SPOILERS: All right. Everything ranging from Welcome to the Hellmouth to Fool for Love for Buffy and for Angel...erm...anything goes. Safe side -- up to 'Darla'. It's pretty crazy stuff.
RATING: Pfft. PG-14. Nothing badst. Just scary orange eyes and abrupt time changes.
FEEDBACK: Beg ya. C'mon. Show some love. I rarely send fic out 'cause I'm too embarassed to!
DISTRIB': Want. Take. Have. Just let me know the where's and the why's.
SHIPPINESS: Li'l bits of B/R 'cause yeah -- necessary evil -- and hintin' to B/Aness. Hooray. It's not TOO depressing this time.
411: Well. Stuff happens. And it's a weird fic (believe me when I say this). It's more Buffy-centric. 'Cause that's really..all..I write. But! It ends up B/A 'cause Buffy's going through this whooole big thing. Not gonna spoil, nope, nope.

"Nobody's ever known me the way you do. Nobody..."

Suddenly Buffy felt dizzy. Ill, almost. She dropped down to a knee; one hand clutching her chest as she tried to catch her breath.

Riley moved forward. "Buffy?"

"Something's...this isn't..." She locked her gaze with Riley, eyes narrowed.

Something passed between them, a darkness that Riley couldn't quite put his finger on. Oblivious man that he was. He was right, he couldn't touch her. She was too far away from him. But then again, Riley Finn was in cohorts with the reknowned land of "Denial".

He inched forward, curious and concerned. "Buffy?"

His voice grew ever the more distant and suddenly she felt zapped back into place. Her eyes flew open and she gasped. She felt cold. Wet, even. Squinting, she focused in on the fuzzy silhouette to her right.

Her voice came out raspy, "Xander?"

"Welcome back," he answered.

Buffy coughed up water and slowly sat up. What the hell? It had all been a dream? Her eyes darted to the side to see Angel. She freaked. She jolted back towards Xander, eyes wide. Not because she feared him or that she was overwhelmed at seeing him, however that could have been part of it -- but that he was so damn skinny!

"Buffy?" Angel questioned.

Buffy felt for Xander's shoulder, eyes still wide as she stood.

"I'm...good. No...problems here. Why am I all wet?"

Angel and Xander exchanged disturbed looks.

"The Master killed you," Xander said.

"Oh, that. Okay. I'm glad we covered this. Let me go kill him."

"Buffy, wait, you're still--"

Buffy cut off Xander, this memory welling up in her mind. "I feel fine. I feel stronger. Let's go."

--

"That's not possible," Angel said slowly to Buffy. "You couldn't have..."

"Did and...oh god."

Angel panicked. "What? What is it?"

"You. What happens to...you..." She covered her face with her hands and sobbed. She knew herself so well in her visions. She didn't like what she became. What was to come. But he was here, now. And there were ways to avoid--

"Buffy."

She shook out of it. "Ever heard of the Gem of Amarra?"

Angel blanched. "Of course. W--why?"

"We're about to go find it."

--

"Buffy it really is just a legend--"

"Shush. Spike found it around here."

Angel stopped in his tracks. "Spike? How do you know about Spike?"

Buffy turned around, hands on her hips. The sixteen year old attitude was suddenly part of her demeanor again, though she didn't notice.

"He comes to Sunnydale early on my Junior year. Trashes Parent Teacher Night rather than the Feast of St. Vigeous or whatever. It's a whole big thing and remind me to actually kill him when he shows up."

"I don't follow you."

"Spike and Drusilla," she cast her gaze down.

"What...okay...now I'm really confused."

Buffy sucked in a deep breath. "Here's the rundown of next year. School-year wise anyway. Are you listening?"

Angel nodded quickly.

"You and I get really close. In an interlocking sense. And bad things happen. You lose your Soul. And you wreak havoc. And then I send you to Hell 'cause you try to open Acathla which is a big no, no..."

She gathered her wits.

