DISCLAIMER: I don't own them, I don't want them, they make me cry too much. Joss and his people do the owning thing
TIMELINE: Thirty years later.
SPOILERS: Everything on both shows to be safe.
DISTRIBUTION: Great, just let me know where.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: A fifty year old Buffy remembers *The end of days* battle and its consequence
FEEDBACK: Yes please.
RATING: Same as show.
DEDICATION: Always luv, Rosi and J.M for just being yummy.

Part 1.

Buffy carefully applied a light foundation to her face, gently rubbing the cool liquid into her skin she studied her reflection.

** When did I become so old? ** she thought as she noticed new lines, she would have sworn they were not there yesterday.

Tiny laughter lines now stood proudly at the corner of her eyes. She raised a finger and very gently rubbed at them, as if trying to erase them from her face. It was hopeless, just like trying to erase time itself.

One thing Buffy should have known by now was that time and laughter lines couldn't be held back, it was like trying to stop the tide from coming in. It was pointless you just got wet.

The longer she stared into the mirror the more the reflection seemed unreal.

** And when did I grow into my mother? ** She thought again sadly.

At Fifty, Buffy looked at least ten years younger but often-felt ten years older. She had noticed it a lot more recently. The woman she had become these last thirty odd years was a far cry from the fun loving Buffy of yesteryear.

Today's Buffy was a beautiful, confident, sophisticated woman of the world on the outside. Inside she was dead

Dead as in cold, angry, unforgiving and bitter,

" And when did I become so disillusioned with life?" she sighed.

"Oh what a stupid question" she then snapped back at her reflection.

She could remember that day so clearly, almost to the second. It was the summer of 2008, a Thursday, early evening, the famous *End of Days* battle.

**Oh yes, she remembered. It was the day she had stopped the world from ending, and not for the first time** she remembered bitterly

They had stopped the end of days all right, but at such a cost.

Tears flooded her hazel eyes and softly spilt over the edges, slowly running down her face leaving tiny lines in her freshly applied makeup

The reflection in the mirror blurred, then changed. She was now facing a new reflection, the reflection of the young woman she had been just before that day.

Strong and full of hope, she was still fun loving Buffy at that point. Even with the prospect of being completely out numbered she had faced the enemy without fear, after all it was her destiny.

Then it happened, the day, when against all the odds she had fought and won the battle of her life. It was also the day hope had died forever.

Part 2.

2008. The End of Days.

Buffy struggled through the smoke and dust; she clutched her arm protectively around herself to support her broken ribs. She then moved slowly through the carnage, carefully searching the ruins.

One by one she checked on the fate of her friends, each although badly battered had managed to survive the battle.

Finding no strength to speak, she just nodded and moved along. Eventually fatigue claimed her body, she felt her knees buckle and she dropped to the floor.

The human race had won. The biggest battle it would ever face had been fought bitterly with enormous cost, but victory had been gained for all humanity. The demons that were left had long since scattered and mankind was left to pick up the pieces.

Buffy sent up a silent prayer of thanks for the safe deliverance of all she loved.

Then her eyes became alert again rapidly scanning the area; she felt his presence long before she saw him. She then heard him calling her name with such urgency.

Angel ran over to the slayer, he had lost sight of her mid battle and his only thought now was of her and her safety.

Dropping to his knees in front of her he quickly checked for injures then realising that she wasn't seriously hurt her pulled her into his arms and kissed her hair.

" You did it" he whispered into her ear as relief flooded his soul.

" No, we did it " she corrected him softly. They were equals; they had always been equals.

Angel pulled away slightly, hazel eyes met his so full of love and caring.

" We did it " he nodded and smiled happily.

" You know what that means don't you?" she lifted a tiny hand and placed it over his dead heart.

Angel waited.

"TPTB, the Scroll, they both promised you your humanity. Angel we can finally be together."

Angel smiled as the realisation of her words sank in, he placed his hand over hers.

" This time it really will be forever Buffy " he leant forward and softly kissed her lips.

