Disclaimer: nope, not mine. sigh!
Rating: PG-13
Category: Angst, Romance
Pairing: B/A (duuuh)
Distribution: my site, Land of Denial, Sunlight & Shadow, ACS-Fanficrealm, if you have any of my stories just take it; anybody else tell me where it goes
Spoilers: the whole B/A-cannon; and certainly the first six stories in the series which you should really read to understand this. They are called, "Without You", "One in a Million", "You are the One", "On Silent Wings", "Daring To Dream", "Right Beside You","Dancing at Midnight" and "After the Night". You can find all of them at my site: (go to the series-section)
Summary: revelations
Timeline: the evening after "After the Night"
Feedback: yes, please! I need it.
Dedication: To Gem, who always makes me laugh with a new chapter of "Anam Cara", thanks!
This is un-beata-ed ... for this, all the faults are mine!

Angel's/Josh's POV

I don't know what I'm doing here, why I came. When Buffy called in the afternoon, I wanted to be angry, I wanted to slamm down the phone, but somehow I couldn't. I just couldn't. Don't ask me why. Maybe it was the sound of her voice, the urgency in it or it was just the urge to finally know everything. Unveil all the secrets, discover all the things she's been hiding from me.

And maybe it was just that I wanted to hear her telling me it was all a mistake and that she loved me. Just me. Josh Jones, a mere man with a stepson, not some phatasy that died years ago. "Is Aileen his daughter?" I remember myself asking on the phone and hearing her telling me no.

That actually was a relief. Maybe it shouldn't, but it was. Why? I don't know. Probably because it shows me that she had moved on already. But then she shattered my hopes by adding, "I barely knew her father. He died after that one night, he never knew she was born."

And now I'm sitting here in Mr. Giles' living-room and have no idea why she wanted to meet me there.

"Can I get you something?," the older man asks me and I shake my head in the negative. I don't want to drink or eat, I just want this over with. Buffy sits on a chair opposite to me, a mixture of hope and fear in her eyes and something else, as if she's going to reveal a big, dark secret she would've prefered to hide.

I take a deep breath, look her straight in the eye and ask, "What is this all about? Are you going to say something?," I turn and look at Mr. Giles, "Or you?"

He clears his throat, "Yes, well," then he sits down too and his eyes rest on my face. "Josh, may I call you Josh?"

"Sure," I reply impatiently. I don't care what he calls me, I just want to know.

"Alright then, Josh. Buffy told me you found a picture of her and another man."

"Yes," I nod, "a man who looks like my twin. Are you going to explain this?"

"We'll try together," he says and exchanges a glance with Buffy. Her face is pale and tense.

"Please, Josh, just listen. It might sound ... crazy, but it's the truth. I swear."

"I will," I promise although I have no idea what I'm going to hear tonight. "So tell me." And I suddenly realise why I came. I'm in love with this woman, helplessly in love and I would even listen to Heavy Metal music if it'd explain everything.

"You said," she begins, "that you don't remember a memory loss, no case of amnesia, but," she pauses shortly, clears her throat and goes on, "Have you ever heard about vampires, Josh."

**What?** I stare at her, then a involuntary laugh escapes my throat, "Vampires? Really Buffy, I thought we're going to talk about us tonight, you would explain, but this." I shake my head and roll my eyes.

"Please," she repeates. "You promised to listen."

I sigh loudly, but lean back, signaling her to go on. But she doesn't, Mr. Giles does. "It's true or rather, it was. Vampires were roaming the earth longer than mankind. Not anymore though." He gets up, walks over to a shelf and comes back with a large, leather bound book that has written "Vampyre" in big, bold letters on the cover.

Now I stare at him, he just smiles and motions for me to open the book. "This looks like some horror movie," I say lightly but an uneasy feeling begins to creep up my spine. Somewhere in the back of my mind a tiny voice says it's true, that this isn't some phantastic fairytale but the truth. "Go on," I look up and my eyes meet Buffy's.

"As long as vampires were on the earth there was a slayer, or rather The Slayer," she explains. "I was a slayer. Until ... Until the hellmouth was closed forever in the final battles. The big Armageddon if you want to call it that."

"The Armageddon? But why don't I remember it? Why doesn't remember anybody?," I ask. "If there was this big, final battle, it should've been in the news, should be printed and people should talk about it."

"That is one of the big questions," Mr. Giles gets up again to get a smaller, red-bound book. "We believe that only the people aware of vampires before the battle kept their memories about it. When good won over evil that very last time, the memories of the battle, the deaths and even the events were erased from peoples minds ... as if they'd never existed. We," he points at Buffy and himself, "remember Sunnydale, the city where we were living at that time, burnt down and destroyed. Yet after the battle it looked like ever. We have no explanation for it. I tried to talk to other people involved in all this, but they couldn't explain either."

"And how do you fit in all this?"

"I was Buffy's watcher. The slayer has a ... guide, well, someone who guides her, who helps her with research about prophecies. This person is called a watcher. I was said watcher. And Willow, Oz, Xander, Cordelia and Gunn ... they were involved too."

**I'm crazy. This is a nightmare. Any minute now I'm going to wake up and realise that's all a dream.** I close my eyes for a second, but when I open them again, there's still Buffy looking at me and Mr. Giles, his face dead serious and I cannot help but believe what he's saying. "And why ... I mean, how am I going to fit in this? Why do you tell me?"