"You know the computer teacher? Ms. Calendar?"

"Yeah. She helped with the--"

"She's a Gypsy."

Angel's face fell. "What?"

"After we find this Gem we're going to have a little chat with her in regards to you and your infamous Curse. Okay. Back on track. This whole big thing goes down with Ms. Calendar and...The short version? You. Hell. Big friends. And I ran away. And when I came back...so did you."

"From Hell?"

"No, Angel, from Disneyland," she snapped. Oops. Old -- future -- whatever -- Buffy seeping through. "Sorry. Yes, from Hell. Big thing there. And let's see...True Evil messed with you. We had a big fight. Some...interesting dreams. Saw stuff 'bout your past. I don't really remember names. I just remember you saying, 'We'll be as quiet as mice'. It...kind of disturbed me."

Angel backed up from her. This was too strange. But at the same time he wanted to hold her, tell her he was sorry for what he would end up putting her through. She sensed it and she moved towards him, reaching for his hand.

"Angel, please. You just have to trust me."

He nodded, "I trust you."

"Okay. And then things got okay with you and me. Got past the Evil. And then you left." She brow furrowed, "After we blew up the Mayor in school."

"We blew up the Mayor?"

"And...Kendra...Faith...Okay, dizzy now." She leaned against him, her eyes closing tightly. "There's so much. I think I got...it was four years..."

All right. So maybe he would get to hold her. Still. But he didn't understand how to comfort her. She was a mystery.

"Let's find this Gem. Buffy...maybe--"

Buffy separated from him, moving further along into the crypt. "We're not destroying it."

--

Later on, Buffy had decided on walking Angel home to his Apartment, having had no luck in finding the Gem. Afterwards, she'd taken a short detour through the cemetery for some quick vampire dusting and then headed on to the Library.

They were in the middle of discussing her futuristic memories.

"This is amazing, Buffy," Giles said. "And you're certain?"

"Positive. I know tons of fun stu--" Buffy paused, her gaze drifting to Willow. "Uh..." Then to Xander. She felt oddly dizzy again.

"Buff?" Xander asked. Perhaps he could hold her some more! He liked holding the Buffster.

She shook her head. "Little dizzy. Um, yeah. We'll discuss some issues concerning you two later on."

Xander and Willow exchanged petrified looks. Did they end up dating demons?!

"Buffy this is amazing," Giles began. "You know of the evil coming this way -- you can stop it."

Buffy's eyes went wide. "Oh god. My Mom doesn't know!"

"Know...what?" Giles inquired.

"My Slayer-ness!" Off their perplexed miens, she continued with, "I eventually tell her. In a fit of rage while I go stop Acathla from suckin' the world into hell..."

And still, they were confused. Buffy grew agitated.

"She kicked me out of the house."

That caused understanding nods from all but Giles.

"Acathla?" Giles squeaked. "In his demon form?"

"Mhm, more stoney."

Giles blinked, "Meaning?"

"He...was made of stone. Hey, *you* of the future would have gotten that."

Giles snorted. "Me of the future also gets fired. What does that say?"

"He's not British, he's not American, he's...Britannican!," Xander quipped.

Giles shot him a look. "What else do you know? We crushed the bones of the Master like you said..."

"I go out of town. Dad visitage. No worries, it's a less than vampire-y summer for you guys. And look on the bright side," she perked up. "You don't deal with a post-traumatic stress syndromed Buffy."

"And...you were how old when you stopped having this vision?" Giles reverted back to the old topic.

"Nineteen."

He scoffed, "And yet you still talk the same way."

"Hey," Buffy started. "I went through a hell of a lot. *And* a Hell too. You don't know what the future's like. And now it's not going to happen the same way. Do you know how freaky that is? Do you know what it feels like to...see Willow dating a chick and Xander with an exdemon that plagued the male race for eons of epochs? Or *you* shacking it up with a 'friend' from England?!"

Xander's jaw went slack. "I date an ex-demon that hates men?"

