Disclaimer: nope, not mine - sigh! So don't sue.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: B/A (duuuh)Spoilers: the whole B/A-cannon; the previous stories in the series called "Without You", "One in a Million", "You are the One", "Silent Wings" and "Daring to Dream". If you need any of them, just mail me!
Summary: really, I don't know one for this part
Timeline: right after "Daring to Dream"
Dedication: to Mariah for winning the "Not Entirely Perfect Award" with her story "Angels in the Dark", congrats honey!

AN: don't be confused when Angel thinks about his past. Of course with making him human, erasing all his memories, the PTB also had to create a new "life" for him.

Angel's POV (or Josh' POV, who of course doesn't know he is ... Angel).

She called me Angel. She was laughing into my eyes, her eyes dancing with happiness and then she was calling me Angel.

Angel.

God, I hate that name although I don't have a face to it. And of course it's not fair to hate him. Supposed to be dead, wasn't that what she said when we met the first time. So in fact he is some pityful guy who died. Who will never have the chance to be with her again.

She said I reminded her of him. So much that she almost fainted that day in her office. So it might only be a slip of tongue that she called me his name. And I decide that I want to believe this version because it's the only one I can live with. I already love her so much I can't think straight. Maybe it's stupid, maybe it's even insane, but I can't help it. I just love her and I know she is my destiny.

Doesn't that sound pathetic? I talk about a woman, about her being my destiny who still thinks about another guy. A dead guy, but still ... But then she's not a girl anymore, she has a daughter and at her age I can't expect her to have no past. Hell I have a past as well.

My parents are from Wyoming, they died when I was young and I ended up in a foster home in Chicago. I played football at college, fell in love ... or whatever it was. It had certainly nothing to do with the things I feel right now for the woman lying by my side in the sand, the sun shining down on her beautiful face.

I became an art consultant at a museum and paint if there's time. When I was a teenager I had my "revolutionary phase" where I got the tatoo on my back from. Then I met Ellen, Andrew's mother. We became good friends, she was an art consultant as well and she took care of her son. She was older than me. Ten years.

On several occasions I met Andrew and we got along fine and when she was diagnosed with cancer and they finally realised she would die from it she asked me to marry her to take care of Andrew. She felt very bad about it, asking something like that from me, but his father had left them as soon as he had realised that the child wasn't completely normal. What a bastard!

I never regretted saying yes. Andrew is a wonderful boy and when I look at him now, playing with Aileen, he looks so happy. What would've become of him if I hadn't said yes? There aren't many foster homes who are interested in a boy like him.

So what I want to say is that I'm the kind of normal next-door guy and why on earth did I have to fall madly in love with a woman who still mourns another. How can I ever be sure that she loves me and not tries to replace him by dating me? She hardly ever talks about him, but sometimes I feel her watching me and that faraway look is in her eyes and I wonder ...

But then I remember that happy look in her eyes when she was gazing up at me just right before and I wonder even more ...

There was happiness in her eyes and definitely love. I don't imagine it. There was love in her eyes. And then ... she called me Angel. What guy is called Angel anyway. I mean what kind of name is that? Angel? Sounds like some girlish, stupid ... God, no, now I'm getting jealous of a dead guy. This is ridiculous. I asked her twice, no even more, and each time she said she wanted to be with me. And she said 'I love you, Josh'.

Yes, she said my name. Not his. And anyway. What kind of insecure guy am I? I'm not unattractive, not that I care, but the way women use to look at me ... so, why on earth shouldn't she fall for me? That other guy is gone, he is history and I'm here now. There are two options. I can back out, give in to my doubts, lose her and feel miserable OR I can stay, show her how much I love her and that I'm the best deal she'll ever get. No, not really two options.

"Buffy," I say reaching for her hand.

"Hmmm," she makes and blinks against the sunlight while she opens her eyes.

"I love you."

"I love you too," she replies without hesitation. "I love you very, very much."

"And I can hardly wait for the next weekend," I suddenly admit.

"Now, Josh, *you* are the one with the naughty thoughts," she grins and raises her upper body. "But I have to agree," her voice lowers to a whisper and her lips twitch in a sexy way I feel my breath quicken, "it's definitely hard to wait."

With this she leans down and kisses me and in her kiss I can feel, actually feel, that she loves me. It's not some random kiss. It's as if she wants to show me, if she knows what goes on in my mind. I burry my fingers in her silky strands and pull her down so that she finally lies on top of me.

"Josh," she giggles against my mouth, "This is a public beach here." It's meant as a protest but it's hardly one. Happiness is again shining from her eyes. And suddenly I realise it really doesn't matter what happened in the past. We are here and now. Together. And I would be an idiot to let it slip through my fingers by letting myself be hauted by the ghosts of her past.

Go to the next story Dancing at Midnight

Send feedback to Jill

Back to the Fanfiction Archive