Summary: Another Angel and Caragh story (Messenger of Memory) Written for the 3rd challenge of the second round of Buffy Survivor. The words were satin, waterfall and tears. The song lyrics are by Dave Matthews Band from Sleep to Dream Her.
She holds my heart so tightly sometimes I think I'm going to suffocate. Just when I think she's squeezed it as tight as possible, she turns over with a sleepy yawn and says "Daddy, I love you."
"I love you, Ioniun. Now go to sleep."
She yawns and her bottom lip trembles. She has a Summers mouth, not the only thing she got from her mother. She's also got her green eyes and her nose does that adorable, funny thing Buffy's always did.
"Tell me a story first, please."
I slip under the blankets and let Caragh snuggle up next to me. I ask, even though I know the answer. "What about?"
"Mommy."
I smile, tears come to my eyes and I kiss the top of her head. "Which story?"
"Tell me about the night that Mommy fell into the stars."
"Mommy didn't fall, Ioniun, you know that. Mommy jumped to save you, me and everyone else we love." It's important she know why her mother isn't here. It was such a part of who Buffy was.
"Did she jump to save Spike?"
Spike is the ugliest mutt you have ever seen in your entire life. We adopted him at the animal shelter last week.
I grin. "Yes, she jumped to save Spike too."
Caragh's nose wrinkles in a gesture so reminiscent of Buffy that I bite my lip hard enough to make it bleed. "It's good we got him then."
Just like that she turns my pain to laugher, I chuckle. "Yes, it is."
"What's it like where Mommy lives?"
I've spun her stories of Heaven and her mother since she was a tiny baby. "It's beautiful where Mommy lives. It's warm and cozy. It's safe and no one needs saving."
"I miss her, does she miss us?"
And back to pain again.
It's unnerving how her questions can still take my breath away. "I miss her too and yes, Mommy misses us every single day, but remember she can watch us where she's at." My voice sounds tight, struggling to hold back tears that still come so easily. I hope Caragh is too sleepy to notice.
She snuggles deeper into my arms, a tiny bundle of purple satin pajamas, dark wavy hair and a pink, stuffed pig. I wait until she's asleep to slip out of bed and walk to the window.
At night, with our daughter mumbling in her sleep, this space between us doesn't seem so great. Having Caragh here is almost like having Buffy here, and every year she is more her mother. I swallow the waterfall of tears that threatens me. Caragh might wake up and need me, so I stay here and I'm strong.
A star shoots across the sky and I beg the night to just to see her, just to lie in her arms once Caragh's grown and I'm through being strong.
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