DISCLAIMER: Don't own 'em. Would like to, but I can't afford it. Woe is I. Oh
and "I Will Remember You" is by the lovely Sarah McLachlan.
SPOILERS: Well, this is just off a rumour I heard from "The Yoko Factor" but
it's seven years post that eppy. There's a flashback to, what I'm gonna
pretend to be, a scene in TYF. Speculations and all that. And it's pretty
much got spoilers from Season 2 to Season 3...I'm pretty sure. I haven't
exactly reread this. 'Cause I don't...reread my Fics.
SUMMARY: This flashback is the speculation of the aftermath of the fight. I
came up with it all by my lonesome! (Seeing as I'm not big on the
spoilers..'Cept for the "And you sleep with this guy?" line that I um,
adore.) But anyway, Buffy had a bad breakup, and Angel visits. Goodness knows
how long ago I wrote this...I mean before Yoko Factor, but...
DISTRIBUTION: Jus' lemme know! Always goes on me an' Shasti's site, visit if
you must (but we're kind of revamping, so...)
FEEDBACK: Please? With a Davey on top?
SIDE NOTE: I like writing mush on occasion. Leave me be. I'm just a tad bit
bitter tonight, but that's okay...'cause I don't mean it.
Part One
Buffy remembered everything like it was yesterday. She'd taken Angel out in the hall after she saw the aftermath of his scurmish with Riley. She cared more about Angel's safety than Riley's at the time, but she didn't really care. She didn't show it either.
"Why did you do that to him?" She's snapped at him, pulling up an angry facade with her ex-lover.
"He started it," Angel pouted.
Buffy almost smiled. "Just a good thing you didn't kill him. I don't know what I would do with you."
Angel cast his gaze down momentarily. "I'm sorry, Buffy. I came here to say that...and I shouldn't have hit you--"
She shushed him. "I should apologize. I was wicked jealous when I saw you with Faith. I didn't need to be there, or interfere with your new life. I'm happy for you, and even happier you haven't moved on -- which I know, selfish Buffy but it gave me hope."
"If it's meant to happen, it will," he offered.
She smiled miserably at him. They fell silent. Angel had to break the ice.
"I don't like him."
They both started laughing. "You would say that," Buffy teased. "Total guilt trip."
"As long as he's good to you...I won't have to kill him."
"He jokes," Buffy was impressed. "Thank you. It's good to know you're there for me." She pulled him in for a hug.Though it didn't excite either party like it should have, they stayed in the warm embrace while Buffy continued to talk. "How did you know what Riley looked like?"
"I pulled his file..."
"Angel!" Buffy stepped back, surprised and apalled at the same time. "You jealous little..." She laughed again. "Get out of here! We'll talk soon, okay?"
Angel gave an agreeing nod. "I love you."
"I love you, too."
They kissed tenderly and she went back in her room to tend to Riley.
Part Two
That was seven years ago. Presently she was expecting a vist from Angel. She was broken up about her latest breakup and he simply wouldn't let her say no to visiting. By now she had moved into the old Apartment Angel used to own. She wasn't scared from it anymore and she'd been there for two years now. She even had a job teaching PE at the new Sunnydale High, which compromised her slaying. She always fell back on her roots.
There was a knock on the door and Buffy leaped out of bed to the door and flung it open. She started crying so hard at once that she fell against Angel in the doorway and he held her there in the frame until she calmed down.
"Better now?"
She mixed a laugh with a sob. "I'll make it, I guess."
Angel shut the door and guided her to a chair. "Well?"
"You know," she began while he got her a tissue. "You'd think I'd know how to handle this after a whopping three major breakups for the past seven years. Well, okay, Todd died on account of vampire, but..."
"This one was...Jason?"
"Yeah, Jason. Apparently I was being too perky. Who'd have thought?"
"I didn't like him."
"Angel, you've never liked any of my boyfriends. You didn't even like what's his name from High School and we weren't even an item at the time."
"I'm a jealous old man."
Buffy dried her tears with a grin. "You're too hard on yourself, you do realize that, right?"
"You want to get out? From the Apartment I mean?"
Buffy gave this some thought. "Let's stay in...how long are you here for?"
"As long as you need me to."
She looked like she was going to cry again. He gathered her up in his arms and she stayed there sobbing for a good ten minutes.
--
Buffy tossed a pillow at Angel and giggled wildly. "Stop being so critical with MY movie!"
"Buffy, the ship sank. You know the ending, what's the point? There's only dramatic irony supporting this."
"The point, my dear, is the beautiful love story in the background."
