Distribution: If you had permission to take any of my other stories, you can use this one as well. Just let me know where it's going. Others, just ask and I will most likely give permission.
Feedback: Please!!! It'll make me write other stories faster if my head's still big from knowing you liked this one. This is also the first fic I've written that isn't exactly B&A centered, so I'd love to know if people still liked it.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss, the WB, Mutant Enemy, (the evil)FOX, and whoever else came up with them. If they belonged to me the show would be drastically different. Please don't sue, I'm only a high-schooler without a job anyways. I've quoted parts from two books, "Imzadi" and "Triangle: Imzadi II" without permission, hopefully the author will forgive me if he ever finds out. It's really a tribute to him for writing such great novels.
Rating: Same as the TV show
Spoilers: Set right after third season episode "Doppelgangland." Small spoilers for that episode, nothing else after that has happened.
Concept: Willow's recovering from both the spell she did and the effect of meeting her counter-self, so Buffy and Xander are on their own for a night. As they're hanging out, they have a little heart-to-heart, which includes all things Angel. And you'll never guess what Xander tell Buffy.
Author's Notes: My fifth fluff in the I'm-changeing-a-third-season-episode's-ending-so-that-BuffyandAngel-are-togeth er series. The title comes from Star Trek: the Next Generation episodes, as well as two wonderful ST books by Peter David based upon that one word. The meaning of Imzadi will be given in the story if you're unfamiliar with it. This one's a little different than the rest of the series, cause it doesn't center on B&A, per say. So bear with me, I know Angel's not exactly a main character in this one, but I still think it's good. Do you?

"You're sure you don't wanna see a movie or something?" Xander asked Buffy as they relaxed in his bedroom that night.

Oz had taken Willow home after the spell to return the double was completed, she was still stunned by the effects of seeing her doppelganger.

And that is how it happened that Buffy and Xander were alone on a Friday night with nothing to do.

"No, I'm not really up for an....What's this?" Buffy had been wandering around his room looking at things, and her comment was directed to a pair of hardcover books that sat on his nightstand.

"Oh, um nothing....just...." Xander hurried over.

"'Imzadi'" Buffy read. "And 'Triangle: Imzadi II.' Triangle? As in soap-opera love triangles? God Xand, what are you reading?" She laughed.

"They're based upon characters in the second Star Trek series." He huffed.

"Still look like romances."

"Well, in a way they are. Mom thought they might do me some good, what with how I've been moping around after Cor and all. She's trying to restore my faith in soulmates." Xander admitted.

"Soulmates? Is that what Imzadi means? I'm assuming it means something and it's not some alien's name or something."

"Well, not quite...yeah, I guess it does mean soulmates. Here, read...." He opened the second book and looked for a page. "...this." He said, pointing to a certain part.

"I am asking you a straightforward question. What means 'Imzadi'?"

"It's....a term of endearment. It means 'beloved.'"

But Worf shook his head, clearly refusing to believe it. "No. That is not all. Not from the way she said it. She gave it a significance beyond a simple endearment."

"Worf, this is silly. Nothing is going to be accomplished by---"

"WHAT DOES IT MEAN?"

She was taken aback by what she saw in his eyes. There was a cold, burning fury. She wasn't intimidated, she didn't think he was going to hurt her. Instead, the anger seemed directed inward, as if he was furious with himself over something that was eating at him. She drew herself up, steadied her chin, and said, "All right. It has a secondary and....deeper meaning."

"And that would be--?"

"'The First.'"

"The First." It took a moment for him to understand, but then he did.

His eyes widened. "Are you saying that Commander Riker....he was your...."

She nodded. "But it's more than that. It's not just the first person who captures your body. It's the first person who captures you....well....your soul."

"Your soul mate."

"Wow." Buffy said as she finished reading the part he had shown her. "There's a race that actually has a word for that. Go them."

"A word for what?" Xander asked, confused by the far-away look in her eyes.

"A word for all the things that can't be described. You read how hard it was for that chick to define Imzadi to that Woof guy. It's cause being soulmates can't be described with words, you...you just know. There isn't really a definition. You soulmate may not even be the first, or the tenth, or even the hundredth person you sleep with. It's just what she said, the first person to capture your soul. Your one and only true love."

