Always

Always

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Don't bother suing, I'm just a poor girl with a part time job trying to go to college in the fall. I do own any characters that you have never seen on BtVS/Angel though. I don't own any songs either. The belong to Tim McGraw and his people and Bon Jovi and their people.
Summary: It's all in the challenge which I'll post below.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: This Year's Girl, To Shanshu in LA.
Timeline: Everything up to This Year's Girl and Who Are You? happened, after that, nothing except To Shanshu in LA. Pretend that Shanshu happened right after Who Are You? Nothing else. So, no Buffy going to LA in Sancutary, no Angel in The Yoko Factor, nothing.
Distribution: If you want it, ask (I'll say yes) and tell me where it's going.
Feedback: It's a requirement. Please? Just remember, to me and not the list. We don't need another war. *g*
Challenge:
OK, remember in This Year's Girl when Joyce was tied to her bed and Faith was going through her drawers? Remember when Faith was saying something on how Buffy was too busy to come by? Well, she holds up some letters. What exactly were those letters? Here's the requirements:
1) The letters must be from Angel
2) Buffy never got the letters, so Angel thinks she's given up
3) Buffy finds out about the letters and finds out that Joyce read some, and didn't give them to her. You can have them mad at each other or on good sides.
4) Buffy goes to LA, but Angel thinks that she's given up on them so he's dating someone. Can be anyone, own character, Kate or Rebecca.
5) B/A must get back together
6) must include the song, "My Best Friend" by Tim McGraw

Prologue

Joyce Summers picked up the stacks of mail that Faith had strewn across the floor. Sorting through them, she noticed that they were the letters addressed to Buffy and had the Los Angeles post mark on them. The old-fashioned scrawl convinced her that they were from Angel even though she didn't know where he had gone. Glancing around she opened one of them and read it. The words, though beautiful and heartfelt, caused her face to go red with anger.

"Just leave her alone," she fumed as she hid the letters again in a drawer in a table, intending to throw them out later.

CH. 1

"Mom?" Buffy's voice rang through her house. She pushed the door open further and walked in. Riley walked in on her heals.

"She not here?" Riley asked.

"I guess not," Buffy replied, opening up a drawer, "it'll just take a second. I know it's here somewhere."

"What?" Riley asked, unsure of what she was looking for.

"Uh . . . what?" she asked. She hadn't heard what he had asked, the contents of the drawer surprised her.

"What are you looking for?" Riley repeated himself.

"Oh, uh, my, it's not important," Buffy stammered.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Yeah, uh, would you wait for me outside? I'll be out in two seconds," she said looking up at him.

"Yeah, sure," he responded, unsure of what was going on. He touched her hand quickly and smiled before walking outside. Buffy watched him walk outside and after the door had closed she pulled out the contents of the drawer. Letters. Addressed to her. From L.A. Definitely not from her father. They were postmarked from September to January. Sorting through them she realized that her mother had been hiding them from her. Her blood began to boil and she just wanted to scream at her mother. Yes, she and Angel had decided against contact and yes, she was with Riley now, but she deserved to see these.

She sorted through them quickly and found the first one that had been sent. It was dated in September. She opened it and skimmed the contents of the letter. Tears sprang into her eyes as she looked at the signature, a simple "Always" like he had signed her book of poems that he had given her for her eighteenth birthday.

"No," she mumbled, wiping her tears away and shoving the rest of the letters into her bag.

* * * * * *

"Everything okay?" Riley asked as she got into the car. She just nodded, unable to look anywhere but straight ahead. He looked at her with concern in his eyes, but let it go; she didn't want to talk about it. He turned the radio up instead.

Buffy sighed as she listened to the song playing on the radio. She didn't know who sang it; she didn't listen to country often, only when she and Riley were in the car going somewhere.

I never had no one that I could count on
I've been let down so many times
And I was tired of hurtin', so tired of searchin'
Til you walked into my life
And it was a feelin' I've never know
And for the first time I didn't feel alone

You're more than a lover
There could never be another to make me feel the way you do
And oh, we just get closer
I fall in love all over every time I look at you
I don't know where I'd be without you here with me
Life with you makes perfect sense
You're my best friend
You're my best friend

Riley looked at her as the words played. She could almost feel him telling her that this was them, that they were just like the couple in the song.

