Disclaimer: They never have nor will they ever belong to me. They belong to Joss Whedon, FOX and a bunch of other people so dont sue. The song "Hold On" is by Sarah Mclachlan.
Spoilers: Everything I suppose. Definatly "The Gift"
Feedback: If you think its good, bad, whatever Please let me know.
Notes: Hi! Well most of you don't know me, cuz well I lurk. So I'm really nervous about posting this on here. I've only posted one other thing on here before but that was about a year back. Mostly I just read the great fic that everyone on here writes. :0) I know there's been several fics about her death but I couldn't help it. The story takes place in Sunnydale 2 days after "The Gift" Done in Angel's POV. Kinda short.

//Hold on. Hold onto yourself...//

Buffy's dead. Two words. Just to think them and I am crippled, brought to my knees from unbearable pain. Three days ago she plunged to her death. Willow said that Giles believes she died before she hit earth. She died painfully I know. Electrocuted by thousands of volts of electricity. I should have been here, done something.

Buffy was light. Pure, undeserving of such a cruel death. She died so Dawn could live, so the world could live. I pray though to a God that I'm not sure I believe in, that she is in a peaceful place, that in her death she is wrapped in warmth. She was warm, always so warm.

Warm, like sunlight. Twice as beautiful.

I miss her more than sunlight, breathing, and all the other things that are meaningless if you have no one to share them with you.

The funeral is about to start. They arranged it at night so that Spike and I could attend. I am here for Dawn and her friends. And to honor the memory of the greatest human to ever have lived.

If the world knew what it had lost it too would cry tears of blood. No not lost. She will never be really lost. She will live on in everything she touched, her friends, family, and people she saved. She will live on in me. Her smile, her laugh, her strength, her weakness, the way she never gave up. The way she died. But more importantly the way she lived.

After the funeral things will die down. People will soon forget Buffy Anne Summers. They will go on with their lives, forget how she saved them. Only her friends, and family will remember all the ways she saved them, not only from evil but from themselves. How she saved me.

They begin to lower her casket into the ground. It starts to rain. The water comes down hard and unforgiving. Dawn clings listlessly to Spike. Xander and Willow stand side by side with their respective others beside them, tears and rain zig zagging down their faces. Giles is speaking. I cant hear much of what he's saying as he is choking on words that are being read prematurely. She should have lived to be an old woman. I am disconnected from the whole scene which could also be a factor of my not hearing and am vaguely aware of Wesley and Cordelia holding me up.

I'm not here saying my final good-byes to a woman I could never let go. I am in my old apartment or the mansion reading to her. In the graveyard patrolling with her. Fighting by her side. Fighting with her. At her window talking. I am in her arms on a pier in the sunlight. Tasting mint chocolate chip and her sweet lips. In my bed with her head resting on my shoulder. In this very graveyard holding her underneath the tree to the left. And she's asking me how forever sounds.

"Ashes to ashes."

Thunder seems to break open the sky. Dawn begins to collapse into herself. The sound of dirt hitting her casket brings me back to the present.

"Dust to dust."

My eyes train on the headstone.

'Beloved Friend and Sister.
She saved the world.
A lot.'

I didn't answer then but I can now.

It sounds like it wouldn't be enough.

//for this is gonna hurt like hell.//

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