Part 9.

Buffy had sat on the sofa in the lounge thinking of all that had happened in the last few days.

She had known there would be a nest of vampires that night. She had wondered if she would be fast enough, strong enough to kill them all, then she decided that she didn't really care. She would do her job even if it meant losing her life. After all maybe a new slayer would be the answer. Since her calling and moving to Sunnydale, Buffy had endangered the lives of the people closest to her.

She couldn't think how many times Xander had almost been killed because she had let him try to help. She had barely been able to stop Angelus killing Willow, Giles and everyone she cared about, And she was so wrapped up in her feelings that she had allowed Jenny to die horrifically at the hands of the demon she loved too much to kill.

So walking into the factory, Buffy had taken a deep breath and decided that if she died it would be so that the people she loved would have a normal life and never again would she have to wake each day to the merciless pain in her heart that had nested in her the day Angel had left her life.

But she hadn't died.

Angel had turned up unbelievably just in time to get her to hospital and now she was more confused than ever before.

Angel had left the hospital only to get blood and change his clothes, the rest of the time he had sat with Buffy, talking to her softly and watching over her while she slept.

It was only while he thought her sleeping that he spoke of his feelings. Telling her that he loved her, cherished her above all else in this world. He spoke of the future he had wished for her, for them both, if only they could be together, if the fates would be kind. She had lain peacefully listening to him speak, his voice a musical note she had never expected to hear again, not willing to open her eyes for fear she would find it all a dream. She had listened to him talking with the nurse as she had done her rounds, asking what the monitors meant and what after affects she should expect, heard the scratching of his pencil as he had sat drawing long into the night and listened with sadness as he moaned softly as the sleep he had avoided for so long finally caught up with him.

Now he could barely look at her. Couldn't make eye contact or smile.

Buffy looked down at the scar forming on her stomach and wondered if Angel thought it disgusting as she herself did. Angel had once been enchanted by her physique, the well-toned muscles that still managed to be extremely feminine but now only showed the true extent of the many battles she had fought. She felt used, disfigured, and ugly.

Only four short years ago she had been a girl, she had family and friends, her grades in school had been acceptable and her mind unharmed.

Now all that was left was the shell of a killer. A creature brought forward to rid the world of demons, to stop evil having its way and lead the world into safety. It didn't matter that she should have had a life.

Buffy herself had given up on that notion, and it was with that thought she let the tears fall and curling up on the sofa, she cried herself to sleep.

Part 10.

Shortly After Buffy had left him in the office, Angel walked out. The pain he had seen on his loves face was too much for him and he needed to think, he hadn't meant to cause her more pain, he wanted to protect her but now he realised how selfish he had become. He hadn't thought that this might hurt her as much as it did him. He was foolish enough to think that Buffy would like to spend some time in LA. Now he realised it was probably the worst thing he could have done. To bring her here, now of all times, To be with the person who she loves, the person who she almost gave her life away for was the one thing she didn't need. Walking the lonely streets in search of demons, Angel cursed himself for hurting her again.

The weather had turned cold in the last week and Angel was not happy about it. It had been raining for the last hour and he was soaked to his skin.

Knowing that vampires didn't often come out on nights like these, often preferring the bars and clubs, Angel headed home.

Angel headed straight for the bathroom when he got to his apartment, He needed a shower and noticing that the bedroom door was closed, he peeled off his wet shirt and threw it over the chair.

The water was hot on his unnaturally cold skin and he welcomed the pain that it brought. After washing himself with shower gel Angel stood leaning on the cold tiles, his muscles bulging as they took the weight of his body as he stood, lost in thought under a torrent of water. He stood that way until the water started to cool then he washed his hair, brushed his teeth and wrapping himself with a towel he left the room. Angel stopped as he opened the bathroom door and noticed her, lying curled on the sofa, soft tendrils of hair framing her face. Angel stood for a long while watching her. He was almost afraid to move for fear of waking her. She looked so beautiful and young and as Angel himself grow hard under the towel he tried to avert his eyes. Earlier that night, when Angel had gone to get her a drink, Buffy had changed her clothes. Angel had asked Willow to pack a few things for her and her choice had been great. Buffy was wearing a pale pink vest and shorts, a little bow sewn neatly onto the front of her top and a pair of kitten slippers. Angel had never seen her look so innocent and the sight of her, had he been breathing, would have taken his breath away. After adjusting the towel Angel walked across the room. Kneeling beside her he pushed her hair from her face gently with his thumb while gliding his palm across her cheek and he paused when her lips parted and she let out the softest sigh.

How he wanted to kiss her, to take her in his arms and never let go but to risk the world…again?

Ever so gently Angel slid his arms under Buffy and lifted her till he was standing. Instinctively, Buffy's arms had gone round Angel's neck and s he had turned her face into his chest, sleeping peacefully on his shoulder. He stood holding her, savouring the delicate scent of his soul mate, memorising every trace of her being. Then he turned and walked towards the bedroom.

"Angel." Buffy purred at the door opened with a slight creek.

"Shh, you sleep on the bed." He answered as he lowered her to the sheets but Buffy didn't move her arms from his neck.

"Stay with me"

"Buffy I cant" Angel pleaded, unsure if he could hold his will power.