"Because the man on the picture," Buffy says, her eyes never leaving mine, "the man is you. Not some look alike, not some twin. It is you."

"WHAT?," I jump up from my seat and begin to pace the living-room. "No," I shake my head emphatically. "You cannot do this. I know who I am. I remember my parents, my life as a child, the house I was raised in. And you never crossed my path before," I gaze at Buffy and see tears in her eyes and an expression that tells me it's the truth. There's pain in her hazel orbs and the wish she could've spared me this experience. "But ... how?" I ask finally.

"Josh," she gets up as well and walks over to me, stops only a foot apart but does not touch me. "I wish you'd never need to hear this, but you ... your name was Angel and," a sob comes out of her mouth and she rapidly blinks her tears away, "... you were a vampire."

**A vampire?**

"That's ridiculous," I shout at her and turn away, not able to look at her, to see the truth in her eyes. "No," I shake my head again and walk over to the kitchen door.

But the voice in my head screams at me now. Shouts to believe her, to accept the undeniable. **A vampire. Angel. My name was Angel. The man on the picture is me. I was the man she was in love with ... sill is.** And suddenly something flashes in my mind. Is it imagination or a memory?

A dark alley. A young girl standing right in front of me. Her blonde hair shining, her hazel eyes huge and full of life. She looks at me. **At me? God, this is so vivid.** It's like watching her.

(( "Let's just say I'm a friend."

"Maybe I don't need a friend."

"I didn't say I was yours."))

"Oh God," I whisper, leaning my forehead against the wall. The room is quiet, the only sound I can hear is the breathing of the two other people who are with me. I don't want to look at them. I can't. I squeeze my eyes shut and press my hands over my ears. **Stop. Oh God, please stop.**

More pictures. More faces. More things, I can't place, but they seem so familiar, and instinctively I know they happened. That I was there.

(( "... my people - before I was changed - wore it as a sign of devotion. Wear it with the heart pointing towards you, it means you belong to somebody." ...))

**No, please no.** I want the pictures to stop. I don't want this. But at the same time I know I need to know. I clench my hands into fists and put them beside my head against the wall. The pounding in my temples is so intense I want to scream. My head hurts. My heart races. And all I want is to run and bail from this.

From the corner of my eye I see Buffy moving towards me, but Giles puts a hand on her arm and holds her back, knowing I need to be on my own now. Everything comes rushing back. I see myself ... **no, not myself. Him.** ... mocking at her. I see us making love. I gasp when I see her running a sword right through me. **Oh God, Buffy**.

I see her nursing me, leaving me, coming back. We declare our love for each other.

(( "I love you."

"I love you. Nothing can change that, not even death."))

The pictures are coming so fast now, they stumble over each other in my mind. I see Xander, Willow, Cordelia, my first meeting with Gunn, his sister Alanna... so many things seem so clear now. I even see pictures from a day only I remember. There are no secrets anymore and I clearly remember the day the picture was made. The one I found in her drawer. At the prom, after I broke up with her, and I remember the wonderful feeling holding her for what I thought was the last time.

**Buffy**

With a moan I finally turn around and my eyes lock with hers. We're both crying. "Oh, God, Buffy," I whisper and slide to the ground, my knees at my chest.

"Buffy," I whisper again and in a flash she's by my side, her lips mouthing my name. 'Angel'. She's taking my hand.

**My warm hand.**

"I'm alive," I say and look at her. "I remember," I simply tell her. "I even remember being sucked into the mouth of Hell. But how am I alive?"

Giles steps over to us, a warm expression in his eyes, "Wesley told us about the prophecy. It seems the Powers that Be wanted to fulfill it and decided for you to be reborn. Literally. I believe the Powers erased your memories and replaced it with new ones. So you could have a fresh start," he suddenly laughs, "but I think they never expected for you two to meet again. It seems when you two are concerned ... You are always good for a surprise or two. I believe you were destined for each other."

"Written in the stars," Buffy whispers, pulls my hand to her mouth and kisses it. "I'm sorry. I didn't want you to know. I didn't want for you to feel the old pain again, and I know I was selfish, but I couldn't lose you. And how was I supposed to explain all this," she points at the picture on the table. The one of her and I at the prom.

"Buffy," I look at her, then cup her hand between my hands. "Oh, Buffy." My voice is so hoarse with emotion I barely recognize it. "I love you. My darling."

"Angel," her tears spill over and then our lips meet. The kiss is so sweet, so pure, because there are no more secrets between us. There's only the truth. She's here, with me. With a swift movement I stretch my legs and pull her in my lap. I want to hold her, as close as possible, and never let her go again.

I don't care why - after my memories were erased - I remember all of a sudden. I don't care why our paths crossed again. I don't care why all this happened the way it did. I only care for the woman in my arms. The woman I loved all my life. The one I waited for. The one that is my destiny.

Our tears mingle, I don't know if the salt I feel on my lips is hers or mine. Our lips are sealed over each other, our hands want to touch, want to feel, our bodies want to be entwined. I feel her fingers roam through my hair and try to pull her even closer. The last rational thought is for Giles, but **bless him** he has already left the room if not the apartment.

At the moment I don't care for anything but her. **Hold me. Never let me go.** And then all rational thinking flies right out of the window.

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