all the young men will grovel at your feet for a date."

"Oh, Angel," she slapped his shoulder, but smiled in delight and turned her gaze at her sister. "Isn't it great he came?," she asked, only to realise her own fault, "But of course you don't remember him, right?" When she saw the look on Buffy's face, she asked hopefully, "Or do you?"

"What?" The slayer looked irritated for a moment, then had to wet her dry lips again. "Oh, sorry. No, I don't remember him." **But, oh Boy, I wish I could.** She felt another blush creep up her face and quickly looked away.

"Buffy," Giles tried to get her attention again. "Angel came to help with patroling and to train you," he explained with a smile.

"Train me?," the slayer raised her brows, then couldn't help but grin at the vampire, "Do you like to get your ass kicked?," she asked. "Because that's what happens, just ask Xander or Giles. They refuse to sparr with me."

"I think, I'll manage," Angel replied with a smile that reached his eyes and Buffy wanted to die on the spot. He was handsome, all tall, dark and gorgeous, but when he smiled... **That sort of killer smile should be forbidden by law.**

"You should know," Giles' voice interrupted her thoughts, "that Angel is a vampire."

"A WHAT?," Buffy almost shouted and was out of her seat in a flash, staring at all her friends. Her eyes were darting from Giles to Angel, to Willow, Xander, and to Spike, who was grinning broadly. "A vampire," she said finally, her voice sounding weak. "What is it with him?," she demanded looking at her watcher. "Does he have another chip or what? And how is he going to sparr with me then? Because Spike can't - 'cuz of the chip, you already told me that."

"No," Willow said softly. "Angel doesn't have a chip, Buffy. Angel's got a soul."

"A ... a soul?," the slayer asked.

"Yes," Angel replied with a nod. "It's a bit complicated, but I'm going to explain all this to you."

"Just know he is one of the good guys," Cordelia said from her spot beside Anya.

"Uh-huh," Buffy smiled weakly and fell back on the sofa. Then she looked back at Angel, "Just out of curiosity," she said. "Can you even play pool billard?"

 Part 3

The next Day.

"Come one," Buffy grinned at Angel, sweat running down her face. The vampire was grinning as well, enjyoing the fact that he was able to be so close to her and forgetting all the problems surrounding them for a moment. There was only Buffy and a relaxing training session. Something he'd missed for what seemed like an eternity.

Giles sat on a chair and watched their first sparring-session in Buffy's basement.

"What do you mean, come on?," Angel shot back. "It's you who's sweating all over the matress."

"Smart ass," she retorted. "I've got circulation after all." Slowly circling him, she couldn't help the feeling of happiness that had settled inside of her. This, training with the dark-haired vampire, seemed so natural, like something she'd done countless times before. And she probably had, too bad she couldn't remember.

A little sigh escaped her throat that had him looking up, "Tired already?," he asked, smirking.

"In your dreams," she returned, her leg shooting up the same moment, but Angel had guessed her move and side-stepped the kick.

"Really slayer, you've been better," came a well known voice from the door. Spike strolled into the room. He was a little bit pissed that his darned grand-sire seemed to blend in so easily. After all the crawling Spike had done to get into the slayer's good graces, one bloody memory loss had destroyed all his chances. Not that he had any, not then, and certainly not now. The little blond had never really accepted him. Maybe she had tolerated him in the end, even trusted him with Dawn, but that was all she had been ready to give. Too deep rooted was her blief that only a soul was capable of love.

Buffy rolled her eyes, "Save your comments chip-boy," she said without looking at him.

"No insuts here," he replied and found a chair beside Giles.

"Maybe you want to take my place for a while," Angel teased slightly, while ducking another blow.

"Oh yeah," Buffy's face lit up. "That'll be fun. You'd be my own personal punching-bag."

"Very funny," the blond vampire grumbled and reached for a cigarette in his pocket. Catching the stern look of the watcher, he grinned and deliberately lit his smoke, blowing the soft, grey cloud into the watcher's direction. He wasn't allowed to make any remarks about the Slayer or the Poof, but one way or another a man had to have his fun. Or a vampire for that matter.