You stand by me and you believe in me
Like nobody ever has
When my world goes crazy, you're right there to save me
You make me see how much I have
And I still tremble when we touch
And oh, the look in your eyes when we make love

As the chorus played one more time, Buffy's hand slipped into her bag, feeling the letters. Wanting to know the words in them, but then remembering Riley and pulled her hand out.

"Uh, Riley. Could you take me home?" she asked quietly as the song ended.

"I thought we had plans," he said.

"I know. I have a headache and homework. I promise we'll do it another night," she responded willing herself to sound sorrowful though at that point she couldn't even remember what they had planned.

"Okay. You're sure you're okay?" Riley asked, concern clouding his face.

"Yeah, I just need some time to rest," she said.

* * * * * *

She opened the door to her dorm. It was empty. She sighed again, it was something she did a lot lately, sighing. She sat on her bed and thought, thought about herself, about Riley, and mostly about Angel. Her heart still ached at the thought of being without him if she let it. Most of the time she pushed the hurt out and wore a facade of Happy Buffy. She didn't think that she would still hurt if she did move on and sometimes it hurt even more, thinking that he was gone and that she had let someone else fill his place in her heart. Not that Riley could fill the whole space, he certainly tried and Buffy almost pitied him for it. Angel's place in her heart was huge, he WAS her heart and now, as she sat on her bed, tears slowly rolling down her cheeks, she realized that he had taken her heart with him. She opened up her bag and pulled out the stack of letters. Reading each word, savoring their tenderness, Buffy felt her heart open up. Memories flooded her mind and heart and the tears flowed constantly now.

Dearest Buffy,

I wish that things could've been different. I wish that I could've given you everything that you deserve. For someone who loves you as much as I do it gives me more pain seeing you hurting than all the torment having a soul brings . . .

. . . My hope for you is that you always have someone to love you and give you the things that I couldn't . . .

. . . I want you to know that no matter where I am I will always know you in my heart; I'll always be able to find my way home because of the direction you gave me. . .

. . . My heart aches knowing that you're hurting, I would give everything to stop that . . .

. . . I used to wonder what things would be like if we had never met; never loved, but then I stopped to realize that you gave me more in two and a half years than my whole immortal life could ever bring . . .

. . . Always know that I love you. Remember, I'll love you even covered in slime . . .

. . . I'll always know my heart and YOU are my heart . . .

. . . I never thought I could love someone so much. To be so completely a part of someone that you couldn't tell where you ended and they began . . .

. . . Having a soul is one brilliance in life that I know, but in pales in comparison to you. Your life and heart radiate so much for so many people that I know there hasn't been a brighter light in the world today. You are my sunlight and even then true sunlight doesn't even begin to compare . . .

. . . I will love you forever.

Always

* * * * * *

Willow found Buffy asleep on her bed, letters surrounding her. She stood over the bed watching her as, even in sleep, the tears continued to trickle down her cheeks.

"Oh, Buffy," she murmured.

"Angel," Buffy whispered, still asleep, "Angel."

CH. 2

Angel sat alone quietly in the dark. It was nothing new for him, he'd being doing it for almost one hundred years. A knock came at the door, bringing him out of his trance.

"Angel?" the voice came.

"In here," he answered. The light flicked on and there she was. He looked up and smiled unsteadily. She was beautiful, she always was and now she was there with him.

He didn't love her though. He cared for her deeply and in time he thought that he could learn to love her, but Grace Morgan was not Buffy. Buffy had moved on and it was time for him to move on. Move on, but never forget.

"So, what are you doing?" she asked coming around the desk.

"Thinking," he answered.

"'Bout what?" she asked seating herself in his lap.

"Nothing," he murmured. She smiled at him and then gently kissed him before getting up again.

"You want to do something tonight?" Grace asked.

"Well, I would, but I may have to fight some evil demon," he said, grinning his lopsided grin.

"Mmm, well, maybe I should just have my way with you now before you have to fight," she teased.

"Maybe," he answered. He smiled at her again and kissed her softly on the lips before hearing a small gasp. He looked up to the doorway and there she was. Blond hair cascading down her shoulders, green eyes filling with tears.

"Can we help you?" Grace asked gently, her blue eyes warm and friendly. Buffy shook her head and turned.

"Grace, I, uh, have to talk to her. I promise I'll be back and I'll explain," Angel said going after Buffy.

* * * * * *

She ran. Tears streamed down her cheeks and she ran. She ran until she couldn't run anymore because she was sobbing too hard. "No, no, no," she whispered.