Xander got the feeling that she was no longer talking about the Star Trek couple, but he decided not to ask. This was the easiest way for them to talk about her and Dead Boy.

"You think that kind of love exsists?" He asked carefully.

"Yeah, I do. I know it does." Buffy said as she paged through the book carefully. "Look at this..." She began to read from a later point.

"I commit to the Klingon code of honor, to Deanna, and to our life together."

"Interesting order that you put those things in Worf." Riker noted......"If you knew anything about love, you'd know that she comes first, always. Always."

"If you knew anything about honor, you would know that there are things more important than love."

Buffy laughed a gallows laugh then. "Honor." She made a motion of tossing it out the window. "Who cares about your honor if your love is gone? This Worf guy is such an idiot."

"He's not an idiot Buffy. He just has a different perspective. He's from a different race of people, and they look at things differently."

Buffy just looked at him and read from the next page.

"We're Imzadi, Worf. It means--"

"I know what it means. Lwaxana told me."

"Knowing it intellectually isn't enough. I don't expect you to understand."

"Because you believe I am stupid?"

"No!" shouted Riker, fed up with Worf's defensivemess. "Because you've never felt about anyone in your life the way I feel about Deanna! Not if you were willing to let her die! No matter how much I tried to force myself to think that it was over because I wanted it to be so, the fact is that we are, now and forever, Imzadi."

"Was willing to let her die?" Buffy almost screamed. "You're supposed to be willing to die FOR the one you love, not..."

"Buffy, you don't know any of the characters involved. If you knew them...."

"If I knew them, I would probably still think they are all stupid. This Worf guy for not understanding what love is. Riker for trying to forget about his true love, trying to turn his feelings on and off when it suited him. And Deanna for letting him do it. If they were Imzadi, how could she just let him leave her and...." Buffy continued to rant, but stopped making sense. It was obvious to Xander that she wasn't going off on Deanna or Riker at all, but was comparing them to her and Angel. It wasn't a perfect comparison, but it was pretty close.

Buffy still ranted away, by now in tears and barely aware of what she was saying.

Xander went to her hesitently and put an arm around her. She curled into him, letting herself be comforted and just having a good cry.

When she seemed like she was done crying, Xander spoke softly. "But the story has a happy ending." He said. "Well, not actually this book, but the characters on the show. Riker and Deanna end up getting back together."

"They do?" Buffy asked softly.

"Sure they do." He said with double meaning. "They're soulmates. Of course they'll end up together."

"Are there any more good quotes in there?" Buffy asked, wiping her face with her sleeve.

"Well, not really in the second one. But the first one has a few things to say on soulmates." He stayed with her on the abrupt switch of topics, just going with whatever she wanted.

"Can you find them?"

He nodded and began to turn pages. "If you don't mind a slightly smutty part..." She shook her head. He read...

In that moment they knew all there was to know of each other....body and soul, flesh and spirit, all combined and permeating every inch of both of them. Instead of moving away from each other, instead of resisting the pull, they gave in to it completely. They complemented each other, became each other, filling out each other's needs and rejoicing as the pressures built in them. Throughout the Jalara Jungle it seemed that all noise had ceased. That there was nothing in that jungle, nothing in the planet, nothing in the universe except the two of them and their discovery, their admission of their mutual need and hunger.

The pressure built beyond their ability to contain and they released, clutching each other, as if hoping they could meld their bodies into one as seamlessly as they had with their souls. And somewhere, somewhere deep within Riker's mind, merged with his spirit, a word echoed. A word that he had never heard before. A word filled with mystery and promise and a future...

And the word was Imzadi.

Buffy was silent for a moment, then whispered, "That's not smutty. That's beautiful."

"You really think so?" Xander asked her.

"Yes, I do. Maybe because I know exactly how they feel." She continued. "Although there's nothing to keep them apart except their own stupidity. Why can't I be like that? If that's all that was keeping us apart, I'd just bash some sense into him and that'd be that."

"You would?" Despite himself, Xander found himself grinning slightly at the thought of Buffy bashing some sense into Angel.

She only nodded.

