Disclaimer: Do I look evil???
Timeline: Sometime soon after "The Gift"
Summary: Angel is reflecting on… well… a lot of things, mainly love.
Feedback: Can't think of anything witty to say so, YES!!! To:
Dedication: For Destiny, my new little baby Arabian mare (so she's a horse, I know she can't read it but it's my story so to hell with you all!!!J>)

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

When I was a boy we had to learn the bible off by heart, I always thought it was a load of rubbish. I never understood those verses, never understood how anyone could love somebody like that; I certainly never did, not 'till I met Buffy.

It's like something hits you the moment you see your soulmate and you never forget it, it happened when I first saw Buffy. I don't know where it went wrong, I loved her so much, I still do. Actually I do know where it went wrong; on Buffy's 17th birthday. It would have happened at some point anyway, but I can't help but think, what if we hadn't have made love then? Would we still be together? Or would I at least be in Sunnydale, where I want to be?

The truth is I'll never know but still I can't stop my mind from wandering on those long, lonely nights.

I hope I did the right thing. After all I could never love her like it said love should be; I couldn't have when I was human let alone now. Buffy's the one person I've ever loved and I still couldn't love her enough, not enough to see that my leaving wasn't what she wanted, it tore me apart, I wonder how she felt, she loved me like the bible says, but I couldn't, I wish I could have, it's too late now.

I wish I hadn't erased that day, they said she'd be O.K. but she's not, would she have lived just as long if I hadn't erased it, or maybe longer? At least our last days together would have been happy ones.

No, no I couldn't have done that, if I had kept my humanity I wouldn't have known Buffy would have died anyway and I'd never have been able to live with myself. Anyway I don't deserve that kind of happiness, I was never a righteous man when I was a man, I was a lazy, deceiving drunkard. And now, after I've killed thousands of people, do you think I deserve a happy life? 'Cause I certainly don't.

Buffy was kind and loving and giving, if there was one person who didn't deserve death it was Buffy, I should have been killed instead. But I wasn't even there, where was I when my "true love" needed me? Well definitely not there, that's where. Buffy never should have saved me that day; she should have let me fry, that's why I'm starting where I left off, for the first time in over 200 years I'm going to see the sunrise.

Watcha think??????????? I was in a depressed mood so I thought I'd write something depressing hence this. Ta Da. So just send me feedback, O.K???????

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