"Buffy!" his voice yelled from behind. She didn't turn to face him. She couldn't. He caught up to her and pulled her gently around to face him.

"No," she murmured.

"Buffy, what is it? Why are you here?" Angel asked quietly.

"Nothing! Leave me alone!" she yelled, wrenching her arm away from him and then turning her back to him.

"Buffy," he said gently, his voice soothing as he gently turned her around again and pulled her into his arms, "Sh, it's okay." He held her there for a long time, just letting her cry.

"She seems nice," she whispered, raising her head and looking into his eyes.

"She is," he answered, "How's Riley?"

"He's good," she answered though she really didn't know. She had left Sunnydale quickly, forgetting to tell him where she was going.

He nodded in answer."I, uh, are you going to be okay? I have to, uh," he began.

"Oh, yeah, I'll be okay. Go," she answered, feigning a smile.

"Are you sure?" he asked again, still very concerned about her.

"Yeah," she answered as he walked away, "Angel?" He turned,"I never got them, the letters, until two days ago. Thank-you." He nodded, his eyes sorrowful as always, turned and walked away.

CH. 3

"Angel," Grace began, "who was she?"

"Grace," he countered, "she's, uh . . . ,"

"Just tell me already!" she exclaimed.

"Buffy," he answered.

"And who is Buffy?" she asked.

"A, well, she's a . . . ," Angel tried to explain to Grace just who Buffy was, but he couldn't figure out how to explain to his current girlfriend that his former girlfriend was and would forever be the love of his life, his reason for being.

"An ex-girlfriend," a voice came from the doorway. Buffy's. He could tell from the tone of her voice that she knew exactly what he going through. That she'd gone through it with Riley. In that moment the two of them looked at each other, eyes meeting, souls connecting and in that moment, Grace became incredibly jealous.

"Oh," she said simply, her tone suggesting anything but simplicity,

"Okay." She looked at Angel and then over to Buffy. "I'm Grace."

"Buffy," Buffy said introducing herself.

"Yeah, I got that part," Grace said, trying not to sound as bitter as she felt.

"Look, Angel, I gotta run. I'm gonna be in town for a week, visiting my dad and some old friends. If you need my help with anything, uh," she said, looking cautiously at Grace, "with anything, you know . . .," Buffy said before Angel interrupted.

"She knows, Buffy."

"Oh, okay. Slaying. I'm the slayer, my job, ya know, call me here," Buffy said scribbling her father's number on a piece of paper before handing it to him.

"Yeah, okay," he answered quietly. She smiled at him and turned, walking out of the office.

"Okay, Angel, talk," Grace demanded.

"What exactly do you want to know?" he asked, meeting her eyes.

"Everything," she answered defiantly.

"Everything hurts, Grace. You don't want to know everything," he said quietly.

"Yes, I do. Tell me." He didn't answer her this time, just looked at her hesitantly, "Angel, if you don't tell me now, I may walk out that door and never come back." She was yelling now.

"Tell you what, Grace? That I loved her? That I still love her? Is that what you want to know? That I still love her with every ounce of my soul? Is it?" Angel was fuming.

"I . . . ," Grace said before a tear slid down her cheek and she nodded.

"Oh, Grace," Angel began, "I'm so sorry."

"No, I'm sorry, Angel. I thought that I could make you love me. I thought that I could bring her out of you. I just wish you had told me sooner. I wish I hadn't let myself fall in love with you," she said, her voice cracking. He moved to her, gathering her in his arms.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." Angel murmured, silently begging for forgiveness.

"Angel, I forgive you," she whispered, "because I knew. I knew that there was some girl buried deep in that brooding, but I was in denial." He tilted her chin up to look in his eyes.

"I want you to know that I do love you, Grace, but . . . ," he began.

"I know," she answered, trying to smile, "Just hold me." And he did. He held her as she cried and he cried, too. Together they mourned a love that had never really been found to lose.

CH. 4

"Angel?" Buffy's voice rang through the office.

"He's not here," Cordy answered, coming up the elevator.

"Oh," she replied.

"He'll be back in a while, though," Cordy said, "if you wanna wait." Buffy just nodded. Cordelia had a lot of contempt in her voice, making it perfectly clear that she was not happy Buffy was there.

"Cor," Buffy began as her former friend turned and looked at her questioningly. Buffy just shook her head and whispered, "Never mind."