There had been times when he had hated the chip, when he had cursed it, but at the moment he was ready to kill. It should be him there, training with Buffy, not his bloody grand-sire who'd left her. Suddenly he felt a headache starting around the implant. **Not the smartest move to think about killing.**

"Ouch," Buffy yelled when Angel's foot suddenly connected with her stomach, but she recovered instantly. "Be aware," she threatened. "Punishment is on its way."

"Promises, promises," the vampire grinned again, yet side-stepping another attempt of hers to kick him.

Buffy was amazed by her oponent's flawless movments and silently she was admiring the way his body twisted and turned, his muscles rippled over his torso. His upper body was bare and like a sculpture in the pale light of the basement. This was their first meeting after yesterday, when he and Cordelia had arrived from L.A. They hadn't talked a lot. Soon after their arrival the vampire and his friend had said goodbye and disappeared to a place the others had called "The Mansion." She had made a mental note to find out where it was.

"Buffy you need to concentrate," Giles scolded gently.

"I am concentrated," she replied and grimaced when she just barely avoided a blow from the vampire. Somehow she had a feeling she'd been better in this or maybe he'd improved?

**God, I want to remember.**

"She's doing great," she heard Angel say and her heart did another flip-flop. "We didn't train together for a long time," he straightened and looked at Giles. "And I had lots of opportunities to improve my skills."

"Yes," Giles nodded and stood. "I could see that. You've become quite an expert in hand to hand combat, Angel."

"Just shoot me," Spike snorted, threw his smoke to the ground and stomped on it. "And anyway, this is just boring. I came down to see some real action, but you two are barely touching each other." **No need to listen to this.**

"Gee, thanks," Buffy shot back, rubbing a spot at her shoulder where she could feel a bruise coming up. "Sorry, that we can't supply you with some blood-shed."

"Yeah, yeah," Spike made a dismissive gesture with his hand, turned and walked out of the door, "but with all the love in the air," he shrugged, "what could one expect."

The slayer's head snapped around, her suddenly irritated gaze resting on Angel, then she turned towards Giles. "Love in the air? What is he talking about?"

"Nothing," the watcher said quickly, silently discussing if he might just stake Spike after all. It could be quite satisfying after all the insults the vampire had inflicted on him. "Angel is right," he tried to change the subject instead, dismissing this foolish urge. "You weren't that bad."

"Fine," she didn't pay attention, because she was too busy looking at Angel, who was trying to look anywhere but at her. His private thoughts weren't that far away from the watcher's. Plus the fact that the woman of his dreams was standing right before him, her sweat-covered body shining in the lamp-light. This moment he was grateful for each of his almost 250 years and the self-control he'd gained over the centuries. **Oh, man.**

**Jackpot. There was more between us than just friendship,** she thought, then instantly scolded herself. **Buffy Summers, what are you thinking. He is a vampire.** **Yes, and so what?**, the other voice in her head argued. **He's yummy, who cares that he's theoretically dead.**

"I'd like to have you both sparring at least once each day," Giles voice interrupted her thoughts.

"No problem," Angel agreed quickly. "It's good for both of us."

"Good," the watcher gave him a nod, then turned towards his slayer. "Buffy." When she didn't react, he repeated, "Buffy."

"Yeah." **I wonder if a dead body reacts the same way a living one does? Stop it, Buffy. You're a bad girl. And anyway. You can't even remember how a male body reacts.** Trying to cover the heat rising in her cheeks, she gave Giles an innocent look.

Finally he had her attention. "I want you to patrol with Angel tonight," he told her. "You both did that a lot. And although your skills have improved since then, he's still familiar with the way you fight. And with the sparring you should become a good team in no time."

"Patrol, huh?," she glanced at both men, then finally her eyes rested on the vampire. "It's actually the first time, he's allowed me to go with anybody but him," she said. "He seems to have an awful lot of trust in you."

