Disclaimer: I don't own any of the caracters they belong to Joss Whedon & CO. Mutant enemy and the WB and everybody else . yadayadayada. And susan callahan owns the title of my story she let me use it. Thanks Susan!!
Spoilers: Eh future Angel's in LA Buffy is alone and heartbroken. O and the scooby's are dead killed at the mayor's acention. Buffy didn't go to college. Important riley is not in the picture
Author's notes: Well I'm dutch so please don't judge to heavy on my english;-) This is also my first attempt on writing fanfic. Feedback's very welcome. BTW It will probably suck but please read it and give me an honest opinion and then I'll know if I should continue writing fic. It's up to you!!!

L.A.

Cordelia came walking in Angel's basement/apartment. "Angel I'm back!!!"

Angel came walking out of his bedroom.

"And?" He asked."

And what?"

"Well is she still alive?"

"Who? O Buffy. Uh yeah she's still alive but she didn't looked okay."

"Why is something wrong with her?"

"Yeah she's still not over the fact that everybody's dead and now her mom died too".

"What Joyce died? How did that happen?"

"Well Spike did it because he was so pissed off that Drusilla left him for another vampguy and he blamed Buffy for it. He wanted to see her suffer so he killed her mother. Then Buffy got pissed off and killed Spike. Now she's blaming her self for everything that happened and she was also talking about that she sometimes just would kill herself and she said she probably would do it soon because it's her fault that her mom and the guys died and that she also has nothing left to live for because her reason to live was you but you left her. God speaking of self pity!"

As he was listening his mouth dropped open. Could this really be true? This was not his Buffy where Cordy spoke about. His Buffy was a fighter and a person who would never be so down like this. She was always so happy and shinning. She was his sun. And she wanted to kill her self because he wasn't there?

"Cordelia is this really true? Did she really said that she would kill herself?"

"Yeah but I think this is just Buffy asking for some attention, as always." Would she really do it? Would she really kill herself? Yes she will, because who wanted to live a life where everyone you love and care about died because of your destiny? And then he left her to. What have I done?,he thought. I'm killing the one I love for not being there and I thought she would be happier when I left because I couldn't give her what she needed. But all she needs right now is me. I have to get to her before she gets a chance to kill herself.

"I'm leaving to night"

"And you're leaving me here all alone?" He sighed.

"Cordelia this is serious she could do something her self."

"Alright suit yourself but I still think she's only asking for some attention."

*****

Sunnydale.

She's not at home, he thought when he was ringing her doorbell for the fifth time. But where could she be?. She won't be at Giles' house and she's also not at work because it's Saturday. But where would she be then? If she wanted to kill herself she would be at a special place that meant a lot to her. But where? Suddenly he knew. She would be at his mansion.

*****

Angel's mansion

Here I am again in his mansion. The last time when I was here was 2 years ago after he left and now I'm here to end my life on the one place I would like to stay forever: in his house in his arms. But he isn't here. Only his things he left behind when he left me. And those things are the last things I want to see before I go because they're his.

She sighed deeply. O why do I love a vampire?, she asked herself. Why do al my friends had to die? Why do I had to be the chosen one to kill the vampires? If I hadn't had this destiny my mom and my friends would still be alive and then I hadn't met Angel and I had an normal life. But I do have this destiny and it's my fault that everybody died. So goodbye world, goodbye Giles, goodbye Angel where ever you are......."I love you ",she whispered

She hold a knife in front of her heart and was ready to stab it in the center of her pain when she heard a voice she had missed for 2 years saying: "Don't do it"

She turned around and saw him standing in the shadow. "Angel?",she whispered.

He took a step towards her. "Don't do it Buffy it's not worth it"

"How do you know Angel?" I've almost lost everybody whom I care about and it's my fault if I hadn't this destiny everybody still would be alive!"

"But they all choose to help you, to fight with you and they all knew that they could die. So it's not your fault."

"It IS my fault Angel I just stood there when they died and I couldn't save them and that's what I find so hard to forget and I can't live with it. Then you left me too, because you don't love me enough."

"Don't say that"

"What do you want me to say then? ,she cried out. "That you left me because you thought it's was for the best? That's nonsense! You can't decide for me! I wanted you to stay with me because you're the one that I love, that I cherish, that owns my heart. And most of al you're my soulmate! I thought you knew that. Apparently not because you left. "

"I left because I couldn't give you an normal life with children and I can't grow old with you."

"I DON'T HAVE A NORMAL LIFE! , she shouted. "And you know it's because I had to be the chosen one! I was born to not have a normal life! After you left I tried to have normal relationship like you told me to but 'it didn't work because I only love you and I'll never stop loving you."

She fainted because she couldn't take it any more and Angel could catch her before she could fall on the floor. He carried her to his old bedroom and laid her down on his bed. then he laid down beside her and waited for her to come back to conscious. Soon he fell a sleep.

He woke up when someone was touching his face. he opened his eyes and looked into Buffy's eyes.

"Buffy- "

" Ssssh " She put a finger on his lips. "Don't talk. Just hold me" He did and they staid like that for a while. Then she got up and turned to him and said: "Why did you came back to me ?"

"Well I spoke to Cordelia and she said that you didn't looked okay and that you wanted to commit suicide. I wanted to stop you because if you died I would kill myself to because I can't live without you."

"But why did you left then. You could had saved us both from a lot of pain." She looked at him with angry eyes

"I left because I can't give you children, I can't grow old with you and most of al I don't deserve you. Not after al the pain I brought you as Angelus"

"BUT I DO'NT CARE ABOUT THAT!!!!!! Al I care about is you, only you. I probably can't grow old because I'm the slayer, If I was pregnant I would be an easy target for all the vamps and demons so I can't have children. And you and Angelus are to different persons and he will never come back."

"But the curse-"

"Miss Calendar changed the curse. So your soul's permanent."

"You mean?"

" Yes we can make love" She smiled at him.

"But how did you find out?"

"Giles translated the last part of the curse and there was written that you can have a happy." She smiled again. He bent to her and they kissed. When the kiss was over Buffy looked at him with a serious look on her face. "Angel stay with me."

"Buffy I-"

"No promise me that you'll stay with me and never leave again. Promise me Angel, please." He grabbed her hand and kissed her claddagh ring and then he kissed his.

"Buffy I Promise that I'll stay with you and I'll promise you that I'll never leave you again. And if you die I'll stake myself so we could be together after life."

"Oh Angel that means a lot to me. Now kiss me" He did and they kissed for a long time. then Angel pulled away and bent through his knees.

"Buffy will you marry me?"

Tears were filling up her eyes. O Angel if you only knew how many times I've dreamt about this moment, she tought happily.

"Well will you marry me?"

"Yes Angel. A thousand times yes." They kissed again. "I love you so much Angel."

"I love you too Buffy, my beloved." They kissed and made love for the first time without the fear of Angel losing his soul again.

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