Poor Xander shook his head stubbornly. No. He couldn't date an exdemon. That was almost as bad as the Praying Mantis Lady. Or was it?

"Yes!" Buffy looked furious. For what, she wasn't sure. Maybe at herself. She shouldn't have told them. It was a mistake.

"I--I--date a girl?"

Xander nudged Willow. "Madame Butterfly."

"She's a nice girl if that's...any comfort, I don't know. Oh! But you know Oz? Dingoes Ate My Baby Oz? Junior...Oz? You date him for awhile. But then he becomes a werewolf and it's a *whole* big thing. Senior year anyway. You take the werewolf gig good."

"I date a guitarist?" Willow swooned. "Wait, he probably won't like me now. Ruined everything."

Xander patted her on the back. "And now you won't become a lesbian. Upside to everything."

"And Angel? What of him? He went to Hell you said?"

Buffy caught herself glaring at Giles. The Watcher tensed, but he realized that this probably became sensitive territory. He had expected it. Or had he?! He should ask Buffy.

"And he came back. The First Evil brought him back. At least they say they did. I severely doubt it. And Angel left me."

"The thanks the man gives you. You send 'im to Hell and he bails on you..." Xander shook his head.

Buffy stood quickly and practically ran for her coat. She left without a goodbye.

When she was outside, she ended right back in the library. But she registered it as being, well, mustier. She knew it. But she didn't.

Giles was already in the library with Oz, Larry, and Nancy behind him. They were hovering around Cordelia.

Buffy inched forward, "Giles?"

He turned around quickly and winced. He tried concealing Cordelia's body as best he could.

"Yes?"

"It's me, Buffy. Uh, what's going on?"

"The Slayer? Buffy?" Giles brightened. He acted like her presence was the best thing since sliced bread.

"Uh, you know me Giles. What's going on?"

"That's the Slayer?" Oz tilted his head to the side, curious. "I could take her."

Buffy scowled at him. "Since when--what is going on? Did someone feed you amensia pills? Giles, you're my Watcher."

Giles looked tickled pink. "I've been reassigned?"

"No, you were pre-assigned. You've been my Watcher since I moved here."

Nancy laughed, "You haven't lived here. You've never been here before."

Cordelia slowly came to, clutching her forehead. "Augh..."

The aging librarian spun around, "Cordelia?"

She slowly sat up, letting her legs hang off the tabletop. "Okay--Giles!" She hopped off and grabbed him by the shoulders. "You have to listen to me--this is some--"

"Hell place," Buffy muttered.

"Buffy!"

"Cordelia," Buffy folded her arms over her chest. Then straightened said limbs once more in excitement. "Wait, you know me!"

"Duh. Wait, they don't know you?!" It all hit her. "I wished that you had never come to Sunnydale and now--"

"Oh so *this* is what it's like. And so vampire Willow and...okay. Got it. Where is vampire-y Willow?"

"Bronze," Oz told her.

"They took it. When the Master rose," Larry continued off Oz. "We tried to stop him but..."

Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat. If she went there to face the Master...she'd die again. And there wouldn't be anyone to bring her back. She would end up killing them all.

"Show me," Buffy said.

--

Weaponless, Buffy slipped into the quieted Bronze. She knew there was a vampire inside. At least one. She could sense them. She let her instincts guide her until she reached the backstage. There she descended the stairs and found a row of cages. There was only one prisoner. And she recognized him instantly.

"Angel."

She bolted for the cage and kicked it down. Once over the threshold, she stumbled and fell to her face. But she met grass, rather then concrete as she rolled over. And suddenly she felt very ill. Feverish, even. Involuntary coughing. It was senseless.

Angel loomed over her form, giggling. "Uh oh. This does not look good for our heroine..."

But she felt a burst of strength. The flu was gone. She rammed her fist into his face and shoved him away. He was shocked at this newfound strength and stamina. She was up to her feet in seconds, and into her infamous fighter's stance no less.

"Huh, must've been one of those two second bugs. I get that a lot."

