Disclaimer: I do not own anything; characters, songs, etc. I do own everything not normally seen in the Buffy/Angel-verse or any other verse.
Thank-you’s: Everyone, as usual! Hugz!
Rating: PG
Summary: A story on Angel’s departure and a peek at the future. This takes place after Graduation and the Ascension, but before anything else in S4 of Buffy or S1 of Angel.
Distribution: BA_Fluff, of course, Leonie (remember dear, you can have anything of mine on your site!), anyone else, ask and it shall be given.
Feedback: Well, I would like to say that I don't need it, I'm completely confident in myself and my writing, but that would be a huge fat lie. So yes, please!
Author's Note: This is the very first fic I ever wrote. I like to think it was the beginning of a long hobby of writing good stories.
Author's Note 2: I never know if vamps are visible in pics, so I thought nay in this and you'll understand in a minute.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by,
weep not for the memory . . .

-I Will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan

Angel stood quietly outside of Buffy’s window as he watched her move about the room. The music she had on found its way to his ears and he bowed his head as he listened. ‘How appropriate,’ he thought as the words to Sarah McLachlan’s I Will Remember You played. Fighting back tears he looked up for the last time at Buffy. She was beautiful and he almost threw his bag on the ground so that he could climb up to her room and hold her forever, but he didn’t; couldn’t. He was going to miss her so much and he couldn’t stop the tears from coming now as he thought about his life without her.

“Remember me, Buffy. I will never forget you. How could I? You gave me everything that I never deserved. I love you so much and I can’t stand hurting you, but this is for the best. Remember me, Buffy, but ‘don’t let your life pass you by, weep not for the memory.’ Find someone new who will love you, but it could never be more than I love you. Find someone who is everything I couldn’t be, someone who can give you everything I couldn’t give you,” he whispered into the night.

Whispering his good-byes he turned and headed for the car he had parked down the street. He got in, started the ignition, and drove away. He drove to L.A. not looking back once, but weeping the whole time.

**

Buffy moved quietly about her room. She was looking at old photos of her and all her friends. Everyone was there: Xander, Willow, Cordelia, Oz, even Giles and her mom, but the one that mattered the most wasn’t.

Angel had been there of course, but he had taken the picture since he couldn’t be seen in pictures. Buffy wished that she had just one picture of him, but knew that it wasn’t possible. She set the picture down as I Will Remember You by Sarah McLachlan came over the radio. She had at one time loved the song, but now it only made her think of Angel leaving and Angel leaving made her begin weeping.

“Angel, I know you’ve made the choice to leave, but promise me that you’ll never forget me. I will always remember you. You were my first love; my true love. Somehow we’ll find a way. One day we will, but until then, please remember that I love you so much and will never, ever stop. I hate to think of you living your life without me. I want to be there to comfort you, to tell you that it’s all right, to tell you that I love you. Remember the song: ‘Don’t let your life pass you by, weep not for the memory.’ I won’t ever regret anything because I love you, I love you so much and I’ll treasure every moment we shared,” Buffy whispered as she fell onto her bed sobbing. She couldn’t breathe; he was her breath. She eventually fell asleep, but the tears came still.

* * * ** * *

Angel set his bag down on the bed in his new apartment. Like the one in Sunnydale this was basement level and had very few windows and those were small and covered. He looked around at his surroundings sighing at its familiarity. He had moved it all to the new apartment the week before and now he wished he had just bought all new furniture. Everything reminded him of Buffy and the one article he had yet to unpack wouldn’t help. He walked over to his bag and pulled out a silver picture frame. Enclosed in the frame was a picture of Buffy that she had given him. It was her senior class portrait and she looked perfect as always. Her hair was done up in a loose french twist with pieces framing her face and she was wearing a light purple slip dress that Angel had always loved. Her head was resting on her fists and he could see the Claddagh ring he had given her on her left hand with the heart turned in. She told him that she had picked that picture for him because you could see the ring on her finger and she belonged to him; that she would always belong to him.

‘You still my girl?’ ‘Always.’ He sighed at the memory of after the whole Angelus/Faith undercover thing as he set the frame on the table next to his bed. It had hurt him that she needed a break, but he understood her reasoning and waited for her to be ready again and then he had broken her heart. Sighing again he pushed the memories away and looked back at the picture. Seeing her before he fell asleep and when he woke up would and wouldn’t help him. It would serve as a reminder of her and how much he missed her, but it would give him strength to fight each day. He laid down on the bed and thought of his love until exhaustion eventually overcame him and he fell into fitful sleep full of dreams about Buffy.