She had to cover his eyes at the nude scene and ever since then he'd been complaining about the plot. Silly old man, indeed.
"I always cry on this movie, so..." She grabbed the VCR remote. "We stop it and live in denial."
Angel didn't make any move to protest as Buffy shut the tape off. Although he was curious as to what happened in the end -- besides the ship sinking. "How's it end?"
She settled closer to him and said, "They make it to the lifeboat, get maried, become filthy rich and spend the rest of their lives together."
"That's a good ending," he nodded. "Except for the ship sinking part."
She rested her head against his shoulder and sighed. "Hey, you know...the Bronze is still open..."
"You want me to take you dancing?"
She slipped her hand in his and stood up. "I could go in for that."
Part Three
Buffy had thrown on some fresh clothes fit for their outing in a hurry. He was rather shocked at the speed considering how slow Cordelia always took to get ready. She brushed her hair down straight and reached for Angel's hand as they headed out the door.
"I'm glad you're getting out."
"I think I've forgotten what the outside is!" She exclaimed as they moved down the stairwell to the backdoor, into the night. He suddenly took her by the waist with one arm and spun her around and away from him. Though she held tight to his other hand.
Not without a giggle, she added, "I think I like it out here!"
They reached the Bronze and directly found a chair. Buffy wasn't in "the mood" for dancing just yet and Angel didn't seem to mind in the least.
"Where's Willow and the others?"
"Oh! I forgot to tell you...Willow moved to - get this - Sunny*vale*, California with Tara. How long has it been since you were here last? Since Giles...?"
"Yeah, we didn't really talk much after that."
"We were both pretty busy. So this means you're lost on about three months?"
"Just about."
"Then let's see...Finally killed--"
"Spike?" Angel asked hopefully.
She chuckled at him. "Working on it. Actually I meant Drusilla."
"That's good news."
"Yeah, she was torturing Spike. I came in and no more tortured Spike."
"What about Xander and Anya?"
"They're probably having crazy sex right now." Buffy rolled her eyes. "I got so sick of that kind of relationship."
"Well, sex can't make up an entire relationship. I would think. Hope."
"Exactly why I eventually broke up with Riley. That's *all* he ended up wanting from me. Can you believe that?"
"Actually, uh..."
"Can you believe this then -- and I never told this to you -- after he came back from Iowa during the Summer, he was wearing leather. Leather. L-e-a-t-h-e-r. In the name of all things sacred..." She shuddered. "He said he was jealous of your style."
Angel couldn't help but to laugh. "Scary thought."
"I know! I just couldn't possibly let it go on after that. I think I dumped him a week later when he thought wearing leather pants would turn me on. Suffice to say, Iowans in leather should be illegal in fifty states."
"And you wondered why I didn't like him."
"And I wondered why you had told me 'And you sleep with this guy?' only to realize how icky it really was. Needless to say, we were abstinent for about three weeks post-said remark. Of course, I could only hold back for so long. Pent up Slayer repression."
"Not like that anymore I take it?"
"Nah, I've done the mature thing and said 'sex?'"
"Good choice."
"I'm quite proud of myself." She paused, focusing on Angel. "Look at me!"
"I am--"
"No, no! I mean you're sitting here listening to me for once whine and I'm not even asking YOU about things in LA. How are things back at the ranch?"
Angel sat there in awe for a millisecond. How could someone call her selfish?
"Cordelia says hello. Wesley, well ah...he's in the hospital right now."
"Oh my god, what happened?"
"A Grikolan demon attacked him, broke his arm...amongst other things."
"Got there in time, though?"
"No, actually Cordelia did. She yelled at it until its ears apparently popped. It bled to death, I was just as shocked until I read up on it."
"Mmhmm, Grikolan -- big on the quiet, not too Mary Sunshine about loud noise. Was Wesley gagged?"
Angel nodded. "He has a bad case of laryngitis too, oddly enough. And now I realize you knew about the demon so I have to ask -- you've been reading?"
"Well, I pretend it was Giles' last request instead of the 'keep on living, Buffy' one."
"Not a bad decision."
"Nope..." She glanced to the bandless stage and the song that had been playing in the meanwhile finished. She twitched awkwardly at the next choice, an oldie...
I will remember you...
Bufy looked back at Angel who had instantaneously spaced out. "Angel?"
Will you remember me?
"Do you want to dance now?"
Don't let your life pass you by
He extended a hand. "I'd be delighted to."
Weep not for the memories
She graciously took his hand and they moved on to the dancefloor and into each other's arms. They swayed to the gentle sounds of the music in the same stance of the Prom, though neither of them really remembered it -- they'd been dancing with other people so much since then.
