Part 20

same time, somewhere else in L.A.

"Buffy?"

"Hmmm?"

Xander slowly turned his head to get a better view of his partner who was sitting in the passenger side seat, eyes closed, but obviously not asleep. He chuckled at the picture and popped some chocolate in his mouth.

"In ten years all your teeth will fall out," Buffy remarked without opening her eyes. She knew her partner very well and didn't have to look to know what he was doing at the moment.

He chuckled again and shrugged, "Yeah, well. Then I'll get artificial ones. They have a certain advantage. You can take them out before a fist-fight, so they won't get punched out."

One eye cracked open, "A fist fight? Xander, the last fistfight you were involved was 20 years ago in high school. And I can't remember you losing a tooth."

"A guy always needs an excuse," he replied grinning happily, stuffing more chocolate in his mouth.

"You know," Buffy said, straightening in her seat, "You and Spike will be the perfect pair. Angel said his car is littered with empty chips bags and cans of soda. This Internal Investigation is a gift from heaven for the two of you."

"And you're certainly completely devastated that you have to spend your time with Angel, am I right?" he shot back, a mischievous glimpse in his eyes. He saw that she was about to reply and held up a hand, "No. I'm glad, I really am. I know I never really liked the guy, but that's just my big brother attitude. Putting it aside, I think Angel's a good guy. And you deserve whatever you wish for after what Riley put you through."

Her head jerked around, "What do you mean?" she asked, suddenly alarmed. Had anyone told him about the other night? Maybe Cordelia, she thought. She and Xander had once been high school sweethearts. But would Cordelia-

"What do I mean?" he interrupted her thoughts, "Well, let's think about it. Do the words adultery and violence ring a bell?" He was clearly irritated. Did she think he would ever forget what Riley Finn had done?

Buffy released a breath of relief, "Oh that," she said almost carelessly.

Xander narrowed his eyes, "Oh that? What do you mean, oh that? I think that's enough. If you ask me, you waited way too long to dump him. And you should let him bleed."

"Xander, Riley doesn't have a lot of what you call 'blood'," she emphasized the last word. "He doesn't have a rich background. Neither do we, if I may remind you. But if you want to know if I'm going to get what he owes me, the answer is, yes."

"Good," he replied with a single nod and took a large gulp from his drink. "You know-," he never got to say what he wanted when both their cells started to ring went off. They exchanged a quick glance, and then unison reached for their phones.

*****

"Eunice, calm down," Riley said to the almost hysterical woman. She was pacing through the living room of the house he'd just entered. She was petite, almost fragile, her skin lucid like expensive porcelain doll, and shining dark hair. In the artificial light of the lamp she looked almost like a fairy, a very agitated, nervous fairy.

Eunice stopped her pacing and bit her thumbnail, "Calm down?" she echoed and frowned. "I can't calm down. What if he finds me?" she asked. "God, he found me before. How do you know it'll be different this time?"

"Because I made sure he didn't," he replied trying to approach her. But she held her hands in front of her body and he stopped instantly. "Nikki, please," he said using her nickname. "You don't need to worry. I'm expecting a lot of money tomorrow and then you'll be on your way to a place where he'll never find you."

Tears filled her eyes and her lips began to tremble, "It sounds wonderful," her voice quivered, "Oh, Ri, I'm so afraid."

With two steps he was with her and pulled her in his arms, "Shhhh," he crooned. "Don't be afraid. I'm here now. I'm here now. I promise, he won't hurt you again. Never again."

They both almost jumped out of their skins when suddenly the doorbell rang. Eunice pulled away from him, her eyes widened in panic, "Oh God. He's found me. Oh God-"

"Stop that," Riley almost shouted. "Do you really think Pedro would ring a bell, if it was him? Think rationally, Nikki."

"I-," she stopped and her panic subsided slightly, "You're right. But... Oh God, you have no idea what he'd do with me if he found me."

"Oh, I think I do," he replied, taking a deep breath. "You stay here, I'm going to see who's there. Probably some Jehovah's witness." Assuring himself with a last look that she was holding up - even if just barely - he turned and went for the door. He gasped when he saw who was standing right in front of him, "Angel? Spike?"

"Yeah, it's us," Angel retorted, not waiting to get invited, instead pushing the surprised detective aside and entering the house, Spike in his tow. Ignoring Riley completely, he proceeded to the living room and when his eyes fell on the woman there, he raised a brow, "Hello, Nikki," he said, "Nice to see you again."

The woman whirled around, "Angel," she whispered breathlessly, her confused eyes darting to Riley. "What's going on?" she wanted to know.