**

Buffy woke to the sounds of birds chirping outside her window. She looked outside through swollen eyes -crying all night did that to you- to see that a new day was beginning. She sighed at the thought of getting up and going through the motions of the day, but she slowly got up and stretched.

Remembering that summer vacation had begun a smile crossed her lips until she remembered that he was gone.

“Angel,” she sobbed. She put her head in her hands and wept. She knew he was gone. They had stopped the mayor so he had left. He didn’t say good-bye, but she knew that if he had she would have wrapped her arms around him and never would have let him go. She remembered watching him watch her and then walk away through the smoke of the aftermath of killing the Mayor. Still she wished that she could be in his arms again one more time. She thought about the last time she had been in his arms aside from him rushing her unconscious body to the hospital: Prom. He had come even though he had broken up with her and the memory of dancing closely to him sent racking pains through her body and she collapsed in a fit of tears.

“Angel, Angel, Angel,” she sobbed, “come back to me. I can’t breathe, please, come back.” The pain was too much and she couldn’t handle it anymore. All the hurt, sorrow, love, and pain came flooding through her body and she laid on the floor in a fetal position for hours, just sobbing.

Eventually her mother got worried because she hadn’t seen Buffy come down so she went to check on her. “Buffy?” her mother called as she gently knocked on the door. When Buffy didn’t answer she pushed the door open softly and saw her daughter sobbing on the floor.

“Buffy, what is it?” her mother exclaimed as she rushed to her daughter’s side. She picked her hands up off the floor and helped her sit up.

“He’s gone,” Buffy moaned, “he’s gone.”

“Shh, shh, it’ll be all right. I promise,” her mother whispered gently as she rocked her daughter back and forth.

“No, it won’t. He’s taken my heart. I can’t breathe and I want to die,” Buffy whispered. Joyce didn’t have any words of comfort for Buffy. She just held her tightly and let her sob as tears slid down her own cheeks.

* * * * * * *

It ain’t no fun lying down to sleep
and there ain’t no secrets left for me to keep
I wish the stars up in the sky
would all just call in sick
And the clouds would take the moon out
on some one way trip

Months passed before either of them were able to function normally again and even then both put themselves in autopilot and went. Buffy patrolled every night as usual and in the fall she started at UC Sunnydale with the rest of the gang. Angel found help in Cordelia who had moved to L.A. to try her luck at acting and in Doyle a demon very much like Whistler, the demon who led him to Buffy. They fought each night like Buffy did in Sunnydale only in the City of Angels.

I drove all night down streets that wouldn’t bend
But somehow they drove me back here once again
To the place I lost at love, and the place I lost my soul
I wish I’d just burn down this place that we called home
It would all have been so easy
if you’d only made me cry
And told me how you’re leaving me
to some organ grinder’s lullaby

It’s hard, so hard- it’s tearing out my heart
It’s hard letting you go

Every six months or so Angel found himself in the Sunnydale Cemetery watching Buffy, making sure she was okay. He never approached her because he knew that if he did he wouldn’t be able to leave her again. He just made sure that she was doing all right and left. He never got close enough to see the emptiness that had filled Buffy’s once passionate and laughing eyes.

Now the sky, it shines a different kind of blue
And the neighbor’s dog don’t bark like it used to
Well - me, these days,
I just miss you- it’s the nights that I go insane
Unless you’re coming back,
For me, that’s the one thing I know I can’t change

It’s hard, so hard- it’s tearing out my heart
It’s hard letting you go

Buffy’s thoughts were never far from Angel at night when she went patrolling and on occasion found herself waiting for him and sometimes talking to the night as if it were him. She always patrolled alone now. It was too painful to have someone there who wasn’t Angel. She had long since stopped wearing the cross he gave her and the Claddagh ring. They were in a special place in her room where she could see them, but didn’t invoke to much pain.

Eventually nine years passed. Everyone moved on.

Xander was a successful business man just like he wanted so he could impress all those who thought he’d be a nothing. He lived in Chicago with his wife Alyson and their son, Nicky.

Willow and Oz were married and had two children; Sarah and David. They lived in San Francisco.

Cordelia had taken acting classes and finally made it in Hollywood, but was never very far from the scene when Angel and Doyle needed assistance.