She flew at him, pounding Angel into the ground and there she straddled his waist. She didn't feel emotion in her body, just the lust for the kill. And she took out a stake and raised it up...

But a different fist caught it. And it's corresponding hand grabbed her shirt collar.

She was suddenly face to face with Luke. And before she could react, she was already hitting the side of the stonewalled tomb. But in a lightning quick motion, she got to her feet.

"You think you can beat me, child," Luke said.

"Not a child O Ancient One," Buffy interrupted.

She cartwheeled forward, her legs kicking him in the chest so that it sent him back against the wall. She landed easily and dropped to her knees to gather what was left of her broken stake. It was still wood. And still pointy. Which meant it was still useful.

Before Luke knew it, she was spinning back around and the poor excuse of a stake was lodged in his chest. Proudly, Buffy left the mausoleum.

As she exited, the cemetery area flashed various different milieus to her in a split second. Angel's hotel in Los Angeles, her own Freshman dorm room, and the Mansion on Crawford Street. Her head hurt. She couldn't focus. The bit of stake she carried, she dropped instantly. And her legs went gimp and down to the earth she fell...

As her eyes opened, Xander, Willow, Oz, Cordelia, and Giles were looming over her form. There were so many thoughts going through her head. None of them hers. This was recent. This she remembered easily.

"I told them not to move you, they probably severed your spinal cord," Cordelia informed.

She went unheard by Buffy. Slowly she stood, reaching out for the nearest arm.

"Don't...think about anything. You guys," Buffy walked forward -- a rush of thoughts hit her but she pressed on enough so that she could face all of them. She found it was easier to block them out.

Intriguing.

"This whole...this is crazy. You have no idea what's been happening to me. I can't take this. My whole Slayer life's being flashed before my eyes and...I feel sick. I could tell you stuff that's going to happen two years from now and you wouldn't believe me, but I've seen it."

She paused. "Willow, you grew your hair out?"

Willow felt her head, eyes wide. "I got it cut last August, Buffy."

She winced. "Right. The Sharon Stone do doesn't come 'till college. Hey Giles?"

"Hmm?"

"You wanna know what happens on the Ascension front?"

Giles nearly hopped out of his skin. "Yes?"

"There's an Eclipse. And...the Mayor turns into this huge snake. It's a pure demon. That's what Anya said. Haven't faced a real demon. Not like this. He's big. Huge. Taller than the school. We had to blow it up. Or we do. Will. Whatever. I need to go."

Giles rushed forward, "Buffy you mustn't go by yourself--"

"I can control this, Giles. It's called mind exercise. I actually started training again. I'll see you guys soon."

"Where are you going?" Willow asked.

Buffy shrugged, beginning to walk away from them. "To someone who knows the pain. You couldn't understand."

--

As Buffy walked on alone down the way, the soft grassy ground was exchanged for a hardened concrete. And she felt a weight on her shoulder. She felt along the strap that led to a duffle bagl, then cast her eyes down to view her overall clad body. She was running away. No...No she couldn't do that.

She readjusted the strap and bolted for the others. It was easier now. The pain had numbed her. The only safehaven she knew of now was with her friends. But she realised in her sprint, halfway there, that they didn't know her. She didn't know them. Not anymore.

But it didn't stop her. They were all she knew.

Still, she didn't make it. She ended up tripping on a staircase, her head smacking a step. She clawed for a ledge to keep her in place as someone tried dragging her down. It clicked.

Kralik.

Though her muscles were relaxed, her fighter's spirit was high. She wasn't agonizing over the betrayal from Giles. She found out, however, that now in this persona she was no longer accessed by the poison. She kicked Kralik's hand away easily, then rolled back down to the stairs. Scrambling up to her feet, she ran for the psychotic vampire. Anger encompassed her. She rained punches on his face and finally, spun back around to kick out one of the wooden beams supporting the stairwell. It fell into her hand when she landed and in a quick pirouette, the stake slammed home.