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
"What are we doing here tonight, Angel?" Buffy whispered to him.
How clearly I first saw you
Smilin' in the sun
He let her words register before responding. "Dancing."
Wanna feel your warmth upon me
I wanna be the one
"No, I mean..."
I will remember you...
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
"You miss--"
"Yeah, I do..."
"It's...it's weird now, Buffy." Angel suspired uneasily. "Things changed and things stayed the same."
"What things?"
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much
But we cannot say a word
"You and I."
We are screaming inside
But we cannot be heard
"We're different now, you mean as in...we've grown up? Except in my case where I cry at every breakup like it's my first..."
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
"Well, Ryan was very hard on you..."
"Yeah, but you kind of got a long with him, right?"
"I suppose."
"Good thing I don't date guys who don't meet your high standards more often. I'd end up like mom only without the divorce and kid."
I'm so afraid to love you
But more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose...
"Don't pay attention to how I feel about your boyfriends, Buffy. I'm your ex, I'm meant to be jealous of them all."
Once there was a darkness
Deep and endless night
"I don't know why it gets to me," she huffed and tilted her head up ever so slightly to see him looking back at her. She felt her breath catch.
"I know."
You gave me everything you had
Oh you gave me light
"I..." She struggled to find the words. "I miss you in that complete have way. God, I can't believe I'm saying this now..."
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
"I miss you, too..."
Don'tlet your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories
The song ended and the couple went back to their table, anew. She moved her chair closer to him, entwining their fingers as she sat down.
"I probably don't have much longer to live and considering how often the PtB sends you here...that maybe I should -- could maybe...stay with you?"
"If you're not uncomfortable..."
Buffy blinked strangely at him and he realized what a silly question it was. "I'll just 'retire' from teaching. It's not like I'm there all the time...slaying issues."
"Jobs would interfere," he agreed.
"Hey, but at least yours agrees with your lifestyle saving souls guy." Buffy looked directly at him and felt truly content under his gaze. "I am gonna miss all my kids though..."
Angel swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. "Err..."
She giggled. "Students, silly. I hear around that I'm pretty darned cool for an old lady."
"You're only..."
"Twenty-six. That's old now."
"I see," he replied with a still-confused expression.
"Hey, you wanna come with me tomorrow so I can say a tearful goodbye?"
"Do you introduce all your new boyfriends to the class?"
"Just the special ones, which you'd be the only one."
"That's good to hear."
"Uh, huh."
Part Four
Buffy glanced to Angel seated next to her in the bleachers of the Sunnydale High gym. They'd been talking there since before the sun has risen. They had to arrive a little earlier for Angel's sake.
"Good thing we lack that many windows in here."
"Very fortunate. When does your class start?"
She raised the hand with a watch on it to check the time. "About ten minutes. We have good chat time."
"Are you staying here the whole day?"
"I only have three classes and they're not too long. We have fun in here so...You know, there's only one kid who doesn't get a hundred from me. I call him the Xandman, but he thinks I'm saying sand so his interp of it is that he sleeps through class. That's only *when* he shows up."
"I can't imagine why he wouldn't want to pay attention to you."
"He's a slacker. Everyone has one or two...or five hundred. You should ask the hated Mr. Timbers in room 107. He's got about ten of 'em, not including the skippers."
"Boat captains?" Angel questioned.
"People who duck out of class. Otherwise known as an unexcused absence."
"Wow, that's really...sad."
"Mmhmm. Oh here they come!" She hopped up from her seat to center floor as the group of teens piled into the gym wearing shorts and tank tops baring the school's emblem.
"All right, sit down in your spots for role!" Buffy yelled over the chattering.
One girl stopped and looked at Angel. She leaned to her friend. "Terri, is that your dad?"
Terri was gazing at Angel with her jaw dropped. "I wish he was my dad."
"Quiet down! You know I hardly ask this of you guys! Let me check role and then I have a couple of things to say and then we can have a knockoff."
Everyone fell silent. Buffy looked over the group of students. "Okay, Mickey Adams?"
He shot his hand up.
"Gina Barnes?"
"Here!" She called sweetly which Buffy winced at. The girl's voice grated on Buffy's nerves.
"Jessica Berreta?" She saw the girl and nodded, ticking the names off as she went on her clipboard. "Terri Hatchett? There you are...Bob Jones? Sleeping in the back, better than nothing. Hari José? Good, good..." She checked for the rest of the kids she knew by name already out. Those were just her new students. Except Bob, she always had to call him out. Buffy turned slightly and motioned for Angel to come over. He went to her side and they linked arms. All the boys began to "ooh" and "ahh." The girls simply giggled.