They were so wrapped up in their thoughts for the future, they never heard the last surviving Mohra demon approach. Sword in one hand he raised it high above his head and with no warning at all brought it crashing down, decapitating Angel.

There wasn't time for a singe word; Angels' dust covered the traumatised slayer. The demon growled as it raised the sword for a second strike.

Buffy made no attempt to defend herself; the grief that was taking over her whole body made movement impossible. Her eyes took in the whole scene but her mind had already closed down.

The sword came slowly towards her and she waited with no regret.

Part 3

Xander came running as fast as his legs would carry him; his heart and lungs were almost bursting with the effort it cost him. He too had witnessed Angels' death and had watched in horror as Buffy froze. With the remnants of a baseball bat firmly in his hand he swung with all his might and smashed the jewel in the demon's forehead. Then falling to his knees he pulled the broken slayer into his arms.

Buffy's body was rigid, the only sound she made was a repeat denial

"He's not gone, he's not gone, he promised forever" her shoulders sagged and she sobbed until her heart found enough strength to break again.

Spike and Giles were the next to find them. Buffy looked up with tear stained eyes; she was still covered in the dust of her one time lover.

Xander turned towards Giles, his eyes explained the whole situation with out a single word.

" Come on Buffy, we have to get you to hospital" Giles said, feeling completely useless.

" She won't move" Xander looked back up, his eyes pleading for somebody to help his friend. He was way out of his depth here and he felt as useless as Giles.

They had never seen Buffy like this before; all the life had faded from her eyes. Her whole future had been won and then lost in the blink of an eye.

"Buffy?" Giles asked again

" I'm not leaving Angel he might need me" her voice was breaking as new tears streamed down her dirty face.

Giles and Xander were at a complete loss.

Finally Spike reached out his hand to the tiny girl

" Angel's dead pet, you should know that better than anyone, he's gone Buffy" Spikes' voice was almost gentle.

Giles and Xander watched as the blond vampire took control of the situation

" But he might come back " she looked up at Spike with such pleading eyes. "Angel returned from hell once before, didn't he?"

" Not this time pet, this time it's over" His eyes held hers looking for signs that the slayer understood the difference.

Buffy shook her head, she wouldn't accept that

" It's never over he promised me forever, he did. He said forever"

She closed her eyes as the grief and exhaustion became too much for her. Spike scooped her tiny body up into his arms and without another word started to walk away.

Giles and Xander followed silently behind.

On leaving the hospital Buffy had demanded an audience with TPTB.

Cordelia had agreed to help even though she was badly shaken and still grieving the loss of Angel herself. She knew her pain was nothing compared to the agony she saw in the slayers' eyes, she also saw a new emotion grow more powerful by the hour. Anger, Buffy was going to kick somebody's ass in a major way.

The request for an audience was accepted

Buffy was brought before the new Oracles to state her case.

She begged them to intervene on Angels' behalf, to make good the promise that Angel would be granted his humanity. She told them she would agree to any deal they wanted to make. She would pay any price, if they brought Angel back.

The Oracles stood silently and watched the distraught girl plead for her soulmates life.

Buffy begged, pleaded, demanded and then threatened all to no avail.

Then, after the PTB flatly refused to help, Buffys heart broke again, for the final time.

After all she and Angel had sacrificed for the greater good, all the pain they had gone through to honor their sacred duties. They had a right to finally be together, she believed they were owed at least that much.

But still the PTB refused

" The Vampire with a soul fought bravely, he was a fine warrior but he is now dead and dead he will remain " The male Oracle stated the facts so calmly.

" He has a name, his name is Angel and he belongs with me" Buffy voice portraying both unbearable sorrow and extreme anger.

She waited as the Oracles received instructions.

" They will not intervene, that is their final word" The female Oracle dismissed Buffy by turning her back.

"Wait, now I'll give you my final words" Buffy replied, her voice was almost too calm.

The Oracles turned back in surprise.

"You tell your *Powers* that from this day forward I will never fight for their cause again, I quit." she dropped a wooden stake to the floor and then turned her back on them , with her head held high she walked slowly away.

