Category: HUMOR
Disclaimer: let me check ... nope, still don't own them.
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: B/A, and the usual pairings from the show
Distribution: my site (http://www.never-ending-love.de), Land of Denial, if you have any of my stories, take it; anybody else tell me where it goes
Summary: Uh - none really, I don't know how to explain what came over me
Spoilers: the whole Buffy/Angel-canon, and especially the episode "Smashed" and the previous story "SHEESH - or what really happened when Buffy and Spike had sex on the screen".Timeline: sets in when Angel drives to Sunnydale
Feedback: oh yes, please
Dedication: this is for all of you who sent feedback and were asking for a sequel, especially Peygan, Angeline, Sharon, Aygyun, Jen, Winfree, Dana, Jeanne, Cat, Kyria, Desdra, Wunyen, AngelslilgrlB, Hope, Sara-Lee, Missy, Ryann, Emily, and all the great guy at Ducks' babbleboard. You are great!

Angel had never been so grateful for his advanced night-vision before. Otherwise he'd surely ended up in a wreck on the street. He was so angry he could barely think straight.

Angry.

Pah!

He wasn't angry. He was furious. And even that word seemed too tame for what he was feeling right now. His demon was raging, his insides were churning.

His mate had been having sex with Spike. It had been bad enough with Parker or Riley. Yes, he'd found out about the scum who had used her for one night. He'd made it his business knowing that. And Dru had been quite open to the idea to prolong her stop in Sunnydale about a year ago. He wondered briefly if anyone was already missing the guy.

Unfortunately Riley had already left. And he couldn't send Druafter him as well. As crazy as she was she would get lost in the Brazilian jungle. With his soul firmly in place that would have pressed heavily on his conscience.

But Spike!

Had Buffy heard about him sleeping with Darla, he wondered? But even if - she'd been sleeping with Riley. More than once. With Darla it had only been one night. So he had been sleeping with Darla. So what?! Okay, he had a son now, but hey, who could've known vampires had to think about safer sex these days? Gee, he hadn't deliberately impregnated her, had he? Those things happened every day, didn't they? It was no biggie. Besides, Darla was dead.For good this time. Surely Buffy would like to hear this, right?

It was still no reason to get down with Spike.

Spike!

They could be doing it right now! Mentally running down the weapons collection he'd thrown into the trunk, Angel barely managed to keep slipping into his game-face, and floored the accelerator.

*

He almost lost it the moment he opened the door to the Summers' house. Well, opened it wasn't quite correct. He simply kicked it in, not caring for the damage. He'd take care of the door later. It wasn't really important now.

So there he stood, in the middle of Buffy's living-room and felt as if he'd been kicked into his gut.

Hard.

Buffy was lying right in front of him, stretched out languorously on the sofa, her eyes closed, she was wearing nothing but some flimsy teddy that revealed more than it covered. Angel could feel his blood boil, and his fingers involuntarily clenched into fists when she suddenly said in a very throaty, very sex - damn the woman - voice, "Spike! I already told you not to kick in the door. It gets expensive after a while to have it repaired each day. Of course it's sexy, but you know our budget is a bit tight."

He wanted to kill her. Or rather, he wanted to kill Spike. But of course his disobedient grand-childe wasn't even around. Summoning all his self-control, he raged, "No, I'm not Spike," his eyes flashing amber.

"Oh," she looked up flustered, her eyelashes battering, "Angel." Her voice was like a surprised breath. She sounded almost - frightened. Good! She should! "Wha- what are you doing here?," she asked.

But God, she did look sexy in that outfit, damn her to hell. His mouth watered. He could barely control himself. He wanted to ravish her right here and now. Was a soul really that important? "I should ask the same question," he bit out, glaring at her, "What the hell are you doing. Lying around in that kind of outfit. Waiting for Spike!"

"Spike?," she asked, sounding as if she didn't understand a word he was saying.

"Yeah, Spike," he replied, not even trying to calm down.

"Why, what would I ever do with Spike?" She looked at him through innocent eyes and he wanted to strangle her.

"You know what I mean," he raged, "You were waiting for Spike. Your LOVER!"

"My ... what?," her voice dropped to a shocked whisper, one hand flying in front of her mouth. "How can you say such a thing. I'm the Slayer. Spike is an evil vampire."

"I'm glad you haven't completely lost your mind," he said, taking a deep breath, but not really convinced. "It was a one time slip then?"