"Good question," Angel said. Crossing his arms he turned towards Riley, "And I'd really like to hear the answer. And you'll better tell us soon."

"What the hell are you doing here?" Riley asked, not willing to play the defensive part, "Are you following me around?"

"As a matter of fact, yes," Spike said, smiling slightly.

Riley frowned at that, and then incredulously asked, "You were really following me? Why the hell did you do that?"

"Because it's what we do," Angel answered, "It's the job we're paid for."

"You are paid to follow me?" Riley still didn't understand, then it hit him, "You're working for Internal Affairs. I can't believe it," he shook his head, chuckled, "But I should've known. From the moment Giles told us you were coming back I had a bad feeling. But why are you following me? And why Internal Affairs?" he wanted to know, honestly surprised. "Is there a dirty cop running around?"

"That's what I wanted to ask you," Angel said casually. "Is there one?"

"You-" Riley was speechless for a moment, then ran a hand through his short hair, "You think I'm the dirty cop?"

"You have to admit, you're behaving a bit suspicious these days," Spike said, glancing at the nervous woman who was biting her lower lip at the moment. "And I would really like to be introduced to this beauty here," he added.

"What?" with an irritated frown Angel looked at him. "Oh. Sorry," he said as if remembering the woman's presence again, "Spike, this is Eunice Montez. The name should ring a bell," he told his friend, "Her husband is Pedro Montez."

"Pedro Montez, the drug lord?" Spike asked suprised, things suddenly making sense to him, others however... "And why is she here?"

"She is Montez's wife," Angel replied, "but she is also Riley's sister."

"His sis- Bloody Hell," his friend cursed under his breath. "And why didn't anyone care to tell me that?" he demanded.

"Because she left the States 20 years ago when she married Montez," Angel explained. "As far as I knew Riley broke off any contact when she married the man," he turned to look at his former friend, who nodded.

"That's right," Riley confirmed. "We didn't see each other for over 19 years. We didn't talk. Nothing."

"Riley, no," Eunice pleaded.

"It's no use, Nikki," he said. "They need to know. You know Angel, he won't leave until he knows the truth."

Spike raised a brow in surprise. This was a Riley he hadn't seen before. Was he protecting his sister? That was something Spike could relate to.

Eunice looked back and forth between the three men, and then finally released a sharp breath. "Alright," she began, "It all started ten months ago. Pedro - that's my husband," she said, looking at Spike. "I'm older than Riley. By five years. I'm his half-sister. My father was never married to my mother. But I came to stay with my father's new family from time to time. That's how I met Angel too."

She combed shaky fingers through her hair. "I fell in love with Pedro when I was eighteen. He was so handsome, so," she fought with tears that were threatening to spill over. "My family was furious. He was from Colombia and there were rumors that he wasn't what he seemed to be. But I was young and in love and so we ran away. Married in Vegas. And it was good - at first. He seemed to love me too. Then when I got older I began to ask questions and he didn't like it.

"I tried to leave him. More than once. But he is very... old-fashioned. Divorce isn't a word in his dictionary and so he threatened me. We have two children. But they're grown up now. They can be on their own. Ten months ago I managed to get a letter through to Riley. Pedro was planning to visit the States to meet with a partner in Miami. And he wanted me to come with him. Show off his pretty wife, if you understand."

"I can follow," Spike said, his face grim.

She smiled slightly, a sad, hopeless smile, "One night I just ran away. And I called Riley again, hoping against hope that he'd help me." She turned towards her half-brother, her smile suddenly warm and loving, "And he did. He picked me up and hid me. Over the last few months I've been to so many places I don't remember. Pedro is still searching for me. You have no idea what he's going to do if he finds me."

"I see," Angel said after listening to her story. He gave Eunice a smile, she returned hesitantly. They had spent good times together in their youth and they were both remembering it now. "So that's your connection with Simone Chambers," he said turning back to Riley. "You are blackmailing her for money, aren't you?"

Riley stared at him for a moment, ready to deny it, but realizing that it was useless, "Yeah," he admitted on a released breath. "I found out things about her father. Things that... could get him into jail and she was willing to pay for them."

"You mean instead of reporting him, of doing the things you should've done," Spike remarked, "you used that knowledge for yourself?"

"He did it to help me," Eunice pleaded her brother's case. "You don't know Pedro, you have no idea what he'd do to me if he found me."

"Oh, I think I have a pretty good idea," Spike replied, not giving an inch.