Angel just shrugged at that and turned to get a towel for her. Throwing it into her direction, he grabbed himself a bottle of water and took a large gulp. It wasn't that he'd lost any fluids, after all he didn't sweat, but somehow he needed it. Maybe just copying human behaviour. He shrugged inwardly, "Patrol then," he nodded at Giles, then grinned at Buffy. "Take a shower. I'll see you in half an hour." With this he left the basement.

****

To Angel's great relief nobody was present when he returned to the living-room and with a sigh he let his body fall on the sofa at the window. It was already dark outside, a typical Californian night with bright stars shining down, the sky cloudless.

So he would go on patrol with Buffy. A part of him was looking forward to it. It would be like falling back into old patterns. There were so many memories of meetings in graveyards, fighting together, the kisses they'd shared at a time when there had still been something like innocence between them. **It's been years only, but it almost feels like another life.**

The other part of him - the larger part - was dreading the next days. He would be with her, time and time again. They would spend hours together, spar together, laugh and fight together. His heart ached at the images involuntarily flooding his mind. But this would end. As soon as Buffy was fit enough to do it on her own again, his task was finished and he would go back to L.A. and he wasn't sure if he'd be able to do it. If he'd be able to leave her again.

Closing his eyes for a moment, trying to push all the heavy thoughts in the back of his mind, he sighed. Not to forget about the fact that she knew nothing about him. Everything that had happened between them was lost to her. Maybe it was for the best, Angel thought. There was so much pain, so much hurt, but the vampire also remembered the bitter-sweet hours, the ecstasy, the love they'd shared. Given a choice Angel would gladly accept the pain if he could keep the other memories as well.

"Hi."

The soft voice had him opening his eyes and a smile spread across his features when he saw Dawn standing in the doorway looking at him a bit hesitantly. "Hi back," he said and motioned her to come in. "How are you?"

"Glad that you're back," she said instantly and then sat down beside him. Angel put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her to him. With a little sigh she laid her head against his chest. "I've missed you," she admitted.

"I've missed you too."

She slightly pulled back and looked up at him, "Really?," she asked with a little voice.

"Really," he replied honestly and their eyes met.

Dawn studied him for a moment, then smiled for the first time and put her head back on his chest. "How was your first sparring?"

"Good," he said running his hand up and down her arm. "She's not as good as she was, but she'll be alright in no time."

"You mean the Slayer will be alright." It wasn't really a question.

"When did you get so wise?," there was a smile in his voice.

"When your mother and sister die within some months, shortly after you've realised you aren't even real," she laughed unhappily, "Tends to make you grow up fast."

"Oh Dawn," he pulled her even closer. "You feel real to me. Buffy told me all about you, but that doesn't change all the memories I have of you. For me you are her younger sister and I'm your friend."

There was a silence after his last statement. Then Dawn asked, "Do you think she'll ever be Buffy again? I mean, the Buffy we know."

"I have no idea," he replied honestly. "Nobody knows. And maybe," he paused for a moment, then continued against everything he believed, "maybe it's for the best. She had a lot to go through. This way she might be happier..."

"That's bullshit, Angel," she pulled back completely and sat straight up beside him, nailing him with her angry gaze. "It's her life, she is missing. Granted, it wasn't all fireworks, but it's her life nonetheless. I wouldn't want to wake up with all my memories gone. Asking me all the time, how it might have been. No, Angel. It's not for the best," she said firmly.

He reached out and pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. "You miss her, don't you?"

"Yeah," she nodded, tears welling up in her eyes. "First you left. I know you left Buffy, but somehow you left me too. You were like a big brother for me. Then mom dies and then Buffy. Not to forget about Dad," she said with a snort. "Sure, Buffy is back, but somehow she isn't. I feel so alone," she admitted, suppressing a sob. Then after another short pause, "Are you going to stay?"

"As long as you need me," he replied. "Not forever though. There's still the curse and ..., " he shrugged, "Even if she will remember. It doesn't change what I am or what she is. She might be the Slayer, but she is also human. And she should have a human boyfriend."