"Please, just until I sleep." And with that Angel climbed onto the bed beside her and preyed he could be strong. Buffy turned onto her side and moved closer to Angel, sliding her arm around his waist and letting her leg fall gently over his, her face so close to his that he could feel the soft breath escape from her. Angel tensed. He wanted her so badly, wanted to take her in his arms and kiss her, soft gentle strokes over her body until she was coated in perspiration. He wanted to feel her heartbeat through his chest as he lay atop of her, sheathed inside her…

"Buffy I can't." And with that Angel jumped from the bed and stalked out of the room. For hours Angel paced the apartment confused, hurting, in all of his years he had never felt so alone. Buffy had wanted to go after him when he left but couldn't find the strength.

She had repulsed him, that's why he left, all the years of fighting had left her as someone unworthy of love and for the millionth time tonight she cried. Tears stinging her eyes, tearing at her throat until at last she was spent, and fell into a fitful sleep.

Part 11.

Buffy awoke the next morning with a start and rubbing her eyes she looked around the room. Although the clock said it was almost noon the room was in darkness so pushing the covers back, Buffy climbed from the bed and walked to the window. The light that filled the room when she opened the curtains was almost blinding and Buffy squinted against it for a moment, welcoming the warm sun on her face. Her eyes still felt sore and swollen from the crying last night and she didn't rally want to leave the room, didn't w ant Angel to see her until she had showered and made her face up but there was no choice.

"Angel." She called softly as she wandered into the lounge area of the apartment. Angel kept his apartment so clean and unlike the mansion, he had made it home. There were ornaments and bookcases, a radio and paintings and as Buffy studied the drawing above the mantle her mouth opened and her breath caught in her throat. The picture had been drawn with using charcoal and everything about it was lovely, drawn to perfection. It was an angel, standing arms stretched in the air, her golden hair falling around her shoulders as she looked towards the sun, her full-feathered wings catching the light. Her long dress skimming her perfectly formed body and swishing about her ankles, the woman looked to be floating. And as Buffy looked into the woman's face her eyes became damp, for in was Buffy's face that looked towards the sun in the drawing. Buffy's mind began to swim as she realised that Angel himself had drawn this picture and she wondered if this was what he had been doing as she lay in hospital. Tearing herself away from the picture Buffy walked towards the bookcase. The collection astounded her; there were books on history, language, art, there was a demon collection and hundreds of rare first editions. Running her hand along the spines of the books, most of them showing ware and tear due to age and the constant reading she was sure Angel did, Buffy stopped as she noticed a folder.

Not wanting to pry but curiosity getting the better of her, Buffy removed the folder and walked towards the sofa. As Buffy sat, legs curled beneath her, she opened the folder and her heart filled with emotion. This was Angel's art folder, and turning from page to page, Buffy smiled as every picture brought a memory to her mind. The pictures were all of her. Buffy with Giles, Buffy with her friends, Buffy with Angel. One of the pictures caught her attention more than most; it was a copy of the picture Angelus had left on her pillow after he had turned on the night of her birthday. Full of confusion, Buffy kept looking. There were more pictures that only Angelus could have drawn, the final fight in the mansion before she sent him to hell the time she shot him at the school while the ghosts had taken control.

Buffy didn't understand why Angel had these drawings but she sensed that Angel still suffered at the thought of what he had done. He had never been able to accept that what the demon did in his body was out of his control, he couldn't prevent Angelus from killing and hurting once he was free to do as he pleased, and Buffy realised that this was why Angel had left. Now she understood.

Placing the folder back on the bookcase, Buffy headed for the shower. Angel was probably in his office and she needed to speak to him, needed to explain how she felt.

Part 12.

Buffy walked slowly around the lake, after all the rain the night before she was surprised that she sun was so bright. She had wanted to talk to Angel that morning but when she got to the office, Wesley had told her that Angel had gone out. Seeing the disappointed look on her face Wesley had added that Angel had gone to meet with a demon that may have had some useful knowledge on a case that they had been working on. So with that Buffy had left a message with Wesley that she was going shopping and had walked from the building with a heavy heart.

Buffy had spent almost two hours looking in the shops, wanting something to cheer her up, but the heat coupled with the amount of people had become too much for her so after stopping to buy a bottle of mineral water and some sandwiches, Buffy had left for the lake.

Sitting on a bench under a huge tree, Buffy thought of the last time she had been here. She had grown up in LA, watched her parents divorce here and been called as a slayer, all here in the place she once called home. How ironic, she thought, that now it was Angels home and she no longer fit into the picture.

Buffy sat for a long time, throwing the bread from her tasteless sandwiches to the ducks, thinking of what she should do next. Desperately she wanted to talk to Angel but at the same time she didn't know what to say. As the clouds rolled over the once blue sky and the wind picked up a chill, Buffy left the bench and walked back towards Angel Investigations.

It was almost 6:30 when Buffy walked into the office to find Cordelia sat at Angel's desk, her head laying gently on a pile of paperwork.

"Cordelia?" Buffy whispered, not sure if she was sleeping.

"I'm awake." The brunette answered slowly. "Vision… pain… rest. That's how it goes." She finished.

"Oh, can I help?" the slayer asked hopefully.

"No. Angel told me to tell you he would be back soon, he wants to take you out so you have to get changed." Cordelia said with a cautious smile. " How are you Buffy? You know, after everything."

