RATING: PG
TIMELINE: Set during "The Gift". Also, spoilers for "The Gift", "Becoming Part I/II", "Angel" and "Lie To Me".
SUMMARY: What exactly is Buffy's peace?
DISCLAIMERS: Buffy and Vampire Slayer and Angel created by Joss Whedon. All hail this man. Characters do not belong to me.
DISTRIBUTION: E-mail me first.
FEEDBACK: If you want to, e-mail me. If not, then don't.
DEDICATION:Thanks to all my beta's on this story!---Jessica (grlygrl@quik.com), Devilsangel67292@aol.com and Ae'va.

He was on his knees in front of me, at my mercy, but I have none to give.

(I'm just an animal, right?)

He was the demon that wore my lover's face, a devil in disguise.

(I've killed a lot of vampires. I've never hated one before.)

He was the violent, vicious fiend that had tormented my friends, my family and me for so long. And now his time was up. I could stop him.

(Feels good, doesn't it? Feels simple.)

I had to kill him. I had to send him to an eternity of torture and pain in hell. It was my duty as the Slayer, as his lover.

(For a hundred years I offered ugly death to everyone I met, and I did it with a song in my heart.)

Angelus would not win this fight.

(What changed?)

Angelus gasped. I saw as his eyes change, but just for an instant. They glowed a bright golden yellow and turned dark again, just as fast as they changed. He looked up at me and then collapsed to the floor, tears streaking his cheek. He stared back up at me with a look of utter confusion on his face.

"Buffy? What's going on?"

This couldn't be Angelus. I watched him slowly get up onto his feet.

"Where are we? I...I don't remember."

Then I knew. I knew that my Angel is back. The curse had worked. My love, the one person that brought peace to my world, was back.

-------------

I'm running to my resting place, to my peace.

(Death is your gift.)

I don't hear Dawn sobbing behind me. I don't feel the tower shaking beneath my feet. This is my destiny, my fate. My time as a Slayer was meant to end when the Master killed me all those years ago, but it didn't. I had yet to stop the Anointed One, Spike and Drusilla, Acathla...Angelus.

That early morning, when the sun has just come up and the light pink and orange glow of the dawn still lingered, I had fought the hardest battle of my life; harder than this battle with Glory. I had fought not only the demon that took over my lover's body, but my emotions. The "If only's..." and the "What if's..." that plagued my mind since Angelus had first appeared. The thought that I helped set Angelus out in the world once again to wreak as much havoc as he damn well pleased.

(You have to be strong.)

When I fought Angelus, I had been at my strongest. Angel had left me only because his soul had been ripped away from him. I had yet to feel the pain of him leaving me when he made up his own mind to leave. I didn't have all those lonely nights of crying myself to sleep and pretending he was there because he was there already, even if it was Angelus.

I feel myself diving off the platform and into the portal. The pain shoots through my body as I fall and mercilessly rams into me...

(I love you.)

--------------

I thrust the sword into his chest. I watched as a mixture of pain and shock registered in his eyes. Angel just stood there, with his hand reaching out toward mine. I took a step back and watched, because that is all I can do.

Acathla swallowed the vortex...and Angel had went with him.

(Do you love me?)

Oh God. I killed him. I sent him to hell. My heart broke into a million jagged pieces when I realized what I had done. All I could do was choke out a sob from the depths of my dry throat. I didn't feel the tears coming down my cheeks. I didn't feel the pain. It hurt so much that it went past feeling anything. I was just numb. There was nothing left...no peace.

------

The pain is becoming less noticeable to me. I feel my eyes begin to shut. I remember the most important memories of my life. I watch myself sending Angel to hell, watch myself fall apart. I remember Angel holding me, locking his strong, secure arms around me and loving me no matter what I did or what happened. I don't just remember, I know, the feeling of just lying there in his arms and being at peace in my crazy, hectic world. That feeling of peace stays with me until I cannot feel the pain anymore.

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