Dawn watched him again with those big blue eyes, swimming in unshed tears, then snuggled back to his side. "She never loved him, you know."

"What?," he asked confused.

"Riley," she clarified. "In the end he left her too. They were shagging a lot, but he never had her heart."

"Don't really need that piece of information," Angel muttered under his breath, but said loudly, "Shagging? Bullshit? Dawn, where do you get those expressions?"

She smiled happily, loving him going into big-brother-mode. It made her feel safe and protected. "You can't guess?," she looked up, grinning.

"I have a vague idea," he replied, rolling his eyes. "It seems I haven't quite done my job when teaching Spike. You really shouldn't use words like that. Jesus, Dawn, you're underaged. You shouldn't even think about those things."

"Oh Angel," she laughed - this time it was genuine. "And besides. When you and Buffy ...," she grinned, "you know. I think she wasn't quite 18 either, right?"

The vampire tried to look sternly at that, but soon he laughed with her.

 Part 4

Willow opened the door to the Summers' house the same evening and was surprised to find only Giles sitting there. She glanced over her shoulder and smiled at Tara, who was with her tonight. "Hi Giles," she said, and removed her coat.

The watcher looked up from the book he was reading and smiled at the young women. "Willow, Tara. What are you doing here? Is something wrong?"

"N-no," the blond witch replied and sat down opposite to him.

"We wanted to know how it is going. With Buffy and Angel, I mean," Willow explained while she poured herself a cup of tea. Tea wasn't really one of her favourite drinks, but at the moment it felt good to hold a hot cup in her hand.

"Ah," Giles removed his glasses and rubbed his tired eyes. "They had a training session tonight, which went quite well. Angel is pretty strong and fast," he paused for a moment, then shook his head. "Anyways. They're gone out on patrol."

The redhead's eyes widened, "You let her go with him? But never let her go with Spike?"

"I trust him, Willow," the watcher replied. "And yeah, I know my feelings towards him, but as long as he is in possession of a soul he's reliable, while Spike...," he trailed off, but knew that the two women understood what he was referring to.

"The operative word would be soul, wouldn't it," Xander said strolling into the living room. Seeing the surprised gazes of the three others, he explained, "Took the back door. Very careless to leave it open like that."

"With a slayer in the house you don't really have to be afraid of criminals," Willow reminded him.

He ignored her reply, took a look at the tea and grimaced, "With the coloured water again," he shook his head in disgust. With a sigh he sat down with the other, "So Dead Boy went out with the Slayer. Where is the rest?"

"Spike insisted of patroling himself and of course Dawn followed him. She seems to develop more and more interest in all this," Giles said with more than just a little bit concern in his voice.

"So you trust him with Dawn, but not with the old Buffster," Willow tilted her head, "How come?"

"Because the G-man sees that Dead Boy junior seems to care for the little sister while as soon as Buffy is concerned ... what is it about our little Slayer, all the vampires seem incredibly attracted to her." Xander slightly shook his head, then leaned back on the sofa.

"Almost correct," Giles pulled a tissue from his pocket and began to clean his glasses, "Spike has developed some kind of ... infatuation with Buffy. I don't know what to think of it. But it seems ... more than just strange. Twisted in some kind of way, especially thinking about Spike's history with slayers and the fact that only a little chip is preventing him from follwing his instincts."

"Maybe you should tell Angel," Willow suggested.

"I thought about it," the watcher put his glasses back on his nose and sighed. "But I'm not sure how he's going to react."

"Angel isn't stupid," the witch said thoughtfully. "Sooner or later he's going to find out. It think it's better to tell him."

"I second that," Xander said, "Dead Boy might not be my bestest bud, but like Giles I put my cents on him. Spike might have helped us, but I don't trust him."

"We really should mark this day," Willow grinned at him. "Did you just say you trusted Angel?"

He shrugged uncomfortably, "Guess I did. At least more than Spike." **God, what's happening to me. I should probably found a cheerleading squad for Angel tomorrow,** he thought, groaning inwardly. Then another thought entered his mind, "Talking about souls," he said. "Do you think it was the wisest move to put Angel and Buffy on patrol together. I mean with all their history in graveyards...," he grinned at the stern look he received from Giles.

