Disclaimer: Song lyrics by Vertical Horizon (the coollest band, next to The Corrs EVER). The lyrics are from the songs, "Give You Back", "You're a God" and "You Say". And the only character mentioned is Riley. But this is in Buffy POV and B/A is hinted at. So they're owned by Joss. (And I'm writing 'Final Fantasy' stil! I just had to take a break!)
Spoilers: Everything up to "Into the Woods". Just on Buffy. No Angel spoilage.
Rating: Err.. PG? Sounds good.
411: This piece is kind of a Vignette. I'm not sure what to say about it. I was "inspired" (by listening to Vertical Horizon's "Best I Ever Had". Go figure.) Hope it's okay.. !

//I need to know if you were real
'Cause I've been known to get it wrong
When the memory comes
I'll say I'm always in the dark
You got me now //

Oh to glow once again...

I remember once when my smiles were really true.

No wait, I don't. But I do remember this...

I only did what he wanted me to do. To find the equivalent of the man he wants to be - I sort of thought he was, but then again I hail from Denial.

Ever been there? I like the scenery.

//I can't remember how it went
You looked like everything I wanted
And as you came along
Slowly everything began to change
I got you now //

So I struck out on my own, to the...vast world that's known as "College". Just a pseudonym for "Hellmouth" if you ask me. But I did good - I met the guy he asked me to. He made me glow, maybe not as much as I'd have liked but it worked. And I was ready. Not to love him, but to show him that I cared for him. I thought maybe he cared about me too, there wasn't angst or...

Let's just say he was attainable. For the first time since my Senior year, someone I didn't love was ogling me. So I knew what it was like to lose my Soul. Then it all came back and my past started tumbling down.

He used me; it was almost like...

Like when he used me - I don't remember his name. It's not important anyway. Like Willow says, "The Pain is not a friend." But why can't it be? Sometimes I wish...

After that I didn't want that guy he wanted for me. I wanted to be me for awhile, but that never works. No one accepts that, I'm no one without someone at my side. So I set out to find someone that was like him. Only, you know. I could touch him and not feel the flames. So along came Riley.

Maybe my vision is a bit skewed, but he reminded me of him. And oh it was so fake...The feeling's I had I misinterpreted. He was dependable, reliable and that much I loved. For some reason I thought he wouldn't hurt me, that he was safe. But I was wrong. And I knew that, I knew that every second I was slipping with him.

//I need to know if you were real
I'd hate to think that I'd been fooled again
And as the vision fades
I'll say I was blinded by your eyes
I felt them burn //

His hand was up my shirt more and more each night so I just caved. He was everything I wanted for me, and I was so confident...I thought that maybe I could make it back, but I never did until we drifted and I saw him. And even though it hurt, I was okay for awhile. My reflection was so wrong, and that's when I cried. For my reality, everything I built on was falling down. I was falling down. The best I ever had...

"Yeah, everybody hurts."

That's the song, I think. So I thought a lot. I thought that maybe I wouldn't have to see Riley's back turned to me as he eclipsed with mist...

I'm not sure where that metaphor came from, but it seems like that's the way it's always been. And I didn't - I turned my back to him because suddenly I remembered who I was. I found my Light, and I walked away from him. It felt good, I felt strong.

//But I've been unable
To put you down
I'm still learning things I ought to know by now
It's under the table so
I need something more to show somehow //

I felt like I did when Dracula bit me and I took on an extra part.

His blood was potent. You couldn't understand how old I felt then. Like I used to when the sun shone bright...

Riley never made me glow. That was the problem, and I couldn't say what he needed to hear. It must have eaten him up inside. Funny how I thought so long ago that, "I'm actually onto something back at home". What was it I used to say? "Sometimes my foot likes to live in my mouth"? Yeah, sure - I could say so much to...

God, I wish I could remember...

To remember what it was to glow again...

//Here in the light
It burns you up inside
Here in the shell of a sun we echo on
Left alone forever
All alone together//

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