Spoliers: none I can think of
Disclaimer: I own nothing, if I did Angel would not be in LA
disrubusion: anyone wants it they can have it just email me

Buffy opened the front door and laid her bag and keys on the side table. She was happy to be home, work that day had been tough, it had almost made her wish for her days as the Slayer.

As she walked on towards the kitchen, she hit the button on her answering machine. As she fixed herself dinner she listened to the messages, none of them were that interesting. One was from the health club trying to get her to renew her membership; one was from Dave, a guy at work, who just wouldn't stop trying to ask her out, no matter how many times she said no. It was the last message however that caught her attention. It was a brief message that really didn't explain anything but said everything she needed to know. As the message finished she pressed replay, needing to make sure that she had heard what she had.

Wesley's voice wavered over the machine again, he sounded upset.

"Buffy, it's Wesley here." His English accent was quavering as he spoke.

"Cordelia told me not to call but I thought you needed to be told. We are at County Hospital in LA. I'm so sorry Buffy its Angel.

That was all she needed, Buffy grabbed her car keys and headed for LA.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy had no idea what was going on as she entered the doors of the hospital, her mind had been racing ever since she had received the message. 'What was wrong? What was Angel doing in a hospital?' the questions just kept going round and round in her head, she need some answers.

As she approached the service desk, she heard someone call her name.

"Buffy, what are you doing here?"

Buffy came face to face with Cordelia. She looked tired and there was a lost look in her eyes that scared Buffy. Her eyes were also red-rimmed as if she had been crying.

"I called her." Wesley's voice came from behind her.

"I told you not to bother. She doesn't care; she hasn't even seen him in years." The last part of her speech was directed directly at Buffy.

"Look, what the hell is going on? I get a message telling me there is something wrong with Angel, so what is it? And why is a vampire in hospital?"

"See she doesn't know anything about him! She has no right to be here."

"Cordelia, calm down. Angel wanted her here and you know it. Buffy I think you are going to need to sit down."

"Look, you're really starting to scare me. Will you just tell me what the hell is going on."

"A couple of months ago Angel became human..."

"He's human and he didn't tell me! How could he do this to me?"

"See I knew it. Look this isn't about you ok, it's about Angel," as she spoke his name, it looked as if she had to use her whole willpower not to burst into tears.

"At first he thought it was for the best; that you had a new life and didn't need him coming along and messing it all up. Then when he started to get sick he knew he had done the right thing."

"Got sick? What do you mean got sick?" Said Buffy the fear evident in her voice.

"He's in a coma Buffy."

Buffy legs could no longer hold her up, as she collapsed to the floor at the news.

Wesley showed a weak looking Buffy into Angel's room. Angel was a scary sight. There were machines and tubes all around him. He seemed to be sleeping.

"When did this happen?"

"Last night, he just disappeared."

"You should have called me earlier Wesley. He should have called as soon as he knew."

"I know Buffy; but at first we didn't know what was going on, and then he was stubborn and wouldn't let me call you. He kept telling me he was going to be alright but I think he knew he wasn't. He just didn't want to hurt you anymore."

"What? Not hurt me by denying me what could have been my last chance to say goodbye?"

Wesley didn't answer her, he knew there was nothing he could say to make this better.

"So what happens now?"

"Well the doctors are running some tests to see what is going on.

They should be back soon."

"Then what?"

"We have to wait on the tests Buffy and see what they say."

Buffy sat by his bed feeling numb. She knew it was the only thing she could let herself feel, for if she let in all of her emotions she was not sure she would be able to survive the pain. She had sat there for hours listening to the beeps of the machines and watching his chest rising up and down, willing him to open his eyes, but it never happened.

At hearing a cough behind her she looked around, to see a man dressed in a white coat, with Wesley and Cordelia following close behind.

"You must be Angel's doctor."

"You would be correct. I'm Dr Williams and you must be Miss Summers."

"Yes. Look I don't mean to be rude, but what are the results of the tests?"

"I'm afraid it is not good news. The results show that there is no brain activity. I'm really sorry to inform you all but Angel is not going to recover. He is brain dead."

"NO!!!!" Cordelia cried, "your wrong. He is going to be okay, he has to be ok he has t…"At this point she broke down and Wesley took her into his arms a look of anguish across his own face.

"But he is still breathing. The heart monitor still says his heart is beating."

"Miss Summers I am afraid that the machines are the only thing keeping him alive."

"How can you be so sure? People have woken up from comas before. Why not run the test again? You have made a mistake, run your tests again." Buffy was on the brink of tears. It was too much for her to take in, she could not cope.

"We have run them twice. It is definite."

"So what happens now?" Asked Buffy, unsure how she was managing to stay so strong.

"Well, the next of kin has to make the decision whether to turn off the machines."

"Next of kin? Who is that?"

"Well Miss Summers it seems Angel named you as his next of kin."

Buffy sat in the cafeteria unable to think unable to do anything. She had tried to eat but had been able to bring herself to do it. She was so lost in all the pain that she failed to notice Cordelia approaching.

"How are you doing Buffy?"

"Numb. How am I supposed to do this? Angel and I were never good at saying goodbye. How am I supposed to do the final one?"

"I don't know Buffy. I wish it could have been different. I wish he was still here with us. I miss him you know."

"I know. The only way I coped with being apart from him was the fact that I knew he was still out there somewhere, and that maybe one day... maybe one..." Buffy felt it all reach the surface, she was unable to hold it in any longer and she felt the tears begin to fall. Next thing she knew Cordelia's arms were round her. As each of the girls sobbed, they realised that although they may have lost Angel, they had not lost each other and because of that they would always have a piece of him.