"I think you have absolutely no idea," Eunice retorted, her voice suddenly cold as ice, "I've seen him do things, you wouldn't believe in your worst nightmares. He's a man without a conscience. He feels like a king and he acts like one. And I mean that in the worst sense."

"Nikki," Angel said gently, putting a hand on her arm, "I know you're afraid-"

"Afraid," she echoed, shaking off his arm, "I'm not afraid. Angel, I stopped being afraid a long time ago. I'm terrified. Pedro is a monster. I know my children are safe from him because his family honor would never allow him to hurt them. But I'm a traitor in his eyes. I embarrassed him by running away. There will be no mercy if he finds me."

Angel took a deep breath and exchanged a glance with Spike. Then he turned back to Eunice, "I'm sorry for all this, Nikki."

"Then help me," she pleaded.

"I can't. Not in the way you want it."

"Angel," Riley interrupted, "It's only one day. Give me one day and Nikki will be gone. Then I'm going to turn myself in. God knows there's a lot more I have to sorry for."

The dark-haired man's face hardened instantly, and his thoughts went to Buffy for a moment, "Yeah," he agreed. "There is." Something flickered through Riley's eyes but it was gone too quickly to identify it. Was it shame? Was it guilt? Even regret? Angel couldn't be sure.

"So you will give us 24 hours?" Riley asked hopefully.

"I can't do that," Angel replied. A soft sob came from behind him and he knew that Eunice had started crying. "Riley, you know I can't let this happen. You blackmailed another person. You're a cop for God's sake, doesn't that mean anything to you?"

The blond looked at his former best friend for a long moment, before he said, "If it means any- I was desperate, Angel. Desperate people tend to do crazy things. I tried, you know. I tried to get the money. I used everything I inherited. I took out a loan, but my wife's divorcing me and in California that doesn't get banks jumping at the opportunity to trust you with their money. Pedro will kill her, Angel. I couldn't let that happen."

"I understand that," the dark-haired man said gently, "But what I can't understand is what you did to help her. You blackmailed Simone Chambers. You had proof that would probably get her father arrested and you used it for your own purpose. I can't act as if it never happened. Why didn't you contact the FBI?" he asked. "They would've helped you. Maybe she knows things about her husband. It would give them a reason to take her in protective custody, maybe give her a new identity. There's always another way, Riley."

"So this ends here, huh?" the blond said, a myriad of emotions playing on his face.

"Yes," Angel confirmed. "It ends here. Give me your weapon, Riley. I promise I'll look after Eunice." He held out his hand, waiting for his former friend to hand him his gun.

"Oh God," Eunice sobbed behind them and Spike and Angel were distracted only for a moment. It was enough for Riley to draw his weapon and direct it towards the other officers.

"Don't do this, Riley," Angel said quietly, when he saw the gun.

"I have no choice," the blond said, desperation clearly audible in his voice. "This is my sister we're talking about. I have absolutely no choice."

"We won't let you leave this house," Spike told him very calmly.

"Then you'll probably die today," Riley replied. "And I'm sure you don't want that. So you'll better stay away. Come on Nikki," he told his sister.

Eunice glanced quickly at Angel and Spike, and then rushed to her brother's side. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Riley, please don't do this," Angel tried one last time.

"Sorry," the blond shrugged, "I have to."

*****

"God, drive faster," Buffy demanded, "Drive faster, Xand. Something's wrong. I know something's wrong. I can feel it." She was nervously chewing on her lower lip.

"I'm driving as fast as I can," Xander replied, not taking his eyes from the traffic. The last thing they needed were an accident to slow them even more down than L.A. traffic did. "Buff, don't worry. Angel and Spike are good at what they do. They can take care of themselves."

"I know," she said. "But this is a weird situation. This is about Riley. There are so many unfinished things between them. Angel and Riley, I mean. This is much more than just a simple problem." She thought for a moment, "We could use the siren."

"Buffy, they only informed Cordelia that they needed to confront Riley. They never even requested support. It was Cordelia who said we should go there, so we knew what was going on. There isn't an emergency."

"Maybe not, but I still have a bad feeling."

Xander chuckled slightly at that. He remembered all the bad feelings Buffy had when she and Angel were first dating four years ago. He could understand that she was worried about him. Anya was constantly worried when he left in the morning. But so far, nothing had happened.

But then the speaker in their car came to life and the voice that came through made their blood freeze in their veins. Without another word, Xander pulled out the light and put in on top of their car, the sirens howling, while he floored the accelerator and the car shot through the traffic. He looked to his side. Buffy was white as a sheet, all blood drained from her pretty face, her eyes huge with fear, she was trembling all over and the voice from the speaker asked, "Did you hear, 633, there's an emergency, detective Stevens just reported officer down. Please confirm message, officer down."