"What, Buffy? You wanna know why I'm not overly thrilled that you're here? Why I don't really care if you stay or go as long as you don't hurt him again? I'd love to tell you why. You send him into a tailspin, Little Miss-I-Can-Have-Angel-When-It's-Convenient-and-Screw-Anyone-Else-I-Please-When-It's-Not. You come here and he broods for weeks. I just got him out of the Thanksgiving brood-a-thon. I don't care why you're here, but if you hurt him again, I'll stake you," Cordy told her.

"You think it's easy for me being here? To see him holding another woman? Someone who isn't me? You think it's easy for me knowing that I've become this person who I hate, but don't know how to change? You think that he's the only one that hurts in this relationship? I've got news for you, I hurt, too," Buffy huffed.

"Buffy, you're happy with Riley. He was happy with Grace. Well, not too happy, 'cuz then he'd be evil, but he was content. Content to wait for that dumb 'Shanshu' thing when I was hoping that he'd finally be over you and Grace would be there for him. He'd Finally be human and guess what? No more brooding. I can't believe you'd do that to him," Cordy answered, but seeing the look on Buffy's face she knew that she'd lost her around the 'human' part.

"Human?" Buffy whispered.

"Crap."

* * * * * *

Angel walked into his apartment tired. Sometimes he thought there were more demons in LA than Sunnydale even though it was the Hellmouth. He took off his duster and went into his bedroom. Looking at the bed he noticed that she was there.

"Buffy?" he whispered, arousing her from her sleep.

"Hi. I've been waiting for you," she answered.

"Why?" he asked.

"We need to talk," she replied.

"About . . .?"

"Not now. Just dance with me," she replied as she turned the music on from the portable boombox on the floor.

This Romeo is bleeding
But you can't see his blood
It's nothing but some feelings
That this old dog kicked up

It's bee raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fight
But without you I give up
Now I can't sing a love song
Like the was it's meant to be
Well, I guess I'm not that good anymore
But baby, that's just me

And I will love you, baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you - Always

"I used to play this over and over, thinking about you," Buffy said as they swayed gently to the music, "I guess I thought that if I played it enough you'd come home."

Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made you have to say good-bye
What I'd give to run my fingers through your hair
To touch your lips, to hold you near
When you say your prayers try to understand
I've made mistakes, I'm just a man

"Buffy, I, you know, that I love you. Always, but . . . ," Angel began.

"Shhh, just hold me," Buffy begged.

When he holds you close, when he pulls you near
When he says the words you've been needing to hear
I'll wish I was him 'cause those words are mine
To say to you till the end of time

Yeah, I will love you baby - Always
And I'll be there forever and a day - Always

If you told me to cry for you
I could
If you told me to die for you
I would
Take a look at my face
There's no price I won't pay
To say these words to you

"Why didn't you tell me about the 'Shanshu' thing?" she asked him, looking in his eyes.

"I, uh, Cordelia?" she nodded, "well, you had Riley and I didn't want you to think that I expected it from you. That you'd just come running back into my arms."

"So, you went out and found a new girlfriend?" she teased.

"Knowing that you were happy with Riley, no matter how much it killed me to think of it being true, I knew that I'd have to move on, too," he whispered sadly.

Well, there ain't no luck
In these loaded dice
But baby if you give me just one more try
We can pack up our old dreams
And our old lives
We'll find a place where the sun still shines

"Angel, I can wait. I can wait for sunlight and children and all that. I can wait for 'Shanshu.'" Buffy whispered as the song ended,

"I'll wait til the end of time. Always."

"But, we have no idea when it'll happen," he answered.

"I know, but I don't care. I want to be with you and when it's time, I'll be here. I just want to be with you," she said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"What about Riley?" he whispered as they leaned in closer to each other.

"I talked to him this morning. And Grace?"

"We're good friends." Their lips met and they kissed, knowing that eventually all their dreams would come true.

CH. 5

Three Years Later

"Angel!" Buffy screamed as another demon launched an offensive against him, "Behind you!" Pulling his sword out of the dead Angorla demon, he turned quickly and impaled the one behind him.

"FOOLS! You actually think that you can stop it? You think that you can stop me?" Morley cried, "In only moments this world, this realm will be no more!"

"Oh, be quiet!" Buffy yelled as the gang joined them. Angel looked behind him and saw the friends that had joined against Morley and realized that this was the way they had defeated it all.

"My magic is beyond your knowledge! You have no understanding of it!" Morley cried again.

