Disclaimer: Do I look evil??? (They Belong to Joss)
Timeline: I'm not quite sure but quite soon after Angel Left Sunnydale (Before Angel S1)
Summary: Angel finds himself going back to Sunnydale
Feedback: Please, Please, Please!!!!! To
AN: The song belongs to the lovely Bon Jovi as does the title, I was just listening to their album These Days which I haven't listened to for AGES & I came across this song and found it quite fitting!!
AN2: Ok I'll just warn you that this Fic is in a strange mixture of Angels POV & normal (soz I've forgotten my persons)
AN3: I haven't stopped writing "Something for the Pain" it's just that I'm suffering severe writers block, so it may be a little while.

It aint no fun lying down to sleep
And there aint no secrets left for me to keep
I wish the stars up in the sky
Would all just call in sick
And the clouds would take the moon out
On some one-way trip

I don't think I can stand it; I'm all alone in L.A. I suppose I deserve it, at least I'm where I can't do any damage. But I miss everyone so much, especially Buffy and I even miss Xander in some strange, twisted way!

Angel decided to go for a drive, he drove all around L.A. aimlessly, not really knowing where he was going. His aimless drive took him to the motorway that led from L.A. to Sunnydale but Angel was so deep in thought he didn't really notice where he was going; he just went into autopilot.

I drove all night down streets that wouldn't bend
But somehow they drove me back here once again
To the place I lost at love, and the place I lost my soul
I wish I'd burn down this place called home
It would have been so easy
If you had only made me cry
And told me how you're leaving me
To some organ grinders lullaby

But it's hard, so hard
It's tearing out my heart
It's hard letting you go

What? What am I doing here? Oh my god, I didn't mean to come here, I shouldn't be here, should I? But I do miss her so much maybe I should just go to see her quickly. No! No, I really shouldn't.

Angel decided not to go to see Buffy but thought that he'd do some slaying, to get rid of some excess stress. After about an hours patrol and 5 dusted vamps Angel decided to head over to the mansion, just to stay for one night then go back home. No this is home, he thought. Well he would go back to L.A. the next day anyway.

Now the sky, it shines a different kind of blue
And the neighbours dog don't bark like it used to
Well- me, these days,
I just miss you- it's the nights that I go insane
Unless you're coming back,
For me, that's one thing I know wont change

Coz it's hard, so hard
It's tearing out my heart
It's hard letting you go

Angel opened the large creaky door to the mansion and saw it just as he had remembered it, except slightly more dusty! Home, sweet home! He thought

Then he heard a strange sobbing noise, following it he was led to his bedroom, where Buffy was laid in his bed her body shaking with sobs.

"Buffy?" Angel asked in a shaky voice

"Angel!" Buffy gasped, "What are you doing here?"

"Um, it's my house, aren't I allowed to come here?" Said Angel, half joking

"Well, yeah, but I mean I thought you had left Sunnydale" replied Buffy, with a little hope in her voice

"Well, technically, yes but I just wanted to, um, come and see you!" Lied Angel

"Really?" squeaked the small slayer

"Yeah" replied Angel, not so sure he was lying anymore

Pain filled Buffy's eyes as she lost control, "Well that's not good enough, you can't just stroll in here and pretend nothing's happened, coz it has, you left me remember!!!" She shouted, instantly regretting every word that passed her lips, she always ended up shouting at Angel, she didn't want to, she just did.

Even more guilt and sorrow filled his eyes and he averted his eyes downwards, not wanting to speak in case his love attacked him again.

Now some tarot card shard said I'll draw you a heart
And we'll find somebody else new
But I've had my last trip to those carnival lips,
When I bet all that I had on you

"I'm sorry," he mumbled softly at last

Buffy trembled at the pain in his words that meant that HER words had hurt him deeper than they had been intended to do.

"No, I'm sorry, I was a bitch, it just hurts, and everyday it's like this intense pain that won't leave, no matter what I do or say or think it won't go Angel, it just won't" and with her last words sobs wracked her small frame and a few tears trickled down her face. Angel took her into his arms gently, then soothingly said:

"I know my love, I feel it too, every minute of every day I have this urge to get in my car and come here and take you into my arms and say I was wrong, that I don't want to live my life without you. And I don't but we can't be together, it's just too hard. But Buffy, I miss you"

"Me too" she replied shakily, "I've missed having someone to talk to"

"Well then, tonight, my slayer, we talk," insisted Angel

"Hmm, where do I start?" started Buffy

And so they talked, about their summers, about their feeling, about everything, until sleep took Buffy. Angel stayed awake until sunrise, just listening to the sound of her heartbeat.

*************~~~~~~~~~~~******************~~~~~~~~~~~*************

Just after midday Angel awoke, Buffy wasn't in his bed, * oh well, couldn't expect her to stay* thought Angel

"Morning sleepyhead" said a voice from the doorway

"Buffy!" Angel whispered, "You didn't have to stay"

"Oh, but I wanted to" she informed him with a grin

Angel gave her a sexy half smile.

"Want some coffee?" Buffy nearly shouted, abruptly breaking the silence, "I got takeout"

"That'd be great thanks," said Angel

Buffy exited the room and a few moments later returned, handing him a plastic Starbucks cup containing a cold liquid and lots of whipped cream.

"What is this?" said Angel playfully, "coz this is certainly not coffee as I know it!"

"Caramel frappachino with cream" she informed him, then off his apprehensive look added, "It's good"

"I suppose I'll have to take your word for it"

***********~~~~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~~***********~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was getting late, Buffy and Angel had spent all day 'till sunset chatting, then all evening "patrolling" like those old days when they didn't have a care in the world, but now it was late and the truth had to be faced up to.

"You know I have to go now Buffy" said Angel sadly

"Yeah" she muttered

They took a long look at each other then their lips met in a gentle kiss, after what seemed like an eternity, they broke apart.

"Bye my little slayer" said Angel with a sad smile

"See ya later Angel" Buffy replied

With that Angel turned to go, his heart once again shattering into pieces, he hoped upon hopes that they would meet again, but only time would tell.

It's hard, it's hard, it's hard, so hard
It's hard letting you go
It's hard, so hard
It's tearing out my hard
But it's hard letting you go.

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