DISCLAIMER: I am not Joss Whedon therefore I own no one.
SPOILERS: Up to Shadow and Shroud of Rahmon
DISTRIBUTION: Let me know if you want it.
FEEDBACK: Pretty Please with Angel on top
RATING: PG

A brilliant woman once told me that I "wasn't exactly one of them". Of course this is the same woman that now is… one of them. I didn't realize until just recently how very right she was. I had thought that if I could break my way into the core of their inner group I could somehow fool them into thinking that I was one of them, but I was wrong. I also made the mistake of thinking that I had true friends. And don't get angry, I do have friends, but they don't know me. And knowledge, that is what makes a true friend. Knowledge, like the understanding that I had a thing for the finer things in life, or the understanding that, that she liked the view.

Two years ago if you had asked me what the most important person in my life was I would have said Buffy Summers, with no hesitation. If you had asked me that question one hundred and fifty years ago the answer would have been Darla. Now the latter is back in my life and my inner struggle for redemption is harder than I had ever imagined. Trying to save someone's soul that you know as well as your own should be simple. Of course when you know Darla's soul you know how headstrong she can be and how she will never give up, then it gets a little more complicated.

Darla always was one to put up a fight, but I never expected her to run from me. I got Cordelia and Wesley to track her down, and found that she willingly came back to the hotel. I gave her the room with the best view, naturally, and decided that I would give her time to sort through whatever it is she's sorting through.

So here I am, trying my best to save Darla and keep Cordelia, Wesley, and Gunn off my back at the same time. The last thing that I thought I would have to worry about was Buffy.

Part One

After finally persuading Cordelia to go home, I went upstairs to try to get some sleep, which under the circumstances I knew was near impossible. Walking down the hall and passing Darla's room I heard noise from inside. Normally I would have passed it off as insignificance, but this was Darla.

Not wanting to be rude, yet doubting if she would open the door if I knocked I debated what to do. I opened the door slowly to see not the familiar blonde I was looking for but two. Turning around when I entered the two voices I know the most said, "Angel."

Trying to process what I was seeing took some effort. Why would Buffy be here? What is she doing in Darla's room? How is she going to react to Darla? These questions and more ran through my head. Buffy looked at me with confusion and possibly jealously etched on her face; while Darla stared at me with a look of delight that bordered on insane that I knew oh to well. Not being sure who to deal with first Buffy or Darla, I'm sure I came off as near insane myself. After what seemed like hours, Darla was the first to speak, "Go On, take the cheerleader with you, I have things to reflect on."

Silently I walked out of the room with Buffy in tow. Ending up in the den area I sat down and stared at her, marveling at the events that had just taken place. Buffy looked at me finally and said: "How? How is she back?"

"Wolfram and Hart, a law firm, brought her back."

"Why?"

"We don't know yet; One popular theory is that they sent her here to 'Get to Me'"

"Get to You, like…"

"Yeah" And off Buffy's glance I added, "You don't need to worry."

"I'm glad to hear that, not that I thought…"

"It's okay Buffy. What about you, why are you here, are you okay?"

"Not really, but before I pour out my story, do you know who Dawn is?"

"Dawn, I don't think I do, why is she some sort of demon?"

"No, no demon, she's my sister."

"Your sister, I don't understand."

"Join the Club. These Monks sent me 'The Key' to protect it from this big bad and they put it in the form of a girl. The down side, everyone always remembers her being here. So I'm tying to keep her safe from Glory this all powerful demon that is looking for her, but at the same time trying to keep all the others from suspecting."

"Wow, what do you need, help, because I could…"

"Angel, that's not all. "

"What do you mean that's not all?"

"Joyce has a brain tumor."

Part Two

That's when I realized what her look had been all about through this entire talk. There were no words that I could say that could console her, so I carefully walked over to her and sat down next to her on the couch. The bond between us still holds true because I could feel the pain she felt as truly as she could herself. For the first time in years I felt the serenity I feel when I'm with her. That's something Darla could never take away from us, our connection. I feared what would go down in the next few days, but for now, Buffy was here, and she was with me, and that was all that mattered.

After some time with us just sitting there, Buffy looked at me with those green eyes I could willingly get lost in and said, "So what do we do now?" What I would do for the answer to that question. Unfortunately as was much in the dark as she was. "I don't know."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Upstairs in her room Darla thought bout many things, but the main one was the fact that she really never could make Angel happy. Buffy, that cheerleader, who meant nothing to Darla was the only one who Angel had ever and will ever love. That fact seemed to sicken her, to be killed by your lover is bad enough, but now, he was killing her again because of Buffy. Only this time it wasn't physical, it was emotional.

Angel had been right about one thing, about the fact that he couldn't know happiness because of the lack of soul. Now that Darla had one, she realized that she truly did love Angel, and he didn't love her. And that in truth is the saddest thing in the world.

Part Three

"You know Buffy, I really should go check on…"

"Me?"

"Darla"

"I'm dying Angel, not later, now."

With those few words she stuck terror in my heart. In my own twisted way I did love her. It would never be like Buffy, but I still cared for her. You earn to appreciate people in 150 years. Buffy knew that this wasn't the time to drill Darla, so kept quiet.

"What do you mean?"

"Angel, I'm dying, how more clear can I be?"

"How do you know?"

"I can feel this body decaying, dying moment by moment, it's cancer. And so much more than just a soul."

The last part was whispered to herself as if a private joke. How she could know this without her vampire senses I didn't know, but I knew well enough that I shouldn't question Darla, but trust her.

"Well, then, lets go we have to get you to a hospital."

"No, no words just silence."

This is one of the only times in my life that I have been truly scared. I was earnestly worried that Darla was going insane, because as of now, she was bordering on Drusilla behavior. For who knows how long we sat there. Darla with a look of psychopathic paranoia; Buffy silently backing me up; and I trying desperately to save a woman I love. Breaking the silence was again Darla with a phrase that brought chills to everyone within range to hear it.

"Do you know what the saddest thing in the world is? Loving someone who used to love you"

With that she took off running out the door, never to be heard from again.

Part Four (Epilogue)

As Buffy and I sat in silence, I cherished the fact that she was here with me. I have missed her more than life itself, and all that this whole Darla incident has taught me was that very fact, that she is the only woman I will always love. Although, she hates Darla, Buffy looked to me and said:

"Should we go after her?"

"Even if we did, we wouldn't find her."

At that moment I realized that if we were ever going to resolve the tension that always found it's way into our lives, I was going to have to do something. I turned to Buffy and leaned in to kiss her. She looked at me and said:

"I told you I'd always be your girl."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Later that night Buffy and I were on the veranda watching the night sky with a calming peace that I knew wasn't going anywhere for a long time, make that eternity. This was how it was supposed to be our destiny. Looking out over the city I came to realize the truth of the statement:

"I missed the view"

And somewhere in that great city that is Los Angeles, Darla smiled, because she was the only one who would ever know what that genuinely meant.

Send feedback to Kelley

Back to the Fanfiction Archive