RATING: PG
TIMELINE: Set after 'Becoming Part 2'. In first-person form.
SUMMARY: Buffy's thoughts after she has sent Angel to hell.
DISCLAIMERS: Buffy and Vampire Slayer and Angel created by Joss Whedon. All hail this man. Characters do not belong to me.
DISTRIBUTION: E-mail me first..
FEEDBACK: If you want to, e-mail me. If not, then don't.
DEDICATION: Ae'va, thanks for the beta-ing.

I walked down the sullen streets of L.A. in search of something to make it all go away. But of course, that will never happen. Will it ever go away? No, not completely. It will be apart of me 'till the day I die. Memories can be so hard at times like these. Pictures playing back in your mind like a movie.

As I pass by the many homeless, some asleep and others holding signs begging for food, I asked myself "Why?" over and over. Why did I run away? To end up like the people in the gutter? I have a mother who loves me despite the way she treated me. Friends who will protect me even if they are ignorant and don't understand that I have to do what I do because it is my duty. It won't help anything. Maybe I thought it would be all a dream and I would wake up tomorrow and find some peace. But that's not the case. My love, my Angel, is dead. I sent him to hell to save the world. I could have found another way I suppose, but I knew it was right.

I open the door to my small, roach infested motel room. Peeling off my coat and my shoes, I lay down on my bed, hands behind my head, and stare at the ceiling. The silence was deafening. But isn't that a good thing? I'll die alone, we all will. No matter how many people are there with you, it's only you that has to see the end.

I lay on the bed, the eerie silence engulfing me, letting me fall asleep in it's arms. So alone, oh so alone.

* * * * * * * * * * *

I felt someone's hand gently stroke my hair. I knew that hand. It was the hand of my Angel. I turned around to look at him. He lay next to me, smiling at me with those deep brown eyes of his. I moved closer to him, only wanting to melt in his arms. Angel tenderly lifted up my head a bit, his hand wiping away my tears.

"Your crying," he whispered.

"I am?" I answered back in a soft tone.

I shivered underneath him. He pulled me closer on instinct.

"You're not alone." He looked straight into my eyes.

"I killed you. You're dead." I bowed my head in shame.

"No, no. You did what you had to. Everything will be fine one day. You'll see."

I slowly lifted my head to look up to him. Instead I saw him disappearing.

"No...no!! Angel, don't go. Please..." I begged him.

"Everything will be fine, my love. One day."

With that he was gone, and only I was left there. All alone.

* * * * * *

I stirred from my sleep. It was only a dream. All a dream. He really isn't here.

Silently, I got up from my bed and walked toward the window. I watched as people walked by the motel. So many people, all with different lives. In the end, my problems didn't matter. And I knew, that Angel was right. One day, everything would be all right.

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