Disclaimer: Yeah, ok. Not mine.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Slight ones for all seasons of BTVS and A: TS, and my two trilogies, Simply Human and Learning to Live.
Distribution: Anyone who has any of my stories is free to take this one. Anybody else just let me know where it is going.
Author’s Notes: Sequel to the Learning to Live Trilogy.

Life is perfect. I am reluctant to say that, since it seems it’s always taken from me. I have only once before thought life was perfect, and no sooner did I think it, everything was taken from me.

But not this time, this time no one will take it from us.

I can’t believe it has been almost a year. A year. A year of happiness, a year of wonderfulness. We both were careful at first, tiptoeing around, never allowing ourselves to fully appreciate what we were given. But, after a while, we just couldn’t contain it any longer…so far, so good.

Before I continue, I do realize that you probably do not care about my happiness, considering your predicament. I understand. I even sympathize. Nevertheless, I must do this, for you and for me, mostly for me I will admit. But I digress; I just wanted to let you know that I know this is probably hard for you to read.

We visit Mom often, perhaps not often enough, but she understands. She is getting stronger. I really believe whatever was wrong with her has finally been “cured.” And surprisingly, she is happy for me.

They think I don’t know. They think I don’t know that she went to him before the prom. They think I wasn’t there. But I was. Why wasn’t I mad at her? Because I could see it in his eyes, his mind was made up. She didn’t do anything; she just cut the thread that he was holding on by. I don’t blame her. I don’t blame him. I don’t blame anyone. It was just meant to be, like everything else that has happened.

He told me that he never regretted that night, only the consequences that it brought. I’m not sure that I even regret that. It was destined. Everything we went through, we had to. We had to prove to the “powers that be” that we deserve to be together. I truly believe that makes us value our love more than we ever could otherwise. Sure, we treasured love more than the ‘average person’ but I don’t think we appreciated it enough.

It took me a long time to get to this point. I was angry for so long. I was angry at everyone, at everything. It just wasn’t fair. There we were, fighting, risking our lives so that the rest of the world could live in ignorant bliss, yet we weren’t allowed to be together. That was my argument against the universe. Why should I risk my life to protect you when I don’t get anything back in return?

That isn’t a way to live. I could not just sit by and allow terror and evil to reign. It was selfish of me to think that I should get something back. True, I didn’t choose this job, it chose me, but in the end, I got amazing things. I am the most powerful slayer on record; I am the slayer that defies all. I have wonderful friends, a great watcher, who is more like a dad. I have a mother who, despite her faults and her initial reaction to finding out her only child’s destiny, is terrific.

And now, I have my Love. I am hesitant to say my life is complete, because of that fear in the back of my mind that it will be taken away.

Angel tells me I shouldn’t worry about what can be, what was, or what will be, he says that I should just live in the moment. Imagine that, Angel, king of ‘let’s live in constant regret over what I’ve done and despair over what can’t be’ telling me I should just live in the moment.

He’s changed greatly, as expected. But I never would have imagined the great transformations in his personality. He is lighter, happier. It is just as I always dreamed it would be. He is wonderful, I feel like I am going to burst with happiness. I’m not even sure I can fully explain how he makes me feel.

It’s just wonderful. I really think there are no other words to describe it. He treats me like a princess. He worships me in every way possible. If any person feels even a fraction of what I am experiencing, then everything we have done is worth it.

Xander and Anya are going to have a baby. We were all quite shocked, but we are happy for them. They were married a little over three months ago. They still live in Sunnydale, Angel offered to let them stay at the hotel, (It seems it has become more like an apartment building, as Cordelia and Gunn moved in sometime ago, in addition to Angel, Willow, Tara, Spike, and me. But that’s fine. I like it that way), but they declined, choosing instead to stay, I never fully understood there reasoning behind it, nevertheless if they are happy, I am happy.

Unfortunately, Willow and Tara did not experience the same bliss that Angel and I have. But they are still close friends and Tara still lives in the Hyperion. She has become not only a friend of Willow, but also a true friend to us all.

Perhaps the biggest shock came when Willow and Spike began dating. They both seem blissful and I am happy for them (I have a lot of happiness to spread around.). Spike came to me one day and asked what I thought about him asking Willow out. I fell off the stool I was sitting on, literally. I didn’t know what to say, needless to say this amused Spike. We considered trying to find a way to turn Spike human, but he didn’t want to, saying that he wasn’t meant to be human, if it was, then it would happen. I think he has changed more than Angel.

Wesley moved to London. He told us he didn’t feel he was needed here any longer. We tried to talk him out of it, Angel even insisted he still needed him, but Wes said he completed what he had come here to do and it was time for him to go home. I know there is something that he didn’t tell us, but I hope that one day he will feel comfortable enough to come back. I know he never really felt like he was wanted here. Nothing could be further from the truth, but only he knows what is best for him. And there was not anything we could do to keep him here; I just hope he is able to find satisfaction, wherever he may be.

Giles is well. He, too, decided to stay in Sunnydale, with Mom. As far as I know, it is a strictly platonic relationship, that’s all I want to know. He moved in after I left, on the pretense that he was helping out. Honestly, I do think they have a relationship, but I do not want to know about it. He is good for Mom; he is there when she needs him. I trust him to protect her. I wouldn’t let her stay otherwise. And she makes him feel needed. After we all graduated and went to college, he started to think that he wasn’t important and that we didn’t need him. Though, we still needed him, the truth was, we didn’t need him as much as we previously had. Now, this way, I at least know they are both feeling taken care of and useful…makes my life a little easier.