Giles had finally found love in a woman completely opposite from Jenny Calender, but very different from himself. He and his wife, Kristine had one daughter who they named Anne, after Buffy’s middle name. Joyce Summers had finally moved away from Sunnydale after one too many vampire attacks. She moved to London where she was head of a very prestigious gallery.

Now some tarot card shark said I’ll draw you a heart
and we’ll find you somebody else new
But I’ve made my last trip to those carnival lips,
when I bet all that I had on you

Buffy opened her own store in Sunnydale where she designed her own line of clothing, but hadn’t married. Angel kept saving humanity in L.A. and always kept his thoughts close to Buffy and her well-being.

Buffy went out occasionally from the constant prodding of friends and Angel went out a few times as well because women basically threw themselves at him though neither ever found someone to love again. How could you love a mere human after you had known the love of a vampire or slayer so both went on through life alone.

It’s hard, it’s hard, it’s hard, so hard
It’s hard letting you go
It’s hard, so hard, it’s tearing out my heart
But it’s hard letting you go
-(it’s hard) letting you go by Bon Jovi

* * * * * * *

“Angel, man, why do you keep going back there? Every time you go back to Sunnydale you come back moping and to tell you the truth, it’s depressing,” Doyle said to Angel as he watched his friend climb into the car to go to Sunnydale.

“Doyle, you’ve never been in love have you? Never loved someone so much that if the only comfort in your life was those few precious moments when you saw them because you couldn’t be around them forever? Never felt so connected with someone that you knew that you completed each other?” Angel asked exasperated. Every time he went back they had this conversation. Doyle shook his head in answer and Angel replied, “Don’t talk about it then. I have to go.” He started the engine and drove away. He reached Sunnydale in a few hours and parked his car as he looked at the familiar sights. He got out of the car and made his way to the cemetery unnoticed. When he got there Buffy was engaged in a fight with a vamp, but he could tell that she would win, she always won.

“Look, I’m tired and I want to go home so why don’t you and Mr. Pointy get acquainted?” Buffy snarled at the vamp as she delivered a roundhouse kick to his head.

Angel smiled at her words, ‘Same old Buffy wit,’ he thought. He watched as she fought the vamp with as much precision and style as ever. She staked the vampire without so much as breaking a nail and when it had dusted, she called out to the darkness, “Hey, I know you’re there! I can feel you so why don’t you come out and play!” Angel jumped at her words thinking that she was talking to him until a tall figure jumped down from a tree.

“Well, done Slayer. Do you really want to play with me?” the vampire asked as his game face appeared.

“Oh, Jason, you know I always want to play with you,” she quipped.

“Let’s play then,” Jason replied as he lunged at her, but Buffy was ready for it and used his momentum to throw him to the ground. He got up quickly and delivered a punch to Buffy’s face, but she blocked and parried hitting him in the face. Buffy smirked as she sent him sprawling again, but he didn’t get up as quickly as the last time. She walked over to him to finish him off, but was met with a swift hard kick in the stomach that sent her sprawling over an already crumbling grave.

She hit the ground hard and cried out in pain as a large piece of the headstone landed on her stomach. Jason walked over to her again and looked down at her lying on the ground clutching her stomach.

“Looks like I won,” he snarled. He kicked her in the stomach causing her to scream in pain, but he only got one kick in.

“Don’t ever mess with Buffy or you have to mess with me,” Angel growled. Jason was dusted before he even knew what happened. As the remnants of Jason fell upon Buffy she looked up to see Angel standing over her in full fang face, stake in hand.

“Angel!” she gasped, “what are you doing here?” She looked at him in surprise and relief and then moaned clutching her belly.

“Come on, let’s get you to the hospital and I’ll tell you on the way,” he replied as he bent to pick her up.

“No. They can’t do anything. I’m bleeding internally and they can’t do anything. You take enough hits and you know this kind of stuff. Besides, I’m dying anyway and I don’t want to go back to the hospital anymore. Take me home and stay with me, please,” she whimpered.

“But,” he began, but she shook her head and looked up him, her eyes begging. He nodded and carried her home. They reached her house and Angel carried her upstairs to her bedroom. She still lived in the same place. He set her on the bed and she motioned him to sit next to her.

“Why are you here?” she asked.

“I come back every once in a while to check on you,” he answered quietly.

“Why didn’t you ever talk to me?” she inquired.