"Come on," Buffy grinned. "This is my..." She looked to Angel for reassurance and he smiled comfortingly. "My boyfriend, Angel. And that's the good news. The bad news I didn't clue you guys in on is...I'm moving."
"Buffy!" A couple of girls whined. Angel looked at her in surprise.
"Angela, chill. I can come by and visit you guys if you're seriously gonna miss me."
"Hell, yeah!" One of the males shouted.
Buffy looked relieved. "I will. Hey, you tell Principal Smithers my number and addy and whenever you guys need a sub -- for any class -- to give me a ring."
Angel grew pale at the thought of how often his phone would be ringing. Not to mention his poor car which Buffy had continually told him "ruled all." Another girl, Kelley, disrupted his thoughts as she burst into tears and ran to Buffy, throwing her arms around her tightly. Buffy grunted at the surprise impact, but returned the hug nonetheless.
"You've been like a mom to me," Kelley whimpered.
Buffy found herself tearing up. "Thank you."
Angel stepped back and the guys watched him, impressed with his respect for Buffy's space. They decided to change their behaviours if it would help them to win their way to a girl's heart. Bob the Slacker stirred awake and stood up as Kelley took a seat next to her boyfriend. He pushed through the crowd and stuffed his hands in his pockets when he came to a fleeting halt in front of Buffy who was by now, crying.
"I'm sorry," Bob admitted. "I probably made you feel less than a man and you're such a great PE teacher and I've dissed you so bad. Now you're leavin' and all I do is sleep."
"Oh no, Bob...I'm gonna cry more. I forgive you if -- if you do something for me."
"What? Anything!"
"Show up for all your classes from now on. Be good to the replacement PE teacher and in other words..try."
"Done! It's *so* done!"
"You guys -- minus Sarah and Bram -- are all Seniors here, and you have your whole life ahead of you. Cease it, don't rely too much on others like your boyfriends...girls especially. Make life *yours*." Buffy reached her hand back for Angel. He took it gently and she pulled him closer so she could lean against him for support. "You guys can go now, but *no* skipping. I hear about it and there'll be dodgeball to play."
Everyone nodded eagerly and proceeded to file out one by one as they each hugged Buffy goodbye. Bob stopped at the end of the line to finish conversing with Buffy. "Can I call you for homework help?"
Buffy bit back tears for a laugh. "I don't think I'm the best choice for that..." She elbowed Angel slightly in the ribs. "We're good in History though."
"We have a lot of books," Angel commented.
Buffy dried her tears with her thumb. "Books that can talk."
Bob paused. "Seriously?"
"No," Buffy covered with an airy laugh. "Books on tape."
"Oh...well, I'll talk to you soon Buffaleeta. It's been a pleasure skipping your class." He patted her on the shoulder, being wary of territorial boundaries due to Angel's presence and departed.
"You let them call you Buffy?" Angel asked puzzedly.
"Yeah, brings us closer. Other teachers hate me for it but," she shrugged. "Makes me a better teacher. Kind of like we treat each other like equals. That's how I've always wanted to be taught. Like Giles did me."
"You're amazing." He slipped his arm around her shoulder and they headed to the door. "Lunch break, right?"
"Yep, lunch break."
Part Five
Buffy hopped over the door and into the passenger side of Angel's car. She was squealing in delight as she hooked the seatbelt up and getting comfortable. Angel took a more subtle approach, opened the door, sat inside, turned the car on and then put his seatbelt on for Buffy's sake. He was amazed at how much pep and energy she still showed even if she was twenty-six.
"Got everything then?"
"Oh yeah. Let's just get out of here."
"Enough said," he started the car and pulled on to the road.
--
Buffy swung the door open to Angel's office and tossed one of her suitcases past the threshold. Cordelia jolted awake from her nap over her desk and looked dizzily at Buffy.
"Angel? Is that Tracy?"
Buffy cast a questioning glance to Angel to which he mouthed "in a minute."
"No, Cordelia. It's Buffy."
"Uh, that's who I meant. Did I say Tracy?" Cordelia rubbed her eyes and focused on Buffy in surprise. "What brings you into town?"
"I'm staying with Angel. And hi."
"Ooh...well, I'll just go on home now. Don't *do* anything while I'm gone." She shot Angel a look while snatching he purse up and stormed out.
Buffy waited for the door to slam and Angel to lead her downstairs to the bedroom before asking who Tracy was again.