Part 4

Buffy was as good as her word, the promise she made the Oracles was never broken. Although her anger and bitterness continued to grow, Buffy directed it towards moving her life away from slaying. She threw herself into searching for a new career, working day and night she eventually took over the company

Everything she touched turned to gold; she was well liked, respected and even a little feared. Few people would have guessed the truth, that inside Buffy Anne Summers was a desperately sad, lonely woman who refused all offers of romance. She gave what little love her cold heart was still capable of to a very selective few.

Buffy thought of those closest to her heart.

Willow and Oz had reunited after the End of Days' battle had been won, Oz had been badly wounded and Willow insisted on nursing him to a full recovery. Tara had noticed the small spark that still existed between the ex lovers, she watched it slowly grow until there was no denying it any longer. And, though it broke her heart, she stepped aside to give Willow the chance to decide what her heart really wanted.

Within six months the two ex sweethearts were married and blissfully happy. Six children and two grandchildren followed and after all these years they were still blissfully happy.

Buffy didn't begrudge them their long happy life, she was truly grateful that one of her friends had found that *happy ever after* she had so longed for and now knew she would never have.

It couldn't have happened to two nicer people. well maybe it could but Buffy didn't go with that thought any longer . She had accepted a long time ago that she would never see her Angel again.

And then there was Xander.

Dear sweet Xander, who despite heading for his third divorce any day now still managed to laugh at the hand life had dealt him.

Whenever she needed him Xander still came running, always her white knight. Once a year he would take her out for dinner and jokingly propose whether he was married or not.

And every year Buffy laughed, thanked him and turned him down, neither took it seriously any longer. Xander knew that Buffys' heart would only ever belong to Angel. He accepted that and carried on looking for his own *Miss Right*. Never quite finding her, hence the three divorces.

Buffys' thoughts switched to Giles

Her beloved second father had sadly died a few years ago, he had spent his life giving her all the support she needed to carry on with hers. Never once condemning her decision to stop slaying, Rupert Giles had been the perfect father and she missed his love and wisdom every day.

And finally there was Spike.

The last member of her *family*. He had disappeared not long after the End of Days battle He knew that when the surviving Demons found out that he had helped the slayer his chances of lasting a week would be slim.

So William the Bloody slipped away into the night never to return to Sunnydale again.

Buffy never got the chance to thank him, she would always remember how Spike had carried her all the way to hospital that night, waited to find out that she would recover and then vanished into the night. She then started to receive a post card every five years always stating the same thing.

* Having a blast pet, glad you're not here! *

The cards always made her smile and she had to admit she missed the obnoxious vampire.

She didn't miss any of the others.

After years of turning her back on being the slayer Buffy no longer saw the things that went bump in the night. She no longer cared.

In the first few years many had tried to change her mind, with Faith locked away in prison there was no possibility of a new slayer taking up the duties.

Even after the end of days there were still demons to fight, there would always be demons. Buffy stood true to her word, as far as she was concerned the Slayer was dead. Deep in her heart she knew that Angel would have hated this decision, rationally she knew it was wrong, the innocent shouldn't suffer for her bitterness, but she couldn't back down. TPTB had been so unfair and she had grown so bitter.

At first when reading about a mysterious disappearance she felt a slight tingle, but quickly closed it down. Now, after years of denial, even that feeling had gone.

Maybe, after all these years, they had found another way to activate a new slayer, again Buffy didn't care.

Part 5

Buffy blinked, the reflection starring back at her was once again her older self, complete with laughter lines. She grabbed a tissue and wiped away at the spoilt make up. She then smiled sadly.

**Even at fifty she still looked hot** the thought gave her little comfort.

** I wonder what Angel would have looked like at fifty** she sighed deeply and looked away from the mirror.

Crossing the room she stopped at the table and picked up a small card.

Suddenly feeling weary she decided to give the party she was supposed to be attending a miss.

Willow had been amazed when she had agreed to go in the first place, Buffy had always refused high school reunions, high school brought back too many memories. But to her own surprise this year she had agreed to attend.