“Because I wouldn’t have been able to leave again,” he replied, “it was easier to make sure you were okay and leave as quietly as I came.”

She nodded in understanding. If he had talked to her she wouldn’t have been able to watch him leave again.

“I missed you,” she said quietly on the verge of tears.

“I missed you, too. Why did you tell me that you were dying? Because of the bleeding?” he asked.

“Hold me?” she asked, her eyes begging him. He nodded as he gently took her in his arms and laid on her bed as Buffy began to tell him about what was going on.

“I have a brain tumor. They can’t do anything about it so I’m dying,” she explained.

“Why were you patrolling if you have a tumor?” Angel asked softly.

“No one knows. Do you remember that movie with John Travolta, Phenomenon?” Buffy asked as Angel nodded his head. They had watched it together. “The tumor I have is kinda like the one he had in the movie. It’s spread out like a hand and it just ate away at my brain, but didn’t cause it to stop functioning normally. No one could tell that I wasn’t okay because I felt fine, seemed fine, and was fine except for the tumor. So while everyone thought I was doing just grand a tumor was slowly killing me. They found it soon enough to do something, but it was a new kind of tumor. They had never encountered this before. I think it’s because I’m the slayer. They didn’t know what to do so I told them that I didn’t want them to do anything. I’m ready to die. I’m tired of fighting. I didn’t want to fight.”

“Why didn’t you want to fight, Buffy? You always fight because you always have something to fight for,” Angel said as he tried to figure this all out.

“I still do have things to fight for, but none of it is really for me. It would be for my mom or Giles or Willow, but not me. It is too hard and I’m tired of it. Especially without you. You were the thing that I fought for because it was also for me. Then, the odds of making a full recovery were slim so I’m going. I made out a will months ago. It will be sooner now because of the bleeding, probably before sunrise. Stay with me until I go?”

Angel nodded his head because he couldn’t think of anything to say. Tears filled his eyes as he realized what was happening and he wasn’t about to go anywhere when his soul mate was dying, especially when she had stopped fighting because he wasn’t there.

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
from this dark cold hotel room
and the endlessness that you feel
You are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort here. . .
-Angel by Sarah McLachlan

They talked for hours just holding each other as Buffy slowly bled to death on the inside and the tumor kept eating away at her. They laughed and cried and remembered old times and then as the sun began to rise though you couldn’t tell with the windows covered, Buffy looked at him with tears in her eyes and smiled.

“It’s happening,” she whispered.

“No, baby, hold on. Don’t leave me. I’m so sorry I haven’t been here, please baby, please,” he begged.

“I still love you as much as I did. I never stopped. Love me forever,” she managed to get out though it was barely more than a whisper.

He nodded as tears silently ran down his cheeks as he kissed her. “I’ll never stop loving you. I’ll love you forever, as long as the stars shine, my love you’ll be,” he whispered as she finally closed her eyes and her breathing stopped. He held her tightly as he wept.

He wept unconsciously for hours and when he finally stopped crying he realized that the sun had gone down and he could go out again. He laid her gently on the bed and went out of the room. He was completely rumpled. Running his fingers through his hair, he took out his cell-phone and called Doyle.

“Doyle? It’s me. I need you to call Rupert Giles and tell him that Buffy is dead. Tell him that she’s home in her room. Don’t tell him who you are or that I’m here. Just tell him what I told you and hang up. Thanks man,” Angel replied into the phone and hung up after he had given Doyle the phone number. Angel went quickly down to the basement because he knew that Giles would be there any moment. He was right, within moments he heard the screeching of tires and Giles running up the stairs.

“Buffy, NO!” Giles wailed as he found Buffy lying on her bed with a content smile on her face. Giles quickly called 9-1-1 and wept until the paramedics arrived. They took Buffy’s body to the coroner and Giles locked up her house and went home to call the former Slayerettes.

* * * * * * *

The funeral was held a few nights later. Buffy’s will had asked them to hold her funeral at night in case Angel came. It also explained everything that had happened in the last few months. Everyone stood around her coffin as the moon shone upon them. Everyone was there; Willow and Oz, Xander, Cordelia, Giles, and her mom. Angel hid in the background careful not to attract attention. Tears ran down everyone’s faces as the funeral proceeded. Everyone spoke recalling fond memories of Buffy and then put a single white rose on her coffin. After it was over they all turned to go.

