Disclaimer: Joss owns ye Buffy/Angel-verse, Shery Crow owns the song
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Small Pangs, IWRY
Timeline: right after IWRY, before Something Blue
Summary: Buffy's thoughts
Dedication: Shirlz, for being my beta reader on it and giving me very helpful suggestions, everyone else, luv ya, too!
Distribution: If you have my permission already go ahead, anyone else ask and I'll say yes, tell me where it's going.
Feedback: Only a fool would refuse it, please?

Buffy opened the door to her dorm room. It was late and she was tired. Seeing Angel was always emotionally draining, yet somehow she always felt complete in the sorrow because there was so much passion in it. She sighed, thinking about Angel wouldn't do her any good. Crossing the room, she hit the play button on the answering machine.

"You have two new messages,". . . The first was from Giles, calling to make sure she got home safely, and that nothing apocalyptic had happened in LA. Part of her wished it had, maybe she could have stayed longer . . . No, she thought, time to . . . forget.

The next message was from Riley, "Hi, Buffy, it's Riley. Um, hey. I'll see you in class. Hope you had a good Thanksgiving." Did she have a good Thanksgiving? Two days ago she thought she had. Turkey, potatoes, fight to the death, . . . Angel. Time to forget. Maybe it wasn't so good.

Riley? Did she like him? He was nice, but . . . She turned the radio on, the last notes of a song playing, and new notes began to play over them.

God, I feel like Hell tonight
Tears of rage I cannot fight
I'd be the last to help you understand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

"Are you strong enough, Riley?" she whispered distractedly.

Nothing's true and nothing's right
So let me be alone tonight
Cause you can't change the way I am
Are you strong enough to be my man?

She couldn't change who she was. She'd told Angel that. She couldn't change her love for him, she couldn't change her destiny. She was the Slayer, no one and nothing could change that; except death. And in the end, wouldn't the night always find her alone?

Lie to me
I promise I'll believe
Lie to me
But please don't leave

Nothing was ever right in her life. Wasn't it right for her to be with the man she loved? Wasn't it right for her to have something good? Or was she going to listen to all the lies? Lie to me about it all Riley, maybe I can believe . . . that I can actually feel again.

I have a face I cannot show
I make up the rules as I go
It's try and love me if you can
Are you strong enough to be my man?

It was true, she had a facade. Would she ever be able to show the world her true face; the real Buffy Summers? Or even just Riley? Would he be strong enough to handle the truth? ". . . love me if you can . . ." Could he really love her? Was he strong enough for that love when she didn't come home one night because destiny finally caught up with her?

When I've shown you that I just don't care
When I'm throwing punches in the air
When I'm broken down and I can't stand
Are you strong enough to be my man?

Would he know just what it was like to fight, would he understand the frustrations, the tears, would he know what it was like to be surrounded in darkness, looking for light? Always looking for light, but being bathed in dark. Would he know when to hold her or when to just let her cry? Could he know?

Lie to me
I promise I'll believe
Lie to me
But please don't leave

"Forget," he had said, could she ever forget? 'Lie to me, Riley,' she sighed again. There was a knock at the door, bringing her out of her reverie. She moved to answer it.

"Hi Buffy," Riley said, standing in the doorway.

"Hi Riley," she replied, mentally asking herself, 'Are you strong enough to be my man?' She didn't answer herself, pushing everything deep inside and locking it all away because she already knew the answer to that. 'Lie to me and I promise I'll believe . . . Are you strong enough to be my man?' She wouldn't answer herself because she already knew, she already knew.

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