With a last glance on Buffy, Xander pulled the micro to his mouth, "Confirming," he said, "We're almost there. Is it bad?"

"Sorry, Detective Harris, Detective Stevens didn't say that. But I suppose as he wanted us to send for medical help."

"Thanks, officer," Xander said, breaking the connection. "He'll be okay," he tried to assure Buffy.

"You don't know that," she replied, her voice hollow, hopeless. "Oh God, Xand. What am I going to do if he-" her voice broke and she hugged herself tightly.

"He won't," Xander's voice was firm. "Do you understand? We don't even know if it's Angel."

"Xander, Spike called in. Whom do you think he was talking about?" she cried. "And now stop talking. Drive. Oh God," she yelled, "Drive."

Part 21

There were other police cars on the scene already when Xander brought his to a screeching halt in front of the small suburban house. A uniformed officer was busy applying tape around the crime scene.

Even before the car stopped completely, Buffy jumped out and ran for the house. Pushing everyone in the way aside, she stormed through the door, shouting Angel's name. She had to expected him lying there, in his blood, maybe on the brink of dying, but she was completely unprepared for the scene that met her eyes.

Angel was sitting on the ground, Riley's head in his lap, while Spike stood with two other detectives asking them to call the FBI. A woman she didn't know was kneeling by Angel's side.

Sensing the commotion at the door Angel looked up and his eyes instantly locked with Buffy's who gasped in shock. He was holding Riley, and from a hole in her husband's chest came a constant stream of blood. Angel had obviously tried to apply pressure by using his shirt, because there was something unidentifiable, soaked with blood and Angel was bare-chested. Buffy's eyes flew to Spike, who looked at her the moment he became aware of her presence. He shook his head slightly, indicating her without words that Riley wouldn't make it.

Buffy kneeled down beside Angel and her eyes found his again. They communicated silently over Riley's dying form and there was pure love in their eyes.

Suddenly Riley's head moved in Angel's lap and his eyelids fluttered, "Angel," he whispered, then his eyes fell on his wife, "Buffy," he said and smiled. "Good to see you. I'm sorry." He coughed and felt the sharp pain in his chest.

She closed her eyes for a moment, and then nodded, "I know," she replied, giving him a smile. "I know you didn't want to hurt me, Riley."

"No," he shook his head, another cough wracking his body, and he tasted blood in his mouth. He was really going to die today, he thought. He should've known from the expression on the faces that were looking down on him. "No, that's - that's not what I mean," he whispered. "Although I'm sorry for that too." He chuckled slightly and it hurt. "I'm sorry for so many things, I don't even know where to begin."

"Don't talk Riley," Angel's voice sounded strained. "You're going to need your strength."

"No need to lie, Angel," Riley replied, chuckling again. "I don't have a lot of time left, so I better get started admitting my sins."

"Oh God, Riley," Eunice sobbed, her trembling hands brushing her brother's hair from his forehead, her eyes resting on him lovingly.

"Riley-" Angel tried.

"No," he interrupted the dark-haired man. "There's a lot I need to say. I killed Mike," he said without warning.

Angel's eyes widened, while Buffy let out a gasp, "Wha - What did you say?" she demanded.

"I killed him. I shot your brother."

"You..." Buffy stared at him, obviously not able to digest the revelation. "You killed Mike?" she whispered brokenly. "Oh my God."

"God, Buffy," Riley cried, hot tears falling down his cheeks, "I didn't do it deliberately. I never... It almost killed me when I read the report, when I read with my own eyes that only three bullets were missing from Angel's weapon. I thought the whole chamber had been empty. But then..." he shook his head, the pain and torture in his eyes almost taking her breath away.

"I used Angel's weapon that evening. But I never... Then two years later I came across the report. And reading it I remembered. I must have suppressed it. I read it up. They call it suppressive amnesia. I was aiming for one of the bank robbers at the window and without warning Mike was suddenly right in my line of fire. I shot him. Then I accused Angel, married you. But I swear by God, I didn't know. I didn't remember."

"I believe you," Buffy whispered, her eyes searching Angel's again and she found the same sadness in them.

"After... After I knew what I'd done. I..." he shook his head again, another cough wracking through his body.

"Riley, why didn't you tell them?" Angel wanted to know. "You didn't kill him. It was an accident." He looked down at the blond whose cheeks were wet with tears and in whose eyes was nothing but despair.