She walked into her bedroom and sat down in her favourite chair, her eyes automatically drawn towards the very old prom photo that stood, proudly, by her bed. It was the only photo of Angel she possessed, she never left home without it. They looked so happy together in that photo, few knew the heartache behind her smile.

She traced his features lovingly.

" I'll love you forever" she sighed fighting back new tears.

Buffy found her mind slipping back into lost memories again but this time she fought them. It had been the strangest day, she hadn't allowed her self to wallow in this much grief for a long time. It must have been the thought of seeing all the old gang from high school that had started it.

Remembering that Willow had arranged to pick her up, and would be leaving soon, Buffy picked up the phone to save her the journey. She really was feeling too tired to party.

" Sorry aunt B mum left a while ago, she should be with you anytime now." Willows' youngest daughter informed her.

After spending a few minutes catching up on recent events Buffy replaced the receiver, absent-mindedly rubbing her arm. She had been feeling a pins and needles sensation in her left arm all afternoon.

" Don't tell me I'm getting arthritis now, that's all I need " she spoke out loud

Her eyes felt so heavy, she sat back in her chair intending to rest for a few minutes and rubbed at her arm again; reaching over, she picked up her photograph and held it to her chest.

She heard the front door open and Willows' voice called out...

"Buffy, It's only me."

They were the last words Buffy heard, her arm dropped to the side of the chair and a soft breath exhaled slowly.

Angel appeared in a soft golden light and walked towards the chair. He waited patiently for a few seconds till a soft glow rose from Buffys' body.

The spirit of a seventeen-year-old Buffy walked away from the shell of the older woman, confusion crossed her beautiful features.

" It's all right Buffy, it just takes a few moments to clear" Angels' voice was soft and reassuring.

Buffy looked down at her self in wonder, then looked back at her body slumped in the chair.

" Wow! I died" Strangely she didn't have any fear at the thought, actually she felt wonderful.

Angel just nodded, he knew she would be feeling a little disorientated at first.

Buffy touched her arm; all the pain had gone, then her eyes fell on her love.

" Angel" she sighed, finally realising he was actually there.

He smiled.

" I missed you so much " her eyes shone brightly.

" I've been waiting for you " was his only reply.

Buffy looked at him, he was dressed just the same and not a second older. This was how she always saw him in her dreams, but this time she knew she wasn't dreaming.

At that point Willow entered the room and seeing her friends' body she cried out in panic, reached out for the phone and dialled frantically for an ambulance.

" Poor Will, don't be sad" Buffy whispered to her oldest friend

" Beloved, she can't hear you any longer. Come, i'ts time to leave now " Angel reached out his hand and she took it willingly as he pulled her gently towards him.

Buffy smiled up into his beautiful brown eyes. A feeling of utter peace and contentment filled her spirit as Angel pressed his lips to her. She gasped at the memory it brought.

" Where are you taking me?" she asked as he broke the kiss.

His lips and hands had felt so real, she felt so safe. She knew she would happily follow him to the gates of hell and beyond if he lead the way.

" Its our time now Buffy, no more slayer no more vampire our duty is done. Our souls are free now and we're going to Paradise my love, we are never going to be parted again. I promise."

Angel took her other hand and guided her further away from her past.

" What's Paradise like Angel?" she moved forward without hesitation, her eyes once more so full of hope and wonder.

Angel smiled, his face full of love for his soulmate.

" Paradise is anything we wish it to be, anything at all and Buffy........"

She watched him closely, hardly daring to believe yet knowing with all her heart it was true.

" This time it really is forever" he finished.

" I'll hold you to that my love, believe me I will " Buffy giggled

The two spirits blended together until they became one iridescent light.

Willow looked up and could swear she saw something out of the corner of her eye, just for a second a faint glow and then it was gone. She looked back at the body of her friend and gently held her hand. Picking up the discarded photograph she stared at it lovingly.

" Tell Angel I said hi " she whispered softly. Knowing without a doubt the two lovers were now reunited and happy.

" On second thoughts tell him later, much later " she smiled.

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