DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, just wish I did.
SPOILERS: Somewhere in Season 5
SYNOPSIS: Buffy's New Year in 2001
DISTRIBUTION: Just let me know where you are taking it
FEEDBACK: Please!
AUTHOR"S NOTE: The lyrics are New Year's Eve by Nina Gordon. Lyrics in Italics.

I thought he would show, so of course he doesn't. I don't know why I thought he would come. I just had this feeling… but it doesn't matter.

Normally I'd be French-twisting my hair
And selecting the right earrings to wear
Oh it's a special evening for most
And normally I'd be proposing a toast
But not this year.

If it was a normal New Year's I would be the life of the party. I'd have every woman here envying me, while he watched me and laughed. At least that's how it goes in my dream. I never get any special holidays and I thought I might just get lucky, Giles did give me the night off, that's got to signify for something, but it obviously doesn't.

I'm here; the party's all around me
You're there; indifference has found me
Oh I now it's not in fashion
Wearing heartache on you're sleeve
But I'm here and you're there
So who cares what I wear on New Year's Eve

I'm not even here. Sure I'm here, with my fake "happy Buffy" smile plastered on my face. But in reality I'm home. Home its not really home, home is where ever He is. Which is not here.

Normally I'd be knee deep in champagne
Kick my heels until neighbors complained
It's a glamorous evening for most
Normally I'd be upstaging the host
But not this year

If I were really myself I would be dancing and drinking and having more fun than is allowed. But I'm not, so I get my drink and sit in the corner watching the dancers go around and around in circles, with real smiles on their faces.

I know I should have dressed up,
But I just can't make believe
I'm just thinking about how last year you blew me away
With the resolution that you made.

And then in the one instant when I was ready to choke from the light happy feeling, it happened. In that one instant it was like the prom all over again. I saw him through the crowd and walked towards him and I reenacted my part. \

"I never thought you'd come."

"It's a big night, I didn't want to miss it."

I couldn't take the next part so I cut him off.

"It doesn't…"

"Shhhhh… just dance with me"

I stood there finally feeling safe wrapped in his arms as I swayed to the music. There couldn't have been a more perfect moment. I knew that in a few hours I would go back to my life and everyone would ask where I had been, but for now it was perfect.

Felt someone tap my shoulder and I turned around to find myself lying in bed next to Riley. Well at least I have my dreams.

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