*wanders in slightly dazed* "Land of Denial... that sounds familiar." Well, yahoo, I wrote. I'm amazed. I'm sure the rest of you are reeling with shock. But I had the idea and I had to write. It's amazing how the inspiration can hit you and leave you so quickly afterward. Anywho, there are more in the works. I hope I actually can get around to them. Anyway...
Disclaimer: All mine. Right-o. All mine. Buffy, Angel, et al belong to Joss Whedon and Co. Come What May belongs to Baz Luhrman and the Moulin Rouge people.
Rating: PG
Summary: Angel tells Cordelia and she tells him things
Timeline: Future, AtS after Couplet, BtVS sometime after she realizes that Spike is bad.
Distribution: Ask and ye shall receive Thanks: To all the recent feedback I've gotten. It has not gone unnoticed, I've just been busy. I always appreciate the comments. Thank you.
Feedback: Is always a nice reward

She only came back to get a shirt that she'd left here a couple days ago. But she's here and Lorne literally pushes me into the room before wandering upstairs.

"Hey. Have you seen my brown shirt? It was in here yesterday." I'd taken it, it smelled like her.

"I think I may have put it in the laundry."

"Oh. That's okay."

"Cordelia... I need to tell you something."

"What?"

"Well, it's, I don't know. I want...."

"Well, you can tell me anything. You know that."

"I want....," I stammer.

"What?" she prods gently. I raise my head, looking into her eyes. I take her in, breathing in the scent of Chanel No. 5 as I struggle to push away the urge to brush her hair out of her eyes.

"You." She raises her eyebrow, the Nicholson eyebrow Xander use to call it. Then her eyes widen and she realizes that I've just given away the only piece of my heart I have left. And still she protests.

"No, Angel, you don't."

"Yes, yes I do. You've become this..." her head drops "incredible woman, Cordy. In Sunnydale, you were just a girl playing dress up in expensive clothes. You've grown so much."

"And so have you, Angel. But I don't think that it means you know your heart any better."

"I'm two-hundred and forty-six years old, I think I know my heart." I reach for her hand and as she begins to pull away, I grab it and hold tightly.

"Angel, please don't tell me this."

"Why not? I think I'm falling in love with you Cordelia and I want you to be with me. You're incredible. Connor adores you. We could be happy together."

"And Buffy?"

"Buffy will always be a part of me. But I'm giving you the rest."

"And if I don't want it?" I don't answer. "Angel, I know you. Probably better than you know yourself, but if anything, no matter how much time and distance you put between you, she will always know you better. She knows your soul."

"Not anymore. So many things are different. So many things have changed between us and I don't think...."

"You think too much." I sigh.

"Isn't there anything I can do to prove that I want you by my side, raising Connor, happy?"

"Come to think of it.... Stay here." She runs up the stairs and when she returns, Lorne is by her side, unhappily following along.

"I was having a lovely dream about Diana Ross and a microphone," he mutters.

"Stop complaining. Let's go." And she herds the two of us to the car.

"Where are we going?" I ask, praying it's not Sunnydale.

"You'll see." And it's not Sunnydale. It's Carita's. Or what's left of it. Repairs have begun, but it's still a mess.

"Come on. Prove yourself, Champion," she says. I open the door and follow them down the burnt stairwell. The repairs on the inside are going well. As we walk up to the microphones, I wonder what she's doing. She would never ask me to sing. Ever. Lorne puts a CD in the karaoke machine as Cordelia turns on the prompter.

"What are we doing?"

"Proving something." The music starts and it's a melody that I faintly recognize. The words start to come up and she nudges me.

Never knew I could feel like this
Live I've never seen the sky before
I want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I will love you until the end of time

I choke on the last words. The chorus comes up.

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you until my dying day

The images roll through my mind, Buffy laughing at my cryptic face. "What's the what?" Her hair glinting in the moonlight. Tears rolling down her cheeks. And the memories I've kept locked away for so long assault me. And as the tears well in my own eyes, Cordelia's voice breaks through.

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace

And I choke out the next line.

Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste

And she keeps singing even though I slump against the wall behind me.

It all revolves around you

And there's no mountain too high
No river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather
And stars may collide
But I love you (I love you) until the end of time

"No more." Cordelia turns and keeps singing.

Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

"Well, that was like grinding glass," Lorne mutters, "but apparently you don't need me to tell you the refrain of that lovely little ditty." I bury my head in my hands.

"See, Angel. Your soul's just been a little confused," she whispers as she drops to my side. I glance up into her brown eyes and realize that I've always pretended they were hazel.