"I'm ok, still a bit sore but I'm doing better. What's with the visions?" Buffy asked, she knew nothing about them or how Cordelia managed to be having them.

"Doyle." Cordelia answered meekly and began to tell Buffy all that happened in the months since she had met Angel at a party in LA.

"Do you know where Angel is taking me?" Buffy asked sometime after Cordelia finished speaking. She had been intrigued by all that had happened in Angel's life since he had left her and she really wanted to talk with him.

"Dinner and a show I guess. Angel never was forthcoming with information about you. You better get ready though, he'll be here soon"

"Thanks Cordelia. For everything, coming to the hospital, being there for Angel. It means a lot to me." And with that Buffy had retreated to the rooms under the office to change for her date.

Part 13.

After showering Buffy had searched through the bag Willow had packed for her and was pleased to find that her friend had picked out some pretty dresses.

After choosing a long silky lilac number, Buffy had slipped it over her head and hoped it looked ok. Angel had never needed a mirror so Buffy carefully applied her makeup using her reflection on the window and then she had pulled wisps of her hair back into a silver clip and left the rest to fall in soft waves around her face and shoulders.

Buffy heard the elevator lower into the apartment and sucked in a breath.

She didn't feel ready to face Angel after last night. She had wanted to talk this morning but all her courage had evaporated while she had dressed for her evening with Angel. She had felt silly for thinking it a date, wondering why Angel wanted to take her out after everything that had happened these last few months.

Angel spoke to Cordelia for a few minutes before casually asking if Buffy had come back from her shopping trip. He had been worried earlier when he had returned from his meeting to be told that Buffy had gone out alone.

Although it was day and Buffy was so strong he had worried about her. He had thought long and hard about what to say to Buffy and decided that he would take her somewhere neutral and talk. He owed her an explanation and now was the time. Cordelia had been just about to ask him what he was smiling about when she was struck with a vision, so after hearing about it, Angel had given her instructions to tell Buffy about tonight and promptly left to find a demon.

Once Angel was inside the apartment he had softly called Buffy's name, he had booked a table for 8:30 and wanted to let Buffy know.

Taking a deep breath to steady her nerves she opened the door and smiled at Angel, he froze; the look on his face screamed a thousand words, which Buffy didn't understand. Sensing her concern Angel cleared his throat.

"Buffy you look…amazing." He said, frowning at the lack of words he could find. She looked like a princess, the most beautiful creature ever to exist. A pure vision of delight.

"You look good, too." She smiled. He stood there in black pants, loose on the leg but perfectly fitting his bum and thighs, giving just a glimpse of the hard muscles underneath the material. He also had on a black shirt with the top two buttons, just showing a hint of his chest. Angel had changed at Wesley's as he figured that Buffy would take time in the bathroom and he hadn't wanted to rush her.

"I booked a table for 8:30, is that ok? Cordelia said it was a good place… quiet.." Angel stammered. He had lived for almost two hundred and fifty years and this was the first time he had felt completely lost for words. His mouth had gone dry the moment he had seen her and all sense had left him.

"Sounds good." Buffy felt shy. The way Angel was with her was completely alien to her. They had spent four long years in love and Angel was acting like he had just met her.

The short drive to the restaurant was mostly silent, both of them lost in thought, trying hard to think of what to say. Buffy had asked about his day and Angel had briefly told her the details. It was nothing that threatened the world, just some demon activities that were getting out of control and it was nothing to worry about, that was the end of the conversation. Angel parked the car a short walk from the restaurant and they walked there slowly, not touching or speaking, each suffering silently at the feelings the events of the last few days had brought.

Part 14.

The restaurant was a lovely quite place with paintings from all over the world mounting the walls, there were wall lights and candles and as they sat at their table Buffy thought that under different circumstances, this could be incredibly romantic.

The waiter had pulled out Buffy's chair and handed the menu to Angel then left them to decide. Buffy looked around her in awe, the walls were the softest damson colour that matched perfectly the tablecloth and napkin, and the ceiling had the most beautiful marble dome. For once, Cordelia's idea had been perfect.

"What will you have?" Buffy asked, wondering why a vampire would choose to take her for a meal.

"Er..." Angel himself hadn't really given it mush thought until he was given the menu. "I guess I'll have the steak." He couldn't help but smile as Buffy looked at him with wide eyes. "Rare."

It took Buffy a moment for realisation to dawn on her then she smiled. "Oh, that kind."

Angel signaled for the waiter and ordered the food, Buffy had opted for the antipasto pasta salad as her appetite hadn't picked up yet and she had to suppress a grin as Angel ordered his steak and the waiter returned a few minutes later with their drinks.

Taking a gulp of his Irish whiskey to steady his nerves, Angel thought of something light to talk about. His mind was blank, just looking at Buffy, seeing her face lit by the candles was making him almost insane.

"Do I have something on my face?" Buffy whispered, her hand instinctively going to her cheek.

"No. No you look lovely. I've. I've never seen you in this light before. You look…Beautiful" with that Angel looked down at the cutlery before him. He shouldn't have said that, he shouldn't compliment her, it wasn't his place anymore.

"Thank you." Buffy blushed, suddenly feeling like a shy young girl.

The waiter arrived with the food, easing the mood slightly and giving them both a chance to compose them selves. After asking if everything was satisfactory and smiling proudly as Buffy smiled in agreement, the waiter left them alone.