“Oz! Is that who I think it is?” Willow exclaimed as she watched a tall figure approach the coffin as they walked away. Everyone turned quickly to see Angel standing at Buffy’s coffin in the moonlight. Hehad a single red rose in his hands.

“Dead boy,” Xander growled as he moved to go attack.

“Xander, look at him! He’s in as much pain as you! A lot more. The love of his life, his soul mate just died. Leave him alone!” Cordelia called as she caught his arm. She pulled him back to the car and coaxed him in.

“Buffy, it was beautiful and everyone was here. You would have been proud. I can’t believe you’re gone, but you are. Wait for me in heaven. That is if I make it to heaven,” Angel wept. He put the rose on her coffin and slowly walked away. He came back every night for a week to talk to her and put a rose on her grave. Exactly a week after the funeral, her headstone had been put up and Angel caressed it with his hand as if it were her face.

Buffy Anne Summers
1981-2008
Protector of the Innocent
Friend, Daughter, Lover
She will be missed.

“I miss you,” he wept as he knelt in front of the headstone, “more than I ever thought possible. Even more than when I was away because you’re not ever coming back and I can’t come and make sure you’re okay. You were the most important thing in my life and now,” Angel whispered, “nothing.” Suddenly Angel looked up hearing the approaching footsteps of someone nearby. As he stood ready to protect his lover’s grave he looked about for whoever it was.

“Hey, Angel. Haven’t seen you in a while,” Xander whispered as tears silently coursed down his cheeks.

“What are you doing here?” Angel asked quietly.

“Couldn’t sleep,” he answered.

“You aren’t the only one,” came a voice as Willow, Oz, and Cordelia stepped out of the shadows. None of them had been able to sleep and it seemed as though something was drawing them to the cemetery.

“Angel, shouldn’t you get inside? The sun’s coming in a few minutes,” Cordelia said quietly as she watched him kneel back down in front of the grave.

“I will. You guys should go. Your families will be worried and I bet the vamps are still out celebrating the death of the slayer,” he replied quietly. They all nodded and turned to go, but stopped silently. They turned back to where Angel was and watched him.

“He’s not going to go,” Willow whispered, “he’s going to die!”

She wanted to run to stop him, but she was rooted in place as she watched the sun come up over the horizon. They stood and watched as Angel gently ran his hand over the headstone and caught fire. He didn’t even notice.

If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
Full of grace
I know I could love you much better than this...
It's better this way
-Full of Grace by Sarah McLachlan

Within moments he was gone, only a shimmering dust in the sky, and they stood quietly as they watched in wonderment. Then suddenly the was a pillar of light brighter than the sun shining down on Buffy’s grave and then Buffy herself stepped out of the light. She held out her hand and Angel caught hold of it. She pulled him up into the light and smiled at him. They embraced tightly and kissed.

“I knew I’d find you here,” Buffy laughed.

“What can I say? I missed you,” Angel replied, smiling through happy tears. “We won, Buffy, we finally won. I love you; you are my heart, my soul.”

“I love you, too and it’s about time we got something out of this. We’ve both been miserable for too long,” Buffy teased as she kissed him again.

The slayerettes stood in awe watching as their friends met and joined each other in the light. Tears ran down all their cheeks as they watched. Then Buffy and Angel turned to them and smiled.

“I love you guys,” Buffy said, her voice ringing, “Take care of each other and don’t be sad about me. I’ll always be with you, watching over you. I’m in your hearts, too and if you begin missing me, just remember that I’m done fighting. No more tears, no more pain. I’m happy. We’ll be together again, I promise. Plus, I’m finally getting the one thing that I want most: my heart, my soul, my Angel.”

They smiled back as they looked at the couple. They saw something in Buffy’s eyes that they hadn’t seen since Angel left: joy, excitement, passion, and most important life. There was more life in her eyes in death than there had been in the nine years since Angel left.

She turned back to Angel and smiled. They began walking hand in hand into the light when Angel swept Buffy off her feet causing her laughter to ring out through the cemetery. The rest of the gang began to weep silently as the light faded, but stopped when they heard something they had never heard before: Angel was laughing, too.

They smiled through their tears as they listened to their friends’ laughter ringing throughout the cemetery and walked silently together, knowing that Buffy was right: they would be together again.

Note from me: I don’t know anything about bleeding internally or brain tumors so if it’s wrong, sorry.
What did you think? Remember it was my first fic and I wrote it before anything happened on either show.

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