"Tell them?" Riley said almost incredulously. "She would've left me," he cried, turning his head back to Buffy. "You would've left me. I saw the way you reacted when you thought it was Angel. And you loved him. You never loved me."

"Riley-" she tried to protest, but he interrupted her.

"No need to lie, Buffy. I knew it. Right from the start. But I loved you. You were the love of my life and... I had the irrational thought I could make you love me back. But you can't people force to love you. Two years ago I couldn't face that. So I didn't tell you and you didn't leave me. But I... felt unworthy to be at your side... so I... did everything to make you hate me and it... worked," he chuckled again. An unhappy sound.

"Riley." Angel had no idea what to say. He knew nothing he could say would be what Riley needed. His former friend needed to forgive himself, and Angel wasn't sure if he was able to do that. Again images of Riley laughing with him, of Riley joking, them together playing football, flashed through his mind, and he felt a lump forming in his throat, "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Yeah, I know," shook his head, "I know you are, although you have no reason to be. You're a much better person than I ever was. I envied you... God, I was so jealous."

"Why?" Angel wanted to know. "You were my best friend. My best and most trusted friend. Why did you have a reason to be jealous?"

A smile that was somewhere between sadness and bitterness crossed the blonde's features, "You're still oblivious, aren't you? You have no idea, Angel, how it feels to grow up in another man's shadow."

"But I never-"

Now Riley laughed, but it was not a happy sound, "I know that. You never saw it that way, but then you were the shadow I was growing up in. You might not believe it, not even now, but it was that way nevertheless."

"I never saw anything in you but my friend," the dark-haired man insisted.

"Yeah. A friend." Riley nodded almost to himself. "But you were always number one. Can you imagine how often my father said he wished I was like you? How disappointed he was in me? I was a loser."

"You never were-"

"But you see, that's exactly the point. I was a loser. In his eyes I was and what happened over the last four years proved it. And my father admired you. You were the quarterback of our high school team, then again in college. You got two scholarships for college. Your parents couldn't stop telling mine about their great son. And all I managed to be was your friend. Did I ever tell you that the first girl I slept with in college went to bed with me because she couldn't have you?"

"Oh Riley," Angel said helplessly.

"Yeah, what did I say? I'm the loser," he chuckled again, softly this time. The gunshot wound didn't hurt anymore and he remembered that fatal wounds never did. "She always loved you," he said, suddenly changing the subject. "I lost there too. I fell in love with the same woman and she never, not once, stopped loving you. And I knew it. That's when I really started hating you. You don't have to tell me how irrational that is, but... I couldn't stop it."

"I'm sorry," Angel said again. And he was. For the loss of a man who had once been his best friend. And for the man who was lying in his lap, and who had lost himself by wallowing in self-pity and nursing his jealousy.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too. For more than you can imagine." He was getting weaker by the second and he could almost feel his life slip away. "Nikki. I'm sorry," he whispered, "I can't keep my promise."

"Oh Riley," his sister cried softly, "I love you. Without you I wouldn't have been able to leave him."

"I love you too," he replied, then grabbed Angel's hand urgently, "I know I have no right to ask anything from you, but please take care of her. She needs... help. She told the... truth... Pedro is... dangerous."

"I know. I promise, Riley. I'll help her."

The blond smiled, released a breath of relief. "Good," he said, his eyes already clouded over, but nevertheless searching for Buffy. "I love you," he whispered. "I... always... sorry..." A shiver ran through his body, then suddenly his eyes became unfocussed, unseeing, and his form went slack in Angel's arms.

*

"Angel, Spike," Cordelia shouted pushing past the police officers who were standing in the doorway. She released a breath she hadn't even noticed she'd been holding when she saw the two detectives standing and obviously unharmed, but a frown appeared on her face seeing them each holding a woman in their arms. It was not so surprising to see Angel holding Buffy, but she didn't know the other one.

Her eyes fell on the paramedics who were busy covering a body on the ground. "What happened?" she asked.

Slowly Angel raised his head, "Riley's dead," he said and a sob came from the woman in Spike's arms. "This," he indicated the woman, "is Eunice Montez. She's Riley's sister. And Pedro Montez' wife."

"Oh," was all Cordelia replied. Riley's sister was Pedro Montez' wife.Interesting. "Still, I need to know what happened."