When their tears had finally subsided they pulled away from one another.

"Do you regret it?"

"What? Loving Angel?"

Cordelia nodded.

"How could I regret a love like that? When it comes to Angel the only regret I have is the time we wasted apart when we should have been together. I don't know if I can forgive him for not telling me he was human, because no matter how short the time we would have had together I would have treasured it."

"He thought it was for the best, that he had hurt you enough. He loved you to the end. He had always known he would never love another, that's why he left you the decision."

"How I am supposed to know what to do?"

"Maybe this will help." Cordelia pulled a letter out of her pocket, "he told me to give this to you. He said I would know when it was the right time; I think this is it."

"Cordy, why do you think he trusted me with the decision?"

"Because he knew you would be the only one who loved him enough to let him go."

The girls shared a silent moment.

"I had better get back to Wesley. He just had to phone Gunn with the news and I know he is going to be upset."

"I think I might go out into the hospital grounds, I have something to read."

~~~~~~~~~

She needed to be alone. She needed time to digest his last words to her. She walked out into the grounds. It was a bright sunny day. It made her feel like the weather was tormenting her; it should have been cloudy and raining on the worst day of her life; not a beautiful day that she knew she and Angel could have enjoyed together. She sat down on a bench and opened the letter she knew would break her heart.

Dearest Buffy,

I suppose if you are reading this, it means that my fears are real and that I am now in a place where no one can reach me. I don't know how I knew what was happening, but I knew I would not be human long. Sometimes I believed I dreamed it, other times I was not so sure.

I know you probably hate me right now for not telling you of my change and for leaving you with this decision. But I knew that you were the only one who would be able to do what was right, to let me go, to let me finally rest in peace.

As I leave this world I have but one regret, the time we wasted. I cannot leave without you knowing, I loved you from the moment I saw you. At times I believe I loved you even before. For I feel I dreamed of you many times in my sleep before that day, that possibly could have dreamed you into life. But when you loved me back, what I thought impossible happened. I loved you more, I loved you with every part of my soul and that never changed. I need you to know that even when I left, my love for you never dulled, never changed. I recognised as I left you that I could, would, never really leave because I knew I didn't know how to let you go.

I wish I had told you earlier so that I did not have to say this final goodbye like this, but I could not do it. The coward in me... I once made a pact to myself that I would never see pain that I had caused in your eyes again, so I thought it was easier not to tell, to leave it be. But part of me knows I was wrong to take away the goodbye, but I realised this to late. And for that I am so sorry.

And so this is it. Our story, at least in this life, has ended. I may be gone Buffy, but that does not mean you should give up. I want you to love and be loved, to be happy, and have the normal life you always wanted. I'm so sorry it could not be with me, but fate was always against us. Maybe in heaven or wherever I am, or in the next life we will be together without the obstacles we had in this one. Goodbye my love.

One day maybe.

Always,
Angel

Buffy's tears hit the letter, smudging the writing slightly, she quickly wiped them away careful not to do any more damage. She knew she had to do it. As she walked towards the hospital, she noticed Cordelia was waiting for her.

"Have you made the decision?"

"Yes," Buffy spoke though her tears, "we have to let him go."

Cordelia nodded and both girls embraced, knowing things would never be quite the same again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy stood by his bed holding his hand, as the doctors fiddled with his machines.

"Are you ready Miss Summers?"

"Just one moment please."

Buffy looked down at Angel, memorising his face, knowing this would be the last time she ever saw him. She bent down and kissed him on the lips. A tear fell upon his face and as she wiped it away she whispered.

"Goodbye my Angel. I always was and always will be your girl, I just wish fate had been kinder. I know one day we will finally be together, we just have to wait a little longer. But I do promise to make the best of the life I have now."

With that she nodded to the doctor, who then bent down and turned off the machines. Buffy closed her eyes as the sound of the machines died. He was gone and her soul cried.

ONE YEAR LATER

"Well here I am. You have been gone a year and I still miss you everyday, but I don't think that is going to change. I saw Cordelia and Wesley the other day, they got married can you believe it! Somewhere in the grief they shared at losing you, they found each other and they seem so happy. You would love it Angel.

So I suppose you want to know about me, about my life. Well I'm dating again just like you wanted. No one special yet, I don't know if there ever will be, but I am happy... well as happy as I can be without you. Maybe one day there will be someone, but rest assured they will know what they have to live up to. They will know all about you and what we shared.

Some would say that it would be easier for them not to. But I can't do that, because what we shared helped make me who I am. If they don't know about you they won't understand me and I need someone who understands who and what I am, like you did. But I also have to tell them because whoever they are they will never own my whole heart because part of it will always belong to you. I will visit you often.

I know I have not been since the funeral but it took me a while to except that this was really your grave, that you were really gone, and I suppose I was still angry at you that you took our goodbye away, although now I do understand. But now I also feel as though you are watching over me and always will be. I still believe that we will be together somehow, someday. So with that thought somehow the feeling of you looking over is enough. So until that day. Goodbye for now my love."

And with that Buffy placed a single red rose upon the grave with a card attached which read:

For my Angel

Always,
Buffy

And walked away from the grave inscribed with the writing:

Liam Spencer
A fallen angel, who fought hard for redemption
And won. Who here finally rests in peace. You are in our hearts always

And as she walked away an Angel from above smiled.

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