"Angel is old enough and he knows about the danger," the watcher said firmly. "And besides, I don't believe they are really on their own."

****

"This is nice," Buffy sighed while she and Angel were strolling through Sunnyrest. They were on patrol for about an hour and had barely spoken three words with each other. The vampire avoided looking at her, he always kept his distance, pretending - or not - to look out for vampires and demons.

Buffy knew she was the Slayer and that she was meant to look out as well, that this was her destiny, as Giles was telling her ten times a day, but with her memory loss a lot had changed, and for the moment she was much more interested in the good-looking man at her side. The one who tried to ignore her.

"What do you mean, this is nice?," he asked and she saw him watching her from the corner of his eye.

"This," she motioned around her. "Isn't it romantic," her voice was dripping with sarcasm, "A cemetery at night, two people - a man and a woman - no, wait. One people and one ... well, non-people," she stopped, turned towards him, and flashed him a quick, apologetic grin.

He smiled, "I don't mind. I am a vampire. There's no way around it."

"No," she sighed again. "I guess not." She bit her lower lip then looked back at him, "So tell me. Did we do this a lot? Patroling together I mean." **Did my stomach always flutter like this in your company? Did my heart always beat like crazy?** Why on earth was it not important at all that Angel was a vampire while Spike's presence made her uneasy?

"Yeah," he nodded and continued walking. **What the hell is going on in her head?**

Buffy grinned inwardly, he was squirming already. **No doubt, he's attracted to me.** "Was it always like this?," she wanted to know, looking at him innocently.

"Like what?"

"Well, we both, walking together, talking ... barely..."

"You talk quite a lot," he shot back, scanning the surroundings.

"Uh-huh," she grinned. "Sure I do. But you know what I mean. Did we always behave like ... strangers?" **Come on, big boy, talk to me. I know there was something.**

"We ... uh ... were friends," he replied evasively.

"Friends, huh?," she rolled her eyes at his reply, but didn't say anything. "Friends like, say, Xander and I?"

"No," he said quickly. "Not like Xander and you." He frowned and then muttered under his breath, "Certainly not like Xander. Or at least I hope." **No way!**

"I see, not like Xander and I. Hmmm." She stopped again, crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked at him, sighing loudly. "It's like pulling teeth," she said angrily. "What I want to know is, was there something between us or not?"

Angel turned slowly.

**Help.**

And swallowed.

God, she was beautiful, all angry and demanding. And he had missed her so. But it couldn't be. There was no chance and the pain almost closed up his throat. "Buffy," he began, but was cut off by her stomping her foot on the ground.

"Don't Buffy me," she shouted, completelyy unconcerned about the possible dangers around her. "Everyone's tiptoeing around me all the time. Sometimes I just want to scream. I know that I have to regain my memory on my own. But Willow told me she was my friend, Xander told me the same. Giles told me I am the Slayer and he's my watcher. So who are you?" Her eyes dared him to lie, dared him to evade the answer.

"We ...," he had to clear his throat, his mouth feeling suddenly dry at the frustration radiating from her, her eyes blazing, her nose slightly wrinkled, her mouth showing the slightest pout. If he had circulation his blood would boil right now. **God, I want her.** "There was a time when we were ... lov ... I mean, when we were more than just friends." **And I would do almost everything for just a glimpse of that again.**

"Ha!," she said triumphantly. "I knew it. I knew it all the time. What happened? Because I can see you're still attracted to me and I ... well, I wouldn't throw you from my doorstep," she declared bluntly.

Angel was sure that his heart, had it been beating, would've stopped the same moment. **Obviously there happened more to her than just a memory loss.** "Uh ... you wouldn't?," was all he could manage, his voice sounding strange even to himself.

"No," she shook her head, then continued walking, feeling better now. Still ... "Why did we split up. I mean, we obviously did, right? There must have been a reason?"

