Rating: PG-13 for violence
Summary: Think Riley. Willow. an angry shovel.. Just read it!
Spoilers: Who Are you and some old episode from the beginning of season four.
Author's notes: I can't believe no one thought of this before me! Yay! Woo hoo!
Distribution: Ask me... and I'm gonna say yes.

"Hello? Is anybody here?" Willow peeked her head through the door to Riley's room.

"Oh, hi Willow," he stood from his desk as Willow came in and closed the door behind her. "What's up?"

"Oh nothing," she rocked back and forth on her hells. "I just came to talk. Uh huh, just to talk."

"Uh, Ok," Riley stepped towards her and she backed away quickly; he frowned. "What do you want to talk about? Is anything wrong?"

"With me? No. No, I'm good," she continued to rock back and forth on her heel. Her motions exposed the object she was hiding behind her back.

WRiley stepped forward again, "What's that you've got there?"

"Oh nothing," she smiled sweetly.

"What's this all about, Willow?"

"Actually, it's about Buffy?"

"Buffy," he looked worried. "What's the matter with her? Is she Ok?"

"No," Willow shook her head sadly. "No, she's not Ok. She's been moping around our room in her pajamas, refusing to go out, or eat, or make use of the English language. And it's all because of you!"

"Me?" Riley raised his eyes in question. "What did I do?"

"Well-you just had to have the sex, didn't you?! The cleavagey slut-bomb walks in and you just pounced on her. You didn't even give it a second thought. What is it with men and the sex?"

"I thought she was Buffy," Riley looked ashamed.

"Is that really an excuse? You two have spent so much time together lately. You'd think you'd sense it wasn't her. I mean, Faith versus Buffy-gee, there's no difference there!" she waved one arm in the air dramatically. "Faith-raving psycho killer; Buffy-innocent freedom fighter. Not to mention their blatant difference of personality!"

"I told her I was sorry.. I" he began to stutter. "I would never hurt Buffy," he spoke seriously. "I love Buffy."

"Well, then you don't take love very seriously do you? Because you really hurt her. And do you remember what I said I'd do if you hurt her?"

"No. I. Willow? What's going on?" he took another step towards her.

"Allow me to clarify," she took a step away from Riley and leaned her back against the door. "Before you, Buffy was in love with a guy named Angel. He was perfect for her, only problem was, he was a vampire with a soul. He left her because he loved her so much that he wanted her to have some kind of a normal life. Needless to say, Buffy was a mess. Her and Angel are meant to be together; they're like Romeo and Juliet. And you, the normal guy, tried to make her forget him. And in doing so, you broke her heart again. Do you remember what I said I'd do if you hurt her?" she repeated her question.

Riley didn't answer. He looked upset. "I can't believe Buffy never told me about this. I can't believe she lied to me!"

"Shut up!" she began to get angry. "Do you remember what I said?"

"No I." Riley began to back away.

"We were at party and you asked me for advice on how to approach her. And before you went to talk to her I told you."

"I remember," he interrupted. "You said."

"I told you that if you hurt her, I'd beat you to death with a shovel."

"Right!" Riley laughed.

"Well," she pulled a metal shovel out from behind her back. "I always keep my word," she swung the shovel around a bit. "Riley, this is Mr. Shovel. I believe he's eager to meet you."

"What?" Riley bumped into the bed behind him and fell. "You can't be serious!"

"Oh I couldn't be more serious," she advanced slowly but surely towards him, banging the end of the shovel on the floor. "You hurt my best friend, so I get to hurt you. Tit for tat you know."

"Willow." he crawled backwards and bumped into the wall. "Come on. Let's be reasonable."

"I for one, think I'm being very reasonable."

He couldn't back up any further. Willow had him cornered. "Say goodbye, Riley," she raised the shovel up over her head.

"Goodbye, Riley," he put his hands over his head to protect himself from the blows; it didn't work. Willow brought the shovel down hard and fast, and he was dead before he had time to scream like the girly-girl he truly was.

"Yes," Willow dropped the shovel and looked at the bloody mess on the bed. "Goodbye, Riley."

* * *

"Riley Angus Finn was a good young man. He came to church every Sunday, and he fought to make the world a better place for all of us."

As the priest droned on, Buffy and Willow were having a quiet conversation behind the small crowd of people.

"So, what kind of demon was it Buffy?"

"We don't know yet, Will. Giles is looking into it," Willow grabbed her friends hand reassuringly. "It's weird though. You'd think I'd be really upset that Riley's dead, but I'm actually kind of relieved."

"That's good, sweetie. You can do better than him," she smiled.

"Yea. It'll be nice to spend some time with someone who can talk about something other than grain harvesting. He sounded like that chicken-you know, in that kid's book-'I planted the wheat, I grew the wheat, I harvested the wheat, etc and so on."

"Oh yea! I remember that one."

"Let's get out of here, Will," Buffy tugged Willow away from the funeral procession.

"Sure," the who girls ran out of the graveyard and headed back towards their room. All the while, Willow had a familiar tune stuck in her head:

Ding dong the hick is dead,
The stupid hick, the fish-boy hick,
Ding dong the farmer-boy is dead.

Well, what did y'all think! I was so surprised that no one else remembered Willow's promise! Feedback please!!!!!

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