Part 7

"This feels a little awkward I know, but I really want you to feel comfortable, we just have to get used to one another" Giles watched the girl he loved like a daughter walk around the apartment, he knew there was nothing in there that could possibly hurt her. He and Xander had spent all last week getting the place as *Buffy* friendly as possible, not a vampire book in sight.

He had tortured himself over the decision not to inform Joyce and Willow. He would, of course, let them know immediately there was any change but not until then. It was for the best he kept reminding himself.

"Can I ask a question?" Buffy waited.

Giles held her gaze with his own dreading the question and knowing that he most probably couldn't answer it.

"Are you the only person I have in this world? No, on second thoughts don't answer, I don't want to face that yet…" She chewed on her bottom lip before continuing. "What if I never remember? I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone" She broke down and cried like a frightened child.

The older mans' heart almost broke at the sound of her sobs, he held her as gently as any father would soothe his child.

"Everything will work out for the best believe me, I'll never let anything hurt you ever again " Giles reassured her.

Buffy didn't know why but she believed him with her whole heart.

Later that night.

"Wesley, it's Giles here, I really need to talk to you about a private matter. It's very important, can we meet up in town?" Giles spoke quietly into the phone.

"Yes, of course we can. Should I bring Angel and Cordelia along?" Wesley asked.

"NO!" Giles replied a little too quickly.

" Rupert, I don't keep secrets from my friends I do hope you understand that?" Wesley sounded suspicious.

" Wesley, I really cannot discuss this over the phone. I would never ask you to go against your better judgement, all I ask is that you hear all the details first, please" Giles sounded disturbed.

" Well, in that case you better come over first thing tomorrow"

*****

"Thank you so much for agreeing to see me at such short notice" Giles shook Wesley's hand " Did you……..?"

"Did I tell Angel? No, I didn't tell him that you were in town, but I'm not promising anything." Wesley finished for him.

Giles nodded, he had been worried that Wesley would change his mind and that was the last thing he could have coped with.

" Well I have something to tell you and then I seriously need your advice."

*****

"It's quite unbelievable" Wesley handed Giles a large drink and then sat down.

" Her doctor has informed me that any large shock could do one of two things. Firstly, it could bring her memory forward once and for all" Giles took a deep breath and a large gulp of his drink

Wesley sat in complete silence just nodding.

"Or, secondly, it could cause a complete closedown." Giles finished his drink.

Wesley stood up and refilled the empty glass sensing that the older man probably needed it."What a dilemma " he replied quietly understanding the situation.

"The doctor knows nothing of Buffy's past of course. He believes traumatic means an accident of some kind, how could I possibly tell him about vampires, demons and slayers?" Giles rubbed his tired eyes and picked up his glass once more.

"And then, finally, there's the slight possibility that Buffy may never remember at all, so what good would it do to tell her about a past that never gave her a moments peace? There is a new slayer now, her mother and her friends have moved on with their lives and her lover is now married" Giles stopped seeing the look in Wesleys' eyes

" Her lover is here in LA and is now human" Wesley reminded him.

"And that's another problem, how will this effect Angel? If he has finally started to move on with his life, how will he deal with the knowledge that Buffy has no memory of him? Knowing she's alive, will he be able to stay away from her?" Giles was desperate for answers.

Wesley finally understood the real reason the ex watcher had sought him out for help. " I think it could destroy him, again" Wesley answered truthfully. Angel had made a real improvement to his life and this would set him right back.

"So it's agreed, we keep Buffys' new life a secret, for now at least?"Giles asked

"Agreed" Wesley accepted sadly.

Part 8.

"I've decided to go back to school and finish off my education" Buffy informed Giles over breakfast one morning.

"That sounds like a good idea, what would you like to study?" He asked with interest. The last few weeks had gone so much better then he could have hoped for.

"Art, I feel a strong passion towards the subject" Buffy smiled and finished her piece of toast.

Giles hid the look of amazement he felt, it was the first time he had ever heard of this new passion.

" Right, well I think that can be arranged " he finished with a smile.

*****

Three months later.

"I'll be home late tonight, college has arranged a visit to the art gallery some new showing, should be really interesting" Buffy called as she left for school.

Giles opened the bathroom door. "Sorry?" he asked, wiping the soap off his face.

But he only heard the sound of the front door slam shut.