The pain was quick, like a knife slicing into flesh, and although it was familiar it closed up his throat. He had to take a deep breath before he was able to speak, "It's complicated, we ... first of all you are a slayer and I am a vampire. We're living in different worlds." **I can't tell her the truth, God, I can't,** he thought, remembering Giles' warning that she had to regain her memories on her own. At least the more important ones. **And that certainly classiefies as important, doesn't it."

"Really?," it didn't sound convinced. "And here I thought we were patroling together. Must be my fault," the sarcasm was back in her voice. She didn't believe one word. "We're both fighting evil, right? We're both on the same side, right? Thanks to my *calling* my private life sucks or that's what my friends tell me and honestly, I mean look at me."

She stopped again, "I mean, do I have warts? No. Do I have bad hair? Not really. Am I utterly unattractive? No. But yet I don't have a boyfriend. That speaks loud and clear."

He couldn't do anything but stare at her. **You are the most beautiful creature on this planet,** he wanted to shout. He wanted to kiss her, cherish her, show her that she was wonderful, desirable. He wanted to make love to her, thoroughly, for hours, night after night, but he couldn't. Mustn't. There was no way. Instead he said, "I know it is hard. Believe me, I know."

She looked at him for a long while, then nodded, "Yeah, you probably do. But why then is it wrong for you to be with me? I don't understand."

"Buffy, please," he wasn't able to hide the pain in his voice anymore. "I can't tell you. I ... want to ... but ...," he shook his head, feeling desperate, "Things happened. Between us. You need to remember them yourself, I can't just tell you."

"Or is it that you just desire my body and once you had it, the fascination was over?" She couldn't let it go. She needed to know.

"Buffy, please no," his voice was barely a whisper now. "Please," he pleaded again.

"But ...," she was about ask something else, but suddenly a noise between the bushes had their full attention.

"Left behind the crypt," she whispered.

He merely nodded to show her he'd heard it as well.

"Alright, then," she said loudly, "come out here. I really hate to play hide and seek with vampires." She frowned slightly and quickly glanced at Angel, "I do hate playing hide and seek with vampires, right?"

He couldn't help but smile. "Yes, you do."

"Good," she was relieved. "Come on then," she spoke towards the noise. "Show yourself."

"I told you to be quiet," came the annoyed answer, and after a second Spike came out behind the crypt, follwed by Dawn whose face wore a sheepish expression.

"What the hell..?," Buffy exchanged another quick glance with Angel who seemed as stunned as she. Planting her hands at her hips she glared at the bleached blond vampire. "What are you doing here?," she demanded.

"What does it look like? I'm patrolling."

"*We* are patrolling tonight," Buffy retorted, then turned to her sister. "And you should be in bed, not strolling around in graveyards with undead bloodsuckers."

"HEY," Dawn and Spike shouted unison.

Angel sighed loudly, then asked, "What are you doing here, Spike?"

"As I said," the younger vampire shifted his attention towards his grand-sire. "I was patroling. And anyways. It's none of your business. You haven't shown your hide in town for an eternity so who died and made you the captain?"

"Certainly not you," Buffy hissed at him. "You were spying on us," she accused, stepping closer to the blond vampire. "I already noticed your sneeky little hite more than once behind my back. To make this clear once and for all. Keep out of my way. If I had a crossbow you'd be dust by now."

"In your dreams," Spike retorted, an arrogant look in his eyes. "You wouldn't even have known I was there, if Little Bit hadn't given away our hiding."

"Now it's my fault again," Dawn crossed her arms in front of her chest and glared at him.

"Yeah," he shot back. "Sure it is. You are human. Vampires are stealthy by nature, we aren't easily detected."

"Oh really," the slayer's sister raised a brow. "It was your idea to follow them, as I recall. I didn't like it from the beginning." She turned towards her sister and the dark-haired vampire, "Sorry," she appologized.