"Thank you. Go find Groo." She grins and stands up, helping me.

"You're one of my best friends, Angel. And no matter how great you are, that's all I need you to be," she replied gently, "but I do love you."

"I know." She walks away, but not out of my life. Our life, mine and Connor's. She's still a big part, but I finally see what I've been avoiding for so long.

Buffy. Belonging here. With me. With us. Sunnydale

"It's hard, but I'm dealing." She's talking to Willow and her voice, scratchy with tears, it's like hearing angel's sing. Or something like that.

"I don't understand why you didn't tell me." Willow's hurt about something.

"Because it was so hard for me to deal with it and by not telling, then maybe it wasn't real."

"But you and Spike...."

"Are totally over." I reel. My head starts spinning and I feel like I've been sent to hell again. It's worse than seeing Cordelia and Groo, worse than Buffy and Riley. Buffy and Spike, together, touching each other in ways that I've long since been forbidden to do. And in that moment, I leave, almost gliding away on the pain. I settle on her curb, not too far, my legs can't carry me much right now.

"Hi." And she's next to me, small and beautiful, taking her hand in mine.

"How?"

"I told you, I feel you inside. And it throws me."

"But...."

"There are no buts anymore, Angel. I'm sure you heard what Will and I were talking about. And I hurt that I hurt you. And I'm desperately afraid of the person I was becoming, but...."

"Spike touched you," I growl and I can smell him all over her. Her head falls and she nods.

"But he never touched my soul. Riley never touched my soul. You are my soul." I look at her, unsure, and can barely contain my anger.

"You let him touch you."

"And I was in heaven, Angel. Ya know, there are lots of things they tell you in heaven about your life. About things you did right and things you did that were not so right. And moments that were special, moments that are yours. And even days that didn't really exist. I came back in a bad place." My head raises to meet her eyes and I grit my teeth.

"They told me you would never know."

"They told me I wasn't ever going to leave."

"I'm sorry."

"Me, too. But not about that day or your decision or even being resurrected and brought back to live in this," she waves her hand dramatically at our surroundings, "but I am sorry that you missed me. That we hurt. That life sucks."

"Life does suck," and then I hesitate before telling her, "I told Cordelia that I thought I was falling in love with her tonight." And now she feels it, the weight dropping on her heart like there really is no tomorrow.

"And...?"

"And she made me sing. She was right. I was wrong."

"Good." I grin.

"There's something else I need to tell you about."

"And you're kinda nervous about it?"

"Yeah." Her eyes are gentle and she nods.

"You can always tell me anything."

"I slept with Darla."

"Yeah, like a hundred years ago."

"More like a year."

"Excuse me?"

"Wolfram and Hart, that law firm that hired Faith to kill me, raised her from the depths of hell. Imagine, I thought I was the only one with a round trip ticket." She flinches. "Oh, Buffy, I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Keep going."

"And she was human. And she begged me to turn her again, but I wouldn't and she was going to die the death she should have before. Then Dru...."

"Turned her back."

"Yeah. And she didn't want to kill me, she wanted to turn me."

"Did you...?"

"I was tired of hurting and fighting and losing and everything. One night, she was there. I could smell her and we...."

"Horizontal tango."

"She didn't make me happy. Perfect despair. And in November she walked back into the hotel. She gave birth to our son the next day." I watch as the tears well in her eyes. She looks away from me and I can hear her heart breaking, her soul crying out in anguish.

"You have a son?" She chokes on the words, "With Darla?"

"Darla's dead, Buffy. She loved him, she just didn't know what it was. She staked herself in birth otherwise he would've died."

"Oh." I squeeze her hand.

"He's human. His name is Connor." I pull a picture from my wallet and hand it to her.

"Wow."

"I told Cordelia that I wanted her by my side as we raised him together. I lied. I want you to be there next to me. I want him to call you mommy and I want him to wake up and crawl into to bed between us. You and me, Buffy." She is crying hard, choking on the air.

"But nothing's changed."

"Everything's changed, Buffy. Everything." She laughs through her tears.

"Well... I don't think Spike will take it very well."

"Screw him."

"Already did," she replies and I flinch. "Sorry." I nod.

"I love you."

"I know. I love you." Our lips meet, the salt of our tears mingling with the taste of her vanilla lip balm. My hands tangle in her hair < short > and I pull her on to my lap.

"She made you sing?" She breaks the kiss and snuggles into my chest, into that place that is distinctly marked ‘Belongs to Buffy.'

"Yeah."

"What?"

Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Oh, come what may, come what may
I will love you, I will love you
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

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