"Doubt that, Ugly," Cordy quipped as Willow began chanting a spell and the others joined her. The magic engulfed Morley and weakened him. Angel knew what he had to do. He looked at Buffy, his eyes meeting hers momentarily before he launched an attack. Silently telling Buffy and the rest of the gang of his love he ran towards Morley. Vamping out he lunged at him and pushed him into the swirling black mass that was growing behind him. Willow's spell had countered his own magic and used it against it causing the swirling blackness. All they needed was someone to push him in and Angel was gone before anyone could stop him.

"No!" Buffy screamed, her heart breaking again a she ran towards Angel and Morley. She watched as he pushed the demon in and reached him just before he went in himself. Buffy grabbed his arm and dragged him away as the mass engulfed Morley and itself until it was nothing.

"No, Angel, you're gonna be okay. Remember, the 'Shanshu' thing. You can't leave me yet, you can't," Buffy sobbed. Angel looked up at her.

"It's okay, baby, it's gonna be okay," he said, but he was weak and he was hurt and Buffy didn't know if he was going to be okay. She stroked his hair as she cradled his head in her lap. The gang gathered around them and could only watch in wonder what looked like Angel's last moments.

"Warriors," a voice above them came. Everyone, but Buffy looked up to see who it was, but saw no one.

"Buffy," it said, finally getting her to look up, "he's free." Buffy looked back down at Angel and noticed that his eyes had closed.

"No, no, no!" Buffy cried, "You're supposed to shanshu remember? Shanshu, shanshu." Her tears fell on his face. Suddenly he opened his eyes.

"Buffy?" he asked.

"Angel!" she cried, hugging him.

"Buffy, I'm alive. I'm alive," he said softly, grinning at her, "Shanshu, remember?"

Epilogue

Another three years later

"Daddy!" Emily's voice filled the office. Angel turned around just in time to see the three year old run into the office.

"Em!" he called.

"Hi, Uncle Angel," she said as he scooped her up, "Where's my daddy?"

"I don't know. Should we go find him?" Emily nodded as her mother walked through the door, "Hey Grace."

"Looks like you found a new partner," Grace grinned.

"Yeah, we're gonna go find Wesley, so we'll be back in a minute," Angel said as he and Emily snuck through the office looking for Wesley.

"Angel?" Buffy's voice came from the doorway, "Oh, hey Grace. Have you seen my husband? He promised me a back rub."

"He just went to look for Wesley with Em. He said he'd be back in a minute," Grace answered as a very pregnant Buffy walked around the office, "So, any day now?"

"Yes. Finally! I'm so sick of waddling," Buffy groaned, but was completely glowing.

"So, did the two of you decide on a name?" Grace asked as Buffy rolled her eyes.

"Are you kidding?" Angel's voice came from behind them. Apparently they had found Wesley.

"Oh, shut up," Buffy said teasingly. Angel looked at her innocently.

"Well, we've come close," Angel said as Buffy grabbed his arm.

"Owwww! Hospital! Now!" she cried, clutching her belly.

"Hospital? Hospital!" Angel scrambled around for her bag and rushed out the door

"What was all the commotion about?" Wesley asked as he and Emily walked into the room.

"Buffy just went into labor. We should probably call everyone," Grace answered as Wesley kissed her gently.

"Probably a good idea."

* * * * * *

"Hey baby," Angel said as he came into Buffy's hospital room holding a dozen roses, "how do you feel?"

"Tired," she answered sleepily.

"Well, labor is a hard thing," he stated, kissing her forehead,

"How's Bella?" They both looked down at the sleeping child in Buffy's arms.

"Sleepy," she answered and he grinned.

"Everyone's coming," he said quietly.

"I know," she answered and it was that moment that they all walked in the door.

"It's a baby," Xander stated matter-of-factly

"Yes, Xand, it's a baby," Buffy laughed.

"A boy or girl baby?" Willow asked.

"Girl," Angel answered.

"Did you guys finally decide on a name?" Cordelia asked. Buffy looked at Angel who just smiled.

"We'd like everyone to meet Isabella Angelus, Bella," Buffy answered, smiling.

The rest of the gang oohed and awed, taking turns holding the baby as Buffy and Angel held hands and exchanged knowing glances as they watched their daughter being held. They were the luckiest of people, despite all it took to get there.

The End

Okay, that was really fluffy. A new thing for me, I usually go for the angsty-fluff, but I hope you liked! B/A togetherness. Yes, Wesley and Grace fell in love. I thought it was an interesting idea. Anywho, feedback is a must!

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