"It's okay," Angel smiled at her, then his gaze met the one of his grand-childe and his eyes went cold. "You better hide your sorry existence in one of the crypts or I might feel tempted to end this unlife of yours." And his eyes said, 'don't think I haven't realised what you're up to.' And he had. The way Spike looked at Buffy wasn't anything to be missed.

"Oh yeah?," Spike's eyes flashed yellow for a moment, then he cast his challenging blue gaze on his sire. "Want to give it a try?"

"Nothing would give me more pleasure," Angel hissed through gritted teeth. "Don't think the fact that a misfortune made you some sort of relative will protect you, *boy*."

Buffy looked back and forth from enraged vampire to enraged vampire and decided it was time to intervene, "Uh ... guys," she began stepping firmly between them. "As nice as this might be, but this stops now," her voice was sharp as a razor now and instantly both men stepped back, Angel muttering something under his breath, Spike only shrugging, but obeying nonetheless.

"Good boys," she barely suppressed the grin that threatened to spread over her face. Testosterone did funny things sometimes. Where did that come from? Like a flash she had suddenly an image in front of her eyes. Two males, a similar situation and one of them was Angel. The other ... she slightly shook her head ... no, she wasn't able to recognize the other. He was tall and blond and had blue eyes, but it wasn't Spike.

"Buffy."

She shook her head again and met Angel's concerned gaze when she was able to focus again. "Nothing," she said quickly. "I just thought I remembered something."

"You did?," Dawn was instantly excited.

"Yeah," the slayer blinked, "at least I guess. I'm not sure." Her confused eyes were seeking Angel, who was watching her. Taking a deep breath, she looked at Dawn, "Anyways. Listen, Dawn, please go home. Take Spike with you. Angel and I will do another round and then I'll be back as well."

"Sure," her sister replied eagerly, sensing that Buffy wanted to talk to the dark haired vampire. "Come on, Spike, we're leaving."

She turned and with a last glare at his grand-sire and a grunt, the blond vampire followed her into the night.

As soon as they were out of sight, Angel turned towards the blond, "What is it?," he aked, suppressing all the irritation he still felt regarding Spike's behaviour towards the Slayer. He would analyze the disturbing facts later. His grand-childe had been positively possessive and Angel didn't like that one bit. But at the moment it wasn't important. At the moment all that counted was the confusion he saw in Buffy's eyes.

"I ...," she shook her head again as if to clear her mind. "I ... saw you. When you and Spike were nose to nose just before, I remembered you and ... someone else. I didn't recognize him, but you two were almost at each other's throats."

"Can you describe him?," the vampire asked, touching her shoulder with his palm to assure her of his support.

She slowly nodded, "Yeah, he was tall. I think even taller than you, blond, blue eyes ... quite ... normal looking guy. Not ugly, but ... kinda like your average Joe. Does this help?," she looked up in his eyes, hers asking for help and shining with hope that she wouldn't stay lost in this world without memories.

Angel took a deep breath. Of course he knew whom she was describing. **I'm really the person to talk about this,** he thought frustrated. "Yeah, I know who he is."

"Really?"

The way her eyes lit up caused another wave of pain deep inside his heart. She wanted to remember and given time she would and then their time in Sunnydale would end and he would go back to L.A. and ..., "His name is Riley. He used to live here," he said quickly, starting to walk again.

She was with him in a flash, catching his arm, "Riley? I don't remember him. Was he a friend of mine?"

"Buffy," his voice was harsher than he intended, but at the moment his emotions were too raw, to be nice. He didn't want to talk about Riley, he didn't want to be the one to tell her about him, all he wanted was to deny the commando had ever existed. Sure, he had left her and wanted her to lead a normal life, but that didn't mean he enjoyed talking about the men in her life. "I'm not the person, to tell you this. Ask Willow ... or Xander."

"But I'm asking you," she stopped again and held his arm, so that he was forced to stop as well. "Please. I need to know this. Who is Riley?"

Angel closed his eyes for a short moment, then pulled himself together and said, "He was your boyfriend, Buffy. Riley was your boyfriend for over a year." Then he turned, not able to look at her any longer.

Go to Part 5