"Looks nice." Angel nodded toward the salad.

"It does." Buffy agreed, " Yours looks ... alive"

Angel looked down on his bloody stake and instantly regretted his choice. Here he was, in a lovely restaurant with his slayer, about to eat a bloody lump of meat. Sighing Angel looked back at Buffy with a small smile, she was smiling back.

"It's ok Angel, really." Buffy had guessed what Angel was thinking and wanted to reassure him. It was food, plain and simple, humans ate rare steak all the time.

Buffy and Angel ate mostly in silence, eyes firmly on the plate in front of them. Occasionally they would make eye contact, give a small smile and look away again.

"Why did you bring me here?" it was the first real question she had asked since she first saw Angel in the hospital and she held eye contact with him.

"To LA?" he had wanted to talk to Buffy about lots of things, but now sitting here, he didn't want to speak. He knew that his words would hurt her and he wanted to put it off as much as possible.

"Yes, LA. this restaurant."

"I thought you needed a break." Angel was finding this hard.

"Angel, you have barely said two words to me since I got here. You won't look at me." she stopped taking and looked down at her hands.

"Buffy. it's…hard, to be here. When I spoke to Giles about it he thought it might be a good idea, I thought it, but now…it's hard, being with you after all this time. the pain I caused you." Angel stopped talking and very gently he leaned over the table and held Buffy's hand.

"It's hard for me too." Her eyes held such sadness that Angel couldn't look at her.

"I'm sorry Buffy, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.again" Angel's last word was almost a whisper.

Looking down on the remains of her salad, Buffy wanted to cry. "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea." Buffy looked up into Angels eyes. "Can we go please."

Angel held the car door open for Buffy and after getting in himself he didn't know what to do. He had wanted her to have a nice evening but he had hurt her instead.

"I have tickets for the ballet. I thought you might like it."

"I cant. I'm sorry." Buffy squeezed her eyes shut hoping to stop the tears from falling. The pain she felt was almost unbearable.

Angel started the car with a sigh and headed towards his home. Looking cautiously at Buffy as he drove he cursed himself for the pain he was inflicting. Had he known this would happen he would never have followed her to Sunnydale, he would have stayed in the shadows and help when needed but he would never have let Buffy love him. Stopping outside his building a few minutes later, Angel jumped from the car and opened Buffy's door. He stood looking at her awkwardly.

"You're not coming in." it was more of a statement than a question.

"I'm going to walk for a while.Buffy, I just need to think." Buffy turned and walked away, leaving Angel standing on the sidewalk looking utterly devastated. The confusion she saw in his eyes was overwhelming and let the tears fall as she walked inside the building and closed the door.

Part 15.

Angel's rage was obvious as he walked along the back streets of LA. He had done everything wrong and was really pissed about it. It was a quiet night on the demon front and that annoyed Angel, he wanted to hurt something badly.

He had heard a few days ago about a vampire nest staying in an old abandoned building but when he got there it was to find a group of teenagers dressed rather drastically in black leather and the most hideous mascara, hanging out and drinking underage. Angel thought about the kids as he walked from the building and headed towards the main streets of the city. The kids must have been about Buffy's age and it pained him to think that when she had run away, maybe she had lived like that. He knew Buffy had been gone for almost 3 months after she had sent him to hell but she had never spoke of her experience.

As he walked in the busy streets, hands thrust deeply in the pockets of his long black coat, Angel once again cursed the hand the fates had dealt.

He was suffering but he didn't mind that, it was the pain being inflicted on Buffy that made the demon in him scream with anguish. Walking fast with his head bent down Angel didn't see the girl walk out in front of him and he growled fiercely as he bumped into her.

"God, do you mind?" the girl said in annoyance. "Oh, Angel. what are you. where's Buffy...did you go all Grr again?" Cordelia's first concern on realising it was her boss she had bumped into was the pay-check that Angel gave her. Surely Angelus would rather drink her than pay her.

"No Cordy, I'm not evil. Buffy's at home." Always the one for short answers.

"But I thought you had gone out."

"We did."

"And...?" Cordelia waited for an answer, ignoring the rain that would surely ruin her hair.

"And what? She wanted to go home." Angel didn't want this conversation.

"What... you took her to Makenzi's for dinner and she wanted to go home? Has that girl got no taste?" Cordelia's expression was of disbelief.

"It was difficult. It's not like we're together." Angel frowned in his own confusion.

"You are unbelievable Angel. You mope around for months over Buffy and as soon as you get her here you treat her like this. Well listen here mister. Buffy and I will never be close friends but even an idiot could work this one out. Talk to her Angel. Tell her how you feel." Cordelia ordered.

"It's not that easy Cordelia."

"Yeah, your probably right, I mean it's not like she offered her life to a bunch of vampires cause the pain you left her with was too much. She's probably going to be fine. until the next time she decides she can't cope with the pain." Cordelia sure was one for words and they almost knocked Angel sideways.

"She wouldn't?" The doubt showed in Angel's eyes.

"Why not, you tried to end it once, why wouldn't she?" Cordelia smiled as Angel ran past her, almost pushing people sideways in his hast to get to Buffy.

Angel ran the four blocks to his apartment in record time, barely noticing the fact that again he was soaked to his skin. He had been gone for almost two hours he thought as he rode the elevator into the spacious but lonely apartment he called home.