"A ...," she started, but something flickered through her eyes, he couldn't quite grasp and suddenly her eyes watered and a tear slipped from her lashes. "You have to understand," she began, "I'm all alone, nobody understands me. You don't know how it feels to be dead-," she paused, colour rising in her cheeks, "Or maybe you do. But I was dead for months. And now I'm back-," a sob raised in her throat, "- I don't feel like myself anymore. Spike was the only one ...," she gave him a dramatic pause, "the only one who understands."

"Yeah, I saw it," he said sardonically. "But that's going to stop now."

Her eyes widened in astonishment, "It is?"

"Yes," he hissed, pulling her to him. "I'm dead, too. You can talk to me."

"B-but...," she stammered, more tears slipping from her eyes, "You l-left me."

"A mistake," he admitted grudgingly, closing his arms around her. "I'm correcting it. Now."

"Oh." Again she sounded breathless.

"We can have a long-distance sort of thing. It's not unusual these days. Besides, I've got a life-long experience with sex. We're going to find a way to do it without me losing my soul."

"You can? I ... I mean, we can?," she asked, then after a moment, she nodded, "Yes. We can." She leaned into him, barely suppressing the wide grin that threatened to split her face.

*

Spike had never been so terrified in his whole life. Or un-life for that matter. He was bound to a chair, so tightly he couldn't move an inch, and he found himself staring into the face of his grand-sire, whose eyes didn't look friendly at all.

The bleached blond vampire hated to beg, but at the moment, he though begging might be the right strategy. Angel had a soul, hadn't he? Didn't that mean the guy should have a conscience? "Angelus," his said, his voice low and pleading. "You can't do that. You don't want to do that."

One of Angel's brows rose slowly, a glimmer that never bode well entering his eyes, "I don't?"

"No," Spike replied fiercely. "I know you liked to torture people. You liked to play with them. But that was then. This is now."

"Is it?"

"Yes," the blond vampire insisted. "You ... you have a soul now. A conscience." Angel seemed to consider that, tilting his head, he looked at his grand-childe, "You're right. I do have a soul."

He'd done it. Spike wanted to do a happy dance, but of course he couldn't, being bound to this damned chair. Bloody Poof. Feeling sure of himself, he leaned his head towards his grand-sire, his voice dropping to a whisper, "Besides," he said, "She isn't that great. It was nice the time it lasted, but I-" He stopped himself, realising he'd fucked it up big time now, and his eyes widened in shock, when Angel whirled around taking something from the table near by.

"NO," Spike's eyes widened with renewed horror. "You can't do this," he whined, "Angelus, please. They all think I'm evil-"

"Evil, hah!," Xander scoffed, grinning.

"Evil." Dawn shook her head, giggled.

"Yeah, sure, evil." Willow had a hard time not to burst out laughing.

"That's it. I want to die," Spike whined. "My reputation is gone. Next thing they're going to call me the slayer's lapdog. This is so humiliating."

"Good," Angel said with deep satisfaction.

"I'm going to kill you," the blond vampire shouted.

"Sure," his grand-sire replied easily.

"Killing, Angel? You?," Dawn raised a brow, then started to laugh. Hard. "That's ... the ... m-most ridiculous thing I've ever heard." She could hardly speak because she couldn't stop laughing.

"Will you stop it," Spike hissed.

"Not that I really followed the vampire-history," Anya cut in, "but everyone knows Angelus, while Spike...," she trailed off, sighed dramatically.

"Alright then," Angel said, smiling evilly at the grand-childe.

"No, don't do it," the blond vampire begged again.

Raising his brow, Angel chuckled, then opened the little booklet he'd brought with him from L.A. He almost laughed out loud remembering the moment Spike had seen it. The horror in his grand-childe's eyes had been priceless.

Spike's shoulders slumped, his head sunk down on his chest, when Angel began, "And now you're going to hear the collected poems of William the Bloody..."

"Will someone stake me already," the blond vampire muttered.

Across the room Buffy's eyes met Willow's and the girls exchanged a smile. Buffy had thought about telling Angel she hadn't even tried to sleep with Spike, that all had been a plan to get him back. But in the end she'd decided against it. It was better he was believing the worst. Because that way he would keep an eye on her. And that was exactly what she wanted.

Go to the next story Sheesh - The Final Chapter

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