Cordelia and Gunn were married several months ago, and moved into a room, bringing Dennis with them. I’m not exactly sure how that worked, all I know is Tara and Willow went over to Cordy’s old apartment and came back with a ghost. It is humorous to see Cordelia as a wife, but she plays the part well and is quite happy, except of course when she wants to help with the Agency, Gunn is a little too protective of her. We are working on him.

Why haven’t Angel and I married? It’s not the right time. It would seem almost eminent that the day he turned human we would wed. As strange as it seems, I am not ready to be a wife. Not even his wife. Truthfully, he is not ready to be a husband. We’ve talked about it, and we know that one day we will get married and we will have children, but not soon, after all, we have a lifetime. I am selfish, I don’t want to share him with anyone.

We are planning a trip to Ireland. Angel wants ‘to go home.’ It came as a surprise, at least to me, but I could tell that he had been planning it. We were lying in bed and he said that he wanted to go home. I’m embarrassed to admit that it took me a minute to figure out what he meant, when I did, I fully understood. He wants to close that part of his life. He may finally realize that he does deserve redemption, but that still haunts him. He has nightmares about killing his family, so we are going to Ireland. Even thought, I know this will ultimately be for the best, I can’t help being slightly apprehensive about the trip. He has just recently begun to open up about his life before he was turned. I never pressed him about it; I always respected his wishes to not talk about it, still today, I am not exactly sure what we are going to do when we get there or what to expect. All I know is that I will be there for him, like he was always there for me.

I know he was there for you as well. And I know he continues to be. He doesn’t tell me, but I am aware he visits you regularly. I have thought about it, but I haven’t fully forgiven you yet. I realize it isn’t exactly healthy or logical for me to blame you. I’m not even sure what I blame you for. I think more than anything I envied you. I envied your ability to just accept the ‘slayer gig.’ You seemed to just thrive on it. You fed off it. I thought of it as a job, you thought of it as fun. I was envious of your nonchalant attitude. While I would never wish that I didn’t have my friends, I sometimes wish I didn’t have to protect them as well as myself.

I blame myself for the path that you choose. I wonder if I would have been more attentive to you, if things would have been different. Truth is, I was over-confident and I was selfish. As much as I tried to make it seem like the contrary, I liked my job, my duty. I felt like I was doing something ‘for the greater good.’ I was the chosen one. One. There was only supposed to be one. I acted like a child.

I was jealous that you might have the chance to be with Angel when I couldn’t. I was jealous that he would want you more than he loved me, I thought his desires would take control over his feelings. I allowed these notions to take over my common sense; I allowed them to take over my judgment. I regret that now, not because these thoughts were totally unfounded, but rather, due to the consequences that resulted. My own insecurities were my worst enemy.

It’s all in the past now. Although we consciously choose the paths we take, they aren’t without some guidance from somewhere else; those ‘Powers’ are tricky like that.

He loves you, you know. The two of you have a connection that I can’t even begin to understand, nor do I want to. It’s something both you and he need. I think it makes you both stronger and better. As morbid as it is, what you have in common helps you, and him, see that redemption is possible.

I had to thank Cordelia for all she did to help Angel over the last few years, but I have to thank you as well. You helped him, maybe more than anybody. I’m not sure even he realizes how much your friendship made things slightly easier for him. You were there for him when I wasn’t.

The watchers council disbanded after I left. I’m not sure on the details, but it seems as though a few of the members had a little sense. They turned it over to Giles. It’s not exactly a council now, but he handles everything, with help from us of course.

Things have changed so much. I only wish you could be here to see it all. You will though. I have full confidence that in the next year you will be here with us, reeking havoc as always. Do I know something you don’t? Perhaps.

I want you to know that when you are allowed to leave, you will have a place here.

Even though he will not admit it, Angel needs a little help with the Agency. Angel Investigations has become quite the success, with both the supernatural and the non-supernatural, although I would never call it natural. We have all pitched in to help out, however, Willow is the only one that maintains a job not associated with the agency. I had to quit my job to help out. Ok, so I didn’t have to, but I am still a slayer, I have to burn all this excess energy some how, and Angel doesn’t have the stamina he did as a vampire, not that he is terribly lacking. Ok, perhaps that was a little too much information.

That is not the only reason. You are the only person who knows what it’s like to BE a slayer. You are the only one who can relate to what I go through sometimes. Sure, I can talk to Angel, but he doesn’t comprehend what it is to actually exist as a slayer. I miss our friendship. I miss your eccentricity. I may not agree with your methods of slaying, yet you know what it feels like to have that power in you, to have it build up inside you at the prospect of a good physical fight. All that energy has to go somewhere. No one knows what that’s like. No one but you.

I understand, though, if you choose not to have any association with us. I will understand if you decide you need to start a new life without us. Because I cannot and will not say it will be easy. It wasn’t easy for any of us. I can’t guarantee you will be trusted; in fact, I am positive you will not be. But what I can guarantee is that, in time you will become a member of our family.

After all, you are already my sister.

“Baby,” a voice said, pulling Buffy from her thoughts, and her writing.

“Yeah,” she asked her love.

“Are you coming to bed now?”

“Yes, my love,” she told Angel, “just let me finish this, and I will be right there.”

Buffy returned to her writing to address the letter: Dear, Faith, and signed her name to the bottom.

With a satisfied smile and a weight off her shoulders, she moved to the bed and into the awaiting arms of Angel.

“I love you,” she told him, planting a kiss on his cheek.

A sleepy, “Love you,” and a returned kiss were the reply.

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