"Buffy." Angel called as he searched from room to room. The place was immaculate and everything of Buffy's was gone, even her toothbrush that had sat next to his on the shelf in the bathroom. Growling loudly Angel turned and swung his first into the wall, not caring that he was now wearing his game face. He needed her. She couldn't be gone, not now, there was too much he needed to tell her. Walking into the bedroom Angel's face changed back as he caught the scent that was over powering his senses. Buffy's sent. It was the only proof that she had been here he thought, and then he noticed the letter, scrawled in Buffy's loopy handwriting. She had put the letter neatly on the pillow that just last night she had been sleeping on.

Taking a deep, un-needed breath, Angel sat on the bed and began to read.Part 16

Dear Angel.

I am sorry for leaving like this but I know that I would never have been able to say goodbye and if I had stayed just one more night I would never have been able to leave you.

I tried so hard to have a normal life after you left me but it was so hard. There were so many things that I wanted to tell you but I wasn't given the chance.

I thought maybe you had brought me to here LA so would have a chance to talk but you have been so distant. I understand why you left Angel but it still hurts so much. I can't be with you while trying to forget and that's why I left. Given enough time I might be able to forget but until then I can't see you.

I called Giles earlier today and I have left for Sunnydale. I just need to be around familiar things right now. Please don't worry about me and be careful.

Goodbye Angel.

Love Always
Buffy

Angel paced the room furiously after reading the letter. How could he have left her again? He had meant for them to talk, that's why he had taken her out. He wanted to explain things to her not push her away even more than he already had. He had brought Buffy here so that she wouldn't be alone, he knew that he would be the only one to understand what if felt like to fight for your life everyday and have know one to turn to. He wanted to make peace with her but instead he had brought her to a town away from her friends and left her to herself, trying to fight the loneliness alone.

Angel reached the door in three paces and quickly left the building. Buffy could only have had an hour head start and knowing how the buses ran she would probably still be at the station. He was in such a hurry to find her that he almost managed to snap the key off in the ignition. Slipping the car into gear with a crunch of the clutch, Angel raced in the direction of the bus depot.

"Excuse me Miss, you going to Sunnydale? It's leaving in 5 minutes sharp." The attendant said, nodding in the direction of the bus. He was a middle-aged man with a huge build, greying hair and a tattoo of a naked lady on his forearm.

"Thanks." Was all Buffy said, her luggage had been on board since the bus arrived almost 20 minutes ago. Thinking of the ride ahead, Buffy walked into the little station shop hoping to find a magazine and maybe a bottle of water. Other than the top shelf mag's the only other reading material she could find were children's comics and a copy of Fishing times. Silently cursing her luck, Buffy walked to the small walk in fridge and found a drink then paid the shopkeeper and walked back towards the bus. It was a large dirty vehicle with advertisements all down the side and it was sure to have no air conditioning but as she had little choice she began to climb the steps and board the bus.

"Buffy." Angel almost roared as he gripped her arm and pulled her not so gently from the bus.

"Angel…" Buffy gasped as she turned to face him. The anger in his eyes made her wince as she looked at him.

"So, what? You're just going to leave? Like this?"

"Angel you're hurting my arm." Buffy twisted her arm free from his grasp. "I have to go."

"NO. You're not leaving like this, with just a letter. I…"

"You did. You just left, no goodbye, no note, nothing…"

"Are you on or off?" the driver asked, leaning out of the bus.

"Off." Angel said, not looking away from Buffy's face. "So this is payback? You wanted to even the score?" Angel eyes held so many emotions that it was becoming harder for Buffy to look into them.

"No Angel, I tried to talk and you didn't. What am I supposed to do, just wait…again?"

"Miss if you're on the bus you need to be in your seat…" the bus driver didn't get to finish the sentence.

"She's off," Angel glared at the driver briefly then turned back to Buffy. "Get your bag."

"Angel I am not some kid you can just order around. We're ex, remember and I have to get this bus." This was the last thing she had expected and she felt completely unprepared.

"We need to talk Buffy and I won't let you go till we have." Angel was taking deep un-needed breaths to control his anger. He hated being this way with Buffy but she had almost left. Without even saying goodbye she had just left a note and gone. "Now please get your bag."

Buffy did as she was told, not out of fear but lack of strength. She loved Angel so much that it hurt to be away from him as much as it hurt to be with him. She had thought she was doing the best thing when she left, convinced herself that it would be easier for them both if she just went back to her life. She had not bargained on him following her. Silently Buffy climbed into the car and looked out of the window for all of the short drive back to Angel's apartment.

Part 17.

The journey was made in complete silence and neither one looked at the other until they were in the apartment.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have shouted like that." Angel apologised sincerely and ran his hand through his hair. His clothes were still wet as were Buffy's now as the rain had continued to pour on them as they had argued at the bus depot. "I was so worried."

"So what should I have done Angel?" Buffy almost shouted. "You haven't spoken to me since I got here. I don't understand. You left me and what? I'm just supposed to accept that you leave me then come back. You bring me here and make me so alone. I can't do it Angel." Tears fell freely from her eyes as she spoke but Angel kept looking at her.