Buffy stood back to watch her work, deflated. "The Holy Water implosion -- much cooller. Next to the staking by fake unicorn horn, I'd say it was my best ever."

She took a minute to get her bearings on where she was. She knew the hard way to get to her Mother. And she didn't feel like hunting. She was sated. So she retraced her undone steps and found the chute. She climbed into it and slid down; slower than before. Once at the bottom, she sat up on a knee to scan the area.

Her Mother wasn't there. In fact, she wasn't in Kralik's house anymore. She was in the Mansion watching Angel remove the sword from Acathla. Not rigid with shock like before, she chucked the stake she had at him and it caught in his reaching hand. He toppled over, trying to remove the wooden object. She scrambled to her feet and rushed to get her Knight-Blessed Sword. She suddenly felt awkward guarding one demon from another.

Angel got up finally and in an instant, the stake was lodged into Buffy's side. She dropped her sword and stumbled back. Her surroundings fizzled into Restfield cemetery. She glanced back up, expecting to see Angel, but received a punk rocker vampire in dire need of a haircut and Fashion 101. She didn't recognize this. Was this her future? To die at the hands of a mediocre vampire?

Without knowing so, she shook her head and started running. At some point she had removed the weapon, but she didn't notice nor care. All she knew was the pain coursing through her system, not what mocking words the vampire had to say. Turning back around, she fell back against a mausoleum. The vampire was in front of her, picking up the fallen stake. Who would come and save her? She couldn't know how far into the future this was...

Riley came barreling into the vampire; it all happened so fast. She never knew when she passed out.

--

She woke up to being chained against the wall. Casting her gaze down, she saw Angel. She squeaked and tried pulling against the bonds. Then he unlatched them, putting up his evil veneer at the same time. Or was it love? She was too delirious to tell. She still felt like there was a stake portruding from her stomach.

"Morning, sleepyhead. You know what I just can't believe? All our time together, and we never tried chains." He stood, continuing with, "But you can't dwell on the past. Especially with the future we have ahead."

He stopped, glancing her over. He smelled something. Buffy whimpered, tugging her hands from the purposefully undone shackles and covered her now-bleeding wound. She fell to her knees, trembling.

Angel dropped the act, kneeling down next to her. He hugged her to him as she finally passed out once more.

"What the hell is going on?" Faith demanded.

Angel ignored her as he scooped Buffy up in his arms and ran her from the Mansion. But he didn't end up outside. He ended up in the hospital, frantic for a doctor. He assumed he still held her stabbed form in his arms, but he didn't. She was bitten.

A Doctor scurried up to him, calm and collective. "What happened?"

"She was..." He stopped, looking at the lack of stab wound. The words poured from his mouth, though he didn't understand why. "Bit. Something..."

Orderlies passed by and placed Buffy on a gurney. He watched them wheel her away, puzzled. The Doctor thought better to question him and went to tend to Buffy. Angel mechnically went to a payphone, and dialed the school library.

--

Buffy slowly woke to see herself surrounded by the dull pastels of a hospital room. She groaned and sat up, bitter. She didn't want to be here. She knew why, she could feel the fever draining from her system already. She didn't have time for this. The last she remembered she was staring at Angel, chaining her to a wall. Or pretending? Didn't matter. She removed all necessary things from her arm and ambled out of bed.

Once out the door, she was abruptly clothed in red leather pants and a black tank top. She didn't bother to register that fact; she was busy being perplexed at seeing the Gang in the waiting room. *Oz* was there. That was trippy enough.

Willow rushed forward with, "Buffy! Are you okay?"

Buffy glanced around, "Is Angel here?"

"He left," Oz said. "Got kind of sunny."

"I have to find him. We'll..." She stopped, taking in another glimpse of them. "Why am I in here again?"

Xander pointed at her patched up neck. She felt it and nodded.

"Got it. I'll catch up with you later. I need to find Angel."