"Riley tried to leave with his sister," Spike explained, knowing how hard it was for Angel or Buffy to talk about it. "Eunice here," he gave the woman in his arms a quick smile, "wants to leave her husband, but it seems he isn't taking it too well. So Riley tried to help her and in order to do that he blackmailed Simone Chambers. Angel tried to persuade him to talk to the FBI, but he wouldn't have it. He pulled his gun and wanted to leave with his sister. Of course we couldn't let him do that."

"And so you shot him?" Cordelia asked incredulously.

"No," Spike slowly shook his head. "And that's where the story gets really interesting. Riley opened the door and wham he went down. While Angel took care of him and Eunice, I tried to find the killer. But he was gone. Or maybe he used a long distance weapon. I have no idea. We'll have to wait for the coroner's report, I guess."

"Are you telling me that someone shot Riley, while he was about to leave the house?" Cordelia needed to be absolutely sure she had heard right.

"Yes, that's what we're telling you," Angel confirmed, holding Buffy close. She was completely shaken. First she had been consumed by fear it was Angel who was shot him and then Riley's revelations had done the rest. "Cordelia, I need to get Buffy home. Riley told us a lot before he died." He stroked Buffy's back and kissed her skull, "He shot Mike."

The brunette gasped, "He, what?"

"It was an accident. But it ate him up. Can we talk about this later? Buffy needs some rest."

"Yes, yes, of course, take her home," she replied instantly and watched them leave, Angel carrying the blonde more than she was walking. Then she ran a hand through her hair, "God, this... this is..."

"Yeah, I know," Spike agreed, still holding Eunice. "Pretty heavy. I contacted the FBI," he explained. "They'll take care of her."

"Good," Cordelia nodded in agreement. "He really shot Mike?" she asked.

"Yeah," the blond nodded as well. "I thought Buffy would faint. She's going to need a while to get over this."

The brunette wanted to answer, but two FBI agents entered the house and after a little conversation with Cordelia, Eunice and Spike they agreed that Riley's sister was in need of protective custody. As soon as they had left, the assistant DA put a hand on Spike's arm. "What do you think about a cup of coffee? I need one and you could tell everything what happened here. I have a feeling it's quite a lot."

Spike grinned for the first time, "I would never refuse the invitation of a pretty woman," he said and made her smile. "Come on, Miss Chase, let's talk."

****

"Buffy," Angel said softly after he had closed the door of her apartment behind them.

"Yeah," she replied, without looking up, without really paying attention.

"I want you to lie down."

"No," she shook her head, giving him a smile that almost broke his heart, "I can't lie down. Riley just died. I need to organize things." She nodded to herself, "Yes, I'm sure there are things to be done. I'm still his wife, you know, I need-"

"You need to lie down," he told her gently but firmly. When she didn't react, he took the matters in his own hands by scooping her up in his arms. Glad she didn't protest, he carried her into her bedroom and gently put her down there. "Stay here. I'm just going to get you a cup of tea. I'll be back in a minute. Okay?"

She nodded but didn't look at him. He was sure she was still in shock and he hurried to make some tea and a sandwich for her, although he was almost certain she wouldn't eat one bite. Returning to her room he found her in the same place he had left her, staring at the ceiling, her eyes dry and incredibly sad.

"Here," he said softly, sat down on the edge and held the tea towards her direction. Her eyes focused slowly on him and in autopilot she took the cup and drank a large gulp. He winced seeing her drinking the hot brew like that, but she didn't even seem to notice. "Easy," he said, taking the cup back. "Do you want anything to eat?"

She shook her head, but didn't lay back. Instead she was looking at him. "He killed Mike," she said, and each word seemed to hurt her throat. "He killed my brother and I let him touch me. I married him. I hurt you and sent you away and all the time it was him-" her voice broke and she squeezed her eyes shut. "Oh Angel," she whispered.

Angel wanted to touch her. He was dying to take her into his arms and hold her, to try to soothe her, calm her down. But for the moment she'd set up this invisible boundary around herself and now she even crossed her arms, and he didn't want to trespas over the line. They had kissed just once, but in no way they had established what sort of relationship they were in.

She frowned, "I even enjoyed him touching me. For a while. It was fun. And he was touching me with those hands. The same hands that held the gun." Her voice was flat, and she began to shiver.

"Buffy, stop," Angel pleaded. "Don't do this to yourself. You had no was of knowing what was going on."

"No I couldn't," she admitted, and looked at him searchingly, eager to find the prove for the honesty in his words in his eyes. She reached for him then. She unwound her arms and reached out for him, giving him the permission to take her in his own arms.