"I'm sorry…I"

"What? You didn't think. I guess didn't. didn't care would be more accurate!" Buffy eyes were wild with anger, pain and tears. "Is this just some new mental torment. cooked up just for me? Is this their way of making me sure I can't have a normal life? Angel. you left me. You walked away without saying goodbye, no reason barely even an explanation, you just left. Then you come waltzing back to Sunnydale. all the things you said at the hospital…I heard you Angel, I heard it all. Then you bring me here and leave me again." A sob escaped from her throat and she hugged her arms close to her chest for warmth.

"You heard?" it wasn't really a question.

"Angel it doesn't matter…nothing does." And with that she picked up her bag and walked towards the bathroom. Stopping before she reached the door, feeling awkward she turned to Angel. "That was the last bus. I'm going to shower, I'll leave in the morning.

"Buffy." The look on her face stopped Angel from finishing his sentence.

Watching Buffy walk from the room Angel worried that the damage may already be done. The hurt had shone through her eyes like a beacon, leaving an empty hollow that Angel would have given his soul to fill.

"I made tea. are you hungry, you must be?" Angel's guilt was obvious as he placed the steaming cup on the table as Buffy walked from the bathroom. Her hair, newly washed, hung in damp tresses about her shoulders and her skin glowed pink from the heat of the water. She was wearing different nightclothes, grey and pink panties with little bears and a matching vest, and the same kitten slippers.

"I ate earlier. At the depot." She didn't know why she felt so ashamed. He had walked from her life without any warning, she had begged but he wouldn't listen and now she felt guilty and she didn't understand.

"Oh." Lost for words again, Angel turned back to the fridge and put the milk away.

"So are you actually going to speak to me, I'm mean, I would almost be home by -"

"I love you" Angel cut her short. "Everything I said at the hospital I meant every last word. Buffy, I thought you would die and I couldn't stand it. This. This world isn't worth being in it if I know you aren't in it and that scares me more than I'd like."

"You love me? You love me? That's a laugh. You left me, remember? You wanted out of this freak show so you left."

"You don't understand Buffy" Angel walked towards her then and she walked away from him, around the table.

"Then tell me. Be honest Angel for once and tell me why?" Buffy's bottom lip trembled as fresh tears sprang to her eyes and her brow creased.

"I couldn't stay. I couldn't be with you everyday and never touch you, give you a normal life."

"Bullshit Angel. You are the strongest person I have ever met. If you had wanted to stay you would have."

Angel walked from the kitchen and seated himself on the sofa. Resting his elbows on his knees, he looked up at Buffy.

"I didn't want to leave Buffy, it was the hardest choice I have ever made and I don't know if I was right! The thought of you missing out on a normal life, when all I could ever give you would have been darkness, it makes me crazy. I couldn't do that to you."

"You should have given me a choice with MY life." Buffy sat beside Angel on the sofa and he took her small hand with both of his.

"I was trying to protect you. I thought that if I left. that you would.

"Move on? I am the slayer Angel, I wont ever have a normal life, a normal boyfriend."

"I did what I thought was best. Everyone thought it was best?" Angel had never wished more than he did now that he had kept his mouth shut.

"What you asked them? Did you do a poll to see what everyone thought YOU should do with MY life?" Buffy was almost screaming now as she jumped from the sofa and began pacing. This was too much.

"No, Buffy. I never said anything." Angel fought for wisdom now, he could not tell Buffy that it was her mother that had implied he should leave.

"Who Angel? Giles. What did he say?" The anguish he could see in her face almost made him shiver.

"Buffy, Giles and I never spoke about it"

"Then Xander?" Buffy interrupted "I bet he helped you pack."

"Your mother came to see me. before the prom." Angel stood at the shock of what he said made Buffy wobble on her feet.

"My mother? What did she… why?" the betrayal was clear on her face as Angel walked to her and held her in his arms.

"Your mother loves you Buffy, she wanted the best for you." Angel spoke into her hair.

Taking a step away from him Buffy glared. "So the people I love most in my life put their heads together and come up with this." Pushing him away with force Buffy ran towards the bedroom as the sobs threatened to crash through her body. Angel caught her before she got to the door and forcefully turned her to face him. Crushing her into him, fighting against the incredible gulf of love that swept over him, Angel kissed the top of her head.

"If I could do it again, if I could go back to that day I would never leave

" He was done fighting. He could not ruin both of their lives by being apart.

As Buffy cried openly in his arms, Angel swept her off her feel and carried her into the bedroom. Lying softly on the bed Angel held her for a long time as she cried.

"Tell me.I need to know." She wanted to know why her mother had sent away her lover. The only protection and light in her life.

"It doesn't matter Buffy." Angel stroked the hair from her face as he looked down at her.

"Please Angel. I have to know what was said."

"All she said was she hoped we were strong enough for the choices ahead. Buffy you had college coming up, slaying, not to mention a life somewhere in all of that and she was worried for you. You can't blame her for that." Angel wanted to cause as little friction between mother and daughter s possible. He had never meant to tell Buffy about his visit from Joyce a few months before.

"She never told me. She knew she was to blame and she didn't tell me. She must have heard me cry a million times and she knew all along." Seeing the hurt in her eyes Angel felt helpless. He had loved her from the first time he saw her and that feeling had never faltered. He loved her as much now as he did the night of her 17th birthday and Angel sighed as he remembered that night. Angel lowered his eyes to look at Buffy and found that she had been watching him. Her eyes, although red from crying still held all the feeling for Angel and he could see that as clear as day. Lowering his head slowly, his lips brushed Buffy's as her arms came up to circle his neck.

