DISCLAIMER: As much as I wish I had the money that FOX and Joss has...I don't...soo...not mine, I'm broke.
TIMELINE: I'd say everything, just in case...lol
DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere you want it.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is Buffy's POV of everything that was in the other story. And warning this is also a bit angsty.
FEEDBACK: I want to thank all the people who sent me feedback. I love it! So...please tell me what you think about this one.
RATING: MA
DEDICATION: I dedicate this story to Kim (TrinityMoss) and Kate (kb3149@yahoo.com), 'cause well...I was talking to Kim a lot after I wrote this story, and I had writer's block. And to Kate because she told me that this could be a series; although, I think this is gonna end it ...I don't want to write a long series for this...So thank you to both! And this is dedicated to you two.

We were the best of friends for three years. I saw him last at my college graduation.

Well, let's just say those three years were the best. We would tell each other everything.

I told him about my relationships. I felt awful telling him, knowing that he couldn't do the same.

I met Patrick the beginning of my senior year. He was so handsome and reminded me of Angel. He treated me as if I was the Queen of the entire world.

Angel and I's nightly conversations seemed to happen less frequently. Patrick and I were always together.

It wasn't that I loved Patrick. I tried to, but I just couldn't.

One phone conversation with Angel stood out the most, "Buffy, we may never get back together. I want you to be happy, get married, have kids."

"But what if I want that with you? There's always adoption..."

"Don't waste your life away. You can have so much. Be happy, Buffy. That's what I want for you to be, happy."

I was happy with Patrick. He was everything I could ever want in a man, but he wasn't Angel.

He didn't make my heart skip a beat every time I saw him. He didn't make me melt when I looked into his eyes or saw him smile. Patrick's kisses didn't make me feel as if I was going to die. Our kisses were sweet, but never passionate. When I was near him it wasn't as if it made my day so much better.

As months went by with Patrick and I dating, things were always the same. He knew about slaying. He found out on accident when he followed me when I was patrolling. He was cool about it, always told me to be careful when I went out.

Three weeks before graduation we went to a restaurant on a date. We went through our meal at ease, and afterwards he pulled out a velvet box and proposed.

I wasn't sure what to say. If I married this man I'd be giving up all hope of ever getting back together with the love of my life.

And I heard Angel's words again, "Buffy, we may never get back together. I want you to be happy, get married, have kids." So I said yes.

I called Angel once I got home and I was crying. I was crying because I was about to lie. I didn't love the man I was going to marry. I'd never love him like I love Angel.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Angel, I'm happy. I'm getting married."

Angel seemed to be silent for a while. I wasn't sure how bad I had hurt him. I wanted us to be together, I wanted him to tell me that we would be together so I could break off this engagement, but he didn't say anything like that.

He said, "I'm so happy for you."

Those words hurt so badly, and so I continued on with what I knew of the wedding plans that Patrick and I had talked about after I said yes. He planned out pretty much everything. I thought the brides were supposed to arrange everything? I didn't mind though, I had other things on my mind, Angel.

The three weeks went by so fast, and I was going to see Angel again. My pulse quickened just thinking about him.

When I went up to receive my diploma I smiled directly at him. I finally made it through school. He had smiled back and I could tell that he was very proud of me.

After the ceremony I had planned on going straight to Angel, but Patrick ran over and hugged and kissed me.

I wasn't sure where Angel had gone to, since he wasn't with the others. I scanned the place and finally saw him standing by himself at a distance.

I went over to hug and talk to him, but when I got up to him he was crying. That broke my heart. I hated to see him cry. I wiped away his tears, and he handed me an envelope.

"What is this?"

"Just read it." is all he would say. He lifted my chin up to him, and kissed me. I knew by the way he kissed me that this was good-bye. A second later it was confirmed because he whispered in my ear, "good-bye."

I was so confused, why was he leaving again? We had become such good friends.

I opened the letter and began to read:

Dearly Beloved,

By the time I reached his signature I was on the floor shaking uncontrollably. I couldn't stop crying. Why didn't he just tell me in person? I didn't love Patrick.

Patrick came and hugged me and I cried in his arms for a while. Afterwards, I handed his ring back to him, and told him that he should be with a woman that can return his love.

I spent a year after graduation looking for Angel all over the world. I never saw him.

After that year I went back to Sunnydale. And taught a class called Myths and Legends at the high school. It taught students from anywhere from Demons and Vampires to myths like Hercules. The students liked it a lot, and I had fun teaching.

I dated men every now and then, but in all, I was quite lonely. I missed Angel, and unless he returned, I'd be alone forever. Thinking about that reminds me of what Angel told me years ago, "Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is." Who knew then that he was right?

Send feedback to Kiley

Back to the Fanfiction Archive