The next moment he held her tightly and after only a second hers came around his neck. "He was messed up, Buffy," he was whispering too, trying to explain where there was no explanation. How did you explain when a person had lost himself? "He was eaten up by jealousy. But I'm sure he loved you. And when he found out it was him who killed Mike he couldn't bear it. I'm not trying to find an apology, because there is none. But I can understand what was happening to him. And I'm absolutely sure he loved you."

"I want to believe it," she cried into his neck. "I want to believe that he killed Mike by accident, and that he didn't remember when we married, but at the moment I feel so... so..."

"I know," he replied, "I know. Nobody expects you to forgive him. God knows I can't. Not now. Maybe never." He took a deep breath, "Do you want me to stay?"

"Yes," she said, tightening her hold on his neck. "I don't want to be alone. Stay with me."

"As long as you want me," he whispered and lay down beside her. With their hands entwined they fell asleep.

Part 22

Monday, September 4th, 6.00 p.m. Los Angeles

It was quiet in Buffy's apartment, now that she and Angel were sitting on her sofa in the living room, her head resting on his shoulder, her eyes closed. The week had gone by in a blur.

The FBI had taken Eunice Montez into protective custody and they would provide her with a new identity as soon as possible. In return Eunice would give all information she had, and regarding the fact that she'd been living more than 20 years with one of the most wanted drug dealers in South America, it was quite a lot. Actually the FBI could hardly believe their luck and were only too willing to help Eunice in any way possible.The coroner had confirmed their suspicion that Riley had been shot with a wide-range weapon and so they had no idea who the killer could be. The whole department was investigating his murder but so far they had only pulled blanks. The news that Riley had shot Mike had spread rapidly and to spare Buffy the whisper behind her back and the curious looks, Giles had given her several days off.

Buffy was grateful for it. There was a lot to do regarding Riley's funeral, because although they'd been in the process of a divorce and were not living with each other anymore, legally she was still his wife and responsible for all the things that had to be done. Angel was by her side the whole time, helping her whenever she needed him, taking care of formalities, or just cooking dinner for her.

Riley's funeral had been a quiet affair. His brother, Connor, came with his family and with the help of the FBI they even arranged for Connor to meet his sister Eunice for a while. A lot of cops attended Riley's funeral. The fact that he was responsible for the death of Buffy's brother didn't present a problem. Nobody doubted the words of a dying man that it had been an accident and so the file of Mike Danicki was officially closed.

"It's the first time in a week that I have the feeling that I'm able to breathe." Buffy looked up and her eyes met Angel's, "The whole week was so... unreal," she shook her head, "I don't know. I still can't believe he's dead. Just like that," she snapped her fingers.

"I know," he replied quietly, reaching out and taking her hand. "There's so much I can't quite grasp. He killed Mike. It's so... strange. I didn't suspect him. Not for a second. When Mike went down that night, I was sure it had been one of the bank robbers. Then when the report came, telling us it was my weapon..." he trailed off and shook his head. He had still trouble understanding what had happened. All the things Riley had said to him before he had died. About his permanent jealousy. When had it started, Angel wondered. When had friendship changed into something ugly?

"Maybe I should feel sorry for him," Buffy mused, frowning slightly, "Maybe I should, but I can't. He did so many terrible things. And I am not talking about Mike. I can believe that was an accident. And I can even believe he suppressed what he knew, that happens, I've seen it more than once. But later. When he found out about Mike. He lied to me, Angel. He didn't even try to tell me."

He was quiet for a long time, and then suddenly said, "I wonder-" but broke off again.

"You wonder, what?" she probed.

"You remember the day when he gave you Mike's file," it wasn't really a question. Angel didn't doubt for a moment that Buffy remembered the day.

"Yeah, sure. Why?"

"I wonder if he wanted you to read it. Maybe he... maybe he wanted you to know," he shook his head and released a long breath and ran a hand through his hair, then over his face. "God, Riley was so screwed up. Maybe I'm just trying to find the good in him. I don't know. Maybe a part of me just refuses to see him for what he was."

"But that's just the point," she replied, reaching for the coffee cup on the table, "Who was he? I think I've asked myself that question a million times this week. And you know what? I still don't have the right answer. Maybe we'll never know."

Angel was about to say something when the doorbell rang. He wanted to get up, but Buffy shook her head and went herself. She smiled when she saw her visitor, "Connor, come in," she invited. "It's good to see you. We barely had a minute to talk."

"That's the reason I came. Lenore, the kids and I, we're going to fly back to Washington tomorrow morning. And... well, I thought we should talk." He followed her to the living room and when he spotted Angel, he smiled as well, "Angel, so good to see you," he said and the two men hugged. "Although I wish..."