Parting her lips, giving room for Angel's tongue, Buffy sighed into his mouth as he made his entrance. She ran her fingers through his hair as the kiss deepened, with their tongues duelling, lips bruising under the force. It was Angel who broke the kiss.

"Buffy. we still can't.. I mean nothing's changed." Angel sat up on the bed. Buffy laughed a small shallow laugh and rolled onto her side, facing away from Angel. Hearing her laugh he felt awful. The last time he had heard her laugh like that was when she had listened to Giles and Angel talk about the master and the prophecy of her death. "Buff."

"I'm tired. I'm leaving in the morning." Angel had been dismissed. He couldn't talk to her now, too much had already been said tonight and he didn't want to push her too much. As he walked from the room he wondered for the millionth time if he would be strong enough to go back to Sunnydale, go back to Buffy and never be able to touch her. Angelus was all that held him back. Everyday was a living nightmare for Angel, one that he wished he could protect Buffy from.

Part 18

Buffy rested quietly on the bed after Angel had left the room. She hadn't meant to be so harsh with him but how was she meant to cope with all that he had told her. The fact that he had left Sunnydale because her mother had asked him to was the hardest news to take. Joyce had known about Buffy's feeling for her vampire lover but still she had destroyed it.

Reaching into her bag for her moisturiser Buffy sighed. She had shed a lifetimes worth of tears in the last few months and felt a gulf of loneliness in her chest. After rubbing the warm cream into her skin Buffy climbed under the covers and settled her head onto the pillow. She wanted Angel more than she could bare and although she knew Angel had been right when he said that nothing had change Buffy didn't care. The gypsies that had cursed Angel had cursed her too. With that thought in her mind Buffy fell into a fitful sleep.

Angel had paced every inch of the apartment after leaving Buffy in the bedroom, he had sat in every chair and looked at every picture. In 244 years of walking the earth, Angel had only ever loved one person and knowing it could never work brought a pain that he couldn't describe.

Through the years he had travelled to every country, feeding from and learning from the people who so trustingly sat with him. It was in Morocco that he had learned to draw; he would sit for hours with a sketchpad drawing the town folk go about their business, scurrying from one place to another.

He had kept his pictures close by through the years as he had travelled with Darla, adding to his collection at every stop, sometimes drawing the children playing on the ship between destinations. Know one ever expected that the handsome young couple who sat quietly together, dresses in the finest of fabrics, where the ones who swept through the night feeding from the children on board.

After Angel had been cursed he had burned the drawings. The anguish they had caused him the only time he saw them after his soul had been restored was too much and as he put a match to them he had cried with the haunting guilt and he vowed never to draw again.

It was almost a hundred years later that he first saw this beautiful blonde girl, sitting on the steps of her high school and that night Angel had started drawing again. The picture he had framed on the wall of his apartment was his favourite. It was prom night. When he had walked into the Buffy's prom and seen her talking to Giles, holding her 'class protector' umbrella, she had taken his breath away. She had looked so innocent as they danced and although he had seen the pain in her eyes when he told her he was still leaving, she had shown such strength and courage. He had given her wings in his drawing, her arms stretched above her, her hair delicately framing her face. He had placed the picture on the wall exactly one week after he arrived at the apartment and he had sat, long into the night, crying at all he had left behind.

As he stood looking at the picture now he wondered if Buffy had recognised herself in his art. He wanted so badly to go to her. He was afraid that if she left tomorrow he would never see her again, she would close him out of her life completely and the thought of that hurt, deep inside his chest.

{{ She could hear the faintest music playing as she walked along the beach. The sand was the whitest she had ever seen and so fine, almost like powder between her bare toes. Slowly she walked along the shore, letting the gentle waves wash over her feet, the water almost warm to the touch. The sun was high in the sky but it was misty, a fine fog had settled as far as the eye could see and Buffy was pleased at this. The fog brought with in peace and serenity and as the calm washed over her she turned to find a small child, a little girl with fiery auburn hair.

"He will come". The girl spoke softly and not waiting for a reply, she smiled and ran away, disappearing into the mist. Buffy smiled at this, she knew he would come. This was their place; every night since he left they had met here, walking through the mist holding hands. Angel with his trousers rolled half way up his calf and Buffy lifting her long flowing skirt around her knees as they walked for hours along the shore.}}

After he had fed, Angel washed his mug in the sink and settled himself on the sofa. It had been days since he had slept and he was feeling it. Knowing that he would need to be focused tomorrow, focused enough to talk things through with Buffy, Angel closed his eyes and within minutes he feel into a deep sleep.

{{Angel stood under the pier for a few minutes as his eyes adjusted to the sunlight. It was so warm, the mist caressing his skin as he looked out across the beach, the scent of his love filling his senses as he saw her approach. She was a vision, pure and innocent with her soft golden hair pulled up at her crown, soft wisps framing her face. She smiled a radiant smile that was almost blinding as she reached out her hand and held Angel gently at the elbow. They didn't speak, words had no meaning here and with the sweetest silence they walked out into the sun. It was the most natural thing, walking in the sun with the sea lapping at his feet, the breeze ruffling his hair as Buffy looked up at him. Nothing else existed, the world and its contents dissolving away leaving only them and their beach as time stopped for them.

