DISCLAIMER: Disclaimer: Joss's, not mine. Buffy's POV: takes place after Grad Day II. This is the companion to "Wait". "Mercy" is by Sarah McLachlan off her CD, "Solace".
TIMELINE: After Season Three
SPOILERS: "Graduation Day, Part II"
SYNOPSIS: Buffy refects on Angel leaving her
DISTRIBUTION: My site (), BA_Fluff, all others, please ask.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Angst. And for some reason unknown to me, this is my favorite piece of fanfic I've done
FEEDBACK: Pretty pretty please?
RATING: PG

Mercy, pure and simple
Longing-cold and hollow
With sweet breath you'd come to warm me
But I held on too hard to only a memory\\

He's gone.

My Angel is gone. He just left me. I knew he was leaving, but deep down, I hoped I was wrong. I hoped that maybe, just maybe, he would stay.

But he didn't.

We survived the Ascension; we defeated the Mayor. But what does that matter? Yeah, sure, we saved a lot of lives, but deep down, I feel like I died.

You lie there on the swollen ground
Deserted in your heart
Still longing for what yesterdays lost
And for all that tomorrow might bring
And for all that tomorrow might bring…\\

I thought we would make it. Maybe the Mayor was right, but Angel said he would always be with me. Now I'm alone. We could have been together; we could have survived. I know that the fact that he's a vampire and I'm a Slayer should keep us apart. My love for him will never change. I can't have a "normal relationship". I don't want a life without him. Why can't he see that?

The passion lost-taken, stolen
The dreams we had and we shared-shattered, broken
With kind words you'd come to soothe me

But I so blind and filled with fear
Would send you away from me\\

Did I do something wrong? Did I do something that would cause him to leave? Did he want to leave? When I saw him, after the Mayor's death, I thought that my heart was being ripped out. Maybe it would have been better if I hadn't have seen him. But I hoped for a real goodbye. Just for him to hold me in his arms one more time. I know it would have been hard for the both of us, but I would have loved it.

Why is he being so selfish? Why does he think I can find someone else? Anyone I would find, I would put into danger every night. I can't put someone's life in jeopardy just because Angel says it's over.

Will I ever see him again? Life without him scares me. Can I survive without my guardian Angel? He was always there to protect and help me.

Now I'll have to do it alone.

There is no hope in regretting now
All the pain that we could not see\\

Maybe I did get my goodbye. Maybe him coming to the Prom was the goodbye. But I want more. I want a life with Angel. What if the happiness clause isn't there? What if he's leaving for no reason? We don't know the exact translation to the curse. Maybe Miss Calendar changed it. But even if she couldn't, we could find a way. I know we could.

We both knew what we wanted
And we took it believing it free\\

I don't want to be alone. I want my life to be with him. Maybe our type of love wasn't meant to be. But I have to hold on to the idea that he'll come back. I have to hold on to something, even if it is a slim chance. But I do know one thing:

I will never have another Angel.

And we took it believing it free…\\

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