"So...Tracy?"
Angel meandered into the kitchen and sat down in a chair. Buffy sat across from him, she didn't notice him flinch at the familiarty of it all to him.
"He's my lover," Angel nodded.
"Uh..."
"Joke. Tracy, she's a friend. Works in the Police Department and uh...she's my connection to it."
"You've never mentioned her before," Buffy replied carefully.
"I know. I didn't think it was important, Buffy. I don't want to fight about it -- Kate just told her everything before she died last year and so she's my new link. I don't understand why it had to be a girl, but..."
"Well, maybe you'd learn something." She grinned at him. She was thoroughly relaxed about this Tracy person now. "So, long night, big trip. Mind if I hit the sack?"
"I can sleep on the couch if you want the bed..."
"Don't be silly. We'll share, we used to do that all the time remember?" She got up and went over to kiss him good night. He snaked his arms around her waist, tugging her in for more and she giggled in delight. She felt him stand up and lay her down on the table as he hungrily kissed her mouth.
She wanted desperately to be with him completely there and now but reality got the better of them. He slowly stopped in synch with her and stood up. She cleared her throat, brushing back her hair and hopped off the table to lean against him. He kissed the top of her head -- she still hadn't gotten much taller, and she smiled lazily at him.
"G'night."
"Good night, love."
She kissed him again and went to go crawl under the covers. He sat back down in his chair, brooding.
Epilogue
"Oh what are you complaining about?" Buffy asked into Angel's ear as he carried her up the stairs on his back. "I'm aging, I deserve special treatment and I bet you could go in for the exercise."
He shook his head and grinned. This was the fifth time this week she'd made him give her a piggy back ride. He felt like he was seven and figured her to be thinking the same. Although he didn't mind, it gave him a good feeling.
"Oh what are you complaining about?" Buffy asked into Angel's ear as he carried her up the stairs on his back. "I'm aging, I deserve special treatment and I bet you could go in for the exercise."
He shook his head and grinned. This was the fifth time this week she'd made him give her a piggy back ride. He felt like he was seven and figured her to do the same. Although he didn't mind, it gave him a good feeling.
She hopped off his back as they reached the office and she twirled around to be in front of him. "Ta-daaa..." She stumbled to the side and held a hand to her head. "Whoa...okay, not good..."
"Buffy?" Angel moved to her side and stablized her. "What's wrong?"
"I'm not...not...sure," her eyes rolled back and she collapsed against him. Panicked, he carried her back downstairs to the bed and lay her down. He put the covers over her carefully and propped her head up as best he could. Then he sat beside her watching, and waiting for her to come to.
--
An hour passed and Cordelia had come down into the bedroom to find Angel talking to Buffy. She breathed a sigh of relief and pulled up one of the kitchen chairs over to the two.
"Thank god, what happened?" Cordelia hurried asked.
"I...don't know..." Buffy struggled to say.
"She's dying," Angel quietly responded.
"What? How?" Cordelia questioned, disbelieving.
"Slayer old age," Buffy bitterly replied. "Guess I'm signing out. You guys...let me know who...who gets called next, okay? When I'm dead. Somehow?"
Angel held Buffy's hands in his, biting back tears as he looked to Cordelia. She didn't need any directions as to what to do. First she hugged Buffy as best she could, told her she was one of the best people she ever knew and said her goodbyes.
Angel waited till he knew she was out of earshot. Buffy coughed, staring up at the ceiling.
"Never thought I'd see thirty, guess I was right." She tightened her grip on Angel's hand as best she could. "Hey, this is what I always wanted to be. A normal girl, dying in the arms of a normal boyfriend. It's perfect."
"Buffy..."
"Ssh, Angel. Just hold me, please," she pleaded. Angel slipped in bed next to her and under protest got under the covers. She snuggled against him, shakily drying tears from his eyes. "Angel, tell everyone I love them...and that I'll see them late enough. Don't let them blame themselves or you, but..." She coughed, "I guess Cordelia can make up for that. And when you see Wesley, tell him he was a good Watcher for me. Okay?" Her voice started to get weak and he could feel her soul pulling away from her weakened body.
"I will."
"And never forget, how much I've loved you. How much you've meant to me and don't...don't let this stop you from doing good here...I'd turn over in my grave."
He smiled tightly at her and nodded. "I love you, Buffy."
Her head lifted up slowly and she kissed him until she ran out of air in her lungs. She fell limp against him and words once said echoed in Angel's mind.
"When you kiss me I wanna die."
He sat up, cradling her form against him and emptied his woes into the soulless, black night. He would never forget.
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