Without letting them argue, she slipped by and out the exit. And right into the library to see Kendra's dead body on the floor. She stumbled and fell facedown, shocked at having to witness this all over again. She did what her instincts told her, she got up on her knees and crawled to her fallen friend. She sensed no life and sat back, refusing to touch her.

Behind her, a gun clicked and a man's voice rung out:

"Freeze!"

She whipped around, and she was instantly on her feet and inside a weapon's store. When she and Faith were busted. Buffy rolled her eyes as she dropped the knife.

"I don't have time for this. It's ridiculous. Look, Officers..."

Buffy marched forward, sizing up their guns. She knew they wouldn't shoot. She wasn't armed.

"This is one big..."

Bam.

"Misunderstanding..."

One fist went to the Cop before her, and a leg to kick the feet out from the other. Faith tossed the long bow aside and as Buffy was taking up their guns, she caught her arm and pulled her out of the shop. Faith was laughing, crazed even.

Buffy had to take a minute to realize this was the Faith before the evil. It was difficult.

Faith spun her around, both hands on her shoulders. "Damn, B! That was some stunt...I didn't think you had it in ya!"

Buffy blinked, indisposed. "I--that was nothing. We should skidaddle. They'll wake up any minute now. How 'bout you go to your place and we'll regroup tomorrow morning at the library?"

"Sounds like a plan t'me. Catch ya later."

Faith turned on her heel and ran off. Buffy knew exactly where she wanted to go.

Angel.

She walked down the street, focused. Not paying attention to the blurring landscape around her; just knowing her mission. It wasn't a far walk from where she had been. She had the Mansion locked in her sites, and so she broke into a run. She was escaping something behind her, something evil. Herself.

But she was so close that...

She walked right through the curtained entrance and on into room 314. Where had the Mansion gone off to? She'd just seen it...

No Buffy, Mansion's don't grow feet and walk away.

She shook it off. Adam was sitting before her staring at the computer screen. She squeaked, fully aware that she was about to get possessed by the First. Again. Or had it happened? Technically?

"Mother always knew you were going to be a threat to her work," she could hear Adam saying.

Then it was, "Broke your arm" and "Got another."

Perfunctorily, she went through the battle. Almost like a puppet. She couldn't control anything until she went tumbling behind the machinery as Adam was shooting at her. Seconds later, her head snapped up and something flew through her. And she was gone.

There she fell back to place. Curled up in a ball with wide orange tinted eyes that mirrored the dimmed hope left in her body. She was back, staring at Riley, horrified.

"Buffy?" He knelt down, touching her shoulder. "What's wro--what's going on?"

She shut her eyes tightly. "You don't understand. You don't know me."

He flinched, "Funny. Since I so dimly recall you saying that I've known you like nobody else."

She curled up tighter. "I wasn't ready."

"I don't follow."

"I'm scared. I need to go."

She didn't budge an inch.

"Buffy, what's wrong?"

"Stop demanding things -- stop caring just -- stop it!"

"What--I don't--Jesus, Buffy. Why are you crying?"

She struggled to stand. But she felt prone. Vulnerable. Everything was scrambled.

"Leave me alone. It's supposed to be that way."

"How can you ask me that?"

Buffy's eyes narrowed. She inched away from him, slouched over bristling like a cat. Primal. Rooted in darkness.

"I wasn't asking. I was telling. Go. Go help yourself first, and go."

"I can't just walk out of your life--"

"Everyone does. I'm used to it. I'll deal."

She left him. But she didn't revert back to who she was. She couldn't. She understood that now. No matter how much she willed it away, what she'd become, she never was an innocent. What she changed did nothing. And once she left the caves, she directly went on patrol. Surviving her end years solely on instincts. And she never aged a bit. She had an eternity to find herself. Until her Guardian -- her Protector -- returned to her. A human. A savior to her demon overtaken vessel. He brought her away from the darkness, the sun lifting back inside her Soul. And she returned to him. Normal. The way it was supposed to be. With nothing to take back.

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