They walked and they stopped, they looked at each other and out to sea, they sat on the white sand and waded through the water. The tranquil mood was always the same and even when they walked back to the pier, to where they would say goodbye, they were at peace.

As they held each other, hidden in shade under the pier, Angel looked down into the most mesmerising eyes.

"Look" it was the little red headed girl that had spoken to Buffy earlier.

Both turning to look the lovers released each other from the embrace.

"I'm sorry, we have to go now." Buffy spoke softly to the young child.

"Look." The girl repeated. Buffy looked up at Angel and saw the curiosity in his eyes. They had not been disturbed before. Taking her hand Angel walked towards the girl and squinted as the sun glowed in the deep blue sky.

The girl ran away giggling, her laughter could be heard even after she disappeared into the mist. As Buffy and Angel looked at each other they became aware of the mist getting thicker. It swirled about them slowly, blowing gently through Buffy's hair.

"We are sorry to intrude" the musical voice was unexpected but so calm that Buffy and Angel turned slowly in the direction that it came. A lady, her golden skin shining slightly in the sun stood before them. "We thought you would be here."

"We?" Angel asked as he held Buffy's hand, his thumb caressing her palm.

"That is correct" The male voice came form behind then and they turned to see a golden figure walking towards them

"Who are you?" Buffy asked, smiling at the man.

"We have been sent here." the lady's voice drifted off as the man finished her sentence.

"To talk for the powers that be." The man finished.

"You are the most powerful warriors." The lady spoke softly, her voice sounding alien with the musical tone it carried.

"Sent here for what?" Angel asked as the man walked round them and stood beside his golden partner.

"The fight is just beginning" spoke the female oracle.

"We must defeat the evil or darkness will reign for ten thousand millennium

" The man spoke always as the lady stopped. The calmness that followed the oracles was welcomed by Buffy and Angel as they stood side by side in the sand.

"Together you are powerful."

"You share a soul that cannot be severed." This time it was the lady who finished off the sentence.

"I don't understand" Angel's brow furrowed as he looked from one to the other of the golden couple.

"Soul mates" The lady sang. "You share a soul. You are one."

"For the side of good you fight." The man looked up into the sky as he spoke

"Your soul has merged. as will the life."

Buffy stood looking at the two, even though she was confused, the calmness didn't waver.

"What is done cannot be undone" the male spoke.

"What is deserved will be awarded." The partner finished.

"Deserved?" Angel spoke, his voice barely a whisper.

"You will share this life and with it your heart will beat firmly." The male took a step backwards and stood directly behind the lady.

"Everything you have you will share"

"You will live like a normal human."

"Your strength will combine."

"As your love grows, so will your knowledge and power."

"Take care of this gift" the male oracle bowed his head as his partner twirled before him.

As the mist started to swirl for a second time Buffy and Angel embrace again as the Oracles drifted from sight.

"It's time." Buffy stated and reaching for Angel's hand she stepped towards the pier where they would say goodbye.}}

Buffy slowly opened her eyes and yawned. Reaching for the brush on the bed table she brushed her hair from her face and got up from the bed. Although it was early Buffy felt refreshed and walking towards the window she smiled.

Opening the curtains, Buffy smiled and tilted her face up to greet the sun. It was a warm day. The storm that had raged the night before had past, leaving the sky a brilliant blue. Buffy stood there for a few minutes and collected her thoughts. The dreams of Angel always left her with a sense of calmness but as she thought of him the other side of the door, Buffy inhaled a deep breath and rubbed her eyes. Feeling the ache in her chest begin to settle, she picked up her toiletries and walked from the room.

"Buffy, you're awake." Angel looked up startled from his seat. He had been awake for over an hour, pacing, but he had expected to be alone for a few more hours.

"Yes... a few minutes ago." Buffy smiled awkwardly and holding up her shower bag she walked towards the bathroom.

"Buffy. I." Angel's brow creased as he though of what to say. A sigh escaped him and he walked into the kitchen and sat at the table. Buffy had followed him but stopped at the doorway.

"What is it?" she asked hoping that this wouldn't turn difficult again.

"Last night I.Er. Buffy." Angel's eyes seemed to be focused on something that Buffy couldn't see. "Something happened last night." He stopped speaking and looked all around the apartment.

"What something.Angel, you're scaring me" Buffy looked down at him with concern.

"I had a dream. the powers, they sent." Buffy watched as Angel's mind raced, his eyes darting around the room quickly. "Something happened."

"I know." Buffy almost whispered. Her heart raced and leapt as she recalled her dream.

"You know?" His eyes found hers and he held her gaze. "You were there." It wasn't a question and as he watched the tears well in Buffy's eyes he stood and reached for her. Crushing her to him in the fiercest embrace Angels resolve broke and his eyes became damp. "Buffy." It was whispered into her hair.

"I can hear you heart beating" Buffy cried loudly in Angel's arms as her heart constricted with the most painful joy. "Oh god Angel.I can hear your heart." And looking up at him, Buffy held her breath as she placed her hand over Angel's chest and felt the unusual thump of his newly beating heart.

Overwhelmed with emotion, Buffy slipped her arms around Angel's neck as he lifted her into his arms and carried her back towards the bedroom.

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