DISCLAIMER: Do I look like Joss to you? Or Nick Drake for that matter? Joss owns the Buffy people, Nick Drake owns the song. Bella is my creation though.
RATING: G (some angst)
DISTRIBUTION: If you have my permission, go ahead, if you want it, I'll say yes when you ask. :)
SPOILERS: None
SUMMARY: Angel's POV. I call it a "Forrest Gump" story because I got the idea from the movie. See the end for explanation.
TIMELINE: After all the battles
FEEDBACK: Please!!!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I love Nick Drake. Everyone should listen to him.

Strange face, with your eyes
So pale and sincere.
Underneath you know well
You have nothing to fear.
For the dreams that came to you so young
Told of a life
Where spring is sprung.

You would seem so frail
In the cold of the night
When the armies of emotion
Go out to fight.
But while the eart sinks into its grave
You sail to the sky
On the crest of a wave.

So forget this cruel world
Where I belong
I'll just sit and wait
And sing my song.
And if one day you should see me in the crowd
Lend a hand and lift me up
To your place in the cloud.

I read this at your funeral, a song I had heard years before I met you by one of those seventies singers who had "so much promise," but died "much too young."

You died on a Wednesday moring. Much too young.

I remember laying there with you, watching you slip into sleep. "I love you, Angel," ou murmured to me just before you fell into a deep sleep. I watched you for a few hours after that, caressing you cheek, kissing you lips, brushing the hair from you face, watching your weak body struggle to take the next breath.

I remember a time when that wasn't even a dream of mine, to watch you sleep, because it was so far away. But we both lived the life, or unlife as it was, that we needed to. We grew and we learned and eventually when all the battles were through, this was our reward. Even though it hurst so much now that you're gone, now that I'm standing over your grave placing peach lilies on the grass, this was what we fought so hard for.

Bella still comes to me, begging for her mother and it's everything I have in me to keep from crying, to stay brave for our little girl who has your eyes. She looks at me, big green eyes brimming with tears as I tell her softly that her mommy is always with her, even though she can't see her.

Tell me, Buffy, tell me you're watching over her. Tell me that somehow you made it past the ghost roads and found a place of peace where you can watch our daughter grow up, see her go to prom, see her pick out a wedding dress and marry the man she loves, see her hold her own child and whisper as you use to whisper all your love. Tell me, Buffy, please tell me.

I promise that I'll tell her about us, about how much I love you and how much you mean to me. I'll tell her that you were the most beautiful woman ever, that you were my goddess. I'll tell her that all you did was for her, so that her life would be safe. And I'll tell her that she is the most precious thing to her mother.

She's getting bigger. I notice these things now, suddenly her golden brown hair is longer and has a little more curl in it. Suddenly, I'm more afraid that I'm going to lose her, too. I lost you too many times. I don't know if I could handle that. I already lost my sunshine. She told me to tell you that she loves you and misses you. I do, to, my love. I love you. I miss you. Remember the last lines of the song, "So forget this cruel world where I belong, I'll just sit and wait and sing my song. And if one day you should see me in the crowd, lend a hand and lift me up to your place in the cloud." This is what I'm fighting for now.

You remember in Forrest Gump when Forrest is talking to Jenny's grave and telling her about things? This is the idea I got from the movie. LMK, how did you like it?

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