"I know," Angel replied with a nod. "I wish the same. Never in a million years I would've pictured our meeting like this."

"No," Connor agreed. "And there's something I need to say first. Angel, I had no idea what was going on when Riley married Buffy. I'm sorry I nearly threw you out of the church that afternoon."

Angel chuckled slightly when Buffy gasped, "You did, what?"

Connor had to smile, "I... well, I saw him coming from your room that afternoon and... we had a fight. Not with fists, but I shouted at him and -"

"Connor," Angel interrupted him, "Forget it, will you. It's so long ago. It seems unreal today."

"Yes it does, doesn't it," Riley's brother said with a slight shake of his head. "He changed so much the last two years. I had no idea what happened," he laughed harshly, "Well, now we all know. He killed a man and couldn't live with it."

"He didn't actually kill him in the strictest sense," Buffy said placing a cup of coffee in front of Connor.

"I know that," he replied. "I just..." he shook his head again, "I'm just having a hard time digesting all this. I talked to your lieutenant this morning and he told me a lot of things. He said that Riley was blackmailing a woman. He even," his face contorted in disgust, "forced her to have... God, I can't say it. It's too disgusting."

"Don't," Buffy put a hand over Connor's. "Don't torture yourself by seeing only the bad things he did. I did that too and it's not good. Try to think about the times when he made a joke, when you laughed together."

"How can you be so... so forgiving?" Conner asked, in utter shock.

"I'm not. Riley did many terrible things. Some of them to me. But he's dead. And it's of no use to dwell on it. And about the blackmailing. Yes, it was wrong, but at least he did it for Eunice. He tried to help her."

"She's right," Angel said, giving Riley's brother a warm smile. "I had a lot of good times with him and I'd prefer to remember them."

"He called me," Connor said suddenly, "About a week ago he called me in my office. I hadn't heard from him in over a year. I tried to call him, but he never answered his phone, never returned my calls. And suddenly he did. He was stone drunk. I think he didn't even remember afterwards that he called me at all." Frowning he ran a finger over the handle of his cup. Not looking up he said, "He told me, he tried to rape you. And he cried."

"Connor-" Buffy tried to say, but he held up a hand.

"No, don't. I don't want to hear any excuses. And from the way you're looking at me, I know it's true. What I want to know is, why he became what he was in the end? He was my brother, Buffy. I knew him better than anyone else, maybe even better than Angel, and all of a sudden I feel as if I didn't know him at all. And I find myself asking, how was this possible."

"We tried to find an answer just before you came," Angel said and shrugged, "We haven't found one."

Connor laughed shortly, "Really comforting. I..." again he shook his head, "He loved you," he said, looking at Buffy. "The only thing I am absolutely certain of is that he loved you. I've never seen him happier than on the day you became his wife. The fact that he let you slip away from him shows me that he was really messed up."

He suddenly shook his upper body as if to get rid of all the grief and pain and straightened on the chair, then reached in his pocket and produced a sealed envelope. "This is for you both," he said handing it to Buffy and Angel. "It was in a box he sent to me the day before he died. I have no idea what's in it." All of a sudden he stood and the others did as well. "And anyways. I need to go. I promised my kids to read them a story tonight. And if I've learned anything from all this, then it's to never take another person for granted. Tomorrow it could be too late already."

"Thanks for coming, Connor," Buffy said and hugged him. "You have a lovely wife and beautiful children. You're a lucky man."

"Yeah," he nodded, "I suppose I am. Angel," he turned towards his brother's long-time friend. "I know he envied you. But he loved you too. Don't believe that he wasn't your friend. Because he was."

"I know that, Connor. And I want to remember that."

The two men embraced for a short moment, then exchanged a long look that spoke more than any words. With a last nod, he opened and door and slipped from the apartment.

Buffy and Angel stood there for a moment, just looking at each other, then without a word they went back to the living-room and she took the envelope and ripped it open. The moment the contents were on the table, Angel looked at the blond, who stared at him through wide eyes. "Are you thinking the same as I?" she asked.

"Yes," Angel confirmed. "I should call Cordelia immediately," he pulled his cell phone from his pocket. "And while I'm at it," he said, "You should call Xander and Spike."

She nodded, the phone already in her hand, "And after that I'm calling the pizza delivery service." She smiled when she saw him raising a brow, "We'll get hungry soon. And as I see it there's a lot we have to talk about."

He smiled back, and then waited for Cordelia to answer her phone.

Go to Part 23