"Okay, then, I probably shouldn't say this, but I'm gonna anyway. And I know how weird it's gonna sound coming from me, but..."

"What is it?" Buffy asked.

"Just go over and bash some sense into him." Xander said before he could rethink the idea. "It's so, so obvious to everyone how you two feel, and I think that your feelings are more important than all the things that are keeping you apart. I mean, so you guys can't, you know....but who really cares. You had a great relationship before that happened. And since you're not exactly a slut I can't see you sleeping with someone you don't love, and you'll never love anyone but him, so either way you don't get any. But at least this way you're happy cause you're with him....and did I just say that?"

Buffy looked for a second like she was about to punch him, but then everything he had said settled in and she grinned. "You really think so?"

Xander looked into her eyes, reaching out to tuck some hair behind her ear, "I think any guy who doesn't want to be with you is certifiably insane." He whispered honestly.

She looked at him for a moment, realizing just how much he loved her. If after all that Angel had done, Xander could put all his hatred aside and tell her to be with him because he knew it made her happy...

"I love you, you know that, right?" She said finally. He knew how she meant it.

"Yeah, I know. Back at ya girl." Xander said. "Now go find him.....wait a sec; first, read him this." Xander opened the book to a different page and copied what looked like a poem onto a piece of paper.

Buffy took it, gave him a grateful hug, and raced out the door.

"I am so a glutton for punishment." Xander whispered after she had left. "But she deserves to be happy, and I know that'll never be with me so it may as well be with Dead Boy."

He felt strangely better than he had in a long time. His mom had been right. The book had reaffirmed his faith in soulmates. Even if she wasn't his own.

****

Buffy walked slowly up to the mansion's door and knocked. When Angel opened the door, she said nothing, only handed him the piece of paper.

He motioned her in curiously, but didn't ask. He closed the door behind her and then looked down at the piece of paper, reading it slowly. Tears came to his eyes, and a few ran slowly down his cheeks. When he was done, he looked up at Buffy slowly.

"Buffy....I...." He had no words. Angel pulled her into his arms then, both of them crying. "I feel the same way." He said slowly a moment later. "But we can't..."

"Yes we can Angel. Just hear me out." She reworded Xander's earlier comments about how she'd never be with anyone else anyway cause she'd only sleep with one she loved and she'd never love anyone else so why not just be with Angel.

"Wow. That...that never even occured to me. How'd you think that one up?"

"Doesn't matter. It's true you know. I'll never love anyone else anyway, and I don't care if we can't make love. I love you, so much, and I know you love me. Why do we need more than that?" Buffy replied.

"I don't. I just want you to have...."

"A normal life!" Buffy replied. "Well, I've been there and done that and it sucks, Angel. It really does. I don't care what my life is like as long as you're in it." She almost cried again.

"You're sure?" He asked.

"Yes, I am." She looked him in the eyes.

"Okay then." He said softly.

"But why won't you......okay? Did you just say okay?" She stopped her rant.

"Yes, I did, my love." Angel whispered. "I wanted you to have a normal life, a normal guy. But if that's not what you want, who am I to go against you?"

"I love you." Buffy answered, leaning up to kiss him on the lips. He leaned down to accomadate her, and just before their lips touched, he heard her whisper a word. It was something he had never heard before, but just the way she said it brought tears to his eyes. It was like he knew it's meaning, even though he had never heard it before. There was no definition, no other words to describe it. He simply whispered it back, knowing to the depths of his soul that is was true.

"Imzadi."

His arms wrapped around her, and the paper fell to the floor, momentarily forgotten.

It lay face up, telling of the depths of her love for him and the meaning of their new word.

"I hold you close to me.
Feel the breath of you, and the wonder of you
And remember a time
Without you
But only as one would remember
A bleak and distant nightmare
And you shudder against me in your sleep
Do you share the memory with me of dark times past?
And you smile
Do you share the memory of times to come?
The future holds such promise
And just as I cannot imagine how I survived the past
Without you
I cannot imagine a future
Without you."

::looks around nervously:: Well, that was so totally different from anything I've written so far. Was it any good? Using the book stuff and all? Would it have been better if Angel was in it more? Please, feedback is a necessity on this story.

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