"And have a nice day to you too" he laughed and returned to the bathroom.

*****

"Buffy ran quickly down the corridor, she had lingered too long over the last painting and the rest of her group had all moved on. As she ran to catch up her bag slipped off her shoulder, she turned her attention to it and crashed straight into a hard object sending her books and papers flying.

Extremely annoyed she looked up. " Why don't you watch where you're going? " she demanded angrily.

"BUFFY?"

Angel stood with his mouth open, his face a picture of pure shock and confusion

"Buffy bent down to retrieve her books then finally faced him again.

"What the hell is a *Buffy*?" she demanded, glaring at him. How dare he insult her after almost knocking her flat. It didn't once occur to her that she might be the one in the wrong.

Angel just stood there watching her, he knew realistically that it couldn't be Buffy and yet, at the same time, he also knew in his heart that it was.

"Buffy" he repeated. It was the only word his brain could manage.

Buffy looked up at him and noticed that he was as good looking as hell.**Why did all the good looking ones have to be either gay or retarded** she thought to herself **And how did I know that?** came the after thought.

" Excuse me" she tried to pass. Angel reached out a hand to stop her.

" I wouldn't do that if I was you" she replied dangerously.

Angel removed his hand. Then, finally found his voice. "I'm sorry, I thought you were somebody else." he said quietly.

He could sense this girl wasn't lying, yet every nerve and fibre in his body now screamed that it was Buffy.

She looked up into his beautiful deep brown eyes and saw such incredible sadness that it made her shiver. She felt any anger towards him slip away. " You thought I was *a* Buffy?" She asked her voice now softer.

"Buffy's a name and yes I thought you were h..…what's your name?" he asked desperately needing to know.

Everything in Buffy's head told her to walk away but a small-unexplained cry deep in her heart called out for her to stay.

Stay won.

"Aurora" she replied softly.

"Sleeping beauty?" Angel asked.

Buffy smiled

"How would you know a thing like that? " she looked impressed.

" I know a little about a lot of things" This time Angel smiled.

" I just bet you do" she returned his smile almost flirtatiously. Then she went to walk away again.

"Coffee. Can I buy you a coffee, to make up for…." He trailed off, he was grabbing at straws anything to keep this girl talking.

"I can't, sorry, I need to catch up with the rest of my class but it was nice meeting you Mr.?" she waited still looking deeply into his eyes. He really was the most beautiful man she had ever seen.

"Doyle, Angel Doyle" he spoke softly.

"Angel" She ran his name over her tongue, "Pretty name"

**Angel pretty name. Angel pretty name**. **deja vou.**

Pain instantly filled Buffys head causing her to cry out

"Are you all right?" Angel moved closer with concern.

Buffy nodded her head. "Just a headache - it will pass, I really must go " she whispered

"Well, if you ever want a private tour of the gallery, I'm on the staff just ask" Angels' eyes never left her face.

Buffy gave one last quick smile and walked away.

Angel turned and watched the petite girl until she was completely out of sight. This was impossible he kept reminding himself.

But then again if he could return from hell….. his mind was racing with possibilities.

Oh dear God, could Buffy have returned from heaven.

Angel needed answers.

*****

Giles carefully watched the ex vampire as he paced around the room; Wesley had called him earlier that day and warned him to expect a visit. He was now very uncomfortable with the emotions playing in Angels' troubled eyes.

"You've seen Buffy!" It was a statement not a question.

" I've seen Aurora if that's who you're talking about " Angel turned and looked straight at Giles. " You didn't see fit to inform me that my lover was back from the dead, real nice of you Rupert" Angels' voice was cold and sarcastic.

Giles shivered as he remembered traces of Angelus.

" Your EX lover if I remember correctly " Giles replied keeping his voice controlled.

Angels' face flashed darker as his anger grew. Giles was almost expecting a growl.

" Look, I understand what you must be feeling......... "

"You know nothing" Angel interrupted him, then continued " Believe me Giles what I'm feeling hasn't been written down in any of your books. What could you possibly know about having your soul mate ripped away from you, thinking you'd lost her forever only to find her walking around alive and well, almost as good as new except for one small detail.."

He paused, as the horror of his next statement filtered through.

"She now has no knowledge that I ever existed....." his voice slowly died at seeing the flash of pain appear in the other mans' eyes, realising too late his mistake.

"Oh, I think I understand a little of that grief Angel, I remember only too well what it feels like to lose ones' soul mate, to have her ripped away from you forever" Giles replied sadly.

"Of course you do. Rupert, I'm so sorry" Angel had an image of his demon snapping Jenny's neck "It's just so hard seeing her like that and not being able to just hold her, kiss her. I love her so much" Angels voice almost broke.

"Angel, you must not tell her, its far too dangerous. Her mind is holding on by a thread, if she's forced to remember too soon that thread could break" Giles continued to explain Buffy's condition.

Angel just listened until Giles had finished the whole story

"Please Angel you have to stay away from her" Giles pleaded one last time.

Angel slowly shook his head

"Same old story, I'm no good for her. Well, I'm sick of it Giles. Believe me, I've played that hand before and I can't do it again. I'm the same as everybody else now. I am worthy of her and I'll be damned if I'll give her up again, don't ask me to do it because I won't. I can't." Angel looked shattered

" And if it all goes wrong?" Giles looked straight at him. He knew that he had to get through to Angel and he feared he was failing.

"I won't hurt her, I'll never hurt her" Angel pleaded for Giles to understand.

"Angel, that was always your trouble in the past, you never wanted to hurt her yet, sadly, you always did" Giles finished, he walked away leaving Angel to think about everything that had just happened.

Part 9.

Angel stood surrounded by a group of tourists, he was trying to focus on the history of the painting in front of him but his heart just wasn't in it.

As the tour ended he looked up and caught sight of her, he felt his stomach flip and couldn't help the large smile he sent in her direction. She just stood, looking over at him, and smiled right back.

The immense joy he experienced at seeing her was quickly replaced by despair.

It just wasn't fair. TPTB had promised him a clean slate when they had restored his humanity and now here he was being forced into exactly the same choices as before. Stay, leave, love or? He just didn't know how much stronger everybody expected him to be.

Buffy watched the last tourist leave, then quickly walked over to him, " Hello again" she smiled sweetly.

" Hello again " his voice aimed for cool and distant but failed miserably.

" I was just passing" she lied.

Angel continued to smile, seeing right through her little white lie. Some things never changed, he could still read her like a book.

**How can I tell him I've been dreaming about his smile every night since we met** she thought to herself.

" I hope this is not too ….? Buffys' face flushed red as her embarrassment grew.

Angel almost laughed but decided to save her any more distress. "I was just going for my break, coffee?" he suggested

"Oh, I thought you would never ask" Buffy laughed with relief.

***

" So, are you married? " she asked as she stirred her coffee.

Angel watched her closely. " What makes you think that?"

" You're wearing a ring, its pretty" she observed, looking at his hand.

Angel looked down to see the silver claddagh that he had replaced only a few days earlier. At the time he hadn't known why but he needed to feel the cool metal against his finger. The moment he slipped it on, his heart had confirmed that he would always belong to her.

"No, I'm not married," he replied carefully. Buffy studying his hand made him feel slightly nervous.

He bitterly remembered Giles' warning. " So, no college today? How are the lectures? " Angel quickly changed the subject.

Buffy took her eyes from the ring and met his, she smiled again. It took all Angels' strength not to lean forward and claim her mouth there and then, run his hands through her hair and kiss her until……………… His daydream ended as he realised she was talking. He brought his full attention back to her words.

".....so after I'd been in hospital for all that time, I woke up. Luckily for me a relative came forward. It's really strange..... But then I decided to go back to college, I decided on Art - I don't know what drew me to it ……..I guess I'm not that good yet" she finished.

"I think you're perfect" he sighed softly.

Buffys eyes widened in surprise.

Instantly realising he had crossed the line Angel quickly looked down at his watch.

" Is that the time? My next tour should be starting" He stood up to leave.

" Can I see you again?" her eyes sparkled with hope.

Every beat of his heart told him to say yes.

" I'm not sure that's a good idea, I'm quite a bit older than you."

Angel thought fast, trying for a reason not to hurt her yet breaking his own heart with every word.

Buffy reached over and ever so gently touched his hand. " Please ....I think there could be something between us…it's just…I feel…don't you feel it ?" her sweet voice went lower and lower, her eyes never leaving his.

Angel licked his lips; his heartbeat had trebled the moment she touched his hand, it suddenly felt as if all the oxygen had been sucked out of the room.

" I feel it " he replied in almost a whisper. He'd felt the spark of electricity pass between them, as their souls touched once more. Tearing his hand away he quickly walked off.

Buffy stood watching him leave, she didn't understand. There had been a real connection between them, it was like magnetism and yet he was holding back. No, he was pulling away. She hated that feeling because she really liked him, liked him a lot.

*****

"How did you spend your day?" Giles smiled as Buffy came crashing threw the door full of smiles and calling "I'm home."

" It was good thanks, I went by the art gallery again to check on some… stuff" she replied with a large grin.

" Oh I see, you didn't stay long I take it " Giles looked over at her trying to hide his concern.

" No, not long, did have coffee with Angel, you know the one I told you about before. Strange guy, I know he likes me, I can see it in his eyes even when he's being Mr. *I'm too old for you * She laughed imitating Angel's voice.

Giles looked relieved it seemed that Angel had taken his advice after all. He was pleased and then he realised just a little sad.

"Guess I'll just have to show him I'm very mature for my age." Buffy laughed again and sank down into a chair. The more she thought about him the more she knew they were so right for each other.

"Aurora, maybe he was right, why don't you find a nice boy at college, somebody more your own age?" Giles asked carefully.

" Right a nice, normal boy" she pretended to actually give the idea more than two seconds of thought before continuing "No, not liking the sound of that. I want Angel, don't ask me why. I can feel it in my bones, my destiny " she dramatically emphasised the last two words throwing her arms into the air and collapsed into loud laughter. If she had looked up she would have seen Giles' face lose all of its colour.

Giles waited for Buffy to retire to her room for the night before he called Dr Andrews to explain the new developments.

" I'm afraid Aurora has met somebody from her past, an old boyfriend, they had a bad break up. I am very worried and needed to talk to you." Giles spoke quietly.

The voice on the other end of the line was silent for a moment then.

"I'm glad you called, I've been giving Auroras' case a lot of thought lately for a paper I'm writing. I believe I understand it more now. I think when she was actually dying she relived memories of her past. You know the old saying *your life flashes in front of you*? Well, I happen to believe that's what happened in this case, at the actual point of death she remembered something so traumatic that she just didn't accept it. There's a memory in her head that is buried so deep everything else is stuck behind it. Am I making sense? " Dr Andrews took a deep breath.

Giles' head started to ache with the thought of it all, Buffy had seen and accepted so many terrible things. He had no idea what memory the doctor could be thinking of.

" Now, getting back to the boyfriend. I agree it would be safer to keep them apart but, after saying that, I don't think we should. You say she has already met him and nothing happened? Well it's safe then to assume this has nothing to do with the boy". He took another deep breath " It's been months now and she hasn't recovered a single memory, chances are now she never will "

" But there is a slight chance that she might?" Giles interrupted. He hadn't given up all hope of one day finding the real slayer trapped inside Auroras' shell.

" There will always be a small chance but if it happens, it happens. There's a trigger out there somewhere and Aurora might never hear it, she could live happily ever after or it could hit her just walking across the street. Let her find some happiness, let her see this boy if it makes her happy" the doctor finished and Giles replaced the phone.

** But could Angel really make Buffy/Aurora happy? That was the question Giles had to decide.

*****

Angel finally picked up the phone.

" It's Giles here, I know you saw Buffy again " he spoke calmly.

Angel closed his eyes this was all he needed, after ripping out his own heart this bastard was now going to jump on it.

" You don't have to worry, I made it clear that I'm too old for her" Angel didn't try to keep the anger from his voice. The pain of walking away once again from all of his dreams still hurt him too deeply.

" Yes Angel, I heard and I'm grateful, but I'm not calling about that. Well, actually I am" Giles sounded unsure of himself.

"Get on with it Giles I haven't got all night" Angel knew his voice was bitter but he didn't care, he had to take his frustration out on somebody.

" I've spoken to Buffys' doctor, he thinks it will be alright for you to see her as long as you never tell her anything about the past…….."

Giles voice faded, Angel didn't hear the rest of the conversation. He had already restarted his daydreams of kissing Buffy. Finally he managed a quick thank you and hung up the phone.

Tomorrow he would phone her, agree that she was right and they should meet again.

Laying back in his bed a small smile started to grow and Angel felt pure